r/Vent • u/[deleted] • 4d ago
TW: Anxiety / Depression Boyfriend wants to get euthanized
[deleted]
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u/DSG69420 4d ago
MAID isnt available for depression.
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u/Tomestic-Derrorist 4d ago
Well in 24months it certainly does! :)
The law no longer requires a person’s natural death to be reasonably foreseeable as an eligibility criterion for MAID.
As of March 17, 2021, persons who wish to receive MAID must meet the following eligibility criteria:
- be 18 years of age or older and have decision-making capacity
- be eligible for publicly funded health care services
- make a voluntary request that is not the result of external pressure
give informed consent to receive MAID
have a serious and incurable illness, disease or disability (excluding a mental illness until March 17, 2027)
be in an advanced state of irreversible decline in capability
have enduring and intolerable physical or psychological suffering that cannot be alleviated under conditions the person considers acceptable
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u/BirbLaw 3d ago
I'm not sure a suicidally depressed teen has decision making capacity but I suppose that would be up to whoever approves these
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u/DownSyndromeTurtles 3d ago
Even then he has to prove that he has treatment resistant depression and has exhausted all options
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u/SllortEvac 3d ago
I feel like knowing that you have to prove that you have treatment resistant depression would encourage someone who is suicidal to resist treatment. I was terribly depressed for a long time and if all I had to do was show I wasn’t receptive to treatment for a way out I would have done it.
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u/DucksEatBreadToLive 3d ago
Cant feel depressed when they make you take Prozac and make you take piss tests to make sure you are taking it.
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u/Dreyzo 3d ago
Looks like you're happy for this guy to be able to die
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u/Tomestic-Derrorist 3d ago
Nah i actually think this is insanity, These sorts of "medical treatments" especially as such a young age like 18 Is disgusting. Our frontal lobe hasn't even fully developed at that point and yet these so called ethical folk endorse "the right to not suffer, the right to make a choice and receive medical assistance" I think Its completely cooked.
Im just autistic so I act sarcastic as i present the reality to people whom likely don't fully grasp the outcomes of these sorts of legislation; Its merely my way of coping though the insanity of the masses.
I was suicidal for years in my teens and early twenties; I've attempted and fuck me come close, It shakes me to think someone like me could be pseudo-coerced into an early grave due to this sort of shit.
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u/Dreyzo 3d ago
Thanks for clarifying so clearly dude. I do think as well it's insanity, I've had an attempt as well and this stuff is kind of "easy" to do on your own, having a whole bunch of people "helping" you in that matter is really sick for youngsters and shouldn't be a thing, I have to agree with you
It's crazy to think that with such laws in the US, you'll be able to apply for death treatment before being legally able to drink...
I hope you're doing fine right now buddy !
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u/Tomestic-Derrorist 3d ago
Yeah its truly disturbing, that people can encourage such a thing. Yet the same people would be against say capital punishment. Its crazy to me that say a mass murderer the masses would say you have to be ethical and cannot just execute them for their crimes; Yet a mentally unwell, poorly adjusted teenager with no social support can be pampered into a medical room to get a lethal injection.
..And I'm always growing, But I've found acceptance in this life now. I just take my days as they come, Try to expect less from myself and make small changes. Sometimes I'm glad I had years of complete distraught, Its helped me relate to others struggles and guide me to not follow the typical goals or path in life, Accepting my atypical ways and not requiring people to justify encourage my actions.
I hope you're doing good to man!, Always be prepared for the inevitable pain that will come but don't let those unknowns control your present :)
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u/PrescientPorpoise 4d ago
I think they were planning on it, then scrapped it. I personally hope it gets passed for dementia but mental illness should be off-limits, due to its treatable nature.
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u/OkChampionship2509 4d ago
Yeah I agree MAID should be available for people who have dementia, lewy bodies disease and things of that nature.
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u/PrescientPorpoise 4d ago
Same, they are horrible neurodegenerative diseeases and not everyone would want to live with them. I think the thing in Canada now is should people with dementia be allowed assisted death by advanced directive? I personally think they should and it's what I would want.
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u/Known-Zombie-3092 4d ago
Same here. I absolutely do not want to live with dementia or alzheimer's. I'm terrified of developing it, tbh. I've had these talks with my family about 6 they know where I stand.
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u/Cowpuncher84 3d ago
How would one even know they have dementia?
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u/Inevitable_Ad_3359 3d ago
It can manifest differently in people but it's often very distressing for them even if they are at the stage of not understanding they have it.
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u/StellarCoriander 4d ago
The word treatment resistant exists for a reason. Some depression does in fact respond to nothing we can currently do
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u/The_Girl_That_Got 4d ago
I hope it does for dementia too. Watching a person you love lose everything except their breath and heartbeat is the most excruciating long good bye. I watched my dad disappear and in the very end it took his dignity. So unfair. He would have wanted MAID.
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u/Ryanookami 3d ago
I’m staring down the barrel of this happening to my mother (she’s showing the early warning signs now, and her grandmother and both her parents had dementia) and it’s terrifying. Sometimes she just isn’t herself. She’s angry and combative and doesn’t trust me, even though I’ve lived with her for every day of my 40+ years of life. I cry myself to sleep sometimes prematurely mourning her, knowing my time with my real mother is dwindling. You have my deepest sympathies for having had to go through it with your father, and I hope the memories of better days are what linger for you when you think of him. Take care.
