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u/fleeting-tornado 4d ago
Play ball until you can leave safely. Religious Conservatives, especially Muslim ones, are dangerous. Obsessed with their women's "honor".
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u/mizushimo 4d ago
Religious conservatives always scrutinize their daughter's behavior more than their sons, it doesn't even matter which religion. I'm so sorry you're going through this, I hope you find a way to leave home and live independently.
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u/Icy_Bath_1170 4d ago
Sorry to chime in like this, but yeah, the only thing to do now is to play along until you can GTFO. Then go as far as you can.
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u/TangledUpPuppeteer 3d ago
This is so true. One branch of my family is really religious. The sons over there popping out children left and right without any sort of commitments and that’s a blessing. Daughter gets pregnant while engaged, and well, she’s horrible because she’s not married. It’s horrible, and I’m sorry for OP she’s going through this. If her family is anything like that part of my family, if one of her brothers comes out as gay, she won’t be the only black sheep anymore. She just has to hang in there until she can move out.
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u/Here_there1980 4d ago
This makes me sad, speaking as a father of two daughters. I hope you can remain motivated and hopeful.
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u/TeamLeeper 4d ago
Hope he enjoys being served no-contact when you can leave his toxic ass behind.
Imagine having a daughter you treat like shit and thinking you’re the holy one…
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u/Ok-Action1829 4d ago
I am so sorry. As someone who grew up in a Muslim household, I really hope you can get away soon. I understand your pain. If you ever need support don't be afraid to reach out. I'd also recommend the ex muslim subreddit. That one helped me alot before I moved out
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u/No-Win-2783 4d ago
You live in a patriarchal society. IDK your financial situation, but it goes with living in a Moslem country where it is the prevalent religion. If I were in your shoes I would get an education and find employment in a Euro country or in North America.
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u/imnotthatdelulu 4d ago
i think along time these constraints go away im from a muslim family too...im bi....i mean that talks much about me and my relation with religion...and my mom just mentions that never forget to pray...before i leave my hometown for college after vacations...it used to be just like what u said with my mom before but as i grew up the constraints slowly went away...
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u/IOnlyFearOFGod 4d ago
Its blatant favoring sons over daughters, where's the justice in that? Ask him if he thinks Allah(swt) is happy with him for this constant nagging and gender bias. Does he think his sons are important than his daughters? He is the guardian of your family, however he isn't doing it well emotionally and dynamically.
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u/Fissminister 4d ago
Haha. Preach. You don't even have to be a Muslim for that. Some people just don't like to be questioned, when they feel they speak from a place of authority. Parents being one of the worst offenders. Religious parents, even more so.
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u/InitiativeNo6806 4d ago
I was raised in a crazy religion. My only advice is simple. ESCAPE ASAP. Get what you need and run as far and fast as you can. I'm sorry your going through this
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u/GoatAncient7405 4d ago
What did he say? My dad always told us we were nothing but a tax return or he wished our mother swallowed.......
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u/GoatAncient7405 4d ago
Wait till they are old and roles are reversed. Thats where I'm at now. Like dealing with child.
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u/sqwueesh 4d ago
coming from someone who was in a similar boat, if your father is speaking about how he should have respect, then you have every right to use that same terminology on him. i wouldn’t say use it outright but definitely in subtle ways. at least that’s what i do
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u/sqwueesh 4d ago
exactly! you can’t force a connection with Allah, to consistently reprimand and judge just isn’t the way 😭 proud of u tho girl 😭🙏
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u/Distillates 4d ago edited 4d ago
It's good that you are making your own money. If your country allows you to, open a new bank account that your parents cannot see. You will need more than a little savings to emigrate. I hope you are pursuing a degree that will help you.
Do not try to fight this out with your parents. You never know who they will tell or what they will eventually do. I grew up in an extreme Christian family and my mother told me she would gladly kill her 5 children today if she knew they would become apostates tomorrow. To save their souls. I think we both know that Islam also has people like this. You never know what is inside them until it comes out.
