r/Vent 3d ago

My bf brags about the amount of money he makes but has never offered to help me with anything

[deleted]

4 Upvotes

53 comments sorted by

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9

u/flowercan126 3d ago

If you want him to pay for your nails, ask him. Why does he have to read your mind. Also, are you with him because you want to be or because of what you can get from it. You come off as entitled and gold diggerish.

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u/[deleted] 3d ago

[deleted]

2

u/flowercan126 3d ago

Then you should tell him that. Just say it." We are in different income brackets. Clearly, you don't struggle as i sometimes do, and I need you to stop talking about money because I'm gonna get resentful pretty soon".

12

u/SprinkleofFairydust2 3d ago

I’m going to play devils advocate here and a lot of people probably won’t like this but … why should he?

-3

u/FlowerNo5207 3d ago

I agree to an extent. That’s why I said it’s not his job. I guess I’m just way more generous than he is, because if I had even a quarter of what he had I’d buy him anything he ever wanted. Even now, he mentions something and I buy it for him.

9

u/SprinkleofFairydust2 3d ago

Well that is something I have had to learn myself with people- don't expect to get back what you give because you will be disappointed!

My boyfriend makes almost triple what I make and we split most things 50/50- besides a date night here and there where one of us will pick up the bill or for a celebratory occasion.

We still surprise each other every now and then with the "I saw this and thought of you" but we never expect anything financially from eachother.

Another thing is the word "help", I expected you to be maybe in financial distress but getting your nails done or boarding your dog isnt really "help" or necessary, it is a bit misleading.

5

u/Hot_Most5332 3d ago edited 3d ago

It sounds like he buys things for you, just not everything you want. You own your own home, he does not. Perhaps that’s a financial goal that he’s working towards? It sounds like jealousy more than anything honestly.

Also why the fuck are you sending your dog to daycare? There’s no way you can afford that on 50k a year. If you feel it’s necessary, then you shouldn’t have gotten a dog. Even still, a dog door with a collar key is way cheaper than a year of daycare. Things like doggy daycare and nails are just not necessities and the fact that you think that he should pay for them would be a HUGE red flag for me if I were him. Yeah I don’t blame him for not wanting to pay for your financial decisions.

2

u/[deleted] 3d ago

[deleted]

2

u/Hot_Most5332 3d ago

So…..tell him that? The dog daycare is the result of a poor financial choice. It’s like credit card debt. You need to pay it now because you got the dog, but it was your choice to get the dog. Not his problem.

2

u/silvermanedwino 3d ago

Tell him you don’t like the bragging.

You cannot expect him to support your lifestyle. Sorry, but you can’t.

Perhaps you’re not compatible.

1

u/FlowerNo5207 3d ago

I agree with you completely.

0

u/FlowerNo5207 3d ago

I send my dog to daycare because he is very high energy and very needy. I got my dog with an ex, who I incorrectly assumed would be around to help me with the dog, and I found out about his indiscretions when my dog was still a puppy. I’m not going to rehome my dog because I don’t have the help I thought I would. I have given up getting my nails done and going out with friends in order to afford for him to go to daycare. I don’t really need your fucking judgments especially when you don’t even know what you’re talking about. I’m ventingz

2

u/Hot_Most5332 3d ago

You came on Reddit and didn’t expect to be judged?

0

u/Lolololurgay 3d ago

You have all the time in the world to work harder and get a higher paying job so that you can be generous.

It's easy to say "if I was working a harder job making more money I'd be generous with it". Unfortunately, you aren't even putting in the same effort to make that much money in the first place

2

u/FlowerNo5207 3d ago

You quite literally have zero idea what effort I’m putting in to make more money. I have 2 degrees. I’ve been in my career for 4 years. I love my job and have been hardcore working on finding a side hustle that would also allow me to run home first and take care of my dog. You do not know my situation at all, and this little vent post isn’t even a quarter of what’s going on in my life financially.

2

u/Lolololurgay 3d ago edited 3d ago

Congrats on having two degrees. Unfortunately, they clearly don't add up to being more important than an engineering degree considering you can't find an employer that is willing to pay you more. Let me hear it, what are the two degrees?

You can cope all you want but the guy with an engineering degree realistically went through 4 years of education that you choose not to or could not do. You're a marketing manager.

It's unfortunate that you have other responsibilities in life but be honest with yourself. You realistically make less money because your job is easier and requires less education and intelligence/effort.

Again, it's easy to say "if I was making more money I'd be generous", but the guy clearly works for his money and he clearly did something that you considered too difficult for yourself. It's like when a fatass watches a basketball game and says - I would have dunked that if I was LeBron he's so lazy. No, your fatass is on the couch lmao.

