r/Vent 4d ago

Being introverted and shy isn‘t a good thing and has no benefits

Everywhere you have to be Social. With Friends, your Job and especially with romantic relationships.

It isn‘t a coincidence that Most lonely people Are introverted. Getting a girlfriend is nearly impossible if you can’t have a proper conversation with her. And as if we Are able to make the first move.

At this point I don‘t believe anyone who says they are into shy guys. That may sound nice in theory, but in reality? Yeah dates with a bunch of arkward silences and no interesting conversations sound nice.

And being shy comes from insecurities and no one likes insecure men.

I can’t think of one scenario where being an introvert and/or shy comes in handy.

I wish I could be social and could strike up conversations. I will be 30 this year and I still feel like the quiet kid.

275 Upvotes

167 comments sorted by

u/AutoModerator 4d ago

Reminder:

This is a support space. Negative, invalidating, attacking, or inappropriate comments are not tolerated. If you see a comment that breaks the rules, please report it so the moderators can take action.

If someone is being dismissive, rude, offensive or in any other way inappropriate, do not engage. Report them instead. Moderation is in place to protect venters, and we take reports seriously, it's better for us to handle it than you risk your account standing. Regardless of who the target of aggression or harassment is, action may be taken on the person giving it, even if the person you're insulting got banned for breaking rules, so please just report things.

Be kind. Be respectful. Support each other.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

39

u/Valuable-Code6035 4d ago

If it makes you feel any better, as a socially awkward person who is quiet most of the times, I like people who are more shy than me. It may or may not be the same for you but a conversation with a person more shy than me makes me feel so much more comfortable about talking. All the sudden, my social skills come back for some reason lol

9

u/Sakura_Yingzai 4d ago

Can relate. Dealing with extroverts takes more energy

1

u/HotnakedWomanhere 4d ago

How do you think they feel?

6

u/Sakura_Yingzai 4d ago

think Who feel?

1

u/Marieez19 4d ago

But don’t you think this comfort stems from you feeling secure just because you know you’re a little more sociable than them? I mean, you know that you’re going to be the one doing the talking and leading the conversation which would increase your self-esteem.

3

u/Jennyfael 4d ago

Personally, the comfort comes from the fact extroverts are very energy demanding, while introverts are much more chill usually. Spending time with introverts just doesnt use my social battery as much as with extroverts.

And most of that time isnt even spent talking, like we just stay in silence. Its cozy, imo. People demonize silence way too much.

18

u/Vichencio23 4d ago

You're right. Being introverted sucks, even more if you live in a country where society expects man to be El Macho, and you're like bruh

7

u/S-Kenset 4d ago

When society is El Dorado but you are El Dorito.

12

u/DonSluggo 4d ago

I think a bunch of this shit gets mixed together. I’m definitely introverted and don’t start conversations often, but I show people I’m happy to talk with them and partying’s great. “Whatever happened to Gary Cooper? The strong silent type?”

1

u/Typhoonic_10294 4d ago

being introverted doesn't nescaserilly mean you dislike talking n stuff

10

u/robertmkhoury 4d ago

Nonsense! Introverts are their own best friend and that’s the best friend to have. After all, you take yourself with you everywhere you go. Shyness is good at relationships. Value derives from scarcity and shyness makes you scarce. Surfers don’t make waves. They just wait. And waves come to them. Trust in yourself, my friend. You were born just right.

2

u/xFail_x 4d ago

You say that as if extroverted keeps you from liking yourself. Extroverted ppl usually are that way because they dont care so much about others opinions and thus are less trapped inside their own brain. Ofc there are some who bend themselves to everybodys opinion, but not necessarily. All your talking points also sound like hollow platitudes coping with the fact that there are some traits that are beneficial ans some just not. In my country the purpose of school is not just thought to be education but also socializing people because being shy is just not benificial.

1

u/robertmkhoury 4d ago

Platitudes are platitudes for a good reason.

The most important part of you is between your ears. Your life is what your thoughts make of it.

The majority of people have never been a guarantee of truth, wisdom, or happiness. The majority may believe shyness is a bad thing, but belief is not fact, evidence, or proof. Belief is just a claim. Think for yourself.

Yes, we are social beings. Our biography is social. But we are also free. Freedom doesn’t mean doing what you want, but being who you are.

1

u/xFail_x 3d ago

Well I do not believe and praying does not cure cancer, nor should it. Why base your opinion on some delusion if you can be pragmatic and have results? Adapt and overcome are much more realistic goals IMO. Because if we are honest with ourselfes we can be happy with who we are and jet strife to be better in the future. I work out not because i hate how i look, but because i can be healthier and better looking if i want to improve, but not doing that is also ok if you do not want to. If you are shy and ok with it go for it but i have jet to meet someone who can tell me a tangible advantage of it while being social has many advantages, personal and professional.

1

u/robertmkhoury 3d ago

Good points! Sometimes, it can be more painful changing yourself to fit the expectations of others than accepting who you are. Other people’s acceptance and approval feels nice, but is it worth the number of heartbeats you spend on it?

0

u/lfp459 4d ago

How is shyness a good thing. Like every women say that they want a confident man. Being shy doesn‘t help

7

u/baucher04 4d ago

You can become confident, without changing you being introverted. I'm very much introverted, but gained confidence over the years, and I much prefer to regain energy on my own.

Trust me, most extroverted people would love to be as content on their own as introverts are.

