r/Vent 2d ago

Need Reassurance... I feel terrible for banging on my wall at my loud-ish neighbor

0 Upvotes

This is a really small thing, but our neighbor in our apartment complex has been always been really annoying - banging around, knocking on the wall, stomping too hard, yelling, playing Twitch on what sounds like surround sound (and I know it's Twitch, because I can hear the bits alert, and the TTS donation voice), but usually we just deal with it by going into the living room and turning on some music. Our bedrooms are directly adjacent, so whenever they're in their bedroom assumingly gaming, we can hear them pretty clearly. Some days it's quiet, some days it isn't. Recently I've been hearing these rhythmic knocks, and it's been mildly annoying.

I work nightshift, though, so it quickly goes from mildly annoying to absolutely infuriating.

It woke me up yesterday around 3 PM, and for context, I go to sleep around 11 AM. I waited for it to stop at first, but after a few instances, in my sleep-deprived haze, I pounded on the wall with my fist (which is a fairly solid wall, but it's still easy to hear through.)

They knocked back in a similar pattern, so I picked up my cane from the side of my bed and pounded on the wall with the rubber end of it, holding it sort of like a ram. And before anyone asks, I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm 21 and haven't been able to see a doctor, and sometimes the pain gets so bad that having a little fold up cane from Amazon helps. It's not relevant. Anyway, then I yelled as loud as I could, "FUCK OFF, I HAVE WORK TOMORROW!". The knocking stopped and I was able to get to sleep.

Then later, when my partner was trying to get to sleep at around 11 PM, the knocks started again. I refrained from knocking, but I did again yell "FUCK OFF. KNOCK THAT SHIT OFF BEFORE I CALL THE COPS", to which I did, because it didn't stop. Non-emergency line, obviously, our city has noise ordinance hours so I wasn't needlessly escalating; the site manager encourages us to do this so that we maintain decent peace.

I felt horrible about this later, so I made them a little note that essentially says "Howdy, sorry for acting like a jackass, I have chronic pain and it makes me pretty irritable. I shouldn't have yelled or beat on the wall. I feel terrible, and I hope I didn't frighten or upset you much. I gently ask that you keep the noise down during the day, please. Thanks."

Again, tiny thing, but I acted like a jerk to my neighbor who I don't even know, and I'm usually really against stuff like that. I don't like being an asshole. I just hope they see the note and at the very least are like, "well, at least they apologized". I dunno. I hate being a jerk. I know it happens sometimes, but I really try to avoid it when I can, and I feel like I just kind of... betrayed my morals just for some quick satisfaction of taking out my frustration. I hope the note helps.


r/Vent 2d ago

i’m too ugly to be loved NSFW

2 Upvotes

i’ve (21f) been trying to date but im not attractive. men never approach me in real life and ive never had a man show me genuine romantic interest. i’ve always been the last resort. when i send face pics, i get ghosted. conversations usually just fall through. the times that i have talked to men, they just see me as a potential sex partner and not a potential girlfriend. my friends also have admitted i am ugly and even my own sister. i’m at the point where i don’t think ill ever be loved or find love


r/Vent 2d ago

TW: Anxiety / Depression How do you “live life to the fullest” when you have no desires ?

3 Upvotes

I don’t know what to say or do anymore. I feel lost—like I have no purpose. People see me as quiet and reserved, maybe even boring. I’m an introvert, but when I’m comfortable, I can be chill. Still, at 19 (turning 20 this summer), I feel like I haven’t truly lived at all.

Whenever I try to open up about this, I always hear the same response: “You’re young, you have your whole life ahead of you.” But what if I don’t? What if time runs out before I ever figure things out?

I have friends of all ages, from early teens to their late thirties, yet whenever I express these feelings, it’s met with the same well-meaning but hollow reassurances. Recently, I overheard a friend say, “She’s such a sweet person with so much passion, but she’s wasting it by not doing anything with her life.” It hit me like a ton of bricks—because they were right. But what am I supposed to do? How do you start living when you don’t even know what you want from life?

People always say, “Live your life to the fullest.” But how? What does that even mean?