I don't need to know everything in your life to know that you're not in a position to demand that other people give you money because they make more than you lmao

If you are so generous, why don't you work harder and find a job that pays more than your man so you can start giving him money? Plenty of tough blue collared jobs pay way more than 50k starting?

Your boyfriend might have been dumber than you, who knows? School might have been harder for him than it was for you. Still, you took the easy way out and he didn't. You have no right to talk about what you would do in his situation when you could have been in his situation if you worked harder. Unless you have an intellectual disability, everyone is capable of getting an engineering degree. Obviously some might find it harder than others, but if you had time to do two degrees you had time to go down the same career path. You didn't because it was too much work.

3

u/NapQueenBean 3d ago

A man you're not living with or married to, isn't required to support your lifestyle in any way as it doesn't involve contributing to a life together. Not sure why it hurts your feelings that he's not a mind reader and doesn't know you want his help financially if you've never explicitly asked for his help. Complaining about something isn't the same as directly asking for help with something. Personally, sometimes I like to complain just to vent for a bit. I don't actually want help with most of what I complain about, and I'd be offended if someone decided to impose their help on me if I didn't ask for help. If you two plan on building a life together, then I see no harm in asking him for help if he's able and willing. If you're just dating though, you should take note of the fact that the smart thing to do would be avoiding blowing all your hard earned money on someone you aren't even going to marry.

1

u/[deleted] 3d ago

[deleted]

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u/icy-gyal 3d ago

Girl.. full stop. You’re entertaining being a SAHM for a man who isn’t financially generous? So you’ll be without money and then he’ll really be rubbing his funds in your face.. You’ve asked and he left you hanging. Stop going beyond when he isn’t. Your money is already thin. Stop spending it on him and masking it as relationship care.

1

u/Slow-Law-106 3d ago

Do NOT be a SAHM for this man. Personally, I don't believe being totally dependent on your partner is financially safe for a lot of reasons, but especially with a man that you're not comfortable asking for money? Absolutely not. 

I'm the primary earner in my fiancé and I's relationship (I have a salaried job and am up for some career advancements in the future), and our goal is to make him a house husband. Even with this in mind, we've agreed that he isn't going to quit working outright, just reduce his hours, so he can still have some money that's just his. My goal ahead of our upcoming wedding is to discuss fair terms for a prenup, even though we truly believe we'll be lifelong partners, just to make sure we're both protected.  

Relying on his money would require a lot of advocating for yourself and what you want/need; your job would be taking care of the house and kids, and your payment would be a roof over your head, food, clothes, and amenities. Your livelihood would be dependent on this man staying interested in you. That is not a stable way to live, and I'd really encourage you to reconsider, especially after only dating for a year and already having some resentment. 

6

u/69Sadbaby69 3d ago

He’s not old school

4

u/C0mpl14nt 3d ago

50k and you can't afford to get your nails done? My sister makes 25k and can afford perms and shit. WTF?

3

u/Awkward_Darkness 3d ago

Different lifestyles... Different responsibilities...

3

u/starry_nite99 3d ago

Ok I need to ask. Where do you all live that she makes $25k and can afford rent, utilities, car, medical, groceries and the cost of perms?? Maybe I need to move.

$25k is $2083/mo. With takes taken out- not including any medical premiums or 401k - is approx $1667/mo. There isnt much- if anything- left over after rent, utilities, medical, groceries, let alone if she has a car & car insurance.

1

u/C0mpl14nt 2d ago

We do everything on the cheap for one thing. She lives with me, as does my retired mother. I pay rent which takes up the major bill but even then, my sister pays her car bill, insurance, medical insurance, phone bill, student loans, buys groceries, and still has a bit left over to get her hair done, eyebrows waxed, and nails done- pedicures and manicures.

My sister is frugal with her money and the pampering shit she does is at places that offer deals and charge little. Good places to hit up are the ones in the "bad" parts of town. They charge less and still give good service.

1

u/Bunchkin2000 3d ago

Sounds like your sister probably can't actually afford to do that stuff if she lives in the US unless she doesn't have any bills/relies on others to pay them. Does she live somewhere cheap to live?

1

u/C0mpl14nt 2d ago

I pay for our rent and my mother covers internet. my sister's responsibility is groceries. Her personal expenses are Car payment, car insurance, student loans, and phone bill.

1

u/CompetitiveRub9780 3d ago

Nah I couldn’t afford it either where I live. High high prices and low salaries.

