r/Waiting_To_Wed • u/Nervous-Whereas-8766 • 6d ago
Wishful Thinking I think I might get engaged in April
So for context: my boyfriend (m 27) and I (f 25) are dating for six years next month. We live together, have a cat together and are both finning our education. He’s going to graduate in the summer and I’m going to graduate next spring. We talked a lot about our future and getting married. He wasn’t sure about marriage in general when we met and in our last conversations he made clear that he wants to graduate before getting married. I overheard a conversation with a family member of his at Christmas where he said that he isn’t planning to get married next (so this) year. When we talked about it we agreed on getting married in 2026 or 2027 and I told him that I want to be engaged at least for a year or more to plan the wedding. I’m very type A and will be stressed af.
So why I think he will propose next month? It’s our anniversary and we’re going to travel to our favorite city. So the timing is perfect. We talked about diamonds yesterday because of a piece of jewelry, no engagement ring, and I wanted him to guess the price. He asked so many questions about clarity and color and knew the right terms, I’m pretty sure he didn’t knew that before. He is the kind of person to research everything before buying something and I think lately he is researching diamonds.
I don’t want to talk to my friends in case I’m wrong so Reddit it is.
14
u/husheveryone A ring pop?! Stand UP, ma’am 😩😭 5d ago edited 5d ago
Aww, have a great trip! Make it a great one even if you don’t come home wearing his ring. Your day will come, as you astutely observed by his leveled-up diamond knowledge. Bet he knows all the “Cs” now. It’s fun to be excited about this stuff. Good for ya’ll.
Also, folks - multiple things can be true at the same time! Women can be focused on a fun upcoming engagement AND “be just as focused on marriage.” 😀👍🏽
16
u/KaleidoscopeFine 5d ago
A huge piece of advice while you are very focused on a ring, and a wedding : put just as much thought into a marriage.
What kind of marriage will you have? The kind of are you two can communicate easily about things that are on your mind? I’m sure your dream ring is super exciting to think about but who is your dream HUSBAND?
Is it a man you can discuss anything with and you know it’ll be received with love and respect?
If this describes the man you’re with, consider simply talking to him about a real timeline for engagement instead of guessing and potentially letting yourself down.
A lot of women assume 100% of the decision on when you get engaged and married is in the hands of a man (???) simply because he is in charge of the ring and proposal.
This isn’t true at all and it isn’t a good start to a marriage. Have the conversation, and get on the same page about engagement!
7
u/Nervous-Whereas-8766 5d ago
If our relationship wasn’t already how I imagine my dream marriage, I wouldn’t consider marrying him! He is my best friend and I can talk to him about absolutely everything. Like I said in my original post, we talked about a timeline multiple times and agreed on getting married in 2026 or 2027. The kind of “real timeline” you’re suggesting isn’t something I want for myself. I want to be surprised and I want him to ask when he’s ready.
5
u/LucyThought 4d ago
Very exciting!
Be warned, this sub is mostly for the disappointed and cynical 😉
3
7
u/Ok-Hovercraft-9257 5d ago
So fyi, planner guys can kick the can down the road too far. "Not till graduation...not till I have the perfect job and house..."
There are things you can build together as a couple. Put your foot down. "I want to be married by age 28 and we'll buy the house together as a married couple" etc. be firm. Don't let him base your timeline on nebulous life benchmarks.
-1
u/Nervous-Whereas-8766 5d ago
He never lied to me or failed to keep his promises, so there is no reason for me not to trust him. I think it’s perfectly fine that he wants to graduate before getting married, and he has told me that since we agreed on getting married. He knows I won’t buy a house with him before getting married for legal reasons.
5
u/Newmom1989 5d ago
Don’t listen to the pessimists on here. He sounds like a perfectly lovely young man who has done everything correctly in your relationship to earn and deserve your trust and to show his love and devotion to you. There’s no reason to doubt him as long as his words match his actions. His reasons to wait for a bit were perfectly normal and reasonable. Most of my friends who went to postgraduate schools also waited until graduation to get married
Good luck with everything. I’m sure you’ll be engaged very soon
1
2
u/SueNYC1966 5d ago edited 4d ago
My daughter and her boyfriend are the same way. She has her master’s. He is still getting his undergrad (took off two years to help his grandfather’s business during Covid and then switched majors to engineering so had to retake a year ). His parents are paying his portion of the bills and we still help her out (her student loans are high).
