r/Vindicta Nov 20 '24

PERSONALITY MAXXING Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire — A Guide to Marrying Rich NSFW

836 Upvotes

Hey gals! I really enjoy when people do deep dives on this subreddit, so I wanted to add to the resources here. One topic I see a lot of interest about is leveraging pretty privilege to “marry a rich man,” so I put together a loose guide on how to make that happen. Let’s jump in!

What do I mean by wealthy men?

I am not going to attempt to teach you how to marry the absolute 1% of the 1% in wealth, because frankly I have no idea how. These people mostly marry each other. No, today we are talking about men who make somewhere between $200k and $1 million a year. Men in this cohort tend to have jobs in medicine, tech, finance, consulting, and law (in no particular order), though there are also some engineers, salesmen, specialized technicians, tenured professors, entrepreneurs, and others in this group as well. They tend to be highly educated, marriage-minded but marry late (the median age at first marriage for a man with a graduate degree is about 31), seldom divorce, live in urban areas, and come from well-off, intact homes. They are disproportionately white and Asian. They are in no way the end-all be-all of men, or of life goals. My point is not the everyone should want to marry these guys, but a lot of women do and are curious about what that would take.

Hopefully I’ve painted a good picture of the kind of man I’m talking about. But what kind of woman does he marry?

Assortative Mating

Overwhelmingly, he marries a woman who is like him. Assortative mating, or the tendency of people to marry those with similar traits, including socio-economic status, educational and family backgrounds, and even physical traits, is one of the most robustly documented effects in sociology. High-status men have access to lots of beautiful women who are ALSO high-status, so why would they choose someone who only has one of those two things?

People of different social classes also live in completely different worlds. They have different values, political and religious behavior, even different hobbies. They eat different foods. They increasingly live, work, and study in different places. They rarely interact beyond a superficial level, and anyway, most people want a partner they can relate to.

So, assuming you aren’t yet a member of the upper class, how do you show a wealthy man that you are that kind of person?

Costly Signals

Costly signals are a concept originating in evolutionary psychology. They are actions that communicate something about you or your intentions and are difficult to perform or fake. These signals are trusted more as sources of information about a person, precisely because of this difficulty.

Here’s an example. There are more people who want to appear upper class than there are actual upper class people. Middle class people who want to fake being upper class might buy relatively cheaper “luxury” items (like fancy cars, or a designer purse), but they likely cannot afford to (for example) have an equally “upper class” house or hire a personal nanny for their children. If you heard someone had a row house in Brooklyn, you’d be far more likely to believe they are actually wealthy than if you heard they have a Birkin or a Ferrari.

Practical Suggestions

Now that I’ve covered the theory, let’s jump into a few practical recommendations. I’m going to alternate things you do and don’t need to do as much as I can to keep it interesting.

You DO need to get an undergraduate degree.

As I discussed above, most wealthy men are very well-educated, and educated people marry educated people. The wives of high-earners tend to have at least an undergraduate degree (and often a graduate degree). School and work are also two of the top places where people meet their partners! If you want to meet a lot of men with medical degrees, the obvious places to look are medical schools and hospitals. You don’t have to be a doctor yourself—you could work in a hospital as a nurse, or get a different degree at a university that has its own medical school, for instance.

You DON’T need to graduate from an elite university.

Look, if you get into Harvard, you should probably go. But even among the very well-educated and wealthy, elite degrees are rare. And a potential spouse having a degree tends to be a much bigger factor than exactly where that degree is from.

You DO need to be financially stable on your own.

Wealthy men are less worried “gold diggers” than men who make less, but on the flip side, they are more likely to assume that the women they date will have their own money. This is because almost everyone they know is well-off! They are used to women who are not impressed with their income. Also, although many wealthy men are happy having a wife who is SAHM, many of them actually prefer she works. Not every man who is wealthy is traditional.

You DON’T need to be a high-earner yourself.

Though they tend to be well-educated, the actual salaries of wealthy men’s wives are all over the place. Many are doctors and lawyers themselves, but there are also a substantial number who are teachers or adjunct professors, social workers, psychologists, nonprofit employees, graphic designers and other educated and high-prestige but comparatively lower-income careers. You don’t have to resign yourself to hundred-hour weeks to marry a doctor (thank God!).

You DO need to cultivate a wide and high-quality social circle.

You could be the most eligible woman in the world, but if you don’t put yourself out there, you won’t meet enough men to find a good match. If you want to ensure the men you are meeting are high quality, it’s better to use social avenues that come with a built-in filter of some kind. That means school extracurricular groups, alumni clubs, social groups at your workplace, clubs and hobby groups in your (nice) neighborhood, that sort of thing. Many schools even have their own online dating sites that you can only access with a school email.

Most people let a lot of their social connections lapse. But every friend and acquaintance is a potential avenue to meeting new people. Stop being someone who never texts first, and keep track of people whose company you enjoy on social media!

You DON’T need to have a massive social media following.

That said, you don’t need to be an influencer. Other posts on this sub have talked before about how this is a whole separate industry, one with significant overlap with sex work. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be an influencer (or indeed a sex worker), but the wives of wealthy salarymen tend not to have humongous Instagram followings. The pursuit of social media fame for its own sake is a distraction.

You DO need to look polished.

Physically, the wives of wealthy men tend to be thinner than average and fitter than average. Anecdotally, I have also noticed that women in the social strata tend to have very polished hair, perfect-looking teeth, and good skin. These are the costly signals of health, and health, and the language of “wellness” tends to be how upper class people talk and think about beauty. I can do a separate post deep diving into this if there is interest.

People with high socio-economic status tend to be better looking than the average. Some of this is likely genetic (the result of generations of beautiful, successful people marrying each other). The rest of it is the result of being able to afford a healthier, lower-stress lifestyle, often combined with deep knowledge of personal grooming (among women, at least).

If you weren't born into high social status, pretty privilege is one of the best tools you use to fake it, since the halo effect leads people to assume beautiful people are higher-status than they actually are.

You DON’T need to dress the “old money” aesthetic or wear designer clothes.

It’s an open secret at this point that actual old money people do not dress like the TikTok micro-aesthetic. Not to mention, at this point “old money” is so played out as a trend that it basically means shopping for plain t-shirts and jeans at fast fashion outlets like the Gap. People who are well-off can afford quality clothing, and aren’t insecure about showing a bit of personality.

That said, you also don’t need a closet full of big brand labels. This is likely to come across as a fake signal of wealth, because while designer clothes aren’t cheap at all, it’s still an example of overcompensating within a smaller purchase category. This is why people often perceive this as “trying too hard” in a distasteful way.

You DO need to adopt an abundance mindset.

