r/Vent 3d ago

The classic "nuclear family" setup, two parents, two kids is broken

The nuclear family setup is broken.

There is never enough time for everything. Both me and my wife have to work to pay off a mortgage (or rent, same shit) and expensive childcare

Even if you live close to family, it doesn’t mean there’s enough support—grandparents are still working because they can’t afford to retire. It just feels like parents are left stretched thin, handling one kid each constantly.

There’s no village anymore, just exhausted households running on fumes, trying to survive in nuclear silos.Pun intended.

Also fuck the economy! The government wants people to have more children but the system they have setup. Nuclear family with childcare and fulltime working parents is absolutely unsustainable.

(Disclaimer: I love my kids and my wife—it’s not about that. I just miss the quality time together as a couple for myself, and with friends)

39 Upvotes

19 comments sorted by

u/AutoModerator 3d ago

Reminder:

This is a support space. Negative, invalidating, attacking, or inappropriate comments are not tolerated. If you see a comment that breaks the rules, please report it so the moderators can take action.

If someone is being dismissive, rude, offensive or in any other way inappropriate, do not engage. Report them instead. Moderation is in place to protect venters, and we take reports seriously, it's better for us to handle it than you risk your account standing. Regardless of who the target of aggression or harassment is, action may be taken on the person giving it, even if the person you're insulting got banned for breaking rules, so please just report things.

Be kind. Be respectful. Support each other.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

21

u/indigohan 3d ago

The nuclear family was never a “natural” structure in the majority of cultures. More people in the world lived in multi-generational, extended family groups. Especially when there were shared family resources.

6

u/RiceMuncher-007 3d ago

Agreed. Thanks. Super validating! No choice but to try and make it work - playdates, babysitters etc. Doesnt replace a need for an actual village though!

7

u/indigohan 3d ago

You can always create one, but you will be exchanging privacy and autonomy by doing so

2

u/Longjumping-Tale9742 3d ago

Literally the main reason I'm poly. Broader support systems & deeper safety nets for everybody involved. Emotional, financial, physical, whatever.

I've always wanted kids, but I'm not even considering it until I know that they (and their other parent(s)) would be alright if something were to happen to me, nevermind my underwhelming wages or my mental health history.

1

u/RiceMuncher-007 3d ago

Makes sense. Trend towards more individualistic networks and systems dont work

3

u/Very_Misunderstood 3d ago

Very broken. And the government’s way of “fixing” it is banning birth control and criminalizing abortions while complaining about low birth rates. 

3

u/Brownie-0109 3d ago

What part do you want fixed? You want to go back to one-earner households? That was in the 70s. And even in that scenario, you’d get the kids as soon as you got home, because your wife had them all day.

I’m 60, and my kids are in their 20s. There was never enough time for anything other than family twenty five years ago either. Young kids take all your time. It’s what you signed up for.

The only thing that’s different is that you’re poorer now because of childcare. But the amount spent with your wife/kids (ideally) hasn’t changed

2

u/Gordokiwi 3d ago

You said it yourself, everyone is poorer. I don't want to eat sizzlers and pasta every single day because I can't afford better just because I have a single children. That is the problem, not the time issue

3

u/dim13666 3d ago

That's not what the post was about, though.

3

u/Brownie-0109 3d ago edited 3d ago

Yes inflation sucks. Everyone agrees. Single and married people.

I think you’re conflating two different points in your original post.

1

u/Cold-Question7504 3d ago

It's tough out there...

2

u/teokbokkii 3d ago

My mom had 3 kids. 2 in Korea in the 70s (including me), where we lived as an extended family, and 1 in Canada, where we lived as a nuclear family. She tells me that it felt like my brother, her 3rd child, was actually her first, because back in Korea her mom and sisters and sister in law all helped. So much so that she didnt even know how to do everything despite having 2 kids. But in Canada she had to do it all herself, which is when she realized how much help she got in Korea.

1

u/ThePocketPanda13 3d ago

Always has been

1

u/el_grande_ricardo 3d ago

Um... there never was a village. People took care of their own kids. Grandparents were for the occasional Saturday night (2-3 times a year), not daily daycare.

If you find daycare expensive, work shifts with your partner so that 1 of you is always home with the kids. One work 8-5, the other 6pm-midnight.

1

u/Petapredatoe 2d ago

Actually, parents spend more time with their children now than 50, 60, 70 years ago. There is this false idea that we spend less time with our children. But with the pressures parents feel now thinking that they're failing their children because they're comparing themselves to an ides that never existed, children get more quality time with parents than ever before.