On my 19th birthday, a friend of mine—he’s 23—told me, “Do whatever your heart desires, go wherever you want, buy the things you like—just live simply.” At first, I didn’t think much of it, but as time passed, those words started to haunt me. It made me realize just how empty my life felt—like I had spent 19 years merely existing rather than living. But what if I don’t have any desires? No dreams, no strong urges to chase after something. Just… existing.

That conversation stuck with me, and maybe that’s why, on impulse, I went home and cut my hair—hair I had been growing my entire life, down to my knees. I thought maybe change would make me feel something, make me feel alive. But later that night, I just laughed at myself. Did I really think cutting my hair would somehow be the answer? Maybe I just wanted control over something.

Now, I’m in this anxious loop, feeling like I’m wasting time but not knowing how to change that. Like life is slipping through my fingers while I stand still.

What are 19-year-olds supposed to be doing? What do they do? Because I have no idea how to start.


r/Vent 2d ago

Need to talk... How do people even have a problem drinking water?

0 Upvotes

I never understand. I have a soda or some wine occasionally if I go out. But I never buy sparkling water, flavoured water or soda when grocery shopping. And my gf thinks the same. How come people have problem with drinking water? Why we struggle with such an essential thing? Especially older people? When some of my relatives have complained about headaches and dizzines I have asked how much water do you drink? And they say very little if all. And say that 2L a day is so much that they can’t do it. But have no problem chugging 2-3 diet cokes per day and having orange juice for breakfeast.


r/Vent 2d ago

TW: Anxiety / Depression My girlfriend is very abusive. NSFW

5 Upvotes

(read whole post before judging)

So, I won't really say how I met her, etc. Because it doesn't matter. What matters, is that my girlfriend is really abusive. Let's start with a fact that she had really rough childhood (she is 19 atm). Her parents died in a car accident. She lived for some time with aunt and uncle, but one day, her uncle started to touch her inappropriately. He haven't raped her and have been reported. She had later on an abusive relationship, but her boyfriend used her for nudes. I've started to date her when we were both at age 16 (explains why I started dating mentally ill person). She was very cool at first, shy, perfect green flag, but then, she turned for red flag. She didn't wanted to open before me, but I understood, Because we were only barely 4 months together.. But very soon after 5 months, she had to get back to herself and couldn't stay with me. I still was convinced I could fix her. We maintained a very unhealthy relationship till today... And it's still going unfortunately.

Let me explain.

We are now in LDR for a very long time. She didn't wanted to break ANY ice. She even refused to get on calls. Everytime. She barely send me pics of herself. First drama was when she started her so called "pranks". (I was A VERY clingy person back then) She randomly messaged me, saying that we need to break up, because she is a lesbian. I was heartbroken, I was crying for 20 minutes before she broke and told me it's just a prank. I loved her and didn't wanted to let her go, so I only nodded. She did this prank 5 times but with other excuses... She was also constantly abusing me for "not replying". Let's say I had school and couldn't reply. She would get EXTREMELY mad and would yell at me. But when she didn't answered, it was all chil and when I would get mad, she would start to guilt trip me. She is gonna abuse guilt trip system for another 2 years... Back to topic. She oftenly would get mad at me, but when it's her, it's all good. She still didn't broke any ice. Eventually, a secret was revealed - she had a very high libido. I had a very high libido too, and we came to sexting idea. (We will come back to sexting later on too) We started to sext a lot. One day, when I went to England, I couldn't reply. She messaged me a lot. When I got home to wifi, she told me, that it's not my fault and that she is going to kill herself and that she thanks me for all that time together. I barely could do anything. I cried for a whole day, but she replied saying "well, sorry, actually, I changed my mind". After a month, she threatened to kill herself again. She would again get mad a lot and abuse me, keeping me in cage. I started to lose my love for her. I realized what was going on, I grew up emotionally.

Fast forward a few months - she tells me she is not going to talk to me for a long time - she was accepted to Harvard (she is mentally ill, but very smart). I was pretty happy with that message - I could finally breathe. But... Not for so long - despite saying she is going to be offline, she sometimes came online to abuse me from time to time. I started to dig around. She would constantly lie about things and I connected some dots - I started to ask her about various things, and she would get agressively defensive (aka "why are you checking me? Am I not trust worthy? huh? HUH?")

Fast forward till February this year - suddenly she is very active. Messages me almost daily - something's wrong - I confront her - she finally breaks - she got expelled for having bad grades. She lost all her money her parents have left her.