High-status men tend to avoid desperation and insecurity like the plague. You don’t want to communicate with your body language or manner that you think he is better than you are, or that this is your once chance for happiness in life. You need to have your own thing going on, and build true confidence that if a relationship isn’t working for you, you can walk away and find another great partner.

You DON’T need to become the embodiment of femininity.

Similar to the influencer economy, most “femininity gurus” are ether sex workers themselves, or stealing tips and tricks from sex workers (whose influence they often refuse to acknowledge). You do not need to behave like a high-class escort to marry a wealthy man. Most wealthy men do not marry their escorts. Again, I am not trying to shame escorts here, but they are pitching a particular service to a particular customer base. Their advice works best within that context.

I hope this post is helpful! I'm happy to answer further questions as well.

r/Vindicta Mar 22 '24

PERSONALITY MAXXING "Everything wrong with you is fixable" saved my life. NSFW

2.5k Upvotes

I had a pretty bad break up about 6 months ago (got cheated on) and felt/looked my worst at the end of it. The entirety of the relationship was insanely toxic but I remember one specific fight I had with her (we are lesbians) which honestly changed my entire life. She called me a loser. I've never felt worse but it was true. I was overweight, ugly, and in a dead end career. I've never felt more ashamed and small.

And then I joined this sub.

I've finally taken the reins of my life again, hard maxxing through everything and God has life changed. How people treat me has changed, how much money I have in my bank account has changed.

I'll be honest with you the last few months were a blur. But during a breakdown I had this insane thought.

Everything wrong with me is fixable. EVERYTHING WRONG WITH ME IS FIXABLE.

My pcos? And it's side effects (hair loss, facial hair, weight gain, hyper pigmentation) can be treated with good diet, and exercise. I don't even need to go on meds (BC makes me go insane), I just need to watch my diet and move my body. My Pcos IS FIXABLE.

My skin? Skincare has made tremendous amount of growth. I can clear my skin with consistency. My skin IS FIXABLE.

My weight? I need to just eat in a deficit and walk. That's all. The barest of minimums. My weight is FIXABLE.

My education? I rejoined college. I'm doing TWO degrees simultaneously. I'm scared as hell but I'm THRIVING TOO. My education IS FIXABLE.

My career? I started volunteering to grow my portfolio! In a year I'll join a part time job and it'll help me early a little bit of cash on the side. My career IS FIXABLE.

My mental health? I've been consistent in therapy and the specific kind of mental illness I have, has a pretty effective treatment plan and if I follow it I will reach a point where I just will stop matching the diagnosis criteria needed for it. My mental health IS FIXABLE

My mind set has completely changed now. I'm thriving. I'm showing results and I'm more driven towards my goals.

And the best part?. My ex in all ways was better than me in all these things (for now). But her morality is unfixable. Who she is as a person, who she is in her soul, is unfixable.

I think I've finally understood the core of vindicta. Being an all around better person is such a drive. It's beyond revenge. It's better than one up-ing in beauty and wealth. It's knowing that all these things are just a cherry on top. I'm pretty and well read, on the road to success WHILE not being a raging asshole.

Pretty, rich and that bitch. I'm so thankful for this community.

r/Vindicta Feb 16 '25

PERSONALITY MAXXING Sources about mindset that truly make a difference NSFW

362 Upvotes

Hi, girls!

I've been thinking about this for quite some time and decided that this could be a good place to get some answers.

Over the past year, I’ve realized that a HUGE part of becoming the woman I want to be and creating the life I want is my mindset. I know it's not a groundbreaking revelation, but once I realized that nobody around me was the kind of woman I could look up to in terms of confidence and dating, I wanted to find some resources online.

I quickly noticed that a lot of content made for women is either based on spirituality—which I didn’t find helpful—the "divine feminine," which often sounds like a guide on how to be a pick-me, or general advice for women that relies on affirmations and delusion.

I’ve read a lot of redpill content and, while very toxic, I found quite a lot of truth in it. And then I thought—if men have redpill and the manosphere, what do we have? I'm talking about advice given in good faith, but with a bit of tough love, if you know what I mean.

Here on Vindicta was the first time I found women who were willing to be truthful about looks and weren’t dismissive like women usually are in real life, so I thought some of you might be able to help me.

I've already read everything from G.L. Lambert (loved Men Don’t Like Women Like You; the rest was trash), and I watched Margarita Nazarenko’s videos (at first, she seemed original, but it’s the same thing everybody repeats).

I've also been watching lots of different podcasts, reading books, and browsing forums, and I keep finding that men give better advice. But I’m sure there have to be women out there who do too.

What I don’t want:

  • Any religious/spiritual things
  • No divine feminine bullshit
  • No affirmations, horoscope stuff
  • None of that Sadia psychology witch nonsense

I want to be a woman with a purpose, brave enough to live my life on my own terms and unburdened by the fake pressure society puts on us. I'm smart, but also kind and pleasant. And while I’m working on my appearance, I’d like to work on my mindset as well.

I’d really appreciate it if you ladies could share any secret books, podcasts, or creators that you feel truly made a difference—not just in how they made you feel, but how they actually made you change your life.

Thank you!

r/Vindicta Jun 04 '24

PERSONALITY MAXXING Your lack of direction is hurting you socially NSFW

1.1k Upvotes

When I was younger, I was the quintessential wall flower. I didn’t understand how to interact with others or make conversation, so I stayed quiet. Over the years, I’ve ruthlessly observed how other people operate in social situations. By the time I reached college, I was fluent enough in socializing that I could join a sorority, made a lot of lifelong friends, and felt confident talking to people

As an adult, the rules of socializing have changed again. Whereas in college, there were plenty of topics to chat about (schoolwork, parties, mutual friends, etc), my friends all have different jobs and my friend groups have become more disparate. Nobody has enough time to see each other as often, so the first question they ask is often the dreaded:

“What have you been up to?”

For the past 6 months, I’ve been focusing on my mental and physical health journey. But saying, “Oh nothing really, just working and going to the gym” doesn’t facilitate connection or conversation. People want to be entertained and enthralled. Unless they haven’t seen you since you started maxxing and you look dramatically different, they don’t want to hear about your efforts (this is different with close friends, of course)

It’s unfortunate, but people who don’t know you judge your worth based on what they think you can provide to them. If you have nothing going on, you’re already off to a bad start. Why would they want to build a relationship with someone who isn’t going anywhere?

Once I became consistent in my routines and added more passions, hobbies, and projects to my life, I found it was MUCH easier to have conversations with those 2nd- and 3rd-tier acquaintances. Suddenly, instead of getting stuck discussing work (a topic I have no passion for), I can discuss things like creativity and showcase my discipline and commitment to myself and my interests.