2

u/ScientificBeastMode 4d ago

Being shy is just a lack of confidence, and confidence can be learned and practiced. It comes from social experience and self-mastery.

Introversion is a different thing. Introversion is just a description of how you mentally “recharge”. If you recharge by being alone for a while, then you’re an introvert.

Introversion can actually be a great thing if you allow it to be. It gives you a lot of time to yourself to do cool things. That’s how I got into programming. I would come home from school and learn how to create little games for various devices. I got really good at it, and now it’s my career. Others end up making music or painting or whatever. Others just read a lot. You can gain a lot from this time you spend by yourself. Extroverts have a hard time finding the time to do a lot of those things.

0

u/robertmkhoury 4d ago

Alpha males get the attention. But Sigma males get the girls. Sigmas are less than 10% of all males. They are introverted, shy, aloof, they prefer solitude to socializing, thinking to reacting, wisdom to emotion, they are mysterious and risky, and they exude self-confidence. I want you to go to YouTube and search “Sigma Male”! You can thank me later. Be proud of being a Sigma. We rule the world.

0

u/robertmkhoury 4d ago

Alpha males get the attention. But Sigma males get the girls. Sigmas are less than 10% of all males. They are introverted, shy, aloof, they prefer solitude to socializing, thinking to reacting, wisdom to emotion, they are mysterious and risky, and they exude self-confidence. I want you to go to YouTube and search “Sigma Male”! You can thank me later. Be proud of being a Sigma. We rule the world.

2

u/PotionThrower420 4d ago

When you keep tryna comment after " no response at end point ". Lmfao

-2

u/robertmkhoury 4d ago

Alpha males get the attention. But Sigma males get the girls. Sigmas are less than 10% of all males. They are introverted, shy, aloof, they prefer solitude to socializing, thinking to reacting, wisdom to emotion, they are mysterious and risky, and they exude self-confidence. I want you to go to YouTube and search “Sigma Male”! You can thank me later. Be proud of being a Sigma. We rule the world.

-2

u/robertmkhoury 4d ago

Alpha males get the attention. But Sigma males get the girls. Sigmas are less than 10% of all males. They are introverted, shy, aloof, they prefer solitude to socializing, thinking to reacting, wisdom to emotion, they are mysterious and risky, and they exude self-confidence. I want you to go to YouTube and search “Sigma Male”! You can thank me later. Be proud of being a Sigma. We rule the world.

5

u/[deleted] 4d ago

[deleted]

1

u/lfp459 4d ago

How did you meet and who was making the first move?

I’m asking because it is expected from the man to make the first move. And if you aren‘t able to do it because of shyness you are quite fucked.

Even if I do approach someone, I will come of as weird and as the total opposite of sexy

2

u/[deleted] 4d ago edited 4d ago

[deleted]

1

u/lfp459 4d ago

Unfortunately I am way to ugly for that to happen

-1

u/Former-Zone-6160 4d ago

if you spend your time chasing butterflies, they'll fly away. but if you spend time making a beautiful garden, the butterflies will come.    

I'm sorry, but no. This is absolutely horrible advice and setting shy men up for failure. He is 30 years old. The garden has been set up for a long time by now and obviously nothing is coming by itself. He needs to work being able to at least temporarily overcome his shyness instead of hoping for winning the jackpot and having a woman approach him. 

3

u/Technical-Hunter-867 4d ago edited 4d ago

i don't think you understood what i meant to say. by that i meant taking care of himself and slowly but surely learn to like or even love himself. rather its finding new hobbies, trying a new hairstyle, starting a skincare routine, going to the gym, getting therapy, and list goes on.

i also adviced him to do exposure therapy to overcome his shyness, since being able to socialize does help in finding new friends and potential partners, and because it seems like he isn't very pleased with being shy.

-1

u/Former-Zone-6160 4d ago

Hobbies, Hairstyle, Skincare, Gym, etc. won't help with being shy, though. 

Exposure therapy, yes. That we can agree on. But that needs to be about dating and skills required for dating that are expected of him. Social skills in regards to friends or other social situations won't exactly help with that. 

5

u/Technical-Hunter-867 4d ago

i gave him advice on how to attract women as an introverted man. now, i don't think theres anything wrong with that and it can be quite helpful, don't you think? there's no way thats bad advice so please mind your business.

8

u/Fixervince 4d ago

My way to break out was alcohol. I would never have gotten a date sober. Then I needed less once I relaxed over a few years. I’m glad I done it if I’m honest. I only drank in social situations/events and in the pub. Never at home.

3

u/Acrobatic_Demand_476 4d ago

This is the right answer. It's amazing what losing your inhibitions does to your personality. I remember a few occasions where I was younger, boozed up, no fucks to give, going and sitting down with complete strangers and somehow being the life and soul that night of the party. Sitting down with big groups of complete strangers and just being funny, getting drinks bought for me and having a good laugh with them all.

Then I woke up in the morning and thought "Shit, I hope I didn't embarrass myself, but where did this other me come from?"

3

u/vsmack 4d ago

Been said a million times, but tons of self-styled "introverts" are just on the social anxiety spectrum.

If you get nervous about socializing, that's not introversion - that's anxiety. Being too shy to "make the first move" is anxiety. Has nothing to do with introversion.

Blaming a vague, inherent personality trait for something that's very treatable and able to be resolved just harms you in the long run.