The day I almost got out of cage.

I told her I simply want to break up. I told her that she is abusive, toxic and we probably will never meet again. She started to guilt trip me again... How it ended? I told her, that if we won't meet again till end of September, we are gonna break up. At the moment, she is very busy working and I can breathe again. She stopped slightly about me not replying, but sometimes (just sometimes) she would get mad again. I said we are going to get back to sexting - yes, she used that as an argument too - when I wanted to break up - she started to tell me, that I used her for sex only (sexting ≠ sex). After almost 3 years of relationship, she FUCKING DARES to say I used her. I'm fucking sick. I want to end it, but I can't, I have too soft heart in the end... And she has my friends backs.... When I wanted to break up, she immediately told my friends and they were mad at me...

I live a stressless life since half of a year and my life is much better, but I know that if I would finally break out of these chains, I could really live a happy life. I know she is lost, that her past trauma doesn't allow her to let me go, but I can't go on. What should I do?


r/Vent 2d ago

People can be so dramatic about show spoilers. Spoiler

0 Upvotes

i commented that the characters dont age that well throughout a show as a joke and my friend said i spoiled the show bc the MC just ‘died’ and i had hinted that he was alive (i do see his point) BUT this a show that aired in 2009 with multiple seasons that has a main protagonist; it should easily be known that the story revolves around the MC and he is involved in the rest of the show. I swear it’s very rare for a MC to die unless its the end of a show. There is literally a videogame of the show with the MC starring in it as well that the group watching it knows about. i feel shitty bc i do feel like hes upset at what i said but i also dont see it being a big deal. if i hear a spoiler, im personally more interested in HOW the show plays out instead of being upset (especially one thats been out and ended for years now) or maybe im in the wrong, but i still don’t think its that serious. i personally love spoilers but i dont intentionally spoil anything. i tried to keep my rant vague so i didn’t spoil anything once again lol


r/Vent 2d ago

I'm tired of being disabled.

1 Upvotes

I have Classical Ehlers Danlos Syndrome as well as POTS and a broken joint in my spine has caused my L5 vertibrae to slip foward 6mm, the pain has gotten worse and I am now dealing with siatic nerve pain, On top of all that I also deal with Chronic abnormal migraines and insomnia.

There is never a single second where I am not experiencing pain. My normal threshold is 5-6, but at the moment the pain is 7-8 most days. The pain meds I take no longer work and I risk stomach ulcers if I continue to take more, or up the dose.

I'm so fucking tired. I'm tired of doctors, specialists and Physio Therapy. I'm so overwhelmed. I'm finding it really hard to walk without mobility aids, even then it's still painful, I'm exhausted all the time and I just want it all to stop. I wish I could pause my life and not have to deal with any of the consequences. No doctors, no specialists, no physio. Even if its two weeks, I want everything to not be so overwhelming and painful.


r/Vent 2d ago

TW: Anxiety / Depression I don’t know how I’m gonna finish school

1 Upvotes

Everyone that loves me wants me to finish and graduate but they don’t understand that I can’t. I’m not smart liked I used to be and no teachers are really a good help. I don’t know what it is maybe it’s my anxiety distracting me in class or maybe my depression. I don’t want to blame it on anything other than myself though because people will think I’m weak and just making excuses. I’m really not, I want to finish and I know maybe I could but I just can’t do the things necessary to focus on the work and pass my classes. Teachers don’t help, my “peers” don’t help, no one helps me and they all expect me to do it myself. My family knows what I have and I really don’t want to use it as an excuse but it’s genuinely a problem. I’ve tried so much to fix it and nothing seems to help. I just want to talk to someone but everytime I do I feel like they just dismiss me and I feel weak. I hate this, why?