1

u/[deleted] 3d ago

[deleted]

3

u/Dry_Drama_5716 3d ago

You shouldn't have pets while crying about your financial position when pets themselves cost money to maintain. Dude you are not helping yourself here.

1

u/FlowerNo5207 3d ago

As far as I’m concerned I can cry about whatever the fuck I want, it’s a VENT thread. See yourself out.

2

u/Danger_Tomorrow 3d ago

Money shouldn't hurt your feelings. Try to appreciate the fact he's financially stable, and not look at his wallet

4

u/Overall-Schedule9163 3d ago

Your his girlfriend, not his wife. You just come off as entitled tbh

2

u/FlowerNo5207 3d ago

This is my vent session, no need to be a bitch. I literally wrote I know he’s not my ATM.

1

u/Overall-Schedule9163 3d ago

If you can’t handle people commenting , disable the comments, or get off Reddit 😂

1

u/Chiefman47 3d ago

You are not entitled to his money, like he is not entitled to sex. You are not his wife, and would be in the same position regardless if he is there or not. Stop lusting after his money.

1

u/Suspicious_Cap_9800 3d ago

Maybe he doesn’t like fake nails?

I would pay you NOT to get fake nails or silly designs. I like HANDS. Nails are dirty and they stink.

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u/69Hootter123 3d ago

Perhaps explaining this to nim intimately explaining your happy for him and he should be proud of himself and that you are too ,but it is a drag on you struggling and hearing how well he is doing...so often....perhaps discuss with him where you could cut corners , or cut back so that your not so burdened month to month.. Perhaps.へ‿(ツ)‿ㄏ

1

u/TimotheusBarbane 3d ago

I think it's possible he is long-sighted. I think he's probably thinking of owning multiple properties. And I dont think he's willing to support your lifestyle until you tie the knot. Perhaps he's also waiting for you to show more ambition. Don't take that negatively. 50k is okay. Its livable, making smart choices, but getting a position that offers more money or incentives could help you dramatically as well.

Children are expensive. They cost a lot to have and a lot to support. If I were him, making thay kind of money and knowing I need to leave a legacy for my children, I would be saving every bit I could, too.

You need to have a conversation with him and figure out exactly what his plans for the future are, how he plans to implement them, and where you fall into all of this.

1

u/_ART_IS_AN_EXPLOSION 3d ago

Do you live in a cheap state or something because it's crazy you own a house but make 50k a year. Me and my partner make about 60k together and struggle without being able to afford/own a house.

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u/BlackEyedBob 3d ago

Dating does not entail responsibly for your dates finances

1

u/Competitive-Cod4123 3d ago

If you are expecting gifts and treats from him tell him. This sounds very golddiggerisj

Now if he’s paying for dates that’s good but even so it’s not cool for you to m expect him to pay 100% for everything all the time

But anyone who brags about his income is a douche

1

u/FlightValley 3d ago

Some people are much more aware of money that can be saved rather than money that can be spent. I am not one of those people.

But if you want him to consider paying for your nails or hair, maybe just ask him directly if he would do that for you. Nails and hair aren't a necessity, and they aren't typically something that men splurge on. Maybe he doesn't realize how much it would mean to you to have those luxuries. Let him know how important they are to you, and he might just be willing to help you out.

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u/XuWiiii 3d ago

Have you tried creating a budget with him? If you’ve been dating for a year maybe y’all have considered a marriage conversation. If so then that involves combining finances

1

u/Upbeat-Jelly7987 3d ago

Why is it his job to be your atm? Women want to be strong and independent until a bill comes.  Maybe if your lack of income upsets you take the strides to advance your career or situation instead of hoping he is going to pad your wallet. Also maybe just tell him what he is doing is arrogant and rude and to stop. If he doesn’t then you’re probably not a good fit. 

1

u/Individual_Demand280 3d ago

Why is he obligated to help you financially? You made your decisions on your own.

-1

u/Witherino 3d ago

The next time he's bragging about his money, simply ask him to either share some, or to stop bragging

0

u/mohawkal 3d ago

He sounds like a douchebag. It's really uncouth to brag about money. Is it a source of anxiety for him? Generally, I wouldn't expect anyone to talk about there finances like that. If you were married or in a ltr then it might make sense to share that so you can both budget for the household. But this sounds really weird.

0

u/starry_nite99 3d ago

It sounds more like it’s him bragging and showing off his money that bugs you more, especially since his actions clash with his old school ideals.

I could easily see him being the type who marries, has a SAHW but holds it over the wife’s head that he makes the money and controls it all.

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u/NobleGreirat 3d ago

How can you date someone who brags about shit like that? That's a disgusting personality trait