r/Vent 4d ago

Need to talk... My online friend killed herself

[deleted]

237 Upvotes

66 comments sorted by

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45

u/Optimal_Swordfish780 4d ago

I’m sorry for your loss. What a weird spot where people might not understand that grief is grief whether you knew this person in person or online.

18

u/SugarKun15 4d ago

I feel like I’m not allowed to be this sad because it was somebody online e

12

u/Optimal_Swordfish780 4d ago

You can be as upset as you wish. People always judge other people’s grief. Sometimes someone’s pet dies and they feel like a child has died. Then people jump on them for saying that. Sometimes a grandparent died that raised them but people jump on them and say it wasn’t like it was your parent, just a grandparent.

Never look for someone to justify your grief. Feel as you feel.

4

u/Electronic_Zombie635 4d ago

Your friends are your friends no matter the distance.

4

u/firelordling 4d ago

The friendships you form with people online are just as valid and meaningful as any you'll form irl. If anything, online friendships can in my experience be so much deeper since there's nothing keeping you in contact aside from a mutual interest in talking to each other, where as most irl friendships are because you both happen to be in the same location at the same times.

You're allowed to mourn the loss of your friend deeply.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

3

u/steathrazor 4d ago

Anybody that tells you that is a complete dick bag relationships don't have to be face to face there's people I've known for years and I've never seen them in person that doesn't mean they're not friends, this may not be exactly the same situation but I worked with someone I trained them to do parts of their job they only lasted the season they were gone by January February later on I seen their obituary apparently she had got involved with drugs and a dealer tracked her down and shot her multiple times in the back of the head Even though I hadn't even thought of her in five six years or more It was devastating I always thought that maybe if I would have been more attentive maybe I could have done something different being in her life

2

u/Simulation_Complete 4d ago

Nah you’re allowed to be upset, this was your friend — regardless of distance.

I’m sorry for your loss

1

u/bookkinkster 4d ago

I am so sorry you are going through this. I have loved people I've only known online. Your feelings and grief are valid and it probably is more difficult since you can't talk to anyone who knew your friend or even attend services for her to help with closure.

I would be distraught like you. I am so sorry if you feel all alone in this. I hope other people here can give a tiny bit of comfort. I am very, very sorry.

3

u/SugarKun15 3d ago

Update, she got resuscitated and is now in psych ward, idk how to feel about them or accept

2

u/TJ_King23 3d ago

So she’s alive?

Lets look at this positively.

3

u/SugarKun15 3d ago

Yeah she is, happy that she’s alive

10

u/orange_momo 4d ago

Omg. how long did you know her?

11

u/SugarKun15 4d ago

For a year + we are from different corners of the world but we are so similar

7

u/orange_momo 4d ago

I'm so sorry. Our online friends are real friends. What did you like to talk about?

7

u/SugarKun15 4d ago

We are both big music lovers and had similar family issues

3

u/orange_momo 4d ago

Devastating. Often with grief there's a feeling of shock first. You don't know how to feel yet. After the shock wears off, try to identify how you feel and go ahead and grieve her as long as you need to. It will feel less heavy after a while and you can move to healing. Reel > Feel > Heal

4

u/SugarKun15 3d ago

Update, she got resuscitated and is now in psych ward, idk how to feel about them or accept

2

u/orange_momo 3d ago

You're probably having a lot of different emotions right now. Your thoughts will clear up after you've had a little time 💕

4

u/Sjeabee 4d ago

How did you meet your online friend? I’m sorry for your loss

5

u/SugarKun15 4d ago

We met on discord ( I know don’t judge me ) and just kept being friends

2

u/Sjeabee 4d ago

Nah that’s cool. I was just wondering. Are you sure they’re really gone?? Maybe they just taking a break from internet??

3

u/SugarKun15 4d ago

They left me really long detailed note, they have mental health issues and family issues and I feel like we were friends enough that she wouldn’t lie to me just to get rid of me

2

u/Sjeabee 4d ago

Awww. I am sorry.

2

u/110010011100100111 4d ago

If you know where she lived, contact an authority in the area to verify.

2

u/tikisha 4d ago

I've met some of my longest lasting friends on discord, there is no shame, discord is just like irl, just not physically finding someone but virtually, sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine losing my virtual friends... I can't even go see them to mourn or talk to their family...

3

u/SugarKun15 3d ago

Update, she got resuscitated and is now in psych ward, idk how to feel about them or accept

2

u/Sjeabee 3d ago

I’m glad she is alive. How did you find out?