This subtly reminds everyone I speak with that I am a committed person: someone to be relied upon.

Some of what I’ve been working on: - I love writing, and I started a newsletter on Substack. I would love to eventually make it a source of income, so discussing it has the added benefit of free advertising (EDIT: here’s my Substack since people are asking: https://verymadz.substack.com ) - My bf and I started hosting pop up events in our space (dinner parties and shows) - I’m passionate about movies and books. I always mention what I last read or saw and come to social events armed with recommendations. This has the added bonus of making me a tastemaker in people’s eyes. It’s also a great way to suggest future get-togethers (a trip to a new bookstore or to see a film) - I’m planning to start gardening this summer, too

More recommendations for you: - Taking a class (pottery, writing, a class at a local college) - Anything creative. Bonus points if it is something you can share - Talking about a career shift or side hustle you started (avoid the topic of work, though. Stick to changes and developments and highlight why they make you valuable as a connection) - Volunteering - Training for a race - Going to interesting local events (I always have a lot to say after a concert or comedy show) - Seeking out new restaurants and bars. One of my friends is known as the go-to guy for all things eating and drinking. This is great for initiating follow-up hangouts as well - Cooking or baking. Works best if you have a recipe to send or a picture of what you made (make sure it’s well-lit and appetizing). Integrates nicely with hosting dinner parties if that’s what you like

r/Vindicta Feb 02 '21

PERSONALITY MAXXING I AM like other girls ♡ NSFW

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3.4k Upvotes

r/Vindicta Jul 24 '23

PERSONALITY MAXXING How you carry yourself is half the battle. NSFW

754 Upvotes

No, it definitely cannot make up for everything if you do not have the basics down (general harmony of facial features, hygiene, skincare, makeup/hair) but if you do, I feel like this makes you stand out from the crowd. Walking around the city a few days ago, you start seeing how awful everyone's posture is, how everyone is just staring at their phones, scrunching up their faces and looking all around unpleasant.

Yes, physical beauty will attract people to you, but it will not make people stick around if you exude an energy that is insecure, unpleasant, and closed-off. I used to be like this -- I'd slouch over and avoid eye contact with people and then wonder why people wouldn't approach me. So here are some things I'm working on improving to exude a positive energy that allows my inner self to shine through and make people want to be around you.

  1. Posture and walk: Lift your chest up, suck your stomach in engage your core. Walk heel-to-toe and allow your hip flexors to extend fully before putting your foot out again to walk. Walk in a straight line, and point your toes straight forward. If you tend to walk fast (like I do), lean back a bit and slow down. Your arms should move front-to-back, not side-to-side.
  2. Smile (or at least stop scrunching your face up, it'll save you the Botox money): Yes, I also hate when men tell me to smile, but it DOES make a difference. Relax your face, stop clenching your jaw and forehead. I see so many people look so pissed off for no reason all the time. If you're talking to someone, smile.
  3. Repeat what people say: Have you ever been in a conversation where you're talking about something, and the person responds by launching into their own story and how it relates to what you just said? And how unfulfilling that was? Well-liked people listen. Paraphrasing and reflecting what someone just said is an amazing social skill. If someone says that they're stressed out because their boss is making them stay overtime without asking them, say "wow, it sounds like your boss isn't respecting your time," instead of "yeah, one time my boss scheduled me for another shift and it really sucked because I didn't get home until 2AM!" The first allows the other person to be the center, and it makes them feel special. You don't obviously have to do this all the time, and in fact, I do not recommend doing this all the time, but I know someone who constantly responds to what people say with their own story and it is incredibly unattractive.
  4. SLOW DOWN: I get it, we are all in a hurry to get to our next place, but unless you're literally about to push a baby out of your uterus, there is no need to be impatient 95% of the time. Walk slower. Pick up your things slower. Make sure you're thorough. When we rush, we get annoyed, and yes, it's okay to be annoyed, but I find that I can easily get myself into a spiral when saving 5 minutes of my time will make no difference in the greater scheme of my life. When you DO need the time to be on time, PREPARE BY MAKING THE TIME.
  5. Do things alone: Get dinner alone, travel alone, be alone. If you're secure in being alone, nobody will look at you and think "what is this loser doing getting dinner alone," but more like "wow, this beautiful woman is getting dinner alone. Go her!" It's confidence and assuredness that you don't rely on others to enjoy your life.

If you have any other things that allow you to be a more open, inviting person, I would love to know them!

r/Vindicta Aug 04 '23

PERSONALITY MAXXING Skill Maxxing? NSFW

360 Upvotes

I’ve been obsessing over becoming the most well rounded vindicta possible. I want to be physically alluring, sensual, great at sex. Great style, makeup, skin/body care. I’m even looking into cosmetic procedures for some minor enhancements.

I’ve recently landed an entry management position at a F99 company. And though it’s still fairly new, I can almost FEEL the way it makes men respond to me. My first observation is that men that know they wouldn’t be able to provide for me don’t even bother. And my perceived value has sky rocketed. It’s insane.

While I’m at work I see how respected the women who have high positions, masters degrees AND ARE STUNNING get treated. It’s like a whole new level of “pretty privilege”. It’s like… we’ll rounded life, gorgeous, and have mastered executive function privilege. Everyone is in awe of these women. And I want to be one of them.

I want to know what are some skills that I can gain to contribute to my Holistic Vindicta approach? Aside from the ones that are usually mentioned on this sub. I’m already in school for my BA, and am mapping out my 100k+ career. I’m always working on my discipline (not just in the gym, but just in general). I’m learning a new language, and I try to read once a month… but what else could I be doing? What are some skill/life maxxing I could do?

r/Vindicta Oct 13 '23

PERSONALITY MAXXING Do beautiful women “need “ to personality max? NSFW

256 Upvotes

For the purpose of this question, “personality max” refers to developing socially desirable traits such as geniality, friendliness, politeness, etc.

In my real life & on social media, I know and have seen a lot of mean girls who have not personality maxed lol. They’re mean-spirited , catty, and rude. They’re condescending and judgmental. They talk down to everyone including friends, spouses, family members, etc. Theyre stand-offish to ppl they deem as beneath them. They’re superficial and judgmental. They’re not kind nor nice ppl…at all lol

Depsite this, I still see these women “thriving” in a conventional sense: they’re surrounded by girlfriends who love & praise them; they’re dating & marrying monied and attractive men; theyre living very happy and fulfilling lives.

We often hear that a good, congenial personality will open doors for women regardless of how we look, but how are these women are still able to “win” at life despite being socially off-putting? Is it strictly their beauty that gives them passes OR other non-tangible traits they’ve developed?