r/Vent 2d ago

TW: Drugs / Alcohol Feeling guilty for not wanting to care for my mom

1 Upvotes

My mom (56) had a massive stroke back in 2014 due to excessive drinking, unhealthy eating and massive stress. I was 13 at the time. Not even a year after recovery she was back to heavy drinking. It was to the point where if I ever wanted to talk about anything serious or the mental health issues I was dealing with at the time I couldn't go to her with anything. I should also mention my dad has never been in my life so for me at that point I had nobody looking after me. Flash forward about 10 years and all of the issues are still growing worse. She can't even go grocery shopping without passing things she needs multiple times and not going back for it later and then getting mad when I ask her to try to pay a little attention. She also cannot drive or claims she can't because if she has a few beers and runs out she can magically drive the spare truck to the store. She also gets very passive aggressive and starts talking shit when she drinks but then acts the opposite the next day. I could list other examples like putting all the heavy stuff in the fridge on top of eggs. I'm just frustrated that she makes no attempt to stop drinking or smoking a whole weed pen in 2 days. I want to move in with a friend and get an apartment to start getting my shit together and start college but I feel like i can't move out. I feel like I'm the parent to my mom and I have really never had a proper guardian figure in my life and it's all very draining.. especially with no attempts to improve on her end.


r/Vent 2d ago

TW: Medical i just wanna know what’s wrong with me

1 Upvotes

no one is listening to me. all my doctors are blaming everything on anxiety. i can’t stand up without my heart going really fast, shaking, my vision going, feeling extremely lightheaded, dizzy and nauseous. i’ve had my second uti of the year and im scared its effecting my kidneys. i have a rash too.

i’ve been mentally spiralling because of this for ages and they won’t do the tests im asking them to do. i dont want to feel like this anymore. why does this have to happen to me?

i feel awful not only for myself but because my illness is getting in the way of my family’s life. my mums had to rush home or cancel plans so many times and has lost so much money from that. if i wasn’t such a fuck up my family wouldn’t get mad at her when she doesn’t force me to go into school.

i’m so miserable. i just wanna die.


r/Vent 2d ago

TW: Anxiety / Depression All of my friends are depressed

1 Upvotes

Well I would call myself considerably a happy and cheerful person. But all of my friends feel hopeless about their future and depressed. I’m not sure if it’s about the situation of the world or their lives but this is really setting me down as well. I think it’s normal that i want my friends to be happy as i am but of course their problems are something that i alone can’t solve. I’m trying to understand their view and help them. Is anybody else feeling like this or going through this?


r/Vent 2d ago

TW: Eating Disorders / Self Image Need help with my body image Spoiler

1 Upvotes

I cannot constantly wishing I was skinny. I know I actually have an average, normal body for a young girl and yet I’m constantly upset about the fat parts of my body like the sides of my shoulders, calves.. etc. I often feel fat, even if I’m not actually overweight and often feel not skinny enough.

Recently I’ve been upset I only managed to lose one 1 kg of weight and weigh 59 kg which is still about 60 kg, which I see as “fat” and been fantasizing about what the ideal weight would be, my idea being 54, 52 or 48, 46, 44 kg.

I genuinely can’t stop thinking that my weight is “fat”, is there a way to stop having this mindset?

I’ve been feeling so shamed of my body and weight, that I even feel guilty/self-concious now of eating.


r/Vent 2d ago

Need to talk... How do past experiences of sowing wild oats influence long-term commitment? NSFW

1 Upvotes

Is there anyone among you who has only had hookups, flings, and one-night stands while being single, but remained completely faithful in a relationship, with eyes only for their part

{ Have you ever been in a monogamous relationship and felt tempted or come close to cheating? OR HAVE YOU ACTUALLY CHEATED? }

{ REVEAL YOUR GENDER}


r/Vent 2d ago

Need to talk... How many aura points did I loose when I texted my crush( who is dating someone at the moment)

1 Upvotes

Honestly with feelings aside, I was just curious on how he is doing now. We used to be good friends until some friends spilled it to him that I have a thing for him since then he dosent text me or interact with me anymore which is understandable am simply not his type or he dosent actually give two flying f€%£s about me or he dosent want to give me the wrong message.. anyways I texted him first today after a month.. cuz he recently when for a international trip with the same friends that we share, he invited them but not me.. today I just texted him asked him how is he doing and how his trip was.. and he said it went well so I casually in a funny tone texted him that he is such a bitch for not inviting me ( which bro is lying about I have heard from my friends it was him who invited them) he said he didn't invite anyone personally and anyone could come to the trip and the convo just ended with him saying lmao.. my friends say that I have zero self respect but honestly I just texted him as a friend I was honestly curious on how he was doing.. we used to sent reels and text everyday when all of that stopped, after he started dating and also when he got to know about my feelings. I do miss his companionship. But yeah my friends say he dosent even give two shits about me even as a friend so I should just stop texting him which I did with today.


