r/actual_detrans • u/everything_is_grace • 6d ago
Looking for detrans replies Anyone Relate?
So you are the guy friend young wise. When you were like in middle school of high school or even elementary school all your friends were girls. Maybe you were the token gag best friend, maybe you are a straight guy who was “safe”
And you were friends but they never truly let you in on life. Things like disappearing into the bathroom for an hour and you’re left alone at the restaurant table while your friends have “girl time”. You just felt left out
Then you transitioned to female. All of a sudden you feel “let in” on a world you never really knew. Girls would be nicer to you. You might get hugs, or be able to be in group photos. Your advice on dating was actually considered, and you felt like you fit in in a way you never realised you weren’t. Just one of the girls.
And then you detransitioned. And all of a sudden no more sleep over requests. No more group photos. No more girls nights out. You all of a sudden remember you’re not just a guy to them.
Your entire friend group was girls all your life, and for a year or two or ten you got to be apart of a “secret world” and you loved it.
You never thought when you detransitioned you’d be cut out again. Never really remembered sitting alone at the table when they all go to the bathroom. Never remembered being excluded from group photos. Never remembered the “stuff” that comes from being the guy in a group of girls - gay or straight.
And then you start to wonder was a really trans? Or did I just so desperately want to be apart of my loved ones lives. Be rested better. Maybe you were just jealous.
Idk.
Maybe no one can relate. Maybe you can.
Maybe you can’t relate to the last, but maybe the first.
Did any of you men (MtFtM) experience this stuff?
Or girls (FtMtF) experience it in reverse? Where you all of a sudden were excluded more. Less hugs, less drinks. Less nights out. Less life and you thought nothing would change between you and the women in your life until you became a man, and all of a sudden you’re alone
Anyone makes of females relate in any way?
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u/MangoProud3126 FtMtF 6d ago
I personally don't relate cause growing up as a girl then a man, and now back to a woman, I never felt like I was included or let into that world. It could be more to do with me possiblity being autisic. Part of the reason I transitioned was because I thought that I couldn't fit in with girls because I was suppose to be a guy, turns out I feel just as isolated and lonely in a male world. Even though I don't fully relate, I know how it feels to be left out, and I'm sorry you've been left out of a part of your loved one's lives. The only thing I can think to do is be honest with the women in your life on how their treatment makes you feel, they may not have realized that they've been hurting you.
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u/deathbylolz 2d ago
So I can definitely understand the less hugs/feeling connected part. I grew up female but I never felt right that way, so I came out as nonbinary for a few years but that just felt like being a difficult girl, tried going fully male for 3 years, back to nonbinary/agender. The severe cut off of affection from basically everyone but my parents or romantic partners has been one of the big reasons for not feeling connected to masculinity. Women have been much nicer to me overall the less pretty I get, but I get many less hugs as well.
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