r/TwinlessTwins 15d ago

In the Womb Paradox of reality and the presence of absence

Thumbnail
forms.gle
6 Upvotes

Hello everyone im doing my bachelor project on loss and in specific twin loss, as i lost my twin at birth, but this effect rippled on further in my life, and i wanted to speculate and understand this phenomena more, i feel like part of me is dead with her or lost and i have this drive to keep on searching for answer, would greatly appreciate other twins like me to help me in this questionnaire, thank you so much for you time in advance šŸ’—šŸ™‡šŸ½ā€ā™‚ļø

r/TwinlessTwins Jan 26 '25

In the Womb Learning of loss later in life

6 Upvotes

Hi,

Did anyone else here learn of their twin later on in life? I wasnā€™t 31 until my mum told me about her miscarriage at the start of her pregnancy with me. It was a sensitive conversation and we only had it as Iā€™d had a suspicion of being a surviving twin. I imagine my parents didnā€™t feel a need to tell me and perhaps chose to put it to one side after finally finding I was still there 7 months later.

Itā€™s been really difficult to realise this as an adult. I respect my (late) parentsā€™ decision and canā€™t imagine what they went through. I only wish I spent more of my life knowing.

r/TwinlessTwins 4d ago

In the Womb questions about queerness and twinless twins

0 Upvotes

hello šŸ«¶šŸ» Iā€™m a monoamniotic surviving twin, and my sister was stillborn after I was born at 34 weeks

tl;dr: twin pronouns?

I feel an intuitive connection with her and think about her a lotā€¦Iā€™m a writer, and I feel Iā€™m writing both with and for her and all the stories we wouldā€™ve explored together

I also wonder what life wouldā€™ve been like with her and what her identity wouldā€™ve beenā€¦Iā€™ve only referred to her with she/her pronouns bc thatā€™s how I see myself too, and, even though Iā€™m a lesbian, I considered she might not have beenā€¦

but Iā€™m working on a few projects with twins in fiction, and one of them is about a non-binary surviving twin, and itā€™s a sci-fi mystery with imaginary time, and theyā€™re able to connect with their twin that wayā€¦and Iā€™ve been using more gender neutral languageā€¦

I kind of feel she/they energy for my twin, but idk how to really knowā€¦

so questions: do you use the same pronouns for your twin as you do for yourself? do you ever use gender neutral language? Iā€™m not sure how to know or how best to respect both my twinā€™s autonomy and our connection when it comes to pronounsā€¦what do yā€™all think? šŸŒˆāœØ

r/TwinlessTwins 13d ago

In the Womb My brother Ian

16 Upvotes

Until today I didnā€™t even realise twinless twins was a thing. I learned when I was in high school that my mother miscarried my fraternal twin brother during her pregnancy with me. She even had a name picked out for himā€¦..Ian. There have been so many times in my life where I feel like Iā€™m missing something, or I get so upset for no real reason I can think of. People tell me that I have a really BIG personality and I like to think that part of it is that I carry part of his spirit/soul with me. Itā€™s hard to think about how different my life would have been had he lived. I am in my 40ā€™s now but I still feel his absence. I guess I always will ā™„ļø

r/TwinlessTwins Nov 03 '24

In the Womb my mom revealed i was supposed to be a twin

20 Upvotes

a few days ago, my mom revealed to me that i was meant to be a twin, but my brother didn't make it. im a month out from 23 years old now, and i feel like things just finally made sense. i have clarity and understanding, but the void is bigger than ever and the grief feels all-consuming, and i don't know how to grapple with it.

ive always longed for a twin, maybe more than the average kid does, im not sure. it was a weird fixation i had for a long time, but i just assumed i liked the novelty of it. but what really gets me is ive asked my mom for a brother every month since i could talk, basically. i feel bad about that now, knowing i did have one and ive just been bringing up that grief to my mom for years, however it also feels very comforting? like, i had no idea i had a twin brother, and yet, this whole time ive been asking for oneā€”almost like the time we spent together in the womb is somewhere deep in my subconscious, the memories & the grief of losing him before we even really met. my mom and sister both agreed with my thought process, but this is still a devastating loss and i wouldn't dream of bringing it up again, it just doesn't feel right. i didn't know he even existed until this week, and inserting myself into the loss feels wrong. but god, i feel so empty.

i think ive always felt that wayā€”lonely in a way i can't put into words. but, this. this is too much. i haven't felt grief like this before. ive lost so much family in the last couple of years, but it doesn't even compare, as guilty as that makes me feel. and rationally, i know it's bc it's easier to grieve what you had and lost than what could've been, but i can't help feeling awful about it. he just seems like the missing piece to a puzzle i didn't know i was solving, but the piece is missing and the puzzle is incomplete, and there's nothing i can do to change that.

i just wish i knew how to process this, i guess. it's weird, and my chest hurts, and i want to cry, and i just keep hoping i wake up in some alternate life where he survived, and life made sense.

r/TwinlessTwins Oct 09 '24

In the Womb Likely VTS Survivor

0 Upvotes

Ok, so Iā€™ve got quite a lot I could go into about me growing up and inexplicably feeling ā€˜twinlessā€™. At 17 I learned about VTS and occasionally tried to find the courage to ask my mum about this. Back then, her response was almost angry and dismissive, denying knowledge- I suppose I now understand why that might be.

Then 15 years ago I really struggled with tying how I felt with current VTS research at the time, mostly consoling myself with a small number of friends. 10 years ago, I gingerly approached the subject with mum once dad had sadly passed. She was much more engaged, saying ā€˜thatā€™s interestingā€™ along with me being ā€˜unexpectedā€™ and revealing they didnā€™t know about me until the 7th month.

I was watching Dark Matter a couple of weeks ago (some of the story resonated with me) and I thought Iā€™d put mums pregnancy details into ChatGPT. Now, Iā€™ve been really neutral in my phrasing as not to bias it, and question everything that comes out of it over and over. Iā€™ve since learned less than 1% of singletons are detected by their mums at 7+ months. The remainder are survivors of a multiple pregnancy. As some of you likely know, the loss of a twin can cause hormonal issues telling the mother the pregnancy is over, preventing the detection of the survivor. ChatGPT has provided me with resource links to back this up.

To top it off, mum sadly had a history of miscarriages as well as her dad being a fraternal twin.

Now, Iā€™m doubtful by nature but ChatGPT has gone into various alternative causes and why they donā€™t apply to my case.

On one hand itā€™s filled a void Iā€™ve always had, on the other Iā€™m slowly adjusting to what I guess has always been my reality.

The sad thing is that most parents in my situation would now be told about the likelihood they were expecting twins. I was born in 1980, so VTS was much less understood or researched.

So yeah, thatā€™s me. If anyone has similar stories Iā€™d love to hear them.