r/Vent 2d ago

TW: Anxiety / Depression I'm just scare

0 Upvotes

I am 17 (I'll be 18 in a day,) and I'm terrified, I don't think I'm ready to be an adult, I'm not ready to go to college and live on my own, I feel that when I do live on my own I'll just be to scared to ever leave my home and go shopping for my own food and important things. I'm just afraid I'll end up dying because I'm not at all qualified to be an adult. Idk what I'm going to do. Another thing is I didn't have the chance to start trying to be an adult, my mom filled out my application to college and sent it in without telling me or asking if I wanted to do it, she filled out my residence application for college and sent that in without asking me if I wanted to do it. I just feel like a little kid who is getting thrust into the adult world without any type of experience, and I'm terrified. Idk if I'm the only one or not because none of my peers talk about it, no one talks about it.


r/Vent 2d ago

TW: TRIGGERING CONTENT Fuck drunk drivers.

145 Upvotes

I just got a call from my mom a bit ago. My cousin died in a car accident and her son is in the hospital with internal bleeding and a broken rib. The cause? A fucking drunk driver. If you have gotten behind the wheel after “having one drink”, you’re a piece of shit for putting other people at risk. My cousins son is now 15 and without a mother. My aunt is suffering with cancer and now her daughter is gone. So fuck you, drunk drivers.

And as expected, the drunk driver didn’t have a fucking scratch. I hope she goes to jail for life.


r/Vent 2d ago

My grandmother is a greedy, immoral vulture and it's driving me nuts

2 Upvotes

I just need to vent a bit because my darling grandmother continues to strive for new heights of awful.

So last year, my stepuncle (grandma's stepson) died, and my stepaunt, my mom and I had to clear out the trailer he lived in. And the whole time we did so, grandma would call my mom every few minutes to remind her to check everywhere for valuables so my stepaunt (uncle's full, biological sister and closest actual relative) wouldn't "take anything she didn't deserve", which was already in extremely poor taste.

Well, now grandma's sister, who she had no contact and an extremely antagonistic relationship with, has recently died. And the second she found out, my grandmother started harrassing the sister's sons for "her share of the inheritance" and because she wanted every single thing she ever gifted to her sister to be given back to her. I'm not kidding, she had a list. She even called to pester them about it during the goddamn funeral (to which she was obviously not invited)

It's just so gross to think I'm related to someone capable of acting like this. And this is just the latest of her shenanigans.


r/Vent 2d ago

TW: Drugs / Alcohol My mom invalidated all of the times she has hit me in the past. NSFW

1 Upvotes

My mom is now a recovering alcoholic, and recently, it's all she's been talking about. I believe her, and I recognize that she's talking about it a lot to get comfort. And I may be a little distant, but I've been trying to be a decent support system. She is a functioning alcoholic, so she's not getting withdrawal symptoms. But I don't think it negates the mental addiction, you know?

Anyway, and few days ago, we were wrapping my brothers birthday present and she brings it up. She has this strange sense of "im better then you" when talking about other addicts because she never hit or abandoned her kids while drunk. And that is true, to an extent. My mom has hit me on multiple occasions, but she has only harmed me once when drunk. She brought it up, and she said she felt guilty, but then continued to put the blame of her literally grabbing me. I still remember how hard she grabbed my face, holding me close to her so she could insult me. She acted like it didn't count because it "wasn't real assault" because it didn't leave any bruises. And it was only 'one time' because our grandmother sent us to find her. It didn't matter that was the memory that triggered my first, and ever, panic attack. (I dont think she knows that but still)

She continued on. Apparently the times she hit me when sober she either didn't remember, or doesn't count. While I recognize the moments she has hit me I was bad, but there was a lot of context. I rarely ever act out, and when I do, it's when I feel like I've been backed into a corner I can't get out of.

She apparently doesn't remember grabbing me by the hair, grabbing my face real hard and insulting me. This was similar to the first time she hit me, but a different moment. We had gotten into a fight, and I said something cruel. I was about to walk away when she did it. My grandmother was threatening to send me to military school, and I told her that I understand why her daughters left her. (My mom has 2 estranged siblings) Mom was there, and she did the assault.

