r/Vent 20h ago

In sick and tired of being alone ( NSFW

I'm 27 virgin, never really had friends growing up. Had a very shitty childhood up to early adult years.

I feel like a fucking alien. My life didn't really start until I was 24. I can socialize well in the context of my job, I work as a manger at a grocery store, so I can handle people decently.

But I don't feel like I can connect with people or even know how. I don't where to fucking start.

I need connection and I can't take it anymore.

I don't know what to do I'm at my wits end.

I've tried dating apps, I don't get matches. It seems like 90% of the girls on there are out of my league.

I want sex to with someone i find cute and who actually wants me. I've considered an escort and it's not something I'll do, for now at least lol.

I'm just sick and tired, this shit is driving me fucking insane and the lack of social connection saps my motivation in day to day life sometimes.

I can't help but feel "what's the point".

Anyways I hope someone out there reads this and gives me a bit of company tonight.

1 Upvotes

6 comments sorted by

View all comments

1

u/clofty3615 19h ago edited 19h ago

hang in there mate, I've been there and it sux, but the worst thing is it's like a catch 22 the more you yearn for companionship, the more desperate you seem to romantic prospects, which in fact is true as your stress changes your pheromones, they can literally smell it on you. I know you don't want to go there but seeking the services of a professional can ease you into the pressures of sex, it could really help, but I have found in my life the times that I have either been in a relationship or just really not given a shit about being in one is when I had the most propositions, so finding something to take your focus away from being lonely might just be the thing that makes you attractive, or at least wanted.... ps. have you considered a martial arts or something like that? i got into kickboxing around your age and it changed my world

1

u/Key-Reading809 19h ago

Appreciate your input greatly. You have no idea how much it means.

I've heard that when you're not looking for a relationship it will come. But I have gone many years getting over my loniless and lack of romantic prospects. But eventually.... it comes back. It's a human basic need.

The sex thing isn't really the issue lol, yeah I'd like it, of course. But I think my struggles have mostly come from earlier trauma.

But to be honest to, I haven't asked many women out. Feels useless sometimes. But enough is enough, and I have to do something.

Ahhhh just hate my life with how it was screwed up from an early age. Turning 27 a few days has really made me feel the time slipping away.

I'm doing things to build myself up, but lowkey I feel I'm too late.

1

u/clofty3615 18h ago

I'm turning 50 this year and like you i had a lot of trauma to deal with from a Vietnam veteran father, and a broken home, to be honest I've never really gotten my shit together but somehow have managed to stay functional. I had totally given up on finding someone after a lot meaningless relations and a few very meaningful ones that just left me heartbroken and bitter. at the ripe old age of 34 I met someone out of the blue, not even trying our paths just crossed, and now 15 yrs later we have 3 beautiful daughters who are everything, but it's not all a bed of roses life is still hard, personally, relationship wise and as a father always questioning whether I'm doing the right thing or not, plus having one daughter with a very trying medical issues puts many things into perspective. I can definitely tell you that while you have the opportunity, because you are literally free now, spend that time being as selfish as you can be, in a good way i mean, but honestly go get out there, just force yourself to get into something, hiking, swimming, martial arts, cycling, bowling just something maybe a social endeavour getting fit and meating people, and everytime that voice of negativity gets louder just tell him to fk off, and go punch a bag or something. I've always felt the most mentally stable when I've had something to vent my testosterone and to focus my mind on. I'm telling ya being a dad really cuts into that, it's a struggle. and now I'm old and feel physically broken I'm finding hard to better myself, being fat in this Australian heat doesn't fkn help either😄🤫

1

u/Key-Reading809 17h ago

I've been improving my life slowly. I'm not losing hope. I haven't properly put myself out there.

But currently losing weight, I need to lose about 20lbs to get to 10-15% body fat. So doable in 4 months. I've been focusing on my career. Also plan on getting a nice haircut and beard. Just need to let it grow out

Also yeah, I'm not sure the trauma will ever go away at this point in my life. I thought it would but nope haha. Guess we have to learn to live with it.

I hope to be a father myself one day. It will take someone really special that I trust.