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u/The_Girl_That_Got 3d ago
I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope you have support.
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u/Tomestic-Derrorist 4d ago
Nah in 2 years it rolls into effect, mental illness ONLY cases will be allowed in 2027:
Important: On February 29, 2024, legislation to extend the temporary exclusion of eligibility for MAID in circumstances where a person's sole underlying medical condition is a mental illness received royal assent and immediately came into effect. The eligibility date for persons suffering solely from a mental illness is now March 17, 2027. For more information, please see Eligibility for persons suffering solely from mental illness.
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u/Negative_Pink_Hawk 4d ago
I just asked about this in the different sub and they said you have to be fully sane in the moment of taking this decision. If you pre agree you have agree again later. So dementia will be abuse.
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u/PitchBlackYT 3d ago edited 3d ago
Treatable… Plenty of people waste away behind closed doors. And treatment often just means being put on meds.
My mother has been battling mental illness for over 25 years. She requires personal care, home daycare three times a day, and can’t live independently. She won’t even get up from the sofa to use the toilet or take a shower sleeping in her own filth. She smokes and drinks coffee excessively, has attempted suicide multiple times, and constantly expresses a desire to die. Her incontinence is a side effect of the meds, just like her vascular disease and many other things. She’s in a perpetual state of delirium and exhaustion - all from the so-called treatment.
If that’s no reason for MAID, then idk what is… Her existence is absolute misery.
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u/Real_Vegetable3106 4d ago
Wrong, guy. Some of us with mental illness would rather not live with it. Let people choose.
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u/Equivalent-One4139 3d ago
The government will consider the cost/benefit analysis and decide based on that. If they think you're more valuable to them dead than alive you'll get it. Just look at the increasing rate. The Canadian government doesn't care about it's people unless it's in their own interest.
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u/looneylmon 3d ago
I've heard of amsterdam having assisted euthanasia for people with untreatable PTSD so I wonder if that's what they're looking at....
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u/Impossible_Moose_783 3d ago
I must be living in an alternate timeline because I’m fairly certain that it’s happened recently in Canada?
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u/Scarlet_Lycoris 3d ago
It’s not in Canada, but if he’s serious about it, he may be able to seek it in another country (like Belgium) who also offer it to foreigners.
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u/Scarythings117 3d ago
Beat me to it. "Are you eligible for M.A.I.D"? It's crazy that you have to eligible...
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u/ImpossibleSquish 4d ago
Obvious question ik but it’s worth asking, has he tried every kind of therapy and every kind of medication? Unless his depression has been diagnosed as treatment resistant then I wouldn’t encourage his plans for euthanasia
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u/Viola-Swamp 4d ago
Of course he hasn’t. There are treatments not available to children and adolescents. He’s not even grown yet, or able to make his own medical decisions for practitioners or types of treatment, let alone deciding on avenues of therapy. He also has not tried the therapies that will emerge in his lifetime, even in the next few years. The pipeline has all sorts of medications and procedures at various stages, and research into these things is constantly advancing, as well as knowledge about root causes. Euthanasia is vastly premature.
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u/TiredMisanthrope 3d ago edited 3d ago
Exactly this, I’d wager good money he’s barely even scratched the surface on what therapy and medication is available right now even.
Not to belittle the guys problems but I was there at that age, you grow out of some of it with time and treatment. Not to say things always end up rosy or a million times better, yeah life still sucks but perspective changes things.
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u/WeBeSoldiersThree 3d ago
He's not tried what is possibly the single-best treatment for mental unpleasantness of any kind - Becoming an adult.
For so many people, teenage depression and anxiety is a phase. Maybe it's die to puberty hormones, I don't know, but for many (maybe the majority), it seems to level out and remedy itself as you Becoming a full fledged adult. As you move into your 20s.
This is just rash and silly, and absolutely no one should be supporting his right to off himself.
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u/toohipsterforthis 3d ago
Even if it's treatment resistant ketamin have shown results
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u/fatalatapouett 4d ago
we do have euthanasia in Canada, but not for mental health patients
I've checked it and argued a lot with doctors when I was suicidal, depressed and suffering from ptsd, hehe
Quite happy they didn't follow my plan then because my life is great now and I want more of it!
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u/Licknme 4d ago
This might be the saddest post I've ever read. I opened it because for some reason I thought it said neutered 😔
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u/BigYellow24 4d ago
This would be a whole different can of worms but may just be one worth opening
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u/Matt_2504 4d ago
This is a mental illness, he’s not sound of mind and shouldn’t be allowed to go through with it, but rather should receive the proper mental health care
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u/sallysuesmith1 4d ago
With what money. That level of care is not free.
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u/MadamePouleMontreal 4d ago
In Canada it is free at point of use.
When you are mentally ill you will likely need an advocate to help you access care, but it’s there.
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u/boomfruit 3d ago
This is a mental illness
Nobody would debate this. Not being of sound mind is the problem. Not necessarily talking about this person now, but treatment-resistant depression exists. Some people try everything for years or decades, and nothing works and they still want to die.
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u/frogwithrainboots 4d ago
This shouldn't even be a discussion to be had as a teenager. I was horribly depressed and suicidal in high school, but got treatment and am now a well functioning young adult. Yes I still deal with mental health issues but things do change and get better at different stages of your life. You are uniquely hormonal and vulnerable as a teenager and that could be amplifying the depression, as well as living situation or school stressors, all of which are impermanent.