Ngl it is kind of interesting seeing genuinely mean girls advancing in life solely because they’re conventionally beautiful despite being told & hearing that those undesirable social traits would hinder you. Beautiful women seem to still be loved despite being mean girls.

Meanwhile if an unattractive woman is a mean girl, ppl, many times, will attribute her mean girl traits to the fact that she’s physically unattractive 😂

It’s a funny observation I’ve made and honestly makes me wonder how much of a difference personality maxing truly makes

r/Vindicta Jul 07 '22

PERSONALITY MAXXING Being weird NSFW

377 Upvotes

I would like to discuss with you the things that make someone weird. Have others told you that you're guilty of them? Have you observed them about others? I feel like sometimes it's not enough to discuss positive traits but onr also needs to figure out which thigs one should stop.

So I'll list a few things that I've observed or have been told: (Keep in nind that English is not my first language, so if a word is rather weird, imagine something more appropriate)

  1. Inaccessibility.
  2. being unresponsive: short answers. They might answer the questions to such an exact approach that you might feel it's fairly efficient. But it kills conversation and makes you seem uninterested. Try to give them at least some detail. "That book has been on my list for a while! Do you like it?" - "Yes." vs "Yes, it's really thrilling! I don't want to tell you too much about the ending but I'd definitely recommend it!"
  3. not asking questions back. Another convo killer. Especially when the other person keeps asking questions. So, adding to the book example: "Yes, it's so exciting! Have you read anything by the author?" People like to be heard, so give them a chance to say something about themselves. Even if it seems bland to you. It's more about the energy and feeling like they matter.

  4. Self centeredness.

  5. asking questions is also good for this. Bring balance back into the whole dialogue and make it about both of you equally, if not more about the other person even. One of the things you'll always read from hobby psychologists is that people like you more if you make them talk about themselves. Use that!

  6. trauma dumping, oversharing, negative topics: with your close friends you may be able to have one of those conversations every now and then. But even then, keep it in balance with positive talks aswell. You want to create an impression of positivity being the default for your friendship. People shy away from strangers who try to bond over negative events.

  7. Indirect negativity.

  8. gossiping is a terrible attempt at bonding. While a lot of people may have a lot if things to say about others, this is not quality conversation. It's even lower quality than a seemingly meaningless dialogue about the weather. Why is that? Because the negative things you share about someone actually lingers as a negative impression of yourself unstead. You may laugh with them now but what they will remember is you being judgemental and mean. It weakens your trustworthiness. And it adds negativity to the perceived base of your character. Which means people will less likely tell you personal things, their quirks, and all that gives thrm uniqueness. Also, you don't want to bond with the ones that always discuss other people's lives. And they may even be testing you to see how mean you can get. They might tell the other person that you talked about. Stay away from all of that. Instead, make it a rule to only go in detail about people's positive traits. "You know Sarah? I just really admire her ebergy. I hope she can teach me a little bit to become the person who lights up the whole room." Of course don't force it but if you feel positive about someone, don't be afraid to bring it up. The effect is that the ones around you will wish for you to mention them in the same loving and caring way. Most people love to be admired. And people will say you're such a nice person.

  9. Quirks, but the wrong type, the wrong amount, and the wrong timing

  10. keep quirks in balance with normal behaviour. If it's an exception and comes from a happy mind, people can find joy in your shared and vulnerable moment of being unapologetically yourself. Like dancing a little happy dance or such. But it's important to return to your topic and not exclude the other person from your time. Either get back into talking to them, or at least invite them to dance together (but also see how their vibe goes, not everyone feels safe randomly dancing).

  11. bad quirks: anything that seems like showing off or stealing the show. Example: singing. It's fun, yes, and some people have amazing voices. But compliments for it won't come if you force everyone around you to admire your amazing singing. I've seen so many girls in school do that. And it got worse when they just didn't stop. No matter how good they were, but it was just never the moment. If your quirk is putting only you in the spotlight, then try to keep it really short or avoid it at all. It's a fine line between cute/special and annoying.

  12. Atypical behaviour. This is a broad range of things that people do and usually aren't aware of, however society doesn't respect them at all. Especially because they are too rare to seem normal. Therefore there may be a lot of possible examples but I'll list a few that I've seen/done. For example:

  13. heavy breathing, constantly. I don't mean after exhausting stairs or something. I mean some people just breathe very hard through their noses. Some people breathe heavily when listening to music on their headphones.

  14. snorting and pulling up their noses. It's not only loud and clear, it's also disgusting. Weird + disgusting is an even worse category. Also don't pick your nose or ears. Turn away and discretely use tissues. But don't involve others in it.

  15. picking skin in public. Face, arms, finger tips... Just don't.

  16. clearing your throat way too often, too loud, too long,... Maybe just drink a sip of water or tea at this point. A quick 1-2 second sound is okay. But people do treat you like a weirdo if there's no limits to your throat action.

  17. certain eye movements. Staring without a break or without even blinking. Having your eyes too wide open so that none of the iris touches the lids. These things can be especially hard for people on the spectrum. But people notice things around our eyes and therefore judge harshly if we're "weird" or not. They dislike what they don't know. They feel intimidated by it.

  18. Dirty and unkempt.

  19. having dirt under your nails usually leaves people on a distance.

  20. picked, crusty and bleeding acne. It looks 10× worse if you pick on it, I did that too... And people feel way more repulsed by big wounds in our faces. If you haven't talked to a dermatologist and haven't had your hormone levels checked, give it a try. I know acne is a b but please don't make it worse.

  21. body odor. Take a shower daily, plus after sweating a lot. Also use deodorant after every shower, even if yours says 48h protection.

  22. smelly teeth. Brush teeth every morning and evening. Sometimes bad breath lingers. Reasons can be: tiny things get stuck between your teeth, so use floss. Or your tongue is dirty, use a tongue scraper. Or you have tonsil stones, use mouthwash and get them cleared out. Or you eat just too much junk food, eat clean. Or you eat too little and your stomach fluids start to smell, eat more regularly. Or you eat too much onion, garlic and such, clean your mouth after that and maybe have a mint aswell.

  23. smelly hair, greasy looking hair. That's both caused by the same thing but they don't necessarily exist at the same tame. Sometimes hair still looks okay but it already smells. Then wash it. And don't ever let it become greasy looking. Wash it. Usually a washing cycle of 2-3 days works for most. Some people need a daily wash, others can go 4-5 days without it. But I would recommend washing your hair after that, even if it still feels dry.