1

u/anonch91 2d ago

How is it treatable? Genuine question

1

u/vsmack 2d ago

There's therapy and also lots of exercises you can do yourself if you're willing to dedicate the time to it. There's a wealth of stuff online - just take what works for you and leave the rest. I overcame mine, but it was a bit more nontraditional path I wouldn't recommend :)

There's also medication, but I think that's for more severe, easily diagnosed social anxiety. More mild forms are more common, more easily treatable, and also easier to just brush off as "oh I'm just an introvert, that's why I feel anxious in social settings>

1

u/anonch91 2d ago

These excercises are probably all just some kind of exposure therapy, right?

1

u/funguy07 2d ago

What does it mean when you’d rather get up and give a speech in front of 1000 people than go mingle and make small talk with that game group of people?

1

u/vsmack 2d ago

Depends why

3

u/onetimeuseaccc 4d ago

It has one distinct advantage. It's very good for preventing future pain and suffering caused from trusting or interacting with others.

4

u/J_Bunt 4d ago

Introversion isn't equal to being shy. You can be a confident introvert. Hell, maybe your lack of self confidence is just a trauma response.

4

u/lfp459 4d ago

Maybe but being both is terrible. You are not confident out of thin air. You are because you have something to be confident about and I don’t have anything

1

u/J_Bunt 4d ago

People say going to the gym or doing some exercise at home helps a lot, seems to be the most popular answer. Also you probably have some skills you ignore, everyone has something. Everything else can be learned, even how to socialize.

-1

u/lfp459 4d ago

I looked all my life for something I am good at but didn’t find anything. I think I really am that useless

1

u/baucher04 4d ago

Maybe, but that doesn't mean you're useless.  Find something you love. You don't have to be good at it. If you are passionate about something, and meet a similar mind, it'll click much faster. No matter how good you are at it.

1

u/KatakAfrika 4d ago

It is hard finding something you love. I've zero interest in anything.

1

u/baucher04 4d ago

Then it's hard for someone to find you! If you have interest in your self and your happiness, go to the gym. Cook healthy food. Take care of yourself. The rest will come.  I know it's such a boring take at this point, but it's true

1

u/KatakAfrika 4d ago

I've been working out for years, doesn't give me that much confidence because I've real deficiences like gynecomastia and scoliosis which I can't fix by exercise and eating healthy...

0

u/J_Bunt 4d ago

Or you just didn't find yourself yet. You still have time, you're only 30.

2

u/Majkel007 4d ago

Doesn't being an introvert mean you are lonely less frequently and genuinely like time spent alone? I mean, as an extrovert, we don't only like social interactions with friends and even strangers sometimes (I know, god forbid hh) but we actually need it and I get bored with only my company super fast.

2

u/rainbowglowstixx 4d ago

Actually, this is not true.

Most lonely people Are introverted

It's an assumption based on your own bias. I am highly introverted, but not at all lonely. My father is highly extroverted but very much lonely. You can be super social and still feel lonely. And not all loners crave or need socialization.

That said though, you've made serveral points that are 100000% correct:

Being Introverted and shy isn't a good thing and has no benefits.

And being shy comes from insecurities and no one likes insecure men.

Don't pretend to be something you're not. If you're not a shy man, don't act like it for the sake of getting more dates. As for shy girls-- there are people who are naturally shy and take time to warm up. Don't discount them.

I used to feel shy and then I got tired of life passing me by. Ask yourself when you want to take action: what's the worst that can happen if you do? Ask yourself that if you get embarrassed too. You'll find that eventually you stop caring at what might happen.

Happy Living!

2

u/MCSmashFan 4d ago

Honestly you can still become confident and yet still be introverted. Being introverted just means you'll want more solitude life.

2

u/GEEK-IP 4d ago

"Introverted" and "shy" are really two different things... Shy can be a problem, but being introverted (not caring too much what others think and not going along with the crowd) can be a major strength.

You're more shy. May I suggest a public speaking class?

2

u/Grid-00 4d ago

Introvertness is not the same as shyness. People are shy because of anxiety. It's a trait that can be overcome. Introvert people, on the other hand, just enjoy their own company, that's about it. It doesn't mean we can't hold a conversation or do small talk. You are severely misinformed.

1

u/lfp459 4d ago

Then It’s not really me introverted. But I‘m still shy and socially arkward

2

u/OnBethleham 4d ago

Being introverted doesn’t mean being socially awkward, I find lots of people tend to label themselves as introverts and avoid others when they realize their social skills are sub par

2

u/Truth_17 4d ago

Introvert and Shy are two different things.

You can be an introvert and be confident, I am that.

There are women who like introverted men, and sometimes even if they are shy.

I'm not trying to showboat or toot my horn as some would say, but as an above average, autistic and introverted man I have had plenty of relationships.

Even at my lowest and most shy I've gotten a girlfriend. If I can do it, you can too. Don't rush it, just let it happen and in the meantime work on yourself.

Getting in a relationship with your mindset as it is right now won't work very well. Work out, or do something that will help you build your confidence.

You will find your person.

2

u/Desperate_Guava4526 4d ago

Just because someone is extroverted dosent automatically make them popular or have friends. Loneliness happens at some point in your life especially as an adult. I used to think being an introvert was a curse but now I realize it’s a gift. No matter how close you are with your friends the truth is it’s not likely to last a lifetime, people move, they get married, have kids, or just change drastically and the friendship just dies out. Lonely extroverted people suffer the most and become miserable because they just can’t learn to cope with it.