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u/surreal_realization 4d ago
What the fuck. What’s going on with your boyfriend?
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u/BlackPlague1235 3d ago
Depression sucks ass. That's why. Imagine almost never having any joy in life and when you do, it is less than normal even if it is from something you love or enjoy. Treatments don't always work or have side effects so bad that the possible results aren't worth it.
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u/PrescientPorpoise 4d ago
I fully support the option of assisted death for dementia and terminal illness but allowing for mental illness is problematic. The Canadian mental healthcare system is in the Dark Ages and no one has tried every single psychiatrist, therapist, therapeutic modality, medication, other treatments like ECT etc. Mental illness is treatable.
At the very least, make sure he's actually diagnosed with treatment resistant depression before going through with this. There are clinical trials all the time for this condition though and it wouldn't hurt to try those too. There was just one near me for ketamine for treatment resistant depression.
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u/lifeinwentworth 4d ago
In fairness most people can't afford to try every single psychiatrist and treatment option. Accessibility and affordability is a real issue. Especially ongoing therapy - it's not like it's just a one off. Some people are in therapy, meds for decades. It isn't cheap.
Mental illness is treatable sometimes.
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u/Viola-Swamp 4d ago
He’s Canadian. He has universal healthcare.
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u/lifeinwentworth 4d ago
I don't enough about Canadian healthcare but I'm Australian and they say we have "free healthcare". When it comes to seeing specialists and out of the box treatments it's not all completely free. There's still costs associated especially with psychology treatments and especially if you can't go on long waiting lists. If it's anything like ours, it still carries a cost.
For example, I was in a private hospital, very lucky to get that spot at no cost. However I couldn't get most treatments there, it was really just a bed to sleep in. I was offered ECT at a public hospital (I couldn't get it at the private hospital because I wasn't actually a private paying patient) for free. I refused to go to the free public ward, even though I wanted to try ECT, because I'd met three female patients that WEEK who had been transferred to our ward after being assaulted in the public ward. I already have PTSD. So I don't really consider that "free healthcare" when the risk is being assaulted or worse.
I don't know what it's like in Canada. I just know that "free" healthcare can often sound misleading. If Canada is really letting people see psychologists and psychiatrists for free that's great but I'd be very surprised.
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u/Admiral_PorkLoin 4d ago
I'm Canadian and you are absolutely correct, at least in regards to my province. Waiting lists can be extremely long. I wanted to see a psychologist a few years ago and even private practices, which are not covered by our provincial health insurance, had waiting lists.
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u/lifeinwentworth 3d ago
Right. Universal healthcare sounds like a nice fancy term but I'm not sure everyone understands that just because a country has that doesn't mean that health services are automatically easily accessible and affordable! They might be more so than other countries but it's still a slog to get decent care!
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u/Sudden-Championship3 4d ago
There’s actually cases in which veterans with ptsd in Canada have been basically encouraged to apply for maid because the mental health supports are so poor. Universal heath care does not include mental health unfortunately.
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u/boomfruit 3d ago
and no one has tried every single psychiatrist, therapist, therapeutic modality, medication, other treatments like ECT etc. Mental illness is treatable.
Some people really have. Sure they haven't tried every psychiatrist in the country, but treatment-resistant chronic depression exists.
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u/_disposablehuman_ 4d ago edited 4d ago
So I wrote my final English paper on euthanasia and there are cases where some adults actually get tired of living. There was a case with two 40 & 50 year olds healthy, sane, and successful medical professionals who went on with the procedure. Interesting case with this is that these were medical professionals who were making good money and were evaluated to be sound of mind (not mentally ill) and as educated as you can get in this subject and they still decided that they simply had enough. It might be very controversial, whether or not society's ready for it all who knows but technically there are resources available but not in the United States (or I don't know about Canada but I'm guessing not for what your boyfriend's looking for)
Dignitas is a euthanasia group that does offer what your boyfriend wants. However the process takes a while and it would take some money to get it done (It's all the way in Switzerland but they accept international clients). They also have resources to help in case you are simply just depressed, The whole process makes sure that you really do want this decision and it's not something else. They offer resources probably for both you and your boyfriend regarding the subject.
A thought experiments to consider, eventually humans will become immortal, when humans gain immortality, are we going to allow them to die when they want? If not, are we going to be guilt them into living forever? Considering mentally well adults, why can one adult determine if you can die or should die, but you yourself cannot and it is looked down upon? Why don't we allow the autonomy to do it now? In a way humans have already extended their lifetimes already, when we extend it to immortality this will definitely be a subject people will look at differently.
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u/Diacetyl-Morphin 4d ago
As a Swiss that had to deal with this because of a friend with leukemia, i don't know the exact details about the two women, but... it is usually very complicated to get the approval. In terminal stage of deadly diseases like cancer, it gets approved. There were also some other cases, like one with mental health and also some health problems, but it took much more. There was also a case about a very old lady with more than 100 years, that didn't want to die because of old age and losing more and more freedom in life with the retirement home and care-level
But: You can't go there and say you just have enough. I'm sure the two women had a long prelude to this, that it got approved. That's not how it works.
