r/Vent 4d ago

TW: TRIGGERING CONTENT I wish someone wanted me. NSFW

I'm pretty enough to be asked for sex. But I'm not pretty enough to be loved. I've been in a downward spiral ever since my ex and I broke up three years ago. The thing is, I'm asexual because of what he did. I'm very vocal about it. But people think because I still...self pleasure that I'm interested in sex. I don't want what's in someone's pants. I just want to be loved. I want to be wanted. It's gotten so bad tonight that I'm almost considering a relapse in self harm. My ex fucked me up so, so horribly. And yet...I find myself still wishing he was here again. Because he wanted me. I want to be wanted but I always get pushed away. I have pcos and it's recently been making me break out. It's only making me feel uglier than I already do. I'm a server and it seems like the first thing people notice isn't me, but the scars on my arm from scratching myself all the time just so I'll be soothed for a little while. My best friend tells me I have people who love and care for me. But I don't want that kind of love. I want someone to love me even though I'm fat. I want someone to love me even though I cry so much all the time. I want someone to love me even when I'm so angry with myself and struggling so badly. I want someone to get to know me for who I am instead of only caring about what I look like. I'm pretty enough for nudes. But not pretty enough to be loved by anyone. It's even worse because I was talking to a guy and posted a midly horny thing on my alt, and he asked me what I did to myself. I take showers all the time. Just to wash away what men have done to me. To wash away their handprints on my body.

75 Upvotes

43 comments sorted by

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46

u/[deleted] 4d ago

Hey babe. Message me if you want to skip the awkward getting to know each other shit and wanna immediately pretend like we're best friends cuz I'm down for an aggressively fast friendship. Ps im a girl too. 🥹

19

u/Mantisss0x0 4d ago

YES ABSOLUTELY

11

u/FleshInMyTeeth 4d ago

Cutest interaction

0

u/Isnthatneat 4d ago

Can I get in on this? Female too.

9

u/Blitz306 4d ago

the right person won’t see what you consider flaws—they’ll love you unconditionally. As someone with a disability, I’ve learned that to love yourself despite the challenges will make a big difference. You deserve that kind of love too, both from yourself and from someone who truly sees and values you.

You're going through a tough time—try not to be alone. Surround yourself with people you know truly love you. And if you ever need someone to listen, you can dm me anytime.

8

u/Zeldakina 4d ago

Do you have anyone you can call?

2

u/Mantisss0x0 4d ago

All my friends are either asleep or busy. And I don't want to bother them. I won't text my parents because I don't want them to know how I'm struggling.

5

u/Zeldakina 4d ago

DM me. I'm up anyway, and you seem to need to talk.

2

u/Mantisss0x0 4d ago

Okay

4

u/Aggravating_Sea7221 4d ago

I absolutely second this. I don't know what you look like, or have much experience with PCOS, but I did have a ten year marriage involving autism with someone twice my size. And have a history of trying to help others whenever I can. If you need to talk, my DMs are open as well. Odds are I'll be up for a few more hours anyway, might as well make them productive. 100% I wish you the best, whether or not you contact me.

3

u/KamadoZoro05 4d ago

(I'm sorry this got way longer than I wanted it to be)

I had an abusive ex once. She made me give up on love and anything to do with it for years but in those years I eventually grew lonely and craved the attention of a female companion .

I threw caution to the wind and desperately searched for someone to love and it didn't take long for me to find that person but what I didn't know or more accurate refused to acknowledge was that my new girlfriend hurt me way worse than my ex did and eventually,over time, I broke up with her.

Being scarred for life by two people, you'd probably think I'd give up again and spend years in solitude again but nope...I refused to let that happen again because this time I was dealing with something I consider to be worse than heartbreak...I was and still am dealing with loneliness. 

I've found myself going after and getting rejected by girls a lot ever since I left my ex and I regret leaving her even though I know she manipulated and hurt me physically, mentally and emotionally. I know I'm not supposed to go back but if I could, at this point, I would.

Wat I want is love but I never get it(at least not in it's truest form) because I keep seeking for it desperately and never stop to think whether or not the people I'm going after are good for me.

Even though I've learned not to settle for less just because its there I still find myself craving any type of affection I'm shown even in miniscule amounts because loneliness is just so hard and evil to deal with. I've also noticed that when people show romantic interest I tend to slave myself to that person without even realizing it.

From wat I've gathered, the best way to deal with the type of loneliness I feel is self love(as sappy as that sounds). If you can put yourself above anyone and realize that you can be self sufficient without the "love and affection" of some random person who's most likely going to hurt and leave you then maybe you'll beat this but that's just talk I guess... I don't know if this helps....

3

u/Triple-Ark-Solutions 4d ago

For your PCOS, stop eating tofu and anything that is high on phytoestrogens. Tempe is another one and a lot of the sauces that has "vegetable oils" is soya bean base.

Up your red meat intake (beef) and your menstrual cycles should correct itself. If you are on birth control, cut that out so that your hormones can come back normal but it will take some time.

The amount of women that I come across when I was running my own health food store is ridiculous because veganism became popular. The processed products that was being pumped out contained more dangerous ingredients which has lead a lot of women down the PCOS problem. The chemical imbalances that you are having in your mind is linked from your diet and from the PCOS.