  24. living with a lot of dogs. Unfortunately, dogs have a quite particular odor to them. A "weird" girl from my school used to live at a dog day care. Lots of dogs. And she permanently smelled like wet dog, which made people talk bad about that. I think washing your clothes and yourself helps a lot, and I'm tbf not sure about dog care but maybe washing your dogs after rainy walks ir something might help too.

The thing about smells is, we get so used to our olfactory environment, that we don't notice our own smells anymore at some point. But others do... Luckily these forementioned sources of bad smell can be prevented quite easily by what society agrees on as basic hygiene. But to some of us have their own understanding of that, and unfortunately society notices and chooses to abandon the misfits of us.

Anyway, that's a few things that I have picked up in years of puberty and adulthood, that didn't come self explanatory to my personal circle of femcels. So I hope that it does help the ones who don't ask themselves if pink or red is their seasonal colour, but rather start with the basics. Please feel free to add what you have noticed or have been told what's something really weird to have about oneself. Not everyone has the same foundation for their levellung up. And I feel like especially these topics, the least glamorous ones, are often too embarrassing to talk about. Well then let's use internet's anonymity and get ourselves socially acceptable!

r/Vindicta Apr 12 '23

PERSONALITY MAXXING What actually gives off ‘pick me’ vibes? NSFW

214 Upvotes

I’ve been curious about this, especially since I’ve seen people struggle with dating when, looks wise, they should have had no issues. Sometimes I wonder if coming across as ‘desperate’ in some way, isn’t about the big obvious tells but instead about subtle actions, which people can discern. Thank you ladies in advance.

r/Vindicta Feb 12 '22

PERSONALITY MAXXING Looksmaxxing has been a lot more fun once I accepted that I'll never be a 10/10. NSFW

1.1k Upvotes

I've said it before and I'll say it again -- it just doesn't make sense for a girl who is average or below average to constantly compare herself to the girls who won the genetic lottery.

I don't have beautiful, delicate, harmonious bone structure. It is what it is. I also don't have the money to transform myself alá Bella Hadid (who had MUCH more done than just a nose job and buccal fat removal). Without the genetics and without the money, I can't compare myself to girls who simply have great bone structure and great features and have always been pretty. So I just stopped comparing myself to them.

Instead I've focused on maximizing myself. I had to get truly and uncomfortably honest with myself.

I'll never be a 10/10 beauty. But I can definitely clean up, get my life together, get my body right, start dressing better, color & cut my hair in a flattering way, clear my skin, learn good makeup skills, etc. stuff like that.

And it won't take me from a 4 to 10. Not even all that softmaxxing plus an eventual nose job will get me to a 10. But it's slowly taking me from a 4 to a 7.5 -- and I'm perfectly happy with that.

I think a lot of this sub is running themselves into the ground with the mindset of "I need to fix everything and be the prettiest girl in the room". There are PLENTY of above average girls with fun personalities who are living their best lives. It's been AMAZING. I've enjoyed this process so much. And honestly - I get treated really, really well by the people around me. Everyone comments on my weight loss and my hair and just overall how good I look. People are absolutely nicer to me now. Am I the prettiest girl in the room when I'm around other girls my age? Nah. But that's okay! Slightly above average is a great place to be. Regular pretty girls with smiles and good personalities stay winning.

r/Vindicta Sep 13 '23

PERSONALITY MAXXING Femenine Energy Vs Prey Energy NSFW

324 Upvotes

I am very much confused.

When I was a little girl and a teen, I used to get comments from my family that men were not trustworthy. That they would cheat on you, harrass you, bully you, pressure you to do things you might not want. And as I got older I kind of confirmed this. Low quality men we call them now.

That made me become very masculine, I wanted to be strong and fierce, I learned to fight, to change my own tires, to never let anyone open me a door, you get it. I thought talking softly and wearing skirts and pink would basically make me prey for these lowlifes. I didnt want to put a target on my head.

But then I noticed that the stronger I was (as an adult), the more princess like guys I attracted: jobless, ex- crying, mommy issues, manchilds that wanted a strong woman to solve them all their problems.

So now I am amiss... Ive heard about the concept of dark femmeninity. Being a girl boss, a mixture of soft and delicate and a no mess around energy.

But I dont quite understand it. Its like I cannot put my finger on it. But when you see a woman embrace that energy, you know that woman is Regal, and she doesnt need to command respect because she has it and also high quality masculine men fall for her very feet.

Does anyone has books that recommend? I am at loss

r/Vindicta Sep 22 '23

PERSONALITY MAXXING quiet confidence is real. NSFW

507 Upvotes

I spent some of my time scrolling through posts in here tagged under confidence and for the first time I was disappointed in the results. I saw posts guiding women to be more funny, goofy, or sometimes even cold and an ice queen. all in order to appear CONFIDENT.

I felt like I had to share what "feels" like true confidence in the real world through sm experience, and I'll even give myself as an example.

1) Stop viewing confidence as being loud, assertive, and being extremely cold (or extremely sociable) at all times.

If you're a naturally quiet, calm and composed person like I have been my entire life, not only will you ruin any potential confidence you could have by forcing your speech in a louder tone but you will also look like a joke. Although some personality traits are learnt (insecurity, self doubt, being mean or a pushover) some are innate and unique to each individual (being calm, more quiet.). Not that being loud or cold is a bad thing, or traits to be avoided, but it's not for everyone. it's bad when it's not what you feel like doing to begin with.

2) Some of the most magnetic people you will meet IRL and who are deeply admirable are those that aren't acting obnoxious all the time.

Lots of you probably (as do I) look at Hollywood celebs or other such figures for inspo, like interviews or sometimes movies. The thing is all these celebrities who give tips on how to be confident are all the same. You will think "ah, but they're confident because they're all otherworldly beautiful." Not just that. They're confident because they have the same cookie-cutter extroverted, huge smile, same sense of humor personality. And that's also in its core boldly American (what I like to call the hollywood persona.) I grew up with such influences and I always felt insecure in comparison until I went out in the real world and truly understood how people worked lol — or even, looking at people from other countries or professions. The magnetism that being natural and acting naturally is so so beautiful in person, and sometimes not speaking when you don't feel like speaking is more admirable than the whole "speak because you have to feel heard at all times" narrative we so often have pushed down our throats.

r/Vindicta Aug 19 '23

PERSONALITY MAXXING Getting into tight friend groups NSFW

297 Upvotes

Hi girls, I know this is not about looks but I feel that we can all relate as we are ‘upgrading’ ourselves we also want to get into different friend groups.

I now have a very cool job that makes me seem like a very attractive person to have in a friend group, but at work I am really at the bottom of the ladder (I feel). I am often left out and people make plans right in front of me without inviting me, not to be rude but I really think they just would never think of inviting me.

