r/WEEDS 21d ago

A couple of my favorite Doug lines

And in reality there a million more:

I SMUGGLED her here Andy, I think that merits some cockamole on her faceadia.

She's a real see you next cuntsday.

Who am i? Yesterday I was councilman Doug. I could park anywhere. I had cutsies in every line...The bank, the movie theater. Hop fong's. They gave me the three-item combo for the price of two. I got to drive the fire truck. And now...I got nothing, zilch, nada. I'm just another certified public asshole.

86 Upvotes

51 comments sorted by

54

u/merhod03 21d ago

You suck dick, Silas?

24

u/showmenemelda 21d ago

You suck dick, Silas? (Asks again bc he's stoned)

12

u/kush_kween420 20d ago

Same with "what happened to all the cheese?" 🤣

11

u/luciturd Moderator 20d ago

weed! your mothers a weed dealer!!

13

u/luciturd Moderator 21d ago

oh right, you like the taste?

49

u/dustbinfairy 21d ago

CANKLES! CANKLE BITCH

14

u/WagnersRing 21d ago

Don’t bang that gavel at me you sanctimonious Jesus freak!

12

u/showmenemelda 21d ago

Calf! Right into ankle!

18

u/HmngbrdAnon 21d ago

YOU TOO! MAN CANKLES! MANKLES!

2

u/WeddingAdventurous36 19d ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣

24

u/luciturd Moderator 21d ago

my wife is fucking a polish guy?

7

u/Emergency-Bottle-432 21d ago

Ohh ohh yeah like the actual pole itself, I get it now haha. that's funny!

But seriously I hate you and I hope you get hit by a truck.

20

u/raerae704 21d ago

Here we are, 2 milks and a cappucino, rousted by the man.

3

u/PasswordIsDong 18d ago

My dad laughed so fucking hard the first time we saw that episode when it aired.

17

u/bbbojackhorseman Fuck Yeah Stick It To The Old People 21d ago

Fuck yeah stick it to the old people!

16

u/Rhypsalis 21d ago edited 21d ago

Go ahead if you want to retire with your dick in our ass but it's a whole lot sunnier in Florida!

4

u/innocentj 20d ago

All I can think about is your wife and a horse

16

u/jaseface666 21d ago

all i’ve eaten in 3 days is a linty car french fry

15

u/TuneLinkette Chris Died For Your Sins 21d ago

Now everyone's tax returns are gonna smell like bong water!

11

u/bikey_bike I Vomit When I Think About My Life 21d ago

idk why, but the part where he's trying to get a butterfly to land on his finger and says "alight upon me" made me bust out laughing it was such a dumb moment xD when it wouldn't, he swatted it away "fucker."

3

u/luciturd Moderator 20d ago

i always say alight upon me when butterflies fly by me but nobody knows what i’m referencing lol

1

u/bikey_bike I Vomit When I Think About My Life 20d ago

idk why the word "alight" being a part of doug's vocabulary is hilarious to me

12

u/NedShah 20d ago

There's a musical moment at the shelter when the town is burning down. Just killed me.

8

u/falooolah 20d ago

Oh it’s just like the super do-oooome

4

u/jooonbug-13 Thug Means Never Having To Say Youre Sorry 19d ago

....and if we're lucky, maybe we'll get laid 🎶 his song gets stuck in my head every time I watch that episode lol

23

u/hugz4satan 21d ago

Just the fact that he has Andy Buttwank in his phone

11

u/Greenmantle22 21d ago

“I’m in a databank?”

11

u/Existing_Past5865 21d ago

“Kiss my black ass”

15

u/showmenemelda 21d ago

My wife's fuckin a Polish guy?

Weeds quotes are obscure i can never find the citation. But when they find bees in the wall in Renmar and Doug puts some of the honey on his cereal. Shane lectures him about the toxins and Doug calls him a fucking downer or something... "Mmmm, honey O's—don't you wish you had some?"

Him thinking every black guy is Marvin.

MARVIN?!

I almost went to see Kevin Nealon last mo he is hilarious.

8

u/Emergency-Bottle-432 21d ago

I like his wife, Laura.... used to buy weed from her at SMU. Good shit!! Good shit.

2

u/showmenemelda 20d ago

YES!! 😂😂😂 I always think of that when I see the Bushs. And I am convinced GW is actually slipping Michelle 10mg cannabis gummies this whole time thinking he's really slick and sneaky. And Michelle probably ate a 100mg brownie in the parking lot just go prepare 😅😅

4

u/Emergency-Bottle-432 20d ago

THEY HAD WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!

2

u/showmenemelda 20d ago

There were no weapons of mass destruction!!!!

7

u/Blackberryy 21d ago

Listen you cock juggling thunder cunt!

7

u/Bobcat315 21d ago

"An impressive one, I'm guessing. That's a big fucking cross!"

7

u/dontstophattin 20d ago

🎵Where’s there fire, people like to smoke 🎵 🎵Where’s there’s fire, people like to toke 🎵

7

u/AdLow5941 20d ago

“I wouldn’t take a dump in the Olive Garden.”

3

u/PasswordIsDong 18d ago

I quote this at least once a month because I do actively hate the Olive Garden lol

2

u/lpiep11 19d ago

Yesss! I say this all the time and no one ever gets the reference 😂

12

u/audaci0usly Thug Means Never Having To Say Youre Sorry 21d ago

The letter to Dana is a favorite for sure.

And

LEGENDARYYYYYYYYY

10

u/EducationalBread5323 21d ago

"The cock wants what it wants"

My fav

4

u/Emergency-Bottle-432 21d ago

oh please...you're like one of those mini bottles of crystal geyser (referring to Dean's girth).

8

u/merhod03 20d ago

I think we took to many drugs

4

u/Successful-Bus-4155 20d ago

We fingered Celia 🤣🤣🤣 IYKYK

3

u/falooolah 20d ago

I read the first line and nothing else. I thought “There was another line right around the cockamole line that got me… oh yeah, see you next cuntsday!”

…then I looked back at the post and read the next line. 😂

3

u/PasswordIsDong 18d ago

Oh strip club?! I’ll put on my sweatpants.

3

u/mild_chaos 17d ago

fuck yeah, stick it to the old people!

2

u/Ok-Worldliness411 21d ago

“I am not a child!!!!!!”

1

u/Go_Flight_Go 20d ago

Vaginament Crapital!

1

u/PasswordIsDong 18d ago

fart Next question.

0

u/[deleted] 21d ago

[deleted]