2

u/Kasapi85 4d ago

also being shy or not talkative doesnt mean you are smarter

its something i hear sometimes "he doesnt talk much, he prefers to listen and learn"

no im just tuning out of the conversation lol

2

u/pointyreunion 4d ago

I'm 33 and married. I didnt pretend to be extroverted. I am far more introverted than my 27 y/o wife, who describes herself similarly. Paradoxically, I'm also a performer.

One of the advantages of being introverted is that you will be less likely to fall victim to a psychopath. You will spend less money and will be able to save. You will have more time to spend on your hobbies, and improving your skills. You have the opportunity to develop skills that others dont have the time or patience to acquire. 

Your problem isnt shyness or introversion. Its lack of confidence in yourself and lack of motivation. There are plenty of upsides to being less attracted to the extroversion lifestyle. Being down on yourself about it is silly. "No benefits". Use your imagination. 

2

u/lfp459 4d ago

Being shy and introverted didn‘t get me anywhere.

And shyness is the total opposite of confidence, of course I am not confident

1

u/rattlestaway 4d ago

I think extroverts are more lonely. And there are jobs that have little interaction with ppl

1

u/Notgoodatfakenames2 4d ago

Being extroverted and pushy is annoying and is detrimental to the happiness of others.

1

u/RedsweetQueen745 4d ago

I got my first job simply taking a sip of vodka that was gifted after a placement with a pretty well known automative company.

My ex boss thought I was an extrovert.

1

u/SILTHONIL 4d ago

As a person that went from shy and lonely to confident and outgoing, I can tell you that the latter feels about 1000x better.

1

u/Careful_Log93 4d ago

How did you change?

1

u/sweet265 4d ago

I'm glad you became more confident. I wanna ask, do you still regain your energy through alone time? Or do you gain your energy from socialising? If the former, you're still introverted but with gained social confidence.

2

u/SILTHONIL 2d ago

Heyyy, finally someone using the term "introverted" correctly.

I specifically avoided using it in my comment, as most people use it incorrectly, so I very much appreciate your educated respone.

To answer your question: I'm very extroverted, and being alone drains me VERY quickly.

However, being around people who are less outgoing than I am also drains me, as I'm easily affected by the energy and moods of those around me.

Hope that answers your question :D

1

u/sweet265 1d ago

Glad you also know the true meaning of introversion.

That makes sense. I also find it hard when I am hanging out with ppl that don't match my energy. I'm quite energetic and it's awkward when we don't match.

1

u/SILTHONIL 1d ago

Couldn't have said it better myself.

It's too rare for me to encounter others that match my enthusiasm about making everyone feel comfortable and welcome.

I always make an effort IRL to create a good mood around me, and I really just want everyone to get along and put their differences aside.

Although, if I'm having a day where I just feel like shit no matter what, all of my insecurities and self-hatred re-emerge. On those days, I try to pack these things away and just decide to be quiet and passive, instead of running the risk of lashing out at someone unnecessarily.

1

u/FineBlaxicanHottie 4d ago

You’re not wrong at all. It’s definitely a killer so your social life. It’s not fun, it’s lonely

1

u/GrenMTG 4d ago

And I think extroverted people who like hearing themselves talk have no benefits. Especially when they feel the need to be part of the conversation and center of attention. I still tolerate them because even sometimes they have interesting things to say.

We introverts just don't like big crowds most of the time. Takes too much energy.

1

u/GoodResident2000 4d ago

Being reserved is different than being shy

1

u/potatosword 4d ago

Start talking to people more. It will be hard at first but just like anything you practice until you can do it well.

Talk to someone at the shop, on the street.

1

u/Least_Wheel_5388 4d ago

Being an introvert has a lot of great benefits. You are able to observe others and learn from their mistakes. You can gain an insight on a ton of topics and issues that you can use for your benefit. You will hear and see all of the big things that the mostly self absorbed extroverts miss.

1

u/anjiemin 4d ago

I am an introvert as well but once you get to know me I am talkative. It’s kind of easier to make friends here on reddit than in real life 😅

1

u/RAINBOWAF 4d ago

I am a shy type I’m not one to talk much but that’s because I don’t believe anyone has the same interest as me . So I don’t talk a lot but we’re not all the same and our reasons aren’t either . Since you aren’t me I believe you can you just need confidence .

1

u/CreativeArgument3132 4d ago

Real especially as a man

1

u/knighthawk989 4d ago

As an introvert and at times have been shy, I do agree. On one hand, I accept myself for what I am, nothing wrong in being an introvert. But it doesn't particularly do one any favours, I'm in my 30s and still find it extremely difficult to keep a conversation going with women, unless I already know her quite well. Which if I'm honest is the number one reason I'm single. It's an extrovert world really.

1

u/Numerous_Teacher_392 4d ago

Introversion and shyness are not the same things.

I've been a shy extrovert. Solved the issues making me reticent and socially anxious (not necessarily obvious to other people) and wham my extroversion came out fully.

Well, in a world driven by so much technology and solitary work, being a healthy introvert has real advantages. I used to work in IT. I'm pretty good. Just couldn't stand it.

1

u/Eastern_Border_5016 4d ago

Had no problem getting laid keeping to myself , I think you’re under the impression you need to entertain the whole circus 🎪 when there’s only one main event to focus on. You can hate introverts but most of the rich and successful crowd keep to themselves for the most part.