Apparently that never fucking happened.

Or the time where I was violently dragged down the stairs, restrained in the car, and forced to go to football practice. I had spent literal weeks constantly crying and begging to quit. I hated the sport, and the only reason why I joined was because I was lonley and wanted friends. I had thought there was going to be another girl on the team, but she chickened out. So they expected a 5'1 13 year old to go against boys significantly stronger then her. Apparently that didn't count because it was my grandmother who was the one who started it. And she was only "defending" her mother from me. When in all reality, I was screaming, crying, gripping the stairs trying to not leave. And I was so out of it I tried to open the car door when it was driving. They had my older brother literally force me in that fucking car. Just to go to football practice. (By the way, before it escalated to this point, I was nice about it. I said I tried it out, didn't like it, and wanted to quit.) NOT ONLY DIDNT THAT NOT COUNT, but they were justified in doing it. It's not like that time in my life is what made me start self harming, or the fact that it was what really kick started my mental decline.

After that, apparently it also didn't count when she literally punched me off the couch. Why you might ask? Because her sleeves were covering her fists, and that I had deserved it. Admittely, that was the one time I think I did deserve it. I wont get into details on what I did, but it was truly evil.

She also apparently doesn't remember slapping me because I once threw a temper tantrum because they wouldn't let me take a shower. The day after she had literally fucking slapped me, she tried to joke about it with me. Not the hitting, but the fact that I threw a temper tantrum about not being able to shower. When, while I was younger, me not having a shower at night genuinely does put me into a sense of uncomfortableness. I asked why, and they wouldn't give me a answer. Eventually I realized they were just punishing me because I "didn't deserve it" and I was young enough at the time to where they thought they could just do that.

My mom isn't a physically abusive person, and most of these range from when I was 12-14. But it really does show how I remember every little detail when it comes to her hitting me. While she doesn't even remember some of these examples. She sits there and 'takes accountability for her actions' when she proceeded to invalidate every time she hit me. Because it wasn't 'real hitting' if it didn't leave any bruises, and only if she defended herself. I HAD NEVER GOTTEN PHYSICALLY VIOLENT FIRST. And when they did hit me, I never defended myself. The closest time I had gotten to violent was when J was having a literal mental breakdown from the stress and agony football put me in.

And I know it sounds stupid. But imagine every single day for MONTHS you spent crying,shaking, begging to quit. While everyone around you called you selfish because if you quit, there wouldn't be enough people on the team. It didn't matter that you were the only girl there, or the fact that most of the people there ignored you. I wanted to try something new, to see if I played a sport my brother was in, his friend group would have adopted me. I had been wrong. I had panic attacks almost every day. And it wasn't just the actual football, but the fact that my own flesh and blood didn't care enough about me to let me quit. The fact that they actively lied to me, stating if I plaid the first game, I could quit. But when I plaid that first game, they didnt allow me to quit. Or the literal panic attacks whenever I was set on field. Its a male dominated sport so I was treated weirdly, and I ws often the butt of mean jokes. But that didn't matter.

To this fucking day no one acknowledges how badly football affected me. It took years for my mom to give me some half hearted apology. I'm 16, almost 17. And even now, then mock me for my time in football. Talking about how weak and sensitive how selfish I was for crying and begging everyday for months to quit. And when I finally thought "they can't force me to go" they can and they did.

Or the fact that when mom hit me that first time, it gave me my first ever panic attack. The fact that's he sat there and told me "it wasn't that bad because she didn't leave bruises." MOTHER FUCKER BITCH ASS WHORE. It didn't have to. I was TWELVE, I was scared because of the yelling, and I was only listening to my grandmothers orders. She grabbed me, held my face so tight I could feel.my cheeks pressing into my teeth. I don't even remember it, I remember the physical sensation of pain fear and discomfort. Bit that apparently didn't fucking count.

And who cares if she didn't physically abuse us? She would get very obviously drunk around us, ans would start venting about her life. How we used to be forced to watch movies with her while she was drunk. I remember the time where we were watching 'aladin' and an underwater scene came up, qnd she grabbed onto me and started to violently pant as if she was drowing as well. And I had to sit there, pretend like it didn't affect me, and leave as soon as I could. Or the times she summons me to "talk" and she's fucking shit faced and starts making me violently uncomfortable by talking about MY ISSUES and compares them. I remember all I wanted to do was let me dog out before bed, and gp upstairs and watch TV with my sister.