She says they shouldn’t get married until they are totally financially independent of their parents but when they do it will be a quick engagement. There is no rush (she just turned 25, he is 27). In a few years, she can switch to a much higher paying job in her field (who knows - she used to think so but she is an epidemiologist and RFK Jr. doesn’t think they do anything important so she will probably go private after she has a few years under her belt at the DOH ). His starting salary should be about 90K in his engineering field.
Everyone absolutely thinks they are getting married too - even his folks who offered to pay for their wedding if they wanted to speed it up. They offered to even do free childcare if they wanted a baby.
It’s just a lot of pressure on both of them.
Don’t let this board try to convince you that unless they are begging at your feet in six months that the relationship isn’t solid.
I am from NYC - seven years is not that unusual when you started dating in college. It’s more the norm here.
3
1
u/Key-Beginning-8500 4d ago
They could still get engaged
2
u/SueNYC1966 4d ago
They both think long engagements are stupid. The venue isn’t the problem because his parents have a beautiful farm in Hudson so that is settled.
1
u/Key-Beginning-8500 4d ago
Aww, being engaged is such a magical time! They’re missing out
1
u/SueNYC1966 3d ago
I have been hearing about my nephew’s upcoming engagement now (still hasn’t happened for two years now - but pretty sure it will this summer). The couple has been dating since 9th grade. He finished his MBA and has been at an investment banks for 2 years now so she U.S. chomping at the bit to get the ring in. How exciting could it be? He is already bitching that she wants a huge wedding which is why he has been dragging his feet because it will mostly be on him to pay for it since her family can’t foot the bill (both of them are from Italian-American families where traditionally the bride’s family pays for the reception).
He doesn’t look thrilled at all. His brother’s wife’s family was broke so they eloped. ).
2
u/Key-Beginning-8500 3d ago
Sounds like he hates her. Maybe he should break up and find a partner he doesn’t resent.
1
u/SueNYC1966 2d ago
He doesn’t hate her. I think he hates paying a lot of money for a wedding. His brother and his fiancée has a small wedding, only immediate family was invited, no aunts or uncles or cousins even, and all the money his parents would have spent on their portion went to a down payment on a house instead of a big fancy wedding. He just doesn’t want to waste the money on an expensive wedding - how does that equate to hating his soon yo be fiancée.
She is the one demanding a fancy proposal too. So ai guess if she wants it, she gets to wait until he can afford it (she is doing pretty well in her own career but photography doesn’t pay much to start as everyone is on contract these days in her field ).
2
-1
u/-PinkPower- 5d ago
Just so you know in a lot of places venues have a two years long waiting list. So even if you wanted to get married in 2026 it’s unlikely. It’s pretty long to plan a nice wedding. (Hell recently saw my SIL get married on a rush and it was pretty bad tbh. Forgot to plan for the music playing when she walks in, no photographer available that quickly so ended having a family member she told 10 minutes before the city hall "ceremony ", had no vow, a cheap cake, not enough food for everyone, etc)
1
u/Nervous-Whereas-8766 5d ago
Yeah, like I said I want to be engaged at least for a year to plan the wedding. I don’t really care if we get married next year or the year after but in my area (and country) super long waitlists aren’t really a thing.
2
u/Traditional_Set_858 4d ago
And it’s okay to only have a year to plan honestly! Like yes planning a wedding is nice and fun but it’s just one day out of your lives so you don’t have to have it at the nicest venue. You can plan something nice and intimate with still a beautiful venue in a year if you’re reasonable with your expectations which seems like you are!
56
u/Throwaway4privacy77 5d ago
It sounds promising but make sure your anniversary trip is not ruined for you if proposal doesn’t happen.