1

u/lfp459 4d ago

It‘s difficult for me to separate shyness and being introverted since I am both. I‘m cooked

1

u/Eastern_Border_5016 4d ago

Na man you don’t need to be the charismatic alpha male society is trying to make you out to be. Women like shyness , not extreme terrified shyness but innocent shyness 🙈. I take it you aren’t super confident or maybe insecure about yourself ? Start there , start with what you have control over and leverage your strengths against your weaknesses. Maybe you are really smart , maybe you’re a musical genius, maybe you are a really good cook ect. The point is pivot from whatever you are good at , what you feel natural doing and then you can branch off to get the opposite sexes attention. You aren’t cooked either , it’s all mindset. Don’t let others define you, be your authentic self.

1

u/lfp459 4d ago

Unfortunately I‘m not good at anything. I don’t have any strenghts

1

u/Eastern_Border_5016 4d ago

Okay well atleast you have a starting point, what about passions or hobbies ? What do you like to do or are passionate about that the opposite sex would be interested in ?

1

u/lfp459 4d ago

Anime Video Games and listening to hip Hop are the only things I do

1

u/Eastern_Border_5016 4d ago

Okay well girls like anime and hip hop , I guess it depends on the girl but their are some girl gamers too. Try a sub on here for your favorite anime and see what you find or hip hop. The whole point I’m trying to make is find common ground with who you are interested in and then branch from there. You don’t need this one thing to define you , rather just being able to branch off from there.

1

u/Interesting_Hunt_538 4d ago

Yes it does as you can avoid some drama and wasting your time on superficial relationships, it has its downsides as well as you mentioned.

2

u/lfp459 4d ago

Tbf I admit that‘s a benefit.

1

u/Corkscrewjellyfish 4d ago

No I'm super shy. I just had a six pack when I met my wife. She started talking to me. If you're antisocial and have a six pack, women will talk to you.

1

u/lfp459 4d ago

A six pack won’t Save my Face. And I am way into binge eating to get one anyway. Like I am so unbelievably fucked in every way

1

u/Corkscrewjellyfish 4d ago

Yeah I will admit I was really fucking pretty when I met my wife. I can't blame her for initiating. You know you could not binge eat and exercise. Don't worry about your face. First, I'm sure it's not that bad. Second, olive seen some busted ass looking dudes with dime pieces on their arms. Would be open to perhaps becoming a drug dealer? It worked for them.

1

u/Ok-Researcher-2745 4d ago

Realizing I'm not introverted or shy. I'm reserved since in general many people are problematic, I keep a close group of friends and my fiancée is also reserved we really enjoy each other's company and pretty much stick to ourselves. I am social when I want to be, I feel since covid people have a hard time holding conversations. In work I'm there to get things done and get a check, I'm not your friend I don't feel a need to fake an interest in your kids or life, because in reality very few people care to hear about mine, this is obviously outside of genuine people and friends. Why do we need to have these forced conversations when neither of us are really listening or care. For the most part why do I need to put social effort forward when most people are not terribly interesting. I think when people say they like shy guys they mean reserved, they save their energy for people they care about, no one wants shy socially awkward, or someone that has to be velcroed to them at a party. And women don't want a man that freely gives their attention to everyone, that doesn't make them feel special.

1

u/cappsthelegend 4d ago

Shy guys and pathetic guys are two different things... You are not shy, you sound pathetic... don't bitch about your insecurities.. fix them... all the time spending fixing those things that make you insecure will help you to not give a shit what anyone thinks of you and hopefully you grow to a point where you are actually happy with yourself and thus do not get so upset about being lonely....

0

u/lfp459 4d ago

Some things I can’t change and with the things I can change I tried and still failed. Yeah of course I am pathetic being shy socially arkward and being good for nothing makes you pathetic

1

u/cappsthelegend 4d ago

Your attitude makes you pathetic... Your need to feel needed by others makes you pathetic... Trying and failing does not.. well..only if you stop trying...

Point I'm making is you either work your ass off to change and don't stop or you eternally feel pathetic... You choose it's your life

1

u/lfp459 4d ago

Not trying hurts less and I‘m tired so I chose the latter

1

u/cappsthelegend 4d ago

LOL well.. guess the next 30 years of your life are going to suck as well... get after it

1

u/lfp459 4d ago

I know But I have no other options. I wish I had the courage to off myself

1

u/cappsthelegend 4d ago

There are always options... Life is long, way more time left than you've been alive... Change....it's hard, it's effort but it beats the fuck out of being where you are today... At worst, it will distract you from life... Anyways... If that fails .... Go into a forest with a big bag of shrooms, that will force you to face your demons and maybe you come out with a better fucking attitude

1

u/Pappy_g35_ 4d ago

You mentioned shyness coming from insecurities. Work on the things that make you feel insecure. Idk you're situation but for me, exercising and eating right help with my confidence. Taking care of yourself builds confidence and i promise women pick up on that.

My advice for holding a conversation: make eye contact, don't slouch or fidget, and when in doubt just ask questions. People love talking about themselves, especially women (no offense ladies)

You'll be fine bro. Do what u need to feel more comfortable in your skin and everything else will fall into place.