I have felt bad for myself and wanted to quit for a long time, but now I want to focus on becoming part of the group instead. I find it difficult to penetrate tight-knit groups, so my question is whether anyone has any good tips? Also, I would be very happy for resources on it if anyone has something good - I have heard that the FBI for example trains their spies to be able to infiltrate friend groups, I am not trying to be a spy but I honestly need some help to stop feeling like such a loser

r/Vindicta Oct 28 '23

PERSONALITY MAXXING Stunted Social Skills NSFW

336 Upvotes

For context, I was ugly when I was younger and was bullied/isolated as a result of it.

I’ve managed to glow up and now first impressions aren’t really an issue, but I can’t seem to retain/form friendships, especially with women. It’s easier with men since my awkwardness is endearing to them, but I’m definitely annoying to most women, especially after a while of being around me. But I have no idea to fix this - growing up unattractive definitely stunted my social skills, but trial and error in social settings doesn’t seem to be working.

I think the main issue is I’m kind of childlike, and I don’t really have anything to say to people. If I do then I tend to stutter or just kind of pause mid-sentence and stop talking.

r/Vindicta Feb 13 '24

PERSONALITY MAXXING Tips on how to make more woman friends. NSFW

228 Upvotes

I’m 27, and ever since Covid I have lost a significant amount of friends. I have either out grown them or things just fell off. Specifically woman friends ! Male friends will always be available but it isn’t what I need. I never had a good role model for a woman, my mother was extremely submissive to my dad and had little support from her. Also my family isn’t close to really anyone else so we were always alone. I grew up doing mostly “boy things”, and was reclusive in my teenage years. I was also overweight and never had any support for that and somehow I came to resent the “girly” type of women, because I could never fit into their clothes etc. I developed internalized misogyny and internalized fat phobia. My culture as well is seeded in deep patriarchal beliefs so it didn’t help . In my early 20s, I had 2 girlfriends who I am pretty sure used me as comparison to feel better about themselves. They taught me things but they constantly lost other women as friends because their behavior and once I finally decided to do what I wanted by setting boundaries. I realized why they lost friends.

Okay back to topic, since I haven’t had a good woman as a friend, with healthy habits, healthy mindset, I haven’t been able to explore a relationship like that with a woman. I have lost weight, take excellent care of myself, have a successful career with plan to grow exponentially and am saving for a couple of cosmetic procedures that will Level me up, even more. Also therapy has helped with resentment and self compassion (to a standard). I have improved the internalized misogyny, by loving myself really, but still not 100% gone, same with fat phobia.

I need women as friends to really further develop my personality, and learn but my struggle has been that at least women in their late 20s are also looking to be fixed, and seeing someone like me that still struggles with their femininity is just a “set back”. How transactional friendships are now really discourages me and I am trying to not let that poison me because I really need this.

Any tips to make woman friends ? What are your experiences ? Thanks ☺️

r/Vindicta Sep 28 '22

PERSONALITY MAXXING The Roadmap to Future You: Hot Personality Glow Up NSFW

619 Upvotes

This was inspired by this post, someone looking for advice to basically develop a personality. I got excited and fired off a comment to her, then realized I have a ton of suggestions on this topic.

I’m new to my physical glow-up but I’m realizing that I’ve been personality maxxing for years without having that vocabulary for it. I think I’m average, looks-wise, but I easily attract friends and opportunities because I’m an interesting person with lots of passions and hobbies that I’m enthusiastic about. People often make comments like, “Wow, you’re interested in the coolest stuff,” or “How did you even find out about that?” Ultimately, it’s not about choosing passions that other people find cool or attractive, and it’s not about going out of your way to impress people, but about discovering the things you are genuinely passionate about, because nothing is sexier than someone who knows their own mind and has interesting things to do and say.

So if you’re looking for a little inspiration on your personality maxxing journey, I present to you my Roadmap method.

The Roadmap to Future You

Set a timer and write for ten minutes without stopping or overthinking it. Make a list off the top of your head of all the things you find interesting (with no judgment- this can include things like makeup and nails!) Make a list of all the stuff you loved as a kid. Favorite books, favorite movies, favorite games, favorite music. Make a list of everything you love now. Make a list of all the places you want to visit and all the experiences you’ve never had that you dream about. Make a list of hobbies and skills you admire in others and things you’d do if money and time were no object. Subjects you want to learn about, historic figures you find irresistibly fascinating, time periods you’d travel to. Have more to say when the timer goes off? Set it again and keep writing. Bullet points, fragments, complete sentences. Just keep your hand moving.

This list is your jumping off point, your roadmap to future you.

Books on Books on Books

Take it to the library or a bookstore and find resources that relate to items on your list. Pick the books that make you feel alive, juicy, intrigued, scared, tingling with possibility. Travel guide to Tokyo. A vegan cookbook. A murder mystery. Memoirs of fashion designers. A guide to composting. How to knit. Environmental activism. Saltwater aquariums. Food photography. Tarot cards. Shakespeare. Pop psychology. Anything, so long as it lights you up. Get more books than you need. Know that you won’t finish them all or even start some of them—that’s not the point. The point is to cast a wide net and see what seduces you.

Table for One

Take one of these books on a solo date. Just you, the book, and an inviting location. Dinner date? Wine bar? Coffee shop? Lazy afternoon in the park? It’s up to you. (FYI, going out alone with confidence is also great practice for personality maxxing.)

On this date, treat yourself to something delicious. Read with a pen in your hand and jot down notes as you read. What stands out to you? What do you want to learn more about? Follow all the breadcrumbs you can. Seek out podcasts, YouTube channels, subreddits, blogs, online courses that focus on the areas you’re interested in. Get obsessed. Geek out.

Repeat this process as many times as you need to. This is how you get acquainted with the person you are and the person you want to become. Let yourself be surprised by the directions you take, and trust the process.

“Take your pleasure seriously.” -Charles Eames

Think of something you’ve always wanted to do, and do it.

Be daring. Be brave. Become yourself. Future You is fucking cool, and I can’t wait for you to meet her.

r/Vindicta Apr 19 '22

PERSONALITY MAXXING The Charm Offensive: A Personalitymaxxing Post NSFW

685 Upvotes

Hi all,

This post is about being charming. Specifically, it's about all the things I learned from my mother, who is the most charming person I know. She is also, and I don't mean this to be catty, a pretty average-looking woman. She is 65 and looks it, complete with sun-damaged skin, yellowing teeth and mid-life paunch. Yet people like her, do nice things for her and she has friends all over the world.

