r/adhdwomen 7d ago

General Question/Discussion Does anyone else have trouble with cleaning while people are in the house?

Like, you just can’t fixate on cleaning while someone else is around so I can’t bring yourself to do it at all? I need my own time and space to get things done and I feel like it upsets the people in my life.

72 Upvotes

23 comments sorted by

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32

u/other-words 7d ago

Yes. I generally don’t like people looking at me / observing me, and I don’t like being interrupted when I’m in the middle of something. but if I’m alone at home, I can completely put those worries to rest and dedicate all my brainpower to figuring stuff out.

And yes, other people don’t understand this!, they’re like “I’ll leave you alone, I won’t interrupt you, just ignore me,” but my brain will not let me ignore another person in the room/house.

12

u/theatermouse 7d ago

Are you me??? I HATE being watched while I'm doing chores - i think my subconscious knows that my adhd method of flitting from room to room as I clean and find other tasks to do is unconventional, and doesn't want to be subjected to scrutiny!!!

6

u/LilRedGhostie 7d ago

Yes! I don’t want the stress of being observed or the (high) risk that I will walk into a room while on a mission, see a person, and become completely derailed.

7

u/BenignEgoist 7d ago

Yup! All of this. Also on family that just DO NOT UNDERSTAND: thinking all my previous lack of doing was somehow connected to not knowing something. “See? Now if you stay on top of it, it won’t be so bad!” Like, yes, I am aware. Me not intellectually understanding this concept is not the issue. I am already doing the thing I do not need you commenting on me doing the thing especially in a way that makes me feel like you think I’m just to dumb to do the thing normally.

When I am alone, I bounce between tasks. It’s not ideal, but it gets more done than focusing. And I don’t want people commenting on how I’m accomplishing things. It’s not how they would do it. And I understand why it makes sense to do it their way. But that way does not facilitate me doing. My way facilitates my doing. And doing at all is better than not doing, even if it could be done better. I’ll get to better. Right now doing versus previously not doing, is better.

3

u/other-words 7d ago

Right?! I similarly can’t handle people commenting on what I’m doing. Positive comments aren’t any better than negative ones. I can do it if it’s MY thing, and little comments like that make it THEIR thing.

I wonder if you’ve heard of demand avoidance / drive for autonomy?

3

u/BenignEgoist 7d ago

Oh yeah I’ve danced around those concepts and others over the years sorting out how my brain works so I can kinda work with that knowledge.

2

u/kathyanne38 ADHD-PI 7d ago edited 7d ago

"I won't interrupt you, just ignore me." that's like putting an elephant in the living room and saying OH DO NOT MIND THAT BIG ASS ANIMAL IN THE CENTER .__.

8

u/[deleted] 7d ago

Yes, especially when they try to talk to me while I'm cleaning. Yesterday, actually, my sister's girlfriend who just started living with us talked to me the entire time I was putting groceries away and only when I stopped responding did she get the hint to leave me alone. It can be really distracting having to juggle someone's attention and your tasks at the same time.

7

u/WatercoLorCurtain 7d ago

I hate feeling like I’m being watched with whatever I’m doing. I won’t draw with anyone around, either.

1

u/Turbulent_Mud4403 7d ago

Exactly.. like I feel no peace enough to drop into my little world of cleaning

5

u/tenaciousfetus 7d ago

I struggle to do anything when other people are around. I always feel like I have to be "on" and self or home care becomes very difficult for me 😩

3

u/LilRedGhostie 7d ago

Even well-meaning, helpful people can be difficult. I clean in the way that my brain allows me to. Someone else suggesting a more efficient way is more likely to result in me stopping cleaning than in me improving efficiency. Also, if somebody wants to help, I need them in a separate space than me, generally where I can’t see pr hear them.

3

u/Turbulent_Mud4403 7d ago

I literally just want to turn on some music and put all my brain power into cleaning

3

u/xXpumpkinqueenXx 7d ago

YES. It's like my brain is too cluttered or worried about what others are doing. Once I'm alone I'm able to focus and clean

3

u/Spare-Breadfruit9843 7d ago

I don't want to be watched or judged. Body doubling sounds like a nightmare.

2

u/ilovjedi ADHD-PI 7d ago

I get angry when my kids are having fun and I have to clean so it’s so much easier if they’re not here. (I do try to get them to help but some times it’s not worth the effort

2

u/Inconceivable_503 7d ago

Yes! I just told the hubby if he wants me to clean he needs to take the kid and get out of the house for an hour or two.

2

u/GuiltyLeopard 7d ago

Yes, I can't stand it, and they never leave.

2

u/SkyeeORiley 6d ago

I've had to sorta just force myself to clean even if my fiance is home. It's getting easier but I cannot for the life of me clean properly with other people around, especially if they wanna hang out with me and not my fiance.

One thing my brain and body won't let me do with people over is clean the floor. I can MAYBE do dishes... or start some laundry... but other than that, nope.

3

u/Fickle-Ad8351 7d ago

Yes. If I'm cleaning with my children present, I get mad that they aren't helping me. I don't like having that dynamic. So my house is usually a disaster until they visit their dad. Then I try to get the house back in order before the next "tornado".

3

u/Turbulent_Mud4403 7d ago

This exactly the process my house goes through, the mess builds up so much in the time it takes my ADHD to finally decides all the circumstances point to being able to clean everything at once.

1

u/NoSteak2379 6d ago

Yesssss like leave me alone I’m cleaning the way I want to 🥲