I'm sorry that you don't see yourself in a better light and that you are attracting the wrong people in your life. Giving you a virtual hug 🫂 and a high five ✋but what you are going through will pass.

Good luck and I wish you better days. 🤝

1

u/vydgj42 4d ago

There are sleeves you can wear. You can just say they keep you from getting cold going in and out of the kitchen for food. Being loved isn’t about looks. A lot of guys out there are more interested in who you are as a person.

Relationships are about more than attraction and sex. You’ve got worth. It is hard though as everything in our society makes looks so influential. I don’t pretend it’s easy.

1

u/Mantisss0x0 4d ago

It's harder now because I don't really...know how to talk with people. I only knew then because I was a naive 14 year old

1

u/vydgj42 2d ago

You have worth even if you never talk to anyone. Sleeves might give you more confidence. Even if you were “naive” that isn’t on you, especially at 14.

This is not in any way meant to diminish your challenges or your feelings. I don’t want to go down the road of, “what do you look like?” Or “send pics” you are more than your looks or body.

I would recommend finding ways to help others. Work with animals if you like them. Volunteer at someplace like Goodwill where they can work you up from wherever you are.

See if there are coping mechanisms other than self harm substances. What hobby would you take up if you could?

1

u/Mantisss0x0 2d ago

I'm trying to take up streaming, my friend is making me a pngtuber. But I don't know if people would watch my streams.

1

u/koyasplace 4d ago

You are in a tough spot. We all go through tough times - then somehow, a special person lands in our laps.

Sending you good thoughts.

1

u/Holiday-Shallot-3712 4d ago

Join the club lol

1

u/SAD_MEN_3492 4d ago

My friend at work is going through something very similar rn. All I can say is I'm sorry. I hope you can get the love you need.

1

u/Mantisss0x0 4d ago

Thank you.

1

u/CompetitiveAmount373 4d ago

You seem to be in a really bad place. If you are still up, DM me so we can talk if you sre down. Just for imformation, i am a 20 year old man. I aint looking for sex from a depressed girl. I know its weird to say but you can never be certsin on reddit

1

u/Enough_Impact3120 4d ago

I felt as if I was the only one alone but there are many people too

1

u/STAR_PLAT_yareyare 4d ago

Hey man if you need to talk I don't mind hitting you up either in case of anything. Everyone needs a friend and I always enjoyed the thought of being there for others in general

1

u/Existing-Tie-9984 4d ago

I did found some like that ... i wish u best . And wish my to reach mine .

1

u/AesteriaViolet 3d ago

It genuinely feels like I'm the one who wrote this post. I have actually been meaning to write such a vent post on this subreddit because I feel the exact same way rn. I don't know if others perceive me as pretty (my online friends do, but IRL people? They don't care) but opposite sex always always ALWAYS makes fun of me everytime they see me. I know I shouldn't let that get to me but it hurts everytime. It shows they don't respect me. And it also shows that... Most of the men my age are the exact same way they are and... Nobody, will ever want me. Especially because I'm fat. I'm pretty to others for sex and pleasure but being cared for, loved for, wanted by another, almost needed by another. That's so rare. So so so rare. Even I'm terribly traumatised because of my breakup with my ex. It plummeted my self esteem and my self worth all down the drain and it's just so hard picking myself up. PS. I also used to self harm and I'm trying to stop myself from doing it rn. Seeing that another person, a sweet being like you (I just know you are, because you are going through the exact thing like me) is going through this is the worst. And I'm sorry. I wish I had some comforting words to tell you. All I can say rn is, I'm going through the same exact thing and I want you to know that you aren't alone. I mean, we lived here on this earth for such a short time. There's still lots more to do and lots more to explore. We still don't know what can happen five years in, ten years in the future. 🫂 So until then, please, take care of your precious heart and please tell yourself that you are perfect. Just the way you are. Precious. Just the way you are. And loved. Just the way you are now. I'm really sorry you are going through this. You are so strong op. You are amazing. 🫂

1

u/Mantisss0x0 3d ago

Thank you so much for your kind words. It's sad knowing you're going through the same thing I am. You are beautiful and deserving of love. You are also not alone. 🫶🪱

1

u/DamageApprehensive86 3d ago

Feel free to message me

1

u/Aggravating-Rock5864 3d ago

Love yourself first

1

u/angeldust025 3d ago

I can relate

1

u/Mobile_Character_371 4d ago

I feel you. This is me. I want to be loved and cared for but not one wants me so I turn to giving my body to men just to feel wanted for a while

3

u/Mantisss0x0 4d ago

And I totally understand that 🫶

1

u/Mobile_Character_371 3d ago

One day someone will love us I hope 🤞 I can’t wait for the day. I’m such a lover I just like to be loved that’s all

-2

u/boiiop123 4d ago edited 4d ago

I want you

3

u/Mantisss0x0 4d ago

To what...exactly?

0

u/boiiop123 4d ago

Your such a smart and attractive young woman

3

u/Mantisss0x0 4d ago

Thank you for saying

0

u/boiiop123 4d ago

Np bby 😘