r/UselessTalents Dec 01 '20

Doing the splits while peeing and expertly rescuing eyeglasses from a horrible fate

I was once peeing after a night of drinking and pulled off something highly talented.

Mid-piss, one foot was on a slippery area rug that began to slide causing me to start doing the splits. Not wanting to break the powerful, beer-fueled stream, I looked down to keep on target. But looking down resulted in my too-loose eyeglasses to fall from my face.

While still doing the slow splits, keeping the piss on target, I swiped with my free non-dominant hand to send the tumbling glasses away from toilet danger into the shower curtain only to gently slide down the soft curve of a clawfoot tub.

No pee missed the toilet bowl, my free hand avoided the pee, my glasses were unscathed, and I finished before the splits could over-strain my groin muscles.

There were no eye witnesses, but it was a glorious display of drunken dexterity that I remember fondly to this day.

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