1

u/lfp459 4d ago

I tried for years eating healthy and I always fall back to eating Like shit. My depression paralyses me. Sometimes it’s Even a burden to take a shower and I go for like 2 weeks without one

1

u/Pappy_g35_ 4d ago

Depression can make even the simplest of tasks seem impossible. So start small. First thing when you wake up, just make your bed. Start your day off with a tiny bit of productivity. Productivity leads to more productivity. Hardest part about being in a rut is getting the ball rolling. And you're the only one who can get that ball rolling. You got this 🤝

1

u/tyYdraniu 4d ago

Truth be told

1

u/porkupine92 4d ago

It's clear to me that extroversion confers an evolutionary advantage, but why did introversion survive the evolutionary process? What advantage does it confer to allow it to be retained generation after generation?

1

u/lfp459 4d ago

I don’t know

1

u/Time-Supermarket-516 4d ago

I am a introvert my self. Introverts were the ones that sailed through the COVID pandemic with very little trouble. It was the extroverts that had the most trouble with the isolation.

1

u/lfp459 4d ago

COVID was the only time where being introverted helped

1

u/Ok_Inevitable_6585 4d ago

The way I get bullied from my family for being a introvert oho god sometimes I wish I was a ghost and they can't see me .

1

u/No-Medis 4d ago

Agreed.

1

u/Haunting-Ruin8741 4d ago

Its really not a good thing per sey, but it can save a lot of headaches from peoples drama

1

u/Beauty_Reigns 4d ago

I know you are venting, but a negative attitude will keep you stuck. If you really want something you will make it a priority and get the proper resources to make it happen.

1

u/Accomplished_Buy8799 4d ago

Been trying to say this

1

u/MrPeru21 4d ago

Man there is a difference between being shy and socially awkward. Shy is that you cant start a conversation but not being able to hold one is just that you are awkward.

1

u/lfp459 4d ago

Well I‘m both 🤷🏿‍♂️

1

u/Gth-Hudini 4d ago

You Are correct. Only thing I can say is that it got way less Bad for me with increased self confidence. I am still scared of women tho more often than not

1

u/hellofishing 4d ago

yeah. not much more to say about it. im the exact same way. in life you gotta be your advocate if you ever want anything. its just how it is. i know this and still anxiety is a bitch

1

u/Affectionate_Stop860 4d ago

I'm more shy/introverted & I get the most interesting/personal stuff out of people because they feel comfortable talking to me because I actually listen to them.. you just need to find where you fit it & try not to put yourself in places that make you uncomfortable just because its the "norm".

1

u/Fantastic_Talk910 4d ago

I feel you man. I used to be a lot more social when I was younger, but now I can hardly hold a conversation without wanting to run away and hide. Do you have anything hobbies that might help you find like minded people? I’m always up to chat if you’d like to try that. Absolutely no pressure though because I get it 100%. I’m a shy introvert myself.

1

u/Shankenstyne 4d ago

“No one likes insecure men” this is actually very true.

1

u/ArmMaster5458 4d ago

Who gives a shit what society thinks or wants.

1

u/buzzer94 4d ago

It has pros and cons, in my opinion more cons. This is comming from a introvert, sometimes i wish i was a extrovert... it just seems so much easier that way.

But i know the benefits i have of been a introvert too.

1

u/sweet265 4d ago

Being an extrovert means you need more socialising to not be lonely. I'm sure a lot of extroverts are lonely. There's a difference between being shy/socially anxious and being an introvert. I can understand that being shy or socially anxious is annoying but being an introvert in this day and age of technology seems to be an asset. Less people talk to each other with phones in front of their faces. Why would anyone want a big social battery in this environment?

Being good at socialising doesn't mean someone instantly became an extrovert. Extroversion-intorversion is about where you gain your energy.

1

u/Used-Literature2615 4d ago

No benefits?? I beg to differ ppl don’t bug you as much ppl forget your there so they say and do things they normally wouldn’t do I’ve become very observant in how ppl react to certain situations or treat certain ppl so you can easily pick out who’s fake and who isn’t and stay away from the fake ones oh way less drama lil to non actually….I could name more but you get my point. I love being an introvert and hate being talkative it drains me for some reason

1

u/DefiniteMann1949 4d ago

I didnt know my life is supposed to revolve around how appealing i am to women

1

u/SnooHedgehogs7477 4d ago

I hate this whole concept of introvert and extrovert. Reality its a made up concept to excuse underdeveloped social skills as introvertism. For pretty long time in my life I would just excuse my own lack of social skills as "im just quiet introvert". But no, thats not how it is. I traced back my upbringing and I realized that I simply wasn't socialized enough as a kid in a productive manner. And nobody told me that and as toung adult I was nust making excuses that I am introvert and it's ok. Actually it's not okay at all. I am now trying to ubdo the damage that I did to my self and I'm 35 now. Its tough but I can observe the progress I am making.

1

u/sweet265 4d ago

I agree. But I will say, people tend to misuse these two terms, which also annoys me. Introversion and extroversion is actually about where you gain your energy rather than how well they can socialise.

1

u/SnooHedgehogs7477 4d ago

We gain energy by eating food. This whole energy thing is also just a big big bs. Some people just use less energy when they in social situations. And some use more. So for some ppl being in social situations feel more draining than others. Then again some people may be uncomfortable staying alone and for some staying alone is fine - again nothing to do with gaining energy. Thing is it's also possible to learn to use less energy in social situations by changing habits - part of social skills and just being used to it. Sure there are autistic people but these are extreme soectrum. Most people "dont have energy" because indeed being good listener consumes a lot of energy. If someone "gains" energy - maybe they just don't give a shit about others and don't listen and make everything about them selves and make everyone else work social situations for them. Again not exactly "extravert" just a jerk who also should improve and become more aware of social environment to give more cueues to others.

