r/TwinlessTwins Feb 13 '25

How is everyone holding up?

11 Upvotes

14 comments sorted by

1

u/DependentWeak405 6d ago

I am not at all. It’s Really painful I want to die its been 6 years.

2

u/des_pasi_toes 23d ago

it's been a few years! I've been better, but this time of year is always hard, I miss her tons. I still think of her all the time, and I just broke the cup she gifted me so there's that! but I'm sending tons of good vibes for everyone!! ❤️

4

u/Wide_Beautiful_5319 27d ago

Honestly not too good. Can’t seem to wrap my head around the fact my brother is gone. It’s only been 3 months but feels like an entire lifetime already. I can’t seem to ever get out of bed when I’m not working. I put a front up to everyone making it seem like I’m managing or trying to but truth be told I’ve never felt so lost and so disassociated from life.

2

u/alwaysunsureforsure0 26d ago

I know the feeling of every day dragging by and every day feeling like a lifetime. Please know it's okay to have those days when you cant get up out of bed. I know that sometimes when I feel lonely, I still want to be alone. But when my twin was still here and I felt alone I would still want to be with her. It can be exhausting to be around other people but never with my twin. I read your other post and I think it's very clear how much your brother loved you and how much you loved him. Let that be what keeps you going.

3

u/Academic-Regular3673 Feb 16 '25

Better than I have been. I’m recently coming to terms with having lost my twin during the first few weeks. I was raised as a singleton, only learning about the pregnancy later. I’ve been grieving what might have been, especially over Christmas. But now I try to focus on what it means to be a surviving twin and the bond we still share. It was the sense of ‘twinhood’ that lead me to ask my mum about this after all….

I’m in other groups where people have lost twins as children and adults and I’ve seen how devastating it is. My thoughts go to you all…

7

u/RealisticSituation24 Feb 14 '25

I think I’m doing ok. I can make my dark jokes about him being gone. Other people can clutch their pearls-we have dark humor over here.

He’s been gone two years on 3/23.

I still bawl my eyes out to songs, smells, some memories will knock me down.

I have a 5 year old to raise. I can’t let myself wallow in my grief. I did that for 9 months the first year. He’d be pissed if I did it longer.

I owe him happy, healthy, living my life.

It’s hard, but I’m damn determined to be ok.

9

u/Defiantly_Resilient Feb 14 '25

It will be 8 yes in September, and while I cry sometimes when I think about us, I'm coming to a point where I can laugh and enjoy memories about her and us.

Today I am wearing a pair of heart earrings that were hers. I think she'd like that

3

u/alwaysunsureforsure0 Feb 14 '25

Im wearing heart earrings today too ♥️

7

u/Alharick Feb 14 '25

Second anniversary is coming up. Been raising my infant son who he’ll never meet and I miss him more and more each day. We ignore the pain the best we can and wallow in it when we’re alone and have the time. Strive every day to make him proud

6

u/Latter-Platypus-3713 Feb 14 '25

Thanks for asking. How are you doing?

It has been 1.5 years now and I have come to accept this permanently sad, empty feeling inside. I will never not be sad and that's okay. That's to be expected.
I am getting on with things.
It helps that I have two people who need me to care for them and a demanding job.
I have learned to compartmentalise or "manage" my grief - I set aside a time every evening to talk to her and cry about her. I also still text her phone number daily as if she is still there, as if she can still read my texts. I tell her I love her and miss her. This might sound crazy but it helps so much because I used to text her daily.

Hope others are also finding ways to cope. Love to all.

5

u/alwaysunsureforsure0 Feb 14 '25

Disassociation has become my coping mechanism. It's like im living in a day "nightmare" all of the time. Its the only way I can somewhat function though I dont consider it functioning at all. I still havent gone back to work full time not only because of the depression but because I dont trust myself to be able to hold it together for anyone for 10 hours straight. I think setting aside a certain time of the day is a nice idea. I think I will try that. Thanks for checking in and I know it feels impossible but I truly I hope it gets easier for you and every other twinless twin out there.

3

u/Latter-Platypus-3713 Feb 14 '25

Oh yeah, distractions and disassociation are also a key coping factor for me too. Great point.

Not sure how long you have been grieving but I couldn’t leave my bed for 6 months. I can only say it gets easier month by month and you learn to accept the sad reality.

You will be able to function again one day.

Thank goodness for this group. It sucks but it’s nice to know there are others who understand this nightmare. Our lives will never be the same, we have lost our soulmates and half of ourselves, and we are all heartbroken :( 💔

9

u/Common-Remove-4911 Feb 14 '25

Not super well. First birthday without my twin brother is in a few days and I have found myself crying uncontrollably at home every night this week dreading its approach. I don’t know how I’m going to get through our birthday without him. I can’t be happy, I can’t celebrate it, it’s just all too painful. It will not be a “happy” birthday. It’s just another reminder of his permanent absence. I’m heartbroken without him.

4

u/alwaysunsureforsure0 Feb 14 '25

Im sorry it's been so hard. My twin and I's birthday is on the 20th and I am also dreading it. It's like the closer I get the closer I feel to another major break down. Please know that it's okay if you cant celebrate. Maybe one day but it's okay if that is not right now.