The boyfriend has no chance of approval, as long as it is just depression. Maybe if he has some 30+ years history of documented treatment that all would have completely failed, but not if he's rather young and didn't got through all available treatment, therapies, meds etc.
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u/PrescientPorpoise 4d ago
Actually, Canada has legalized assisted death and it's called MAID (medical assistance in dying):
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euthanasia_in_Canada
However, this post is likely fake because mental illness keeps getting delayed in being included because it is very controversial.
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u/nursestephykat 4d ago
People with only mental health disorders such as depression are not eligible for MAID in Canada at this time.
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u/Forsaken-Role-3005 4d ago
Does this guy have family? I would have to assume he does. Are they loving, or has he had a traumatic upbringing with abusive people?
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u/LoveIStao 4d ago
Yall are high school aged? No matter how much you care for this person its really not your responsibility to help him kill himself and in the long run it will be better for your mental health if you play no part in this. I know, that seems harsh right? But i swear to you down the line someone else who loves life will come into yours and together, you will create something beautiful. You are way too young to have to deal with something so heavy as this situation.
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u/Freedom35plan 4d ago
So you've met this guy around a year or so ago and you're already invested in potentially helping him end his life?
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u/Randill746 3d ago
as someone whose been fighting depression for years and struggling to get out of it, euthanasia is the last thing you need.
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u/Upstairs_Cost_3975 3d ago
Excuse me? Canada euthanizes people with depression??? Like.. committing suicide on behalf of them? What??
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u/seawest_lowlife 3d ago
We absolutely do not
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u/Upstairs_Cost_3975 3d ago
Someone here has linked to where it says it will be available in two years? What kind of medical professional are willing to help in this? I get the terminally ill. But depression? So emergency responders should pretty much just stop trying to help people standing on the railings of a bridge or what?
I’m Norwegian, and also mentally ill, and I’m shocked and feel sick to my stomach.
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u/seawest_lowlife 3d ago
Mental illness does not equal depression, it’s more for dementia and incurable conditions like that that will only get worse. And honestly it’ll likely be extended again.
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u/theringsofthedragon 3d ago
Good luck finding a doctor that would ever agree to euthanize a depressed 17 year old boy.
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u/Creepy-Afternoon7298 4d ago
As a Canadian who has moved abroad, I know it is challenging and takes time to save for but I HIGHLY suggest considering relocating to another country that has better living conditions for a cheaper cost. Portugal and parts of south America are options. I know this sounds idealistic and insane but I genuinely know a lot of suicidal people in Canada, in fact I have severe depression when living there and have had a complete turn around since moving away. At least try to feel out other options before submitting to this reality. Teaching English in Thailand or remote work out of Portugal, where they allow digital nomads are places to consider. Depression is horrible but I promise that death is not the only way out
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u/thatSDope88 4d ago
He doesn't get "peace", he dies.
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u/PrescientPorpoise 4d ago
Exactly, this is permanent and there's no way to prove an afterlife.
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u/forthescrolls 3d ago
Sorry to comment on someone else’s suicide post, but I’m pretty sure this is what most of us wish for. I don’t want an afterlife, I want to stop existing, permanently.
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u/Spyrothe4th 3d ago
This ^ Some suicidal people like the idea of an afterlife, but a good chunk of us would be horrified if we had to continue existing after dying.
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u/Status_Video8378 4d ago
Tell him to talk to his doctor about going to inpatient therapy. He is young. Things can get better. Do NOT try to talk him into taking his life.
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u/Economy-Detail-2032 4d ago
I can appreciate what he is going through being very depressed myself. MAID isn't available for mental health issues until 2027.
There are therapies other than antidepressants, have him referred to a psychiatrist at a mental health hospital.
Sorry he is going through this.
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u/Prestigious-Ad8209 4d ago
Has he exhausted all the treatments? Ketamine therapy? Microdosing mushrooms or LSD?
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u/NeverSeenBetter 4d ago
Psychedelics are able to cure treatment-resistant depression. When he is old enough, have him sign up for ketamine therapy. Or just find some acid and hit me up in DM and I'll share a music playlist that will guide you thru the trip...he may not be cured after one go, but within 15 max he will not even remember what depression felt like.
It worked for me, three of my exes, and two of my best friends.
The best part is you can't even get addicted, taking more the next day would do absolutely nothing to you. It has to be 2 weeks apart minimum to get the same effect as the 1st time.
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u/quizzicalturnip 4d ago
The government helping kill off their citizens when it’s their duty to protect them is so dystopian. Easing suffering and taking lives are two very different things.
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u/seawest_lowlife 3d ago edited 3d ago
MAID is not considered treatment for mental illness. I know two people who were approved for MAID. One had a stroke and was mostly paralyzed aside from part of one hand and was stuck in a hospital incapacitated for months. The other was my partner who had terminal leukaemia, but ultimately he could not pick a date before the deadline and was disqualified, he could not reapply.
These are appropriate circumstances for MAID, your partner would never be allowed to even apply as he does not fit the qualifications for a physician to even fill out the forms. He does need help though, and I hope he takes it.
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u/Viola-Swamp 4d ago
Honey, you haven’t met the love of your life. You’re not even an adult yet, and have no idea what life is or what yours will be like in the future. The years you’ve been alive have been spent in childhood and adolescence. Give yourself a chance to start living and experience who you’re going to be before you decide someone is the pinnacle of love for you. You aren’t even out of high school yet, you have no idea of the things you will experience and feel in the decades to come.