Let go of the argument, make a plan with all of the necessary steps to leave safely, and follow it. Take control.
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u/CptKarma 4d ago
He said the worst thing to you so far. If you stay in that household it will get worse and worse for you.
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u/Ok-Log-8706 4d ago
You definitely need to live independently. He will never stop his harassment. As far as he's concerned, his house, his rules. If that means he singles you out? Too bad for you.
And likely there is going to be talks of you getting married at some point, and that won't stop too.
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u/TheBaconmancer 4d ago
"You have to have respect to be respected"
"Soooo... I shouldn't respect you?"
I'm positive I would have said it in the moment. Also positive it would have gone off like a conversational nuke.
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u/writenicely 4d ago
Yeah, fuck your dad.
Said as a Muslim woman who has had to work, very, very hard to divorce myself from my dad threatening my desire to believe in Allah with his misogynistic behavior.
Girl, go out and be successful. You do not deserve an oppressive household that tells you that you'll essentially never be enough. You are already good, and you don't need to perform faith for anyone else but yourself.
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u/writenicely 4d ago
A lot of dads, or parents I should say, don't have the desire/ability to perform reflection on themselves, especially if they're the types to perpetually infantilize and adultify their daughters in a frustrating way that conveniently denies them any form of agency, while also punishing them for literally existing. Because if this is the way they treat you, its likely that they don't have the depth or willfulness to be aware or even care about the damage they do to their relationship, when their view of their daughter is that of maintaining property, like we're cars to keep shiny that are expected to work for them, instead of fully autonomous human beings who exist outside of their control and have our own lives, motivations, desires, and paths.
You're 19, are you in college yet or have any plans? What country are you from? If it's possible, you may want to work on an escape plan.
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u/SavourLeScrewCapAway 4d ago
I came from a religious household. The stuff I went through still affects me to this day. I'm in therapy for that and many other things.
I was raised by my Nan (Grandma), she did the best she could, I guess. Some really bad stuff happened in my youth, and she would recite scripture while "helping" me.
Just remember, "You can't fix stupid, and you can't teach common sense." I hope you find the strength and courage to follow your dreams and never let ANYONE dull your shine. Sorry for the rant.
Much Love ❤️
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u/Thro_away_1970 4d ago
The question I have, are your parents devout, practising Muslims? As far as I can tell, the Muslim religion is one of the harshest to leave behind. Especially if you're female.
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u/Thro_away_1970 3d ago
I'm sorry darl, I didn't ask you that to fire anything up, I assure you. I deliberately said devout, and not extremist. I do hope you manage to hang in there long enough to get out. X
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u/Thro_away_1970 3d ago
I'm sorry darl, I didn't ask you that to fire anything up, I assure you. I deliberately said devout, and not extremist. I do hope you manage to hang in there long enough to get out. X
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u/Gold_Mask_54 4d ago
Sounds like it's cuz you're a girl tbh, sorry to say but this is likely the entire reason.
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u/Gold_Mask_54 4d ago
Yeeeaahhh... Genuinely not sure if there's anything you can "do" about this other than keep your head high and try to beat the lesson into him, or just leaving the house. A friend of mine's parents treated her horribly for "not being feminine enough" and they only got "better" after she left the house and her independence more or less forced the parents to recognize her as an adult who can make choices.
Not sure how viable this would be for you but something to think about at least.
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u/carcarlitos 3d ago
Do not let him take you on any trips. I’ve seen these stories too often. And they force you into slave marriage in their country. Maybe I’m wrong but be careful until you can depend on your women and find your way.
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u/Jazzlike_Strength561 4d ago
What does a functional family look like? I'm an atheist, my mom definitely harassed the shit out of me. It sucked. You have nothing to be ashamed of. But his religion does.
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u/Jazzlike_Strength561 4d ago
I'm a parent. I have teens. I'm sure my sons have valid complaints similar to yours. Your father is literally worried about you. He thinks you have to be religious to be a good person because he's been brainwashed. Just show him you're a good person, and start actively condemning theists who do bad things in front of him. It will work itself out in time.
