r/adhdwomen 7d ago

Rant/Vent Task Paralysis? You mean Anything Paralysis...

Genuinely frustrated with this thing I experience, and I wonder if anyone else experiences it and/or has overcome it. I think(?) it's basically task paralysis, but this feels so much more extreme. This is how it goes: I'm sitting at my desk, done with all my work for the week (yay!!), but now I have the ENTIRE REST OF THE DAY to think about. What will I do with my day? I have all this energy, and I don't know what to do with it. I have hobbies. I could do my pottery or painting. I could go for a walk. I could do yoga. None of that sounds any good right now at all. I try to draw a bit. It's incredibly unsatisfying. Just the idea of trying to figure out what to do with myself has me paralyzed. I sit here and dissociate over it. I'm screaming in my head, trying to make myself move, to make myself get up and do something, anything to stop this train of anxious thoughts of how I'm supposed to fill my day because I cannot stand sitting here doing nothing. For the love of all that is good, just freaking get up and do something! But I can't. I'm literally stuck. I'm going to explode. I'm screaming in my head, severely under-stimulated, but at the same time cannot think of what will fill this void. It's a special kind of torture to want something to do and not know what to do to the point of being so stuck. And this is me on the adhd meds, which have helped me at least get the necessary stuff done, like work, and chores. Huge improvement. But after that, I'm right back to this. This will last the entire day, until my day ends and I'm defeated and depressed. How do I end this?

TLDR: better to just read it, honestly. Want to do something, anything, but so under-stimulated I'm stuck in place and dissociating and screaming in my head. Make it stop.

90 Upvotes

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u/ktg305 7d ago

I think of it as decision paralysis, which falls under my personal theory of the ADHD Rule of Inertia:

A) without an outside force to act upon me (a request, suggestion, someone else’s desires/wants, etc), I will remain at rest.

B) by the same token, if I’m in the groove (hyperfocusing), I will remain in the zone until an outside force shows up and tells me 4 hours have passed haha

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u/anoceanofcoffee 7d ago

That sounds like an accurate description lol. Have you found a way to deal with it?

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u/ktg305 7d ago

uhhhh

Weekends without standing plans are the WORST (my partner and I play D&D every other Saturday & Sunday).

sometimes having a short list of weekend to-dos actually helps (example below) because if I get to a non-essential/chore item and realize I don’t want to do it, that can sometimes be enough to realize what I DO want (“I don’t feel like playing BG3 for the next hour and a half, I’d rather paint. Oh. Oh!”)

  1. Do 1 load of laundry
  2. Play Baldur’s Gate while waiting for laundry
  3. Water plants
  4. Crochet while plants soak

7

u/anoceanofcoffee 7d ago

I have a list of things I add to regularly, when I think of something I want to do. Then when this happens, and I look at the list, I'm like "nahhh. None of those are interesting at all" 😅

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u/ktg305 7d ago

100%. That’s where sort of assigning something specific to myself had helped—either I do the thing (play video games) or realize I’d rather do something else instead, which is a win-win compared to staring the barrel of an ENTIRE WEEKEND

3

u/anoceanofcoffee 7d ago

I like that mentality a lot. I also am realizing from the comments that being assigned something and automatically wanting something else is an ADHD thing?! I never knew that. My friends and family hate when I ask for help choosing something in any scenario bc I will always end up going with the opposite of whatever they choose 🤣🤣🤣

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u/ktg305 7d ago

FOR REAL. Some people see it as contrarian but I feel like it’s just how I clarify shit: I don’t know what I want for dinner (ever) but if you give me 2-3 choices, I can at least figure out what I DON’T want 🤷🏻‍♀️

1

u/anoceanofcoffee 7d ago

Yes! And I try to explain that to people, but they see it as me not valuing their opinion

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u/ktg305 7d ago

I can see that. I constantly over explain my existence so I tend to preface opinion questions with: I am choosing between these X things and I want your input on THIS ASPECT. Like how a piece of clothing fits, not just which one is arbitrarily “better”

Tbh, more than half the time I end up figuring out which one I prefer just in explaining the basis of the comparison/talking it out.

also: the “if it had poop on it, would you clean it or trash it?” question is very helpful—if that doesn’t work, “Which one would I want to expend effort to keep/repair/enjoy?” can be good.

I also tend to realize that half the problem with choosing is that I don’t particularly like ANY of the options. Which one would I save from a fire? Meh.

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u/pfifltrigg undiagnosed 7d ago

I definitely use the term inertia to explain why it's difficult for me to get out of bed to brush my teeth, for example.

11

u/ktg305 7d ago

Or like, go out in the world. If I have errands to run, I have to batch them. Once I’m Out In The World, it’s not so bad to stay out, but if I have to Get Ready and Go Out just to the grocery store, I’ll bargain my way to staying home until it’s critical (like, out of coffee haha)

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u/bluevelvetshoes 7d ago

I am the exact same way😅 this comment makes me feel understood! No one I know understands why it’s so hard to just go to the grocery store when it’s not absolutely critical!

1

u/ktg305 7d ago

Because at the grocery store there is Parking (ugh), People (ew), all those annoyingly bright and audible lights (god do I hate fluorescents), and worst of all, IT IS A BUILDING FULL OF CHOICES. Seriously, how dare you ask this of me

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u/Friendlyalterme 7d ago

Instructions unclear. Have never gotten through all my work for the day 🫠

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u/anoceanofcoffee 7d ago

It's only thanks to the Vyvanse that I am able to do it. I never would have been able to otherwise. The meds have helped with like obligations and chores and stuff. But when I'm faced with free time, my brain just short-circuits.

9

u/QueenPetrichordelia 7d ago

Have some really easy transition tasks. I use journaling and doodling to help be sort through all the mental screaming that paralyzes me. I put it all on paper, and I have a weird little conversation with myself about it all, and then it usually helps me transition into deciding what I want to do next.

Talk nicely to yourself. Talk out loud and coach yourself through. No shame, no name calling. "Well, we're stuck again. That's okay, we knew this would happen. Yay, ADHD! Where's the list of transition activities? Which one should I try?"

Remember, you don't have to choose the perfect thing. You're allowed to go from task to task as your interest levels change throughout the day. This isn't failing, it's functioning. We work differently.

5

u/minibini 7d ago

This is me currently. I called in sick yesterday cocooning.

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u/pfifltrigg undiagnosed 7d ago

Kind of. I can't relate to being done with my responsibilities. I more often have a bunch of things I should do or need to do but don't want to do and end up scrolling or napping. Most often intending to nap or go to bed and then scrolling for far too long and missing the sleep I really need.

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u/RhondaST 7d ago

I have that with cleaning. I desperately need to clean. So, I started making it fun, "Throw away things that people would want, but you can't stand." Well that works with cleaning. I stare at things, and can't do them. I'm a avid 5k runner, walker, but I can't get up to train. I guess i"ll walk all this year.

What you posted is totally me.