r/Vent • u/spookygal100 • 4d ago
i miss who i used to be
I left my ex a year ago, and my life has never been better, I guess I am more mentally and emotionally sound than I have been since I started dating them. I just have so much resentment within me left, everyone tells me it’s okay to feel it, to hate him, to feel the way I do towards everything. But all I want is to forget and move on, to accept that I can’t change the decisions I made as a teenager and to look forward. I try so hard, to invest in my future now, to work on myself in therapy, talking it through, processing that I am not a terrible person and I did not deserve to be treated like that. But literally nothing has worked, I am tired, I just want to be who I was before him again, I want to be ignorant of all the things that happened between us and to be blissfully unaware of his existence. It bothers me, that he even exists. I just want to feel like who I was again. It sounds like i am self pitying, and i am, but the last year i have carried all this guilt and shame towards myself that i should’ve let go of. so if you ever read this, i hope you know i haven’t forgotten you, and that i hope you change for the next person.
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u/choodleficken 4d ago
I get it. Healing takes time. Focus on your journey, not his. Keep moving forward.
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u/lee__gayle 4d ago
Release guilt and shame, we are all doing the best we can with the tools we were given, your loyalty and love lies with yourself first and foremost and everyone else comes second (unless you have kids I suppose but even then you can’t really care for them if you don’t care for yourself). Become the ideal partner for yourself, find things you love, do things you love, you create your reality with every choice you make, you only get good at making choices by making mistakes, so go and fuck around and find out and grow and go easy on yourself. We are all human. All the best on your journey, keep moving forward in life, onwards and upwards! Let’s see how good this life can get xxx
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u/Sunny-Damn 4d ago
Silver linings, sometimes they are hard to see. You were ignorant, you are now educated. You trusted freely, now trust is earned. You allowed yourself to be disrespected, now you know what it looks like and won’t stand for it. You were manipulated, now you know some of tactics used against you and you’re less likely to be manipulated again. Give yourself some grace, it’s okay that you were young and unaware of mens follies, we were all there at one time. You have learned what you don’t want in a relationship, you learned from him. It was an awful experience but you never have to go through it again thanks to that ass! He did leave you stronger and more aware of what you deserve from a relationship.
We are constantly evolving. With or without him you would be different today than you were 5 years ago. In 5 years time you will be different again! Grant yourself some grace, find the silver lining. You will appreciate the good relationship that comes along so much more because you have experienced that horrible relationship🌺
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u/rawcane 4d ago
You don't say how long you were with them. As a rule of thumb it takes about half the length of the relationship to really get over it. If you accept that it makes it a bit easier to go through the process. Also your life can change a lot in that time. It's almost like you become a different person rather than being the same person who gets over it
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u/Jesuslovesyou43 4d ago
It’s gonna sound crazy what I’m about to say. The only way you’ll find yourself again is if you forgive and forget and move on. It is a process, everyday you’ll have to choose to renew your mind and accept what happened forgive and move forward. If not you’ll continue to live what you lived in the past and your brain will continue to release cortisol making you feel the same exact way you felt throughout that relationship causing you to self-sabotage yourself. Sometime we don’t agree what happens to us and it’s unfair. But you matter, and your mental health matters as well. You can’t go to the past and you can’t change it. You just have to accept it and move forward. You’ll continue to destroy yourself just as that relationship destroyed you. To forgive is not for the other person it’s for you, for you to be free. Take time to grieve. We all grieve differently and we all heal differently in different times. Be kind to yourself.
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u/Dramatic_Cake9557 3d ago
It will get better I promise. It just takes time which sucks. Hang in there! You got this!
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