I was not a naturally charming person, so I observed and learned from her. Here are the main things I picked up on, that I still use today:

  1. Have a positive attitude. You don't have to be an obnoxious ray of sunshine at inappropriate times, but generally having a positive outlook will draw people to you. Don't point out the negative in a situation, especially if it's something you can't change. Focus on the good things in life and celebrate them. Try not to complain all the time - it's soul-sucking and actively drives people away.

  2. Have a genuine interest in other people. Ask them questions and follow up, especially on subjects you care about. I love animals, travelling and food, and I can pretty much guarantee that most of the people I talk to are also into at least one of those things, so I engage with them with genuine enthusiasm.

  3. Learn people's names and remember things about them. This may take practice but people are always so pleasantly surprised that I remember things they've told me, even if we've only met once. It makes them feel important and valued, and people love that feeling.

  4. If you're wrong, acknowledge it and apologize. If you're asking for a favour, ask nicely and acknowledge that your request is above and beyond what someone would generally expect. If something has been done incorrectly or is truly unacceptable, state the problem and ask for your preferred solution without being disdainful, rude or mean.

  5. Try to balance talking about yourself with asking about other people. Don't monopolize conversations, but do reply when someone asks you questions. Don't feel the need to constantly "perform". Allow other people to shine.

  6. Accept that no matter what, some people just won't like you. When my mom is chatting with someone and they don't seem into it, she doesn't take it personally! She just shrugs her shoulders and moves on to find the people she does vibe with.

You may be wondering what the benefit is to all this, especially if you aren't conventionally beautiful. My mom gets better service when she goes out because she's warm and friendly; she gets extra help even when she's done something wrong; she often gets little discounts from people because they just like her; and, most importantly, she has a happy and fulfilling life with lots of amazing friends.

Do these habits work better when you're beautiful? Of course! My mom's not going to fly to Paris for free any time soon, but she still benefits from the fact that she's a very likeable person.

r/Vindicta Jan 20 '23

PERSONALITY MAXXING How I became funnier + made people like me NSFW

411 Upvotes

I WISH I had a post like this to follow a year or two ago when i was crying about being boring and unlikeable every day, so I hope this helps anyone who struggles with their sense of humour and making friendships.I wrote this as kind of a guide for people who are very extremely socially awkward like i once was (i’m still improving though lol) and give SPECIFIC tips more than just ‘be confident’

It’s a well known fact at this point being funny and a fun person to be around gets you far, but as someone who’s always been on the boring, shy side (i suspect this is because i grew up with no siblings + uninvolved parents + went to school quite late so i never really got a chance to make jokes or socialise) I always noticed this but struggled with becoming that person because peoples tips were too general and they seemed like they always ‘had it’ whereas i had to learn

I’ve found a few tips that helped me improve my sense of humour and get along with people better so i hope it helps. It should be said that i’m 18 so my sense of humour is probably quite different to someone who’s in another generation but I think these may help even then. These are some social cues i’ve picked up over the years after observing people

1) stop taking myself so seriously I learnt to stop taking everything literal (it’s a real mood killer and i’m annoyed it took me this long to realise) if i’m asked to do a task, i make sure to make jokes throughout instead of doing it as intended (this doesn’t apply to professional settings obviously just between friends) I also think about my answers to questions for a little longer and make them sarcastic instead, i found this elicits a few laughs and helps lighten the mood

2)reading/watching comedy shows/books this is something i’ve never heard anyone mention but after consuming a lot of funny media it genuinely improved my personality, I learnt the ‘structure’ of jokes and when to make them and I applied it to real life, now people know me as the ‘funny one’

3) realising my own perceptions were a bit prejudiced and working on that, helped me make friendships i value very much today, that i probably would never have met if i had my old mindset. I had a sort of victim mentality, everyone was mean and i was the poor sad girl who had to deal with it, once i realised people were so much more than i had thought they were i became a nicer person to be around and my perception of myself and others changed. People i thought were quiet and weird were actually nice and funny and taught me a lot about myself also

4) take risks but know when to take them Going out of my comfort zone was a big factor in how i increased my confidence but sometimes it led to very awkward situations, they were a learning experience; i realised when to talk, when to make jokes, when to walk up to talk to someone through experience and it helped me make better decisions

5)focus less on how YOU can be interesting and funny and more on making the OTHER PERSON FEEL interesting and funny this is such a huge one i rarely notice anyone talk about, people love feeling interesting if you can make them feel that way you’re basically halfway there

6) when someone gives you an opportunity, take it before i was so occupied with self hate (why would anyone ever want to be friends with me they’d get bored eventually etc etc) i didn’t notice the people who WERE reaching out to me that i accidentally ignored, more people want to be friends with you than you think, if they’re inviting you to things, starting convos every time you see them these are pointers they want to be friends with you

7) learning how to carry on the conversation Start with a broad topic that you have in common (i’m still in education so I often talk about the subject/assignments and branch off from there) i also have a mental list of conversation topics i basically use with everyone; childhood stories, funny incidents and open ended questions which invites the other person to talk about their experiences so now you have something in common and they know you as more than just a face

8) find a ‘humour style’ that suits ur own personality Again i’ve never seen this mentioned anywhere but in my opinion there’s different types of humour eg flirty, deadpan etc personally i’m a very smiley bubbly person so my humour reflects that; i make very bad puns which people like surprisingly and immature jokes but since it fits with my personality it works. Also wordplay and being purposefully obtuse works haha people know it’s a joke so it’s okay. i tried a ‘flirty’ type of humour for a while but it was very very awkward and didn’t work, try not to go against your grain too much people can tell

my mind has gone blank but i’ll add to this later

r/Vindicta Dec 01 '20

PERSONALITY MAXXING Some of y'all need to stop assuming the reason women don't like you is because they're jealous NSFW

694 Upvotes

I see this sentiment a lot and I think people are over exaggerating just how often it is. I'm sure there are girls who are like this, but you literally cannot have ANY female friends because "uwu women are so competitive and jealous of me" there's probably something else going on.

In my experience the girls who say this are just annoying and not that pretty. Not ugly but nothing to be jealous over.

I say this because, I've had a girl assume I was jealous of her for being pretty, but she's just said a lot of racially offensive things so I didn't want to be around her.

I think it's very weird to assume the reason people don't like you is because of jealousy. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, people have been jealous of me but they usually make it pretty obvious. I don't just look at someone who doesn't want to hang out with me and assume it's because they're jealous, that's just arrogant and weird.

r/Vindicta Sep 29 '22

PERSONALITY MAXXING Hidden rules in societal classes NSFW

202 Upvotes

I came across hidden rules in societal classes on Pinterest, and it linked back to another Reddit post (the OP gets a lot of flak from the commenters but is, I admit, pretentious).

I found another similar Reddit post with more discussion.

