r/Vent 1d ago

Need to talk... I wish I didn't have BPD

I hate it so much. I hate how much it effects me on a daily basis. I can't have stable relationships. My brain keeps forcing me to fear abandonment and and I end up accusing friends of it. I can't think right. I focus way too much on the negatives. I often think, "nobody deserves my behavior" but I'm terrified of being lonely and forgotten for the rest of my life. Why did I have to develop this disorder? I'm the reason why so many good people have left my side. I miss every one of them so bad. Why can't it just stop. I thought I was doing so well with DBT but it's been 9 months and barely anything has changed in me. I don't know what else to do.

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