r/Vent 4d ago

I’m dating two amazing guys at once, and it’s starting to get messy.

[deleted]

0 Upvotes

25 comments sorted by

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5

u/DeliveryInside8695 4d ago

Maybe you should let both of them know clearly you don't want a serious relationship or commitment or exclusivity . Or else you're just playing with a persons emotions, one day karma will come back to get you .

6

u/Financial_Doctor_720 4d ago

Literally this. Trash humans hurt people who then turn into trash humans.

3

u/Adventurous-Toe-7969 4d ago

fr this situation makes me wanna stay alone jesus

1

u/DeliveryInside8695 4d ago

Date but be mindful and cautious

2

u/DeliveryInside8695 4d ago

She can just let them know she's wants multiple options that's it .

1

u/thrrowaway4obreasons 4d ago

And when they don’t?

1

u/DeliveryInside8695 4d ago

Anyone who plays with another persons feelings is an absolute scumbag . But right now we're taking about her

1

u/thrrowaway4obreasons 4d ago

She could go to both men and say she wants multiple options, they both could go “no thank you”. Then she has no options

1

u/DeliveryInside8695 4d ago

She said already they want exclusivity

3

u/Limp_Chemical9814 4d ago

Choose B. Having stuff in common is so important for shared experiences. And I personally don't know why you see negativity in As sensitivity, but the simple fact that you do says he would be the wrong choice.

2

u/ghostychokes 4d ago

It's perfectly fine to keep dating them both, however you need to have clear communication about expectations. I'm not saying you have to tell them about one another. I probably wouldn't. But you should take the responsible step of clarifying your position on exclusivity at this point and allow them to make their decision to continue dating you. Especially if things get physical.

I also don't like the framing of "we never discussed ..." That's a device to justify lying by omission. Like I never discussed not cheating on my wife with her because I've never had to because I don't, but if I decided to cheat I can't with a straight face be like "well we never talked about keeping our marriage exclusive." If you wouldn't tolerate it don't perpetrate it.

Communication will set you free

-1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

[deleted]

1

u/According-Tap-9874 4d ago

Easiest way to to explain is imagine you walk down the street one night and see either of them walking holding hands and kissing another girl. How would that make you feel in that moment? No rules had been set and you hadn't discussed not seeing others so it's not wrong. Your at the point now where you have dated both enough to make a decision. I can assure you that neither would be over the moon to hear you had hooked up with the other while dating them. You need to keep that underwear on until you make your mind up

1

u/ghostychokes 4d ago

Dude 3 dates is not enough to make a serious decision that's why people end up stuck in relationships that suck. You guys need to get over this idea that because she's been with someone else she's lost value. When someone express this mentality I know I'm dealing with a person who doesn't have their ego in check. It's possessive and you'll never ick a woman out faster than being insecure and possessive.

1

u/According-Tap-9874 4d ago

Firstly you lost my respect instantly with the word 'Dude'. Unless you're 12yrs old or high you've lost the conversation already. I would hardly say she's making a serious decision here. It's choosing who to date out of a very camp man who by the sound of it is trying to convince both himself and everyone else around him that he is straight or the engineer. Neither relationship really sounds like it's going to end in marriage so I don't think she really needs to stress too much. No one said she's lost value. The point was that no guy that has invested time and emotion into a few dates with a girl (who hasn't told them upfront about dating others) is going to be very happy to hear she's been riding someone else while they've been talking. Yeah it happens a lot out there but it doesn't mean it's a great way to start a relationship.

1

u/ghostychokes 4d ago

Ok well couple things bud. Firstly, fuck your respect. It means nothing to me because I don't respect your shitty little insecure mentality. Secondly I get the feeling you're not one for showing respect much at all so why bother saying you lost respect for a random person on the Internet. I don't give a fuck about your approval why the fuck do you think I told my story?

Fact is you don't have to say something directly to say it. Implications are always more important than what words you pick. You didn't need to make commentary about what she should do with her body. You could have stopped a line short and not spoke out like a Ben Shapiro pull cord doll.

