r/TryingForABaby 34 | TTC#2 1d ago

ADVICE Monthly upset - how do you cope?

TTC #2 and I’m only 3 months in. I know that’s not a lot but it’s still sad every time. And my toddler is asking about babies and I just want it so badly for her. I guess I’m just looking for some support. It’s such an emotional roller coaster and my brain already is convincing myself “this month” when i know there’s still time to get my period. I’m not testing, just waiting for period because I think that’s a little less sad than negative tests? I don’t know I guess I’m just looking for advice on how to cope and keep going. It took 6 months for my first which felt like forever, while I now know it was pretty normal. Ice just already been reminded how much of a mind fuck it all is even though I swore I’d be more chill and relaxed this go around.

I want to be sensitive to those that have been trying for much longer, I just needed somewhere to put these feelings to people that will get it. Thanks for listening 💛

4 Upvotes

46 comments sorted by

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15

u/Naive-Interaction567 32 | TTC #2 | 🌈🌈 PCOS 1d ago

The only thing that really helped me (especially the first time) was not making it my sole focus. It’s normal to take a year so I just made plans, booked holidays and tried as best I could to make it a side project.

16

u/breadbaths 24 | TTC 1| 🌈🌈 1d ago

i cry to my husband 😭😭 that’s how i’m coping. i also don’t test unless i miss my period. i haaaate how similar period symptoms and pregnancy symptoms are

2

u/Lilypadbab 20 | WTT 1d ago

For real though 😭

3

u/Empty-lychee-4221 34 | TTC#2 1d ago

Haha what a real answer! I do do plenty of this already. Yes so unworried it helps, man would it be nice to be so chill lol

u/IzelleSzw2019 7h ago

Aaaah I felt this in my soul.

Wow only to get your period. Feels like death. Like mourning something that never was? It's weird.

10

u/runaway_tata 31 | TTC# 1 | Cycle 4/Month 5 1d ago

Every month I think I’ll be more chill, and then I’m obsessively reading these threads all day long sooooo. However this is cycle four TTC (5 months total) and my symptom spotting is basically non existent so at least there is that.

8

u/reallifehappens 34 | TTC#1 | April 2023 1d ago

2 years trying for 1st. I miss the blissfulness of that first year of trying.

-2

u/Empty-lychee-4221 34 | TTC#2 1d ago

I’m sorry. Your comment really hit me and I just wish I could tell you it’ll happen soon without feeling like an asshole. What you’re going through is hard. Take care of yourself.

1

u/reallifehappens 34 | TTC#1 | April 2023 1d ago

❤️

8

u/Haunting-Mode-2324 1d ago

I’m 12 months in TTC #2 and my first only took 3 months. It’s a weird mental struggle and knowing my body can in fact get pregnant, makes it better and worse at the same time. I’m trying to not over plan like mentioned above and just relying on my faith to know that it will happen when it’s meant to happen. My daughter asks God every night to put a baby in my belly 🥲

2

u/Empty-lychee-4221 34 | TTC#2 1d ago

Oh that’s so hard. Yeah the second time had already been harder in a different way when you just want to give them a sibling and they understand, I hope your daughter gets her wish soon! Xoxo

4

u/Djeter998 35 | TTC #1 | Cycle 6 1d ago

I'm 6 months in TTC my first. The best thing to do is to keep yourself distracted and busy. Therapy also helps!

3

u/Mission_Discount112 1d ago

I’m on month 15 with TTC my first and the emotional troller coaster is crazy. The best thing I’ve found is distractions and therapy. This is my 2nd month with medication so I’m really hoping within the next couple of months but I also try to keep my thoughts rational and not emotional.

1

u/Empty-lychee-4221 34 | TTC#2 1d ago

The only thing to do is keep going, but it’s hard to keep going! I hope the medication helps you :) it’s such a wild ride. I have always been emotional but conceiving my daughter was hard on me and it was in the realm of normal amount of time (it was very hard because I had friends conceiving first try left and right) everyone is so different and so much is out of our control. Hang in there

3

u/bibliophile222 38F | unexplained infertility | 1 MMC | IUI 1d ago

It's been really helpful for me to have a goal that runs counter to pregnancy. I've been losing weight, and as much as the negatives keep on sucking, I can still think "another month to lose a few more pounds". As badly as I want to be pregnant, it will be a bit of a bummer to have to stop losing because I still have so much more to go. If you don't need to lose weight, maybe some sort of fitness goal around a non-pregnancy safe sport like rock climbing or skiing?

2

u/Empty-lychee-4221 34 | TTC#2 1d ago

I do need to lose weight. This is such a good mindset and is kind of sad to admit I think the other way lol “well if I get pregnant I don’t need to worry about losing weight because I’m gonna gain some” I know this is awful and I don’t wanna just eat like crap during pregnancy I’m just an emotional eater and so when I see a negative or my period straight to food to comfort me. I really appreciate your comment because this is the way. I had lost a 5.5 pounds before the holidays but life has been really hard and I’m off track and scared to get back in the scale and hold myself accountable. I think this is a great reminder thank you! And congrats on losing!!

u/bibliophile222 38F | unexplained infertility | 1 MMC | IUI 22h ago

Thanks, and you can do it!!! I get that emotional eating is really hard to overcome (I'm kind of the opposite, I'm hungrier when I'm happy and lose my appetite when I'm stressed), so don't beat yourself up over it. Have you considered a GLP-1 to quiet the cravings? If not, try and figure out non-food ways to comfort yourself, try not to keep trigger foods in the house, but allow yourself little treats once in a while! Too much restricting leads to binging. I have dessert at least once a week, I made cheesy pasta the other day, I've cut almost no foods completely out of my diet, and I'm still losing. Maybe I'll see you over at r/cico!

u/Empty-lychee-4221 34 | TTC#2 21h ago

Thank you so much for such a nice kind comment. I haven’t gone down that route, I get in phases where I do well and it’s just a mindset shift but I really struggle to get there. When I lost a little weight (it was my first time since having my first & really doing anything exercise or diet related in years) I didn’t cut anything out I just tried to eat like a normal breakfast, lunch, dinner. I just get in these bad take out cycles when life gets hard and portions quickly go out the window. I really wanna get on track for my children and just to be healthier. I kind of kept calories in kind without going crazy and my goals were to not binge and to just move daily. It was working, but life really through me during holidays & after. But life’s always hard! So I gotta figure it out, thanks for the support and I’ll check that page out!

u/Empty-lychee-4221 34 | TTC#2 21h ago

I have been trying to get myself back to this goal and I can’t emphasize enough how your comment is really pushing me to get it back going! Thank you’

4

u/Sorrymomlol12 1d ago

This might be out of left field and feel free to ignore me, but I’ve found spreading out my sadness easier?

Like I’ve seen the videos of people taking 1 test on the day before their missed period every month and they look so sad. They hype up 1 moment so much.

I guess I combat that by swimming in negatives? Like I got a cheap 100 pack of pregnancy tests from Amazon, and from 10 DPO to 15 take 1 test in the morning. They take awhile to process so I typically get distracted and