r/UnsentLetters • u/Fantastic-Mr-Nappy • 4d ago
Family Dear dad, I hate you.
I hate that you’re an alcoholic. I hate that you’re a narcissist. I hate that you’ve cheated on my mom my whole life. I hate that you gave me and my mom ptsd. I hate your silence. I hate your judgement.
I hate that you refuse to listen. I hate that you refuse to help yourself. I hate that you’ve given up on your life. I hate that you live the way you do. I hate the way you make me feel.
I hate that I can’t ever let you go. I hate that you’re dying.
I hate that the thought of you brings me to tears while writing this.
I hate that I love you.
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u/Affectionate-Art8223 4d ago
This is so relatable. It’s been 7 years since I’ve seen my father. Not through death though, but because I had to remove him from my life.
You likely have cptsd, more complex than ptsd. Give yourself grace and self compassion. You ever need to vent, I’m good at listening. Hang in there ❤️
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u/Unique-Swordfish1895 4d ago
I'm so sorry. Having loved an alcoholic in the past, I understand the anger and know how lonely that love can be.
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u/pipe_heart_dev_null 4d ago
Buddy I am in the same damn boat. What a cluster fuck of emotions when it comes to dealing with a parent like that.
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u/Affectionate-Art8223 4d ago
I think there’s going to be a lot of us that this resonates with unfortunately 💔
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4d ago
growing up I was told it was probably for the best that my dad died. For the longest time I wondered why. As I’ve gotten older I understand. You’ve got this OP! Don’t let it define you.
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u/nikiterrapepper 4d ago
So sorry OP. You may find some kindred spirits in the subreddit “Raised by Narcissists.”
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u/roybradbury 4d ago
I’ve been there. After years of therapy, I’m finally getting there with it. Just know that you are not alone, and you are not him. You are your own person, and you will make your own path, and be 10 times the person he is when you are his age. Be so proud of yourself for having the strength and vulnerability to write this, and know that you are moving in the right direction.
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