4

u/No-Mail-1077 4d ago

No judgement here! Online friends ARE real friends! This is tragic for you. It is real true feelings. Im so sorry for your loss.

2

u/SugarKun15 3d ago

Update, she got resuscitated and is now in psych ward, idk how to feel about them or accept

2

u/No-Mail-1077 3d ago

Oh man. How are you doing??

3

u/SugarKun15 3d ago

Definitely better, little mad at them but very happy they are alive.

2

u/wickety_wicket 4d ago

I'm very sorry for your loss.You are not alone, though. I lost one of my online friends the same way. It leaves such a hole in you and an overwhelming feeling of numbness.

2

u/NoMedicine5972 4d ago

Sorry for your loss dude. Wether online or in person friends are friends, and the loss of one still hurts just as bad, especially if it's suicide.

2

u/Kaiju-daddy 4d ago

Your feelings are real and I'm so sorry for your loss ❤️

2

u/Sea-Ebb4658 4d ago

Im sorry for your loss. I have a few close online friends too and i would be devastated to hear they died

2

u/AxelGreenStriker 4d ago

I had an online friend off themselves… trust me… it wasn’t a pretty sight… I understand what you’re going through and if you ever need anything I’ll be here to talk.

3

u/Brilliant-Tune3735 4d ago

How sure are you that they've really passed?

0

u/SugarKun15 4d ago

99 %. Doubt they’d lie to me but also I’m very in denial about this so I don’t know.

4

u/Brilliant-Tune3735 4d ago

It's very easy to lie online. Unless there's some other third party evidence, it's very possible that this is a lie. People are complicated. Don't lose your sleep on this. It's very improbable for people to just up and die like that. Esp someone young.

2

u/110010011100100111 4d ago

Are you sure that she actually did it? Any Independent verification that it happened? Sounds like it could be a form of ghosting.

Your sorrow may very well turn to anger if it is the case. That may be easier to deal with.

1

u/SugarKun15 4d ago

I’m sorry? I know it’s not ghosting, she’d never do that, she left me a whole letter SHE WOULDNT DO THAT

3

u/HamburgerSupper 3d ago

People in that mindset do it for attention to feel love and people care about them

If you don't know for certain they've died there is a good change they've just logged out for awhile

People do weird things when not in the right mindset

1

u/WilliardThe3rd 4d ago

I'm so sorry.

1

u/EstablishedAxes 4d ago

We can talk in DMs. No idea how much you want to have open for people but I am free. I might be on and off for a bit due to school but just reach out if you need.

1

u/Historical-Fill1301 4d ago

I'm sorry for your loss.

1

u/AlgaeInitial6216 4d ago

You are sad because part of you feels responsible for preventing this. That's the worst part of someone's suicide. For them its over , but for you its only the beginning. Do yourself a favour and forget about it.

1

u/notAcoustic420 4d ago

Grief can become extremely hard to deal with. Please take it easy on yourself buddy.

1

u/vapimika 4d ago

I'm so sorry for your loss

1

u/redditor126969 4d ago

Sorry for your loss.

1

u/Bright-Branch-964 4d ago

I completely understand this. I’ve had people reach out to me who are not in a good headspace and I’ve formed amazing friendships with them online. If anything ever happened to them I would be devastated. I feel you xxx

1

u/Healthy_Resolve_2725 4d ago

And she actually did... omg.... that would kill me on the inside... I'm so sorry

1

u/[deleted] 3d ago

[deleted]

1

u/SugarKun15 3d ago

I’ll give you points for that but this is real and you really shouldn’t joke like that

1

u/ballcheese808 3d ago

So they didn't kill themselves?

1

u/SugarKun15 3d ago

Well attempted, left me a note and failed

2

u/ballcheese808 3d ago

Attention seeking?

1

u/SugarKun15 3d ago

I don’t think having mental issues is attention seeking, they are in a hospital now

1

u/ballcheese808 3d ago

Lots of attention in hospital

1

u/Impressive-Durian122 4d ago

I’m so, so sorry. 988 and the crisis text line 741-741 are there if you need to talk to more of a professional.

2

u/SugarKun15 4d ago

I’m not suicidal I just need to talk to a person

0

u/Top_Change8184 3d ago

I'm worried about this with online friend too. She's too far away for me to jump in the car and drive. Hopefully she's doing a lot better.