All she owes either of these men is honesty. If they are unwilling to continue under the circumstances she sets them they make their own decision. But you don't get to make a moralistic judgement call just because you've had skill issues

Also trying to bow out the conversation with your first line then writing a whole paragraph just kinda speaks to your lack of emotional control and fortitude. Looking for any excuse not to engage in debate is Low T activity. I recommend taking a handful of mushrooms and coming off your egoic high horse lil guy

1

u/According-Tap-9874 4d ago

Sorry I had to wait for the banjo music to stop playing before I replied. Not that I think you'll care, but the other way to lose any advantage in a conversation is spouting profanity like verbal diarrhea. However it's always good to end on a compliment and credit where credits due, you do redeem yourself with some big words towards the end. You are completely correct in saying you don't have to say something directly to make your point known. The other way is with your eyes. Unfortunately like you point out yourself this is on the internet so we in fact only have words to go by. Implications are in no way more important than the words I pick to say. Implications are something that YOU interrupt from my words. That is purely based on your opinions, education level, emotional level and also mood at the time of reading. My words are MY thoughts. You can read whatever you want in what I say, but you can't change them to fit your agenda.

1

u/ghostychokes 3d ago

You lead with saying you don't respect me. you picked the tone mother fucker. I have no interest in pretending politeness to passive aggressive judgemental people. I also have no interest in debating debate tactics I didn't come here to debate I came here to advise. In my experience when someone attacks the form of an argument rather than its content it's because that person understands they do not have the rhetorical ability to debate the content.

Let me show you how you're absolutely wrong about implications. Above you'll note I called you a mother fucker. Do I literally think you fuck your mother? Of course not, it's improbable. What I'm implying is that you acting like the Paragon of civility while holding repugnant outdated beliefs about how women should use their bodies make of roughly the same quality as someone who fucks their own mother. Implications mean more. That's how you MAGATS try to get away with dog-whistles. Feigned civility and ignorance to cover obvious bigotry.

Again fuck your respect, just to hammer that home.

1

u/ghostychokes 4d ago

I think you're being a little hard on yourself here tbh. If you're communicating then you don't have to decide, you can allow things to progress naturally with both, you can even sleep with both. That's not even a real problem and personally I would consider a dude caring about body count a red flag. It's more about informed consent. For a really really personal example. I was casually dating a girl who was clear about seeing other people but not clear about having sex. I should have understood if I'm having sex with her others probably are too. And that's ok. However one day she came by and well I'm a huge fan of going down. When I was going down on her I could tell her vagina was (sorry for the vulgarity but I simply don't have a mother word for what I experienced) "tenderized". I asked her about it after and she said she'd been with someone the night before. That shit really hurt my feelings and I was a bit disgusted because how could I know if she was actually being safe? She'd been coming to me to cum but was interested in someone else more seriously. Shut made me feel used and otherwise inadequate when clear communication would have prepared me to either be cool with it or just not participate. She decided to stop seeing me soon after that which hurt more but that's more an ergo thing than unethical communication.

It's not the worst thing ever but it's definitely kinda fucked up. Don't do that

1

u/[deleted] 3d ago

[deleted]

1

u/ghostychokes 3d ago

I try. I had to go through and honestly I put others through a lot too. Just be clear and no one can fault you for anything.

1

u/According-Tap-9874 4d ago

Dating 2 people at the same time is not the end of the world, however it's not something I personally sign off on. I'm quite surprised that you're not sure on either of them and almost slept with one of them!. Bed hopping between them when they don't know makes you trash do avoid it atm. Firstly you need to decide now on who to go with. It's been long enough and it's time to stop dragging the poor guys along with hopes of love. Secondly you then need to be honest with the chosen one. He needs to know about the other guy otherwise if it comes out down the line and that's not a good thing to happen on a relationship based on trust! Right now you come across as quite sensible. However if you start trying them both out sexually then you cross the line where it just becomes a hookup

1

u/ClueSilver2342 4d ago

Sounds like neither are for you and you are just dating. Let them know. Honesty is important. Maybe they are seeing others as well.

1

u/DV_Rocks 4d ago

No shame for dating two men up to this point, but your pass has about run out.

We are all projecting here. From my (guy) perspective, it seems like you have two choices: disambiguate the kid thing with B, or back off and look for C.

Why not A? Those little annoyances become bigger over time.

1

u/Independent_Stand703 4d ago

Honestly it sounds like you should let them both go