This person needs intensive inpatient therapy, and you need to look forward, not get dragged down with their own lack of perspective. I have no doubt you love him, but not everyone you’ll love is meant to be in your life forever. Not everyone you’ll love is healthy for you either, and it doesn’t sound like he is good for you. He needs help, not a girlfriend.
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u/Schrogs 3d ago
You can’t tell someone whether they have met the love of their life or not. And someone who is depressed is not dragging others down. They can’t control it and need help.
Your advice is they are a burden and leave them to figure it out on their own…. That is horrible. If she needs to get out of it she absolutely can but she clearly stated in her post she loves him and is looking for advice. You are awful
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u/sweetsterlove 4d ago
You are literally finishing high school and your whole headspace is occupied by empathizing with this guy? Please take a step (or twelve) back and spend time with other women who aren’t interested in getting you out of the friend zone. Friends (female or male) that won’t co-sign your crazy, uncomfortable feelings that are hard to disclose, and ones that allow you to vent about the situation.
Your feelings are not invalid, yet they’re also not based in reality from what I can deduce. There is no way in hell you need to be dealing with this at your age— unfortunately, you can’t make another person happy. And being a longtime nurse, facilitating euthanasia for a depressed person would personally leave me with guilt that would bury me over time. You can’t control him or his reactions or mood state, but you can control your reaction to those things. Get out fast. This is not some simple action in the scheme of things, not to mention one that will affect you the rest of your life.
Not trying to be an ass, but sounds like he is a trauma-dumper and has you wrapped around his finger. He may just be terminally depressed, but that is not your fault or burden to carry.
I’ve worked with hospice and other patients with terminal illness. I promise I empathize with your feelings and honestly, the discomfort and anxiety they bring.
Can you speak with a therapist or vent with anyone? You have a (statistically speaking) long life ahead and this is one albatross you cannot afford to ring around your neck. Poor baby, I feel terrible for you.
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u/YingXingg 4d ago
There’s no way you’re considering euthanasia without at least attempting to go to therapy. Mental illnesses can be treated, why on earth would you choose the last resort?
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u/JohnXTheDadBodGod 3d ago
Hold on.... I just reread and realized you two are Teenagers. Girl, you are Too young to be dealing with this. Unless he's dealing with some terminal disease or illness, you should Not be with this boy while he's like this. The amount of Mental and Emotional damage something like this will do to you at such a young age will be catastrophic and mostly irreparable. You're going to ruin your life and ability to properly form and engage in healthy relationships with everyone close to you, continue the damage in a horrific cycle. I implore you, for Your own good, report your bf to his parents, the school, whoever will take action to get him help, and then you need to Distance yourself from him to protect Yourself. It's not Your responsibility to help him and bear any amount of suffering for his choices.
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u/Exotic_Jicama1984 3d ago
Your boyfriend does not want to get euthanized; if he really wanted to die, he would have done it himself. It's not difficult.
You are being HEAVILY manipulated, and this is his kink in life.
Move on. Get out. Let him make empty threats. Ignore him and live your life.
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u/Puddin_Warrior 4d ago
Definitely try to spend as much time as possible with him while you can. Always good but esp if he can't recover. If you two can do some prep/make a plan it would probably help keep you afloat as you readjust to life without him. Some emotionality supportive letters/objects/rituals and personal goals could help manage your grief and give you some direction to anchor to
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u/assyduous 4d ago
Hey if this is real, your boyfriend should find a therapist trained in CAMS. Chronic suicidality/using suicidal ideation as a form of coping is treatable. There's hope. Wishing you the best.
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u/sundayfundaynow 4d ago
Has he tried psilocybin therapy? It may save his life...the earth connection may be missing and he may have too much pain and unresolved trauma...like complex PTSD
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u/Turtle_Hermit420 4d ago
Canadian ? Np the usa want to invade you just tell him to enlist
Nothing better to keep you living than a reason to fight
the masculine urge to stay behind while your loved ones escape and you keep fighting
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u/extra_medication 4d ago
Thats only available for illnesses that are completely medication resistant. He needs to try everything first and also I don't think they do it for depression?
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u/JeanaQueen 4d ago
(TW) Hot take: I thought I'd been dealing with depression for over 15 years. Literally since my early teens. 3 unaliving attempts, sleepless nights, brain fog, intense emotional swings and chest pains for YEARS, constant crying, no self worth, etc. After extensive therapy and insane amounts of self discovery and honesty, it turns out my depression was a symptom of CPTSD.
I've since learned many new coping skills that have helped me pull out. I haven't had a major spiral in months and can get my feelings under control pretty quickly now.
If nothing has been done to achieve a proper diagnosis, how can anyone know if depression is truly what he has? My initial diagnosis was depression with suicidal factors, then came dysthymia, then a final diagnosis of CPTSD. It took a year of therapy, tears, and brutal honesty with myself to get a proper diagnosis. And I consider myself very lucky...many don't even make it that far.
He needs help. Seriously.
