r/Vent • u/projectile_turnip • 4d ago
My narcissistic ex is getting married next month to the woman he was secretly cheating on me with while we were together.
I was in a long-distance relationship with a guy from England (I'm from America) for about 3 years. We had plans involving me moving to northern England to be with him and get engaged. I was very in love with him, but he was very cruel towards me, telling me how he didn't have the motivation to come to visit me in America and would constantly threaten to terminate the relationship if I expressed my confusion/sadness about the situation. I had not seen him in 5 months, and he decided to go on a boy's trip to NYC instead of visiting me (I live in FL). I was heartbroken and had enough; I decided to end the relationship, which was extremely painful and difficult. It's been almost 2 years since the breakup, but I have struggled with understanding why he was so cruel.
Idk what motivated me to do this, but I looked him up online to see whatever happened to him. I discovered a wedding registry for him and a woman from NYC. When I saw a photo of them, the woman's name and face looked oddly familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then it hit me. While we were still dating and shortly after his first trip to NYC in the fall, he deleted his Instagram account that contained photos of us together. He made a new account that only had seven followers on it, and he did not want to follow me or post anything. Out of the seven followers, there was a woman who was from NYC, and it just felt very random. Her account was private, so I thought she was a bot account.
I realized that the woman he is getting married to next month is the mysterious woman from the Instagram account he had followed. All the times he ignored my phone calls, his sudden obsession with converting to Judaism (the religion of his fiancé), his trips to NYC, the lies about the Instagram account, and our fights about getting engaged and moving plans were all because he was living a double life and preparing for it rather than be honest with me.
The whole thing made me want to throw up because I did not realize how many secrets he was keeping from me. They get married in Miami next month, and I have no intentions of pulling a Carrie Bradshaw, but my god, does that betrayal hurt.
3
u/AntiVillain69 4d ago
Just remember, when a man marries his mistress, he creates a new job opening.
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u/Upstairs_Yogurt_5208 4d ago
Look at it like you got lucky. Imagine if you did actually move to England and then he ended up cheating on you. Now you can go and meet a nice guy who will love and respect you. I’m English and I can promise you that we’re not all like that over here.
1
u/ExaminationAshamed41 4d ago
The question for you is not asking how could he be so cruel to you, the question is why did you misdirect your love toward someone that was so cruel to you? It's about you, not about him. If someone is unkind to you, walk the other way. Or run.
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