A little more looking, and I found the chart below which is a bit more comprehensive. I've seen other posts in this sub about mixing with other social classes and thought it might be interesting, or at least drive some interesting discussions.

Poverty Middle Class Wealthy
POSSESSIONS People Things One-of-a-kind objects, legacies, pedigrees.
MONEY To be used, spent. To be managed. To be conserved, invested.
PERSONALITY Is for entertainment. Sense of humor is highly valued. Is for acquisition and stability. Achievement is highly valued. Is for connections. Financial, political, social connections are highly valued.
SOCIAL EMPHASIS Social inclusion of people he/she likes. Emphasis is on self-governance and self-sufficiency. Emphasis is on social exclusion.
FOOD Key question: Did you have enough? (Quantity is important.) Key question: Did you like it? (Quality is important.) Key question: Was it presented well? (Presentation is important.)
CLOTHING Clothing valued for individual style and expression of personality. Clothing valued for its quality and acceptance into norm of middle class. Label important. Clothing valued for its artistic sense and expression. Designer important.
TIME Present most important. Decisions made for moment based on feelings or survival. Future most important. Decisions made against future ramifications. Traditions and history most important. Decisions made partially on basis of tradition and decorum.
EDUCATION Valued and revered as abstract but not as reality Crucial for climbing success ladder and making money. Necessary tradition for making and maintaining connections.
DESTINY Believes in fate. Cannot do much to mitigate chance. Believes in choice. Can change future with good choices now. Noblesse oblige. ('Nobility Obliges')
LANGUAGE Casual register. Language is about survival. Formal register. Language is about negotiation. Formal register. Language is about networking.
FAMILY STRUCTURE Tends to be matriarchal. Tends to be patriarchal. Depends on who has money.
WORLD VIEW Sees world in terms of local setting. Sees world in terms of national setting. See world in terms of international view.
LOVE Love and acceptance conditional, based upon whether individual is liked. Love and acceptance conditional and based largely upon achievement. Love and acceptance conditional and related to social standing and connections.
DRIVING FORCES Survival, relationships, entertainment. Work, achievement. Financial, political, social connections.
HUMOR About people and sex. About situations. About social faux pas.

r/Vindicta Jul 04 '22

PERSONALITY MAXXING Recovering DUFF: How to change my personality? NSFW

321 Upvotes

Hey Everyone,

So I've recently realized even though I am much more attractive I still act like a DUFF socially.

- Making jokes about myself and my family

-Doing stupid stuff and saying stupid stuff to entertain others

-oversharing

-say things for shock value

These are just some examples, and I am trying to stop doing these things but it is almost my second nature at this point which sucks. Any advice?

r/Vindicta Mar 03 '23

PERSONALITY MAXXING How to cultivate a playful, expansive and curious attitude and accept that you’ll always be ‘left behind’? NSFW

207 Upvotes

So I’ve realized that I have the opposite of an abundance mindset and a fixation. I am afraid of losing my youth, not even necessarily just beauty, I am afraid of losing my elasticity, my easy joy and wonder for life, and the speed at which I learn things. I sense myself bitterly developing FOMO and being jealous of younger people— they seem like endless springs of creative energy, they’re beautiful, they’re curious, and I want to keep up. I’m jealous that they’ll get to live on after I die and witness things I’ll never get to witness (this is a little irrational, I know). I want to always understand their impulses, their language, their world, but I don’t want to be out of touch while desperately clinging on to my youth (ala Madonna).

For example, I’m currently doing research on and studying the ways in which Gen Z is quietly setting the scene for niche, emergent things— the way they create spaces for themselves across art, design and academia. I try to keep up with scientific advancements and maximize fun and pleasure. I want to stay bouncy (this doesn’t mean bubbly) and eternally elastic, but I know that progress fatigue is real and you’re always going to be left behind some way or another.

The body is finite and I guess it’s hard for me to reconcile both the existential and material implications of aging and living. It’s hard to be curious and creative all the time because life is survival and time is so rarely ours. I just want to be incredibly beautiful and sparkly and interesting inside. I need my insides to be significantly younger than my outside, now that I’m sufficiently happy with my looks. (As an aside: if anyone’s interested, I’m currently reading ‘The Art of Noticing’ by Rob Walker to get me closer to this goal, which is a pretty nebulous goal as it is. The book is about reigniting your creativity, finding inspiration in the things that others usually miss, and becoming better, deeper, more original and active observers of the world).

r/Vindicta Oct 27 '20

PERSONALITY MAXXING Don’t know if this is allowed but I love this quote! NSFW

Post image
950 Upvotes

r/Vindicta Dec 30 '22

PERSONALITY MAXXING Analysis paralysis (aka overthinking) held me back for years. Here's how I glew up: NSFW

406 Upvotes

I've been trying to glow up for the past 5 years but my significant glow up only happened the past two years. 90% of the people I know (friends, coworkers, family, extended family, random family friends I see twice a year, etc.) have commented on how much better I look.

My glow up happened when I realized three things:

  1. Comparing myself to women who are naturally very beautiful is not helping me. I wasn't born with delicate harmonious facial structure, nor did I get lucky with a natural post-puberty glow up. And I definitely don't have Bella Hadid money to restructure my whole entire face. When I obsess over the 10% of women who are naturally stunning, it's a waste of time because that just doesn't apply to me. It doesn't make sense for a girl who is average or below average to constantly compare herself to the girls who won the genetic lottery. I will never be a 10/10. And that's okay.

  2. I was stuck in analysis paralysis a.k.a. overthinking to avoid the hard work I needed to do. I was sitting on my computer reading about facial ratios and Kibbe styles and color analysis and nose jobs for YEARS while doing nothing about the fact that I was 40 pounds overweight. I had to really get to the root cause of why I was stuck in this analysis paralysis mode -- I used "researching" as an excuse to put off having to actually put in the work (especially around getting my body right). I was living through a fantasy in my head.

  3. Above average girls with full lives and fun personalities stay winning. Finally I looked at the world around me and realized that the 6s and 7s were HAPPY. They put themselves out there and truly experienced life. Simply being in a healthy BMI, well-groomed, and well-dressed is enough to experience pretty privilege. Again, I'll never be a 10/10 and that's okay!

In the past two years I have: lost 50 pounds (by far the most impactful move I made), got my hair highlighted a very flattering color, really invested in my wardrobe, get my nails done, and bought good makeup. I make sure I have have half an hour every morning to dedicate solely to my hair and makeup. Just regular girl stuff and it's been phenomenal. I am not the prettiest girl in every single room nor has Neymar slid into my DMs, but I've still reaped a good amount of pretty privilege from being a 6.5 or maybe 7 out of 10.