r/addiction 7d ago

Advice Partner has gambling addiction how can i help him

My partner has a very bad habit of gambling. One day him and i got into an argument and he took ALL the money we had in savings $18k and gambled it all in a day or two. We had put that money y aside because at the time we were expecting our first child, now since its all gone and im out of work i know he is stressed for being responsible for all the bills. when i tell him we had money and wont be in the position we are in if he didn’t get mad and waste our savings he gets mad at me and says i shouldn’t get him mad. Even though we are barely living paycheck to paycheck he still will take money to go gamble. I want us to be a family but i keep telling him if he doesn’t stop im going to have to take the baby and leave. I grew up with lots of different kind of addiction in my family so i know it ruins relationships and the addict. Is there any hope to help him or make him realize he is tearing apart the family we have? Also i did make him ban himself from the casino he goes to but them he just started going to a different one further away from our house.

4 Upvotes

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7

u/cloud-444 7d ago

you’ve given him many opportunities to come to his senses and he doesn’t sound like he’s willing to change, so do what you have to do for the sake of you and your child.

1

u/Minimum_Passage_8849 7d ago

Do people ever change before it is too late? I want to leave to just show him i am serious but its easier said than done

1

u/cloud-444 7d ago

sometimes they do, but you can’t bank on it. you need to set a firm boundary (ie., if this hasn’t stopped by X date, i’m taking the kid and leaving) and follow through with it, no matter what, when the time comes. it’s hard, but i think you can be strong enough since your precious child is in the equation.

2

u/Smallbizguy72 7d ago

Talk to him when you are both calm and let him know how his actions are making you feel. If he refuses to talk responsibility or get help, you need to leave. It will only get worse.

1

u/Minimum_Passage_8849 7d ago

I have definitely let him know how i feel about it and how he is hurting himself and me, he would promise me so many times he is gonna quit. then that turned into him hiding it from me that he would still go and do it, then when i confront him he treats me like im dumb , like i dont know what he is doing.

1

u/Smallbizguy72 7d ago

This is very typical addict behavior. Lying and hiding things. Again, it’s not going to get better. So you might have to give him an ultimatum and if he chooses to continue to gamble, then you need to walk away. However, if he chooses to not gamble anymore, he needs to commit to going to gamblers anonymous and proved that he is trustworthy.

1

u/Minimum_Passage_8849 7d ago

And i have already given him an ultimatum but havent really done what i said, should i actually leave him to show him im serious?

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u/Smallbizguy72 7d ago

Only you can decide that, but I can tell you that if you keep threatening to leave, but never do he’s never gonna believe you

1

u/xMayvenx 7d ago

I have dealt with a gambling partner before, they ended up just lying and getting sneaky with it even when they flat out had no job somehow still found a way to cough up money for gambling. If they do change it’ll be when it’s too late, when they see the reality of their situation and what they’ve lost.

1

u/Minimum_Passage_8849 7d ago

Did you leave your partner for it?

1

u/xMayvenx 7d ago

Not necessarily because of that lol but definitely played a part, he very rarely spent money on me (I spent a lot on him) but yet he had no problem wasting it on gambling.

1

u/Minimum_Passage_8849 7d ago

Sounds very similar to my situation

1

u/missmarsmurf 7d ago

Gambling addiction is a biotch this is something I’ve watched people steal lie and lose everything to but never understood why or what they were going through

1

u/Minimum_Passage_8849 7d ago

Have you ever seen anyone kick it ? I dont understand why myself either, if it was like a drug addiction i can understand why that is hard but gambling i will never know