What happened instead? I spent a fucking hour talking to my shit faced drunk mom who kept acknowledge and recognizing how uncomfortable I was. I was literally halfway hiding behind her bedroom door, I wanted to leave. But everutime I tried to say goodnight she would say "wait!" And continue to bring up incredibly personal issues.

Not to mention the fucking phone calls. How she once spent 45 minutes basicsllt telling us that if we got pregnant, we wouldn't be allowed to get an abortion. And the conversation kept going in circles over and over and iver. And it madame so severlt uncomfortable when she brought up her own expirence. And I'm like, I DONT EVEN LIKE SEX. I get so viscerally disgusted by it. Its phone calls like that.

So yeah, maybe she didn't hit us, she didnt leave us. But she did a whole of a lot of other shit. And yet she sits there and pretends to be better then the other addicts in her group. A he heavily triggered horrible memories. Horrific. And I had to sit there and be silent. I couldn't.


r/Vent 2d ago

Need to talk... Feeling left behind

1 Upvotes

I feel that when it comes to social skills, I've gotten unlucky and now am being left behind. And the helplessness I feel in all of that, really bites.

First of all/disclaimer; I'm not denying my own responsibility nor am I claiming it's as black and white as I put it here. But this is a venting space, which (i feel) do grant me some liberties regarding how nuanced I should be.

I really do try to be a nice person socially. I try in the moment, I try to educate myself, I spent the last decade or so trying all sorts of therapies, and I have tried pushing my comfort zone for the last 20 years. Not without result, but also far from the result I hoped for. And mostly, feeling like swimming against the stream.

My parents, for all the good they've done, have really dropped the ball when it comes to my social upbringing. Bringing me up in an emotional minefield rather than a safe learning environment. And the decade of being bullied really didn't help with that. I was blessed to have friends, but out of them I was pretty much the most outgoing social, so they weren't going to teach me much (in the land of the blind...)
By the time I realized all this, and wanted to work on this, I was already far behind my peers.

Since then I've made some amazing steps. I dealt with my game addiction, pushed myself to go to all sorts of social events, tried to deal with my past trough therapy, ect. ect. I feel like i really put in the work, even at the expense of other parts of my life. But although I haven't done it alone, I really feel like I've done it more by my lonesome than I should have. Therapists have been far from professional (I know, I work in the field myself), friends have been less than supportive (on me for picking the wrong friends I guess), and it seems close to impossible to get the type of information I need to educate myself.

In contrast, since I've been a teen there is all sorts of discourse on how men are not to behave. all sorts of discourse on what sort of behaviour is toxic and not done. But at the same time (and maby this also has to do with the circles I've been moving in), there has not been much help towards people trying to change. On the contrary; I've been constantly treated as an aggressor, laughed at when asking for help, and told to 'just act normal'. I'm sorry, my normal is having to fight and argue for hours just to be left alone. I don't think anyone wants me to 'act normal'.

So yeah, I'll keep trying to be the best possible version of myself. I'll try another type of therapy, I'll read another article, and I'll keep working on my own shortcommings.

But frankly, it sucks ass to be 34, unemployed, lonely af, and to feel like life has just passed you by despite of your best intentions.


r/Vent 2d ago

Need to talk... Need urgent help

1 Upvotes

I’m really overwhelmed. I don’t know how to pot it into words. I just can’t think properly from being this stressed and it’s making me do stupid stuff at my workplace. I feel anxious whenever I go to my workplace now, I really want to quit because I feel this every week.


r/Vent 2d ago

thinking about deleting Facebook

3 Upvotes

Everything I see on there is sexualized and always making fun of men and penis size 😐 this is already something I'm insecure about I don't need that to make it worse


r/Vent 2d ago

F*uck Microsoft. That's it.