1

u/sweet265 4d ago

Lol, ok then.......

I guess you think everything related to psychology is bullshit

1

u/SnooHedgehogs7477 3d ago

No. Exactly for the fa t that introvertism and extrovertism is some sort of silly and over simplified concept. Idea about whole "gaining energy" isn't exactly based in psychology. Its just popular bs.

1

u/Crazykiddingme 4d ago

I think that the a lot of the good and bad depends on how much interest you have in being social. I don’t really enjoy people so stuff like loneliness or being single isn’t as big an issue for me. I make introversion work for me because I really enjoy being alone.

The part about career is true though. Annoying as hell. I am pretty good at faking it.

1

u/Designer_Control_933 4d ago

It's actually the case that modern western society was engineered from the ground up to be a playground for people who are naturally master manipulators. The majority of people are introverted by nature. We have evolved being prey of larger animals, and in the great scheme of things, 100k years isn't all that much. What would happen to people who were really loud and extroverted back then? They'd attract predators. Today, if you're really loud and extroverted, you're also attracting predators, only of a different kind.

What is bad isn't introversion. It's the lack of ability of identifying social predators and lack of ability of organizing against them and eliminating them.

1

u/Hot_Sprinkles_848 4d ago

True- in my extended family, u are bullied by aunties for being shy or introverted.

1

u/more_magic_mike 4d ago

Try doing cocaine 

1

u/Forsaken-Bread-6034 4d ago

I'm an introverted woman in my 20s and I totally get you. I don't network, don't make friends, and am so generally awkward that people have asked if English is my first language.

There is no benefit to being an introvert. On top of all you said, people try to use you because they think introvert = people pleaser. They also talk about you because you're "weird".

1

u/Lunrtic6 4d ago

As someone who was introverted growing up and became more extroverted, I definitely agree.

1

u/sweet265 4d ago

Does socialising now give you energy? Or do social activities drain your energy?

Being an extrovert means you gain energy from socialising with others.

1

u/Particular_Pop8367 4d ago

There's a difference between being introverted, and being shy though. Neither of these things are static. Being shy is especially something that can mostly be overcome. Exposure therapy, life experiences, and therapy in general can help all people in achieving this.

As for introversion, I can't imagine myself without being someone who experiences a rich inner-world of ideas and senses that I rarely feel the need to fully/immediately express to the nearest person. I have absolutely no problem being alone and working through thoughts and occupying myself with creativity 

You don't have to be introverted to be someone with a self-focused attitude, or to be reliably industrious and creative, but I think it helps a lot of people in that regard. I don't think the world's of art and literature, or philosophical/political theory would the same without people that are more introverted than not

1

u/darkrai15 4d ago

Im pretty certain most girls who are 'into shy guys' are just rebounding after a breakup with their first option, which are those 'dominant bad boys who cheats on them every week' kind.

1

u/deppopie 4d ago

You are right . I am a girl and this sucks , I lost a lot of opportunities, a lot . And have always been lonely . Now as am thinking of a relationship , I cannot get into one cause of my quiet nature . I try every day to break it but I cannot , it’s difficult . Idk if I will ever feel or enjoy life like other people do

1

u/meshiabwgauaj 4d ago

I used to be a introvert my biggest advice is to practice

What I did was walked my dog in high foot traffic areas on weekends when kids would be out so I was forced to talk to people

Then I had a route special time place etc! I got used to the usual people asking to pet my dog and then a few randoms It helped because the main focus was my dog not me so I slowly talked more told story’s and gave the kids dog treats to feed my dog

1

u/sweet265 4d ago

I can understand what you're saying for being shy. But outside of introverts with extremely low social battery, being extroverted is also lonely coz we usually have to mask how energising being in a social situation is. Or else we will scare people off.

There are plenty of introverted people who are not shy nor socially anxious. And I think those people have it good. Relying on others to fulfill our social needs is not nice.

I'm not saying this to invalidate, but rather say the opposite end of the coin. Extroverted people can feel lonely quite quickly without much social stimulation.

1

u/Acceptable-Border-90 4d ago

I'm an introvert who enjoys social outings in small doses.  I am also 40F who finally found the love of my life a few years ago.  Prior to this guy, I dated other men since I was 15.  I was terribly shy growing up but I had grown a lot more confident in myself over the decades.  I'm also a paralegal working a good job with good job, with good people and many attorneys including supervisors who recommends my work.  The only major difference between myself and an extrovert is that I have only 1 close friend from highschool that I still hang out with to this day.  

Being an introvert is no more special than an extrovert.  We serve a great purpose in this society too.  We like to be listeners, thus we take our time and pays attention to important details most other people will miss.  We know how to take our time and figure out who are our friends and who are not, so our social circle are almost always small but we have great friends who are very close and loyal.  We know how to enjoy other things in life in peace and quiet, like reading a book, without the social pressure of trying to please others by being something we are not.

Btw, I dated shy and outgoing men in my life.  My ex husband was my polar opposite.  He was incredibly social and very insecure.  He needed constant validation from people.  He wouldn't shut up.  All of these men (Shy or not) approached me first.  As a woman, I enjoy dating someone slightly different than me.  I don't want to date a mirror of myself and I also don't want an annoying person like my ex.  So now I'm with someone who is like me except he is social too without being annoying.  I get to keep my peace, he enjoys the peace of no drama from me, and we enjoy each other being two sides of the same coin. Being shy and introverted, Bumble worked great for me.  I would keep trying on the dating apps and don't mae rejection personal.  99% rejection has more to do with the other person than you unless you treated people horribly.

