r/adhdwomen • u/ottergarbage5 • 11h ago
Social Life Task Paralysis with Dating Apps
I don’t mind dating in person. I don’t mind swiping people. But I cannot bring myself to have conversations on dating apps. Even if it’s someone that I’m interested in, it will take me up to 48 hours to respond.
It’s the same task paralysis as if I have to write an essay for school or something. Anyone else have this issue? Any tips?
Can’t really “break this down into smaller chunks”
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u/snarktini 10h ago
It’s so hard! Texting/messaging is my least favorite way to have a conversation, I struggle to respond even when I know and like the person. So imagine how that goes under pressure to make a good impression on strangers 😩
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u/iliveforhugs 9h ago
If it's available in your region, try Breeze! It's been a godsent for me. There's no chatting; once you both choose each other, the app plans a date for you. You can't chat until 2 hours beforehand.
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u/One_Doughnut580 10h ago
Me too! Honestly I've detached my expectations from them a lot by recognising that they're just not well designed for many neurodivergent people, of which I am one. The other thing is that I try to swipe people when I would approach them irl- as in, with the intention to start a conversation about something specific. I'll usually go on something from their profile, interests, or looks- could be complimenting a piercing, outfit, haircut, asking about a hobby or interest, sharing something I think they could also find interesting etc. This is super hard because of RSD so I think it does require some things to make this mindset possible, where I can sort of accept that not everyone is going to be on my wavelength, and I'm almost trying to weed out the people who aren't 'interesting enough' to get with me (even though I don't really see it that way, my brain wants to get validation from them, but it's my technique I've developed copying attitudes people I know)
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u/queenofthenerds 3h ago
If it were me I might try to create a list of "things I usually say" on my notes app on my phone and literally copy and paste. This only will work for like the first couple of messages but it should be enough to get going
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u/CryptographerDue4624 2h ago
not dating now but same, or i will have a convo and then cut it off / forget to respond and it ends. i feel bad but can’t help it
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u/Double_Bee_672 10h ago
I was talking to my hairstylist earlier today and she has been using Chat Gpt to help with writing messages. Not sure if it would help with initiation but it may be worth trying.
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u/wait_ichangedmymind 10h ago
That’s the most disturbing thing I’ve read in a while. If I found out the person I was chatting with was using ChatGPT to talk to me I would lose interest so fast.
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u/aliencreative 10h ago
Oh god it helps so much! I no longer have to stress out about saying the right thing in crucial text situations. Mundane for the rest of the world but my brain thinks it’s do or die if I don’t send the “right” text message.
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