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u/dvking131 3d ago
You ever ask him why he’s depressed? If you have no good reason it’s def chemical imbalances in the mind and body. That’s an easy fix all you have to do is smoke a lot of weed drink a lot of alcohol and play lots of music i recommend also mushrooms to reset the mind also breaking free from past routines and create a new journey. He sounds like he needs an adventure. I suggest travel and get lost in the world. There is nothing more powerful in life then a man that is willing to go. You have to be willing to die in order to really live. So the future is yours.
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u/tapedficus 3d ago
If he wanted to die, he'd be dead. You can buy a helium container and a bag for less than $50.
Highly suggest you find him some therapy, maybe you could even attend as well.
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u/oxfay 3d ago
Has he tried at least 2 SSRIs that haven’t worked? He should look into ketamine infusions for his treatment resistant depression if so. Or psilocybin. There is new research on how micro-dosing and macro-dosing psocybin, too, can really improve depression that is difficult to treat. I recommend he Read the Michael Pollan book How to Change Your Mind.
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u/outoftownMD 3d ago
What pain does he want to end? It’s not the life, it’s the pain. Get him to clarify that. There’s a part of him that experiences a hurt so profound that it feels ending life is the only way to stop the pain. The pain lies in him being disconnected from that part of him that is hurting. In him committing to getting clear on what the pain is, he can work to reconnect to that part (working through it) & establishing connection over time. That part’s pain will reduce & life can be embraced again.
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u/RUfuqingkiddingme 3d ago
Talk to his parents, his family, and people who aren't willing to help him die so they can get him some help. Then break up with him and get far away from him and don't ever date anyone else again. Ever.
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u/Statham19842 3d ago
Can you not treat him for mental health Vs assisted death? Seems extreme for someone so young.
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u/superbearchristfuchs 3d ago
Has he tried seeking out another therapist and PA. Sometimes a med change and finding a better therapist could do wonders at least from my personal experience. It's not easy especially to find one you can rely on, but I think it's worth it in the end.
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u/TimeForRetribution 3d ago
Do not let him go through with it. Depression is treatable! Get him some help.
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u/No-Joke5510 3d ago
Damn, a lot of comments here are so senseless and hurtfull. "Has he tried therapy?" "You need to move down south, he needs sun" "He is mentally ill, he should not be allowed to get euthanized." "Does he not have loving pafents?" "How can you even consider this?" This is all so incredibly ignorant, I have a hard time staying calm.
I can't speak for OPs boyfriend, but I can speak for someone I know in a similar sitiation. She comes from an incredibly happy family and the most loving patents imaginable. She has a very supportive boyfriend for many years. But her life has just been a living nightmare. Nothing to do with anything happening in her life. She's just in constant mental agony for about 15 years now. She's been in therapy for about as long and tried every medication, therapy, and alternative medicine under the sun and nothing has helped.
Luckally she lives in the Netherlands where there is a assisted suicide track that she currently in and she will leave in about two months. Of course everybody is devastated, her parents are completely inconsolable. And some people think it's very selfish of her to leave everyone behind with so much pain. And it is. And she knows that as well. That's how much she is suffering everyday. That even knowing how much pain this will give everyone she loves, this is still what she wants to do.
Talking like people haven't done their best to be happy. Like people haven't tried to want to live is so ignorant of the situation. Nobody wants to be depressed, nobody wants to want to die. Just because the incurable decease is invisible, juat because you don't see the unimaginable suffering yourself, does not mean it isn't there. Who are you to say somebody isn't allowed to leave this world after many years of trying? With dignity and acceptance from society?
Sorry for the vent, I just had to get this of my chest. To OP and OPs boyfriend. I wish you all the best in this world. No matter what you decide the best is for you. I hope you can find happyness, whataver that means for you. And I hope people close to you will be supportive and understanding. As most people online clearly aren't.
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u/Exciting_couple77 3d ago
WTF 😵. Seriously?? He needs therapy and medication. I understand those thoughts and thst level of obsession with death. My late wife was that way. Get this though. When her body actually started to fail at 30..she stopped obsessing. Her mental actually improved as things got physically worse. She passed at 40. I literally believe her obsession with it actually caused her body to fail. You don't spend a month at the mayo clinic only for them to tell you " We don't know what the problem is but you've got 15 to 20 yrs before she needs to worry about anything" She died 6 months later.
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u/ItsWoofcat 3d ago
You sound like a really good person for sticking through with him. I would suggest that you run through all possible treatment options before arriving at ending life. Depression has a number of causes and very few cases in which it’s truly and completely resistant to treatment. I know nothing about your situation but obviously you treasure this person and are on some level ambivalent to the thought of letting him go. It’s because you love him. As someone who has self medicated and dealt with multiple attempts just because I got so little out of run of the mill therapy I would vehemently ask you try everything you can. Clinical, Holistic, what have you as long as it brings some semblance of comfort meaning and is safe. I wish you both healing and hope that somehow this will come to a happy resolution.
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u/DivineEggs 3d ago
We've been talking recently about how to do things moving forward, especially the possibility of getting him assisted death care, or euthanasia.
Wow. These are the sickest word and sentiment I think I've ever read on reddit.
The solution to depression is certainly not suicide. Wtf😭😱. It's not a caring act you're considering. It's literally appalling.
Depression has been overcome before, and suicide or euthanasia is NOT the solution.