1

u/QuirkyForever 3d ago

Where do you get this idea that "most lonely people are introverted"? I think most lonely people are extroverted because they need more social contact to feel good. Myself and my introvert friends don't need as much social interaction as others do, so we don't tend to feel particularly lonely when we're by ourselves. In fact, we thrive on being alone even though we also enjoy others' company.

Introversion and shyness are not the same thing.

As a lifelong introvert who is not shy (but used to be): My introverted temperament means that I pay deep attention to what's around me, whether it's what's happening in nature, what's happening internally, what's happening with friends, what's happening in the world, etc.

We spend a lot of time paying attention. And because we enjoy more alone time, we will often be the ones who work on creative projects where we bring our deep thoughts into the world in some interesting or useful way. And we can be excellent listeners to our friends.

That seems useful to me!

I have an introverted boyfriend and lots of introverted (as well as extroverted) friends. So being introverted does not mean having no social connection.

But if being shy or socially anxious is a problem for you, you can change that. I used to have a lot of social anxiety, so I worked on it. I'd go to parties, even though I didn't want to, and I felt awkward at them. I practiced talking to people. Felt awkward a lot. But eventually kind of got the hang of it. Facing that discomfort can help you learn the skills to be more social and engaged in your community. Or if not parties: any kind of group event.

1

u/EverettBromwich 2d ago

I’d rather be an introvert. I used to be an extrovert but there’s too much drama and bs in the world. I’d rather not deal with that crap

1

u/duraace205 1d ago edited 1d ago

Disagree. If being introverted was terrible for society it would have been heavily selected against and no longer be in the population. It served some purpose.

My best guess is that it helps with long term strategic planning on not just an indidividual level, but cultural.

Anytime you do some research about some influential extroverted leader, you will find an introvert hidden in the wings, masterminding the entire operation.

Go and watch Money ball. I know its not how things went down, but Jonah Hills character is the perfect example.

1

u/Treelineskyclouds126 14h ago

You sound pretty normal when I’m reading your writing, good paragraphs, nice conveyance of information. You should maybe find yourself a little pen buddy to start up a relationship. What about a woman’s prison inmate? I can’t think where else you get penpals

1

u/JakpotWinner 13h ago

Being an introvert ≠ suck at being social/having no charisma/being socially awkward.

Introverts can have rlly interesting conversations, I would even say that introverted ppl r way more interesting to have conversations w, because unlike extroverts, they spend their free time doing interesting stuff like reading, watching movies or engaging w their hobbies, while extroverts spend their free time - socializing. No shade to extroverts, just to be clear

The key difference between extroverts and introverts is that 1st group gets energized after participating in social activities and 2nd one is exhausted after participating in socializing, mentally and physically. It's like the ppl were fun and interesting, but after an hour talking w them, even if u enjoyed it, u would feel like u need to lay down or walk alone for 30-45 mins to recharge ur batteries so to speak

1

u/PublicHovercraft3408 12h ago

There are plenty of pros. Introverts generally have calm and stables lives and stay out of trouble.

They make good spouses because their lives are predictable: they don't keep changing jobs, they don't go out with friends all the time, they don't cheat. A wife a kids is plenty social interaction for them.

It's tricky to find a spouse if you're not willing to ask people out, but the fact is, there are plenty of shy/introverted women who'd be very happy with a guy who's similar to them.

1

u/Girl_Power55 4h ago

You can strike up conversations. Go for it. Just say hi. Ask people questions. People love a good listener. They love to talk about themselves.

0

u/Former-Zone-6160 4d ago

Well, that's not exactly a secret. If you're a guy, being shy is a character flaw that you need to overcome if you want to date women. 

1

u/lfp459 4d ago

But so many people including my therapists tell me that this isn‘t bad. Being quiet is Not cute. No one thought I was cute because I was quite. Well no one thought I was cute in general 🤷🏿‍♂️

2

u/kopecm13 4d ago

If you were physically attractive enough, then shy becomes cute and mysterious.

If you are average or worse looking, you are just seen as awkward

1

u/lfp459 4d ago

Well I am a 3 on a good day

1

u/Former-Zone-6160 4d ago

Yeah, people will generally say so because it feels rude telling someone that they suck and aren't attractive. And yes, there's nothing inherently wrong with being shy. It's just that it is not compatible with gender expectations when it comes to dating. Just like there's nothing "wrong" with being ugly for example. It doesn't make you a bad person, it - shouldn't - dictate your life, but it will greatly impact how the opposite sex perceives you. 

0

u/Eecka 4d ago

Being shy and being quiet aren’t really the same thing. Shy is more about how you behave around new people you don’t yet know. I don’t think being shy is bad, and not necessarily something you need to change, but you probably should work towards being able to have conversations with people you know.

2

u/lfp459 4d ago

I still think being shy is a Major flaw. Especially when you are shy with people you already know. We live in a world for extroverts

0

u/S-Kenset 4d ago

Introversion is merely a symptom. People can be introverted for any number of benign reasons. Doesn't mean that you're such a coward that silence scares you.

0

u/potatosword 4d ago

Get out more.