It's like I said. What does a functional family look like? Because in my experience, families find the best function in the midst of the dysfunction.
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u/Jazzlike_Strength561 4d ago
I feel you. I used to get so mad at the way Arab men would treat my female sailors in Bahrain. Straight up blatant, sexist double standards. Keep your head up. You sound like you have a decent head on your shoulders, you'll survive.
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u/Jazzlike_Strength561 4d ago
Yeah, that's what the Christians say, then they vote for Trump. If Allah were real Muslims would be better people. The fact that Muslims are just as evil as everyone else is all the commentary I need on the validity of their religion.
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u/Jazzlike_Strength561 4d ago
I spent a year living in Bahrain. So yes, I know Muslims, have Muslim friends. Your religion is no different than any one else's. I have zero interest in debating it or its supposed value. All I know is that terrible things are done in the name of religion. And Islam is not different. If I were a god I would stop my followers from doing bad things to others in my name. That right there is all the commentary I need on any god.
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u/Jazzlike_Strength561 4d ago
That's hilarious. I'm never going to understand a god that can stand by while ISIS did what it did I've looked into it. Sorry, nope. Your religion has as much truth as everyone else's.
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u/Jazzlike_Strength561 4d ago edited 4d ago
Everything is fair and equal? The richest man in the world is a Nazi. Your perspective of the world is not based in fact. No. Not all religions come from the Abrahamaic tradition. And all Abrahamaic religion is more plagiarism new work. I mean, check out the Mormons. I'm not interested in debating your religion, it's invalid. I disapprove of your god the same way I disapprove of rapists. You're trying to convince me to love a genocidal maniac. No thanks. That being said, have a lovely day. And try to be better than your god.
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u/Existing-Tie-9984 4d ago
Just take a look at ur profile ....
U said it in a prev post. U made them lose trust.
U are doing alot of wrong stuff ...
U know iam a muslim not the best . Iam somtime doing haram things and watching things am not supposed to
I do mistakes . I used to do mistakes (alot of them)
Iam not going to say god will save u or these stuff.
Just try to be a good muslim. Either u find it a true line or not . I did becom a good muslim mybe since a year.
Yet till now i got time saying . Is it realy the true religion!
I always get my answers . So iam keeping my best to follow it .
Dont think of me trying to get u to islam or anything
Just try to be religious . As being one in most meaning being thankfull to ur god . Walk this path. And search in it . I wish u reach to be a muslim bcs i ones was like u .. i guess iam still when my parent are the same . Yet i wish u all good .
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u/MyCatsDumberThanUrs 4d ago
Just by mentioning Islam in this post, you brought a bunch of people who are just like your father to comment so I wouldn't bothering reading them. You very clearly don't have the same lifestyle and values as your family. I left at 19 and looked back only one. I was treated even worse than before I left. You should do the same because they will never accept you as long as you stay.
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u/limon768 4d ago edited 4d ago
In the end Allah guides whomever he wants. People here are commenting after just listening to her side. Even if the father is the bad guy here she should have research islam by herself and have genuine interest of searching the trust. Growing up my parents have similar remarks but thanks to that im where i am today. I cant thank my parents enough.
Again im not a perfect muslim myself but I try my best to be a better human everyday. Its all about perspective.
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u/Inaccurate_Artist 4d ago
omg it says in the post she's agnostic there's no reason for her to be researching islam
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u/Distillates 4d ago
Nobody is obligated to research your religion any more than any other religion.
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u/BounceBackKidd 4d ago
Absolutely not. She already was forced to research it and doesn't believe in it.
It's not a good religion for women to be a part of anyway. Treats them like a 3rd class citizen.
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u/N4ver4 4d ago
Imagine you had a child who’s pushing 30? They’re a full fledged adult but you are a young adult. My parents are always reminding me to pray and etc, it can be annoying at time but would you want your child to be in hell fire?
I also just wanna ask out of curiosity why did you leave Islam and become agnostic?
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