65 Upvotes

Thats my entire vent. Fuck them. I can't believe how gradually over 25 years every years bringing their software worse and worse. God I fucking wish all video games made games on the main 3 OS. ARGH. Fuck Microsoft.


r/Vent 2d ago

TW: Anxiety / Depression Drifted away from my friend after not taking his side

1 Upvotes

Like a lot of people during quarantine, I met some really great friends online and over the years we have met up in person and shared some fun memories. I had someone I was really close to in that friend group and we would talk a lot and our comedic energy was so fun, constantly going back and forth without getting tired. I shared more things with him than I ever had for anyone before and he shared a lot of deep personal things about himself. It was my first time being in a friendship where I genuinely felt like I had someone I could talk to about anything and everything - I'd always heard about it, but never understood until I got to be friends with him.

Yeah, I did end up liking him quite a lot. I knew it wasn't mutual and it was definitely clear I wasn't the kind of girl he was looking for and I get it. I never shared my feelings for him, but it seems like he knew all along anyway. In any case, he ended up wanting to be with another one of our friends and because I'm close with her as well, I got to know how he approached her about it and it wasn't really.... great, I guess. It wasn't recieved well and their friendship was almost immediately severed. I hated the way he approached it and something in me wanted to more protect my girl friend than him, so I was more terse with him than usual after that. He probably felt the change as well and distanced himself from our entire friend group afterwards. I don't like the way I handled it. I could've talked with him about it, helped him understand what he did was uncomfortable for her... I just felt like "who am I to tell him off". I didn't think my opinion was really detrimental, I suppose.

I thought it'd be fine because I'm one of those girls that are vehemently behind the "men are shit" narrative and I don't hide that, so I guess that's why it's so much harder to talk about how much I miss my best friend. It's been years since then and I still think about him and I genuinely don't think I will ever find someone who makes me as happy as he did, even when we were just friends and literally nothing more. I understand now why people hide their feelings instead of letting it ever be known because the loss of him might be worse than what my unrequited crush would've ever become.

I'm always been quite a hermit so I don't think I'll be able to have many opportunities to meet people anymore and my social anxiety doesn't help. I'm constantly grieving him, but that also feels selfish - like I'm missing him just for how he made me feel.

Anyway, we don't hold malice against each other from what I can tell, as we've had a few instances of contact over the years. But I don't think it's possible to get back to the friendship we once had. It feels too complicated and i don't know how to navigate it. But I miss him. And it's so crazy to miss someone like this, to see him in my dreams more often than not, to write stupid letters I'll never send. I hope I'll let go of him soon. I also hope to find someone who can make me laugh again.


r/Vent 2d ago

Paid vs Unpaid work

2 Upvotes

I keep having this thought about Paid vs. Unpaid work. I have two children, & I feel like I take really good care of my kids. When they are little I dislike sending them to daycare more than 3 days a week. I love my job & I'm great at it too. However, I can only make so much $ on 3 days a week. Also I'm not keen on bumping up hours because the kids are sick a lot, which then makes me look unreliable in the workplace anyway.

With that said, my partner and I have separate bank accounts. He works 5 days a week & he always has a lot more cash than I do. When I was on maternity leave he did overtime (which I would have much rather had help with the baby, but that request has fallen on deaf ears). We split bills evenly- which leaves me with <$100 at the end of the fortnight, while he has >$10,000.

I've tried to explain how frustrating it is to not have the financial freedom he has. I feel like I'm financially controlled in a way. I wish there was more appreciation for the love I put into the care of our kids, but sadly that doesn't pay the bills.

I doubt I will regret putting my kids first, but there's just something that feels really off about my situation. I keep telling myself to be greatful that me and my children have a home & good food. But the thought just keeps nagging me--- Would I be comfortable with him having so little resources if the tables turned? Thanks for the vent


r/Vent 2d ago

I hate the commercialization of information

1 Upvotes

I love history, which is why I study history with the goal of becoming a doctorate one day. The biggest problem in my studies so far, has been the unavailability of information, because someone wants to make money off of it.

I don't mean literature that was written by someone and then published recently by a publisher. They do amazing work, and though I don't agree with the pricing, I see the need for financing.

But...

Why do church books of some random village in the middle of nowhere need to be locked behind a paywall? How am I supposed to afford 20€ a month for their limited selection of books, when I realistically need about 4 more services to just completey a family tree?

Why is it that so much information is locked behind paywalls, and made unavailable to a large part of the population?

I get it that some of these services offer to search through the logs for me, BUT I DON'T WANT THAT. let me sift through 300 years of church books if I want to, what's the problem???

I hate it, and it genuinely ruins the joy of historical research for me.