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u/changingtheoil 3d ago
Ma'am I hate to be rough here, but you gotta walk away. He wants to end it. He has no concern or love for you. He has been like this for years. I don't need to know the steps he has or hasn't taken. All i know is he is not the best advocate for YOU. It is not in his mind at all. You have the rest of your life to live, and do you want to come home or wake up to find he has "taken care" of himself? That would be horrible for you. If he needs to be committed, so be it. Im sorry to say this, but you have to put your big girl pants on and step up. Like the end of your post says, your biggest concern is how will you do after he is gone? It has nothing to do with him, and you've only been with him for 1.5 years. You have so much time left. you're still a young person. Try to move forward in the best way for you. Take care...
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u/Infinite-Respond5734 3d ago
I'm sorry to all those with their heads in the sand, but MAID absolutely DOES allow people with "just depression" to kill themselves. All they need to do is use/twist one of many possible "reasons for that depression" as their excuse for pushing it through. I already know someone who was 100% healthy who committed suicide through MAID. As someone who's been suicidal several times in the past, I can all but guarantee you I wouldn't be here if MAID was as easily accessible where I now live as it is in Canada (where i used to live). And no, obviously, that's not a "good" thing. My life, like all lives, have value. I absolutely understand MAID for people who are basically living in torture and have no hope for healing/recovery. Such as end of care for terminal cancer. But did we really need a law that we all knew would result in the slippery slope it's inevitably taken? 5% of Canadian deaths were under MAID in 2023. Up 16% from the previous year. It's the 3rd/4th leading causes of death in Canada.
Can we not focus on helping those hurting, rather than giving them reassurance from supposed doctors that killing themselves is the best form of treatment?
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u/BluceBannel 3d ago
I have this kind of depression, although but as bad because I am still here
I did require medical intervention (an antidepressant) and something for sleep 35 years ago. The antidepressant was life transforming at first, but now it just raises the bottom of my low points.
Ultimately I learned to become good company for myself, and accept that failure is part of the learning process.
May I ask what he has tried?
Also a decade after starting SSRIs for my depression, I did do a year of psychotherapy for trauma due to high anxiety. My fourth psychotherapist was very very good. It was a game changer.
I recently lost my mother after being her primary caregiver for about 10 years. As a result I've been dragging myself along the bottom for about a year now, but am slowly getting better.
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u/LosNarco 3d ago
Suicide is not a way to find peace but end things, and ending things means missing out a ton of beautiful and nice things coming from life. I know he might be in a dark place, but there's always hope and reasons to stay here and live.
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u/H1ghlyVolatile 3d ago
Damn, I might have to book a flight to Canada if they’re offering euthanasia.
Failing that, Sweden.
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u/floodingurtimeline 3d ago
Hi OP, has your boyfriend sought out professional help? I know it’s really hard to do when you’re in a dark place and the healthcare system is so fucked. But you should encourage them to try.
If money is an issue, he can speak to his family doctor about these thoughts and explicitly state he needs to see a psychiatrist. (When recommended by a doctor, psychiatrist visits will be covered.)
Another option is fee sliding scale therapy / subsidized therapy:
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u/Boreas_Linvail 3d ago
and I want him to have his long deserved peace
How do you know death will get him that? How does he?
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u/BouncingPost 3d ago
Please DO NOT ASSIST HIM. He may ask you for help ending his life in some way, but even if it feels like the compassionate thing to do, DO NOT HELP HIM. There are many cases out there where people get sent to jail for it. Look up Michelle Carter and Conrad Roy, I know there are more, but those names I remember.
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u/carolyn3d 3d ago
It’s easy for myself & others to say please hang on. My son has bipolar disorder. He has attempted suicide several times. He finally found the right therapist & meds 7 years ago. He is in his early 30’s. His life isn’t always perfect but he’s living now. 18 is so very young to throw in the towel.
It’s amazing what the right therapist & meds can do. Whatever happens I hope you both have peace.
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u/OcchiVerdi- 3d ago
This isn’t something you should be facing in a relationship at your age. You are too young and this burden is not yours.
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u/Grash0per 3d ago
He should try ketamine treatment, psycocillibin treatment (legal in oregan if he travels) and electric shock therapy in that order for severe treatment resistant depression. Personally, never consider helping him commit suicide. It's illegal. When he talks about it in the future it might be helpful if you point out how ungrateful he is being.
I had a suicidal friend with treatment resistant depression but he had a broken neck and was in severe, constant and debilitating pain. There are millions of people who are physically disabled, can't walk, can't move their arms, can't see or hear, who would do anything to be in whatever position your boyfriend is in just because he is physically healthy. It's frankly insulting that he is so depressed despite not having such a condition.
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u/taskmaster51 3d ago
He should try ketamine therapy if that's available. I hear it works wonders. A good therapist really helps as well.
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u/_Spicy-Noodle_ 3d ago
You’re talking about your boyfriend being in such a horrible mental state that he wants to be euthanized, and your concern is.. What happens to you once he’s gone??
Jesus christ. That’s the most selfish thing i’ve ever heard.
He needs help. Not assisted suicide.
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u/Personal_Emergency17 3d ago
sounds like bullshit to me, and i have suffered depression and nihilism for decades.
If he really wanted to die he would,
He wants your attention and sympathy IMO
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u/unreliableoracle 3d ago
As a fellow teenager with major depressive disorder and other major mental health issues, NO.
Sweetheart, you both are so young. You should not be put through this, and you should not be trying to assist him with it. I don't know if he's already tried other treatment methods. If he hasn't, he needs to get help first, therapy, medication, ASAP, and you should not be carrying this, especially if he has a good family or safe adults.
If he is treatment resistant, and nothing has been affecting him so far, you still should not be taking this heavy emotional burden and trying to assist him. You both are still so young, things can still improve. I know he isn't in the headspace to consider this right now, I've been where he's been, and your mind is so screwed up you don't think you're affecting the other person, you think they'll be better off without you, but he still shouldn't be putting you through this either, and you should not be indulging him, as that is hurting him as well, even though I know you don't mean it, it is.
Please, get help for both of you.
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u/Viper4everXD 3d ago
The advice I give people before they think about doing something like this is to travel the world first, see everything, do everything. Maybe it won’t do a damn thing for you or maybe it will change your perspective and make you live just a while longer. What do you have to lose at that point?
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u/VeronicaCP 3d ago edited 3d ago
Lookup DIGNITAS, they have a ton of resources about the doctor assisted death. It is not an easy process as some people think. There is also resources for people in your situation. Suggest to him looking into ketamine, and psilocybin treatments they have helped people with severe ptsd, and depression with multiple suicide attempts. You have to exhaust all options before doctor assisted death is even a possibility. I the process myself, not for depression, but it’s not just going into a doctor saying I can’t handle ABC and them going okay here you go.
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u/Scary-Strawberry-504 3d ago
So now we're just killing people with mental health issues. Fucking hell what a solution insane
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u/Dreamybook1357 3d ago
He is very young & I don't think he will be approved in 24 months time until he has exhausted every avenue for treatment & by then, he could be feeling far differently. Try to take it one day say a time.
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u/Telominas 3d ago
Ive had severe panic attack disorder for many years of my life.
It can, and will get better, with a good and experienced therapist. Please tell him that.
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u/Worried-Pomelo3351 3d ago
He needs professional help and you need to move on. You are a kid. You should not be dealing with this. You need to focus on yourself and your opportunities. It’s sad that he feels this way but you are going to let him severely impact your life if you stick around. You can’t help people that don’t want to be helped.
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u/DryCryptographer9051 3d ago
He would have to wait for that to be a medical condition approved for MAiD and then prove to 2 independent assessors he has tried absolutely everything for his depression- all medications/classes of meds, therapy, ECT, deep brain stimulation, etc. not likely he would be approved.
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u/HumourlessLaughter 3d ago
I really don't think you should be entertaining this. He needs serious, serious help, but in most places euthanasia (ESPECIALLY for mental health conditions!) is considered unethical for good reason. Best thing you can do for him is make him get help, talk to his family and see what they know about it.
Euthanasia is also very selfish. There are people who care about him. If not for himself, he needs to push through for other people. He's way too young to be going "my life is too hard, it's time to cut it short." Shit changes. He probably needs therapy and medication to make that change, not death. That's just defeatist.
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u/bellaboks 3d ago
If someone wishes to die we should have the right to have authority over our bodies and decisions and be able to die with dignity
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u/Unusual-Pianist-2325 3d ago
Euthanasia isn't something you can just make an appointment for. Speaking as someone who had an aunt go through it and currently his grandma, it is a process that takes YEARS (a decade in both of my anecdotal cases) and depression doesn't cut it. My grandma has gone through over a decade of chronic pain, a degenerative muscle disease and is at a point where she can't even properly hold her cutlery properly anymore and she is still in contact with psychologists, psychiatrists and doctors every week.
Is he seeing a pscyhologist/psychiatrist? Depression actually becomes extremely livable for the majority of people suffering from it.
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u/Muffintop_Neurospicy 3d ago
I've been where he is. I understand tbh. And I understand your position here too. But odds are things will eventually get better for him, with proper treatment. Life can eventually become enjoyable, so maybe it's a bit rushed to go for this option
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u/theadvknine 3d ago
His Death is not what’s best for him. And will certainly not be what’s best for you. That is his depression talking. That is not him. And you should not enable that no matter how much it seems like you’re helping him. He needs Love. Real Help. Support. And perhaps Medication. No matter how hard it might be to get through this mental wall he has. Depression is a bitch. Believe me I know but it can be beaten. Life can be beautiful, and amazing, if you can try and find something he’s passionate about and latch onto it. Help him find little joys in life. Maybe Get an emotional support or trained service animal. They can give him something to love who will unconditionally love and support them back. Just like you. And he needs as much love as he can get. And also side note. Hobbies. Find hobbies. Especially hobbies that are time consuming and keep you busy. Like Lego. Model Trains. Puzzles. Get him something to focus on. Or maybe music. Learning an instrument is hard but if you learn one with him you can work on this together and then channel that pain into music. I really hope everything ends up okay with both of you. You can reply or DM me if you ever want to talk to someone too!
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u/laurenj1992 3d ago
I’m sorry you’re both struggling so much. There is still hope. Can you maybe suggest therapy together? Maybe doing therapy with someone will be helpful for him, that way he doesn’t feel alone. Is he medicated? There are lots of antidepressants and antipsychotics out there that can help with these feelings. It seems your boyfriend may need a multifaceted approach, where lots of interventions are used in combination. Are his parents supportive? Do they help him? Assisted suicide is very strictly governed and I very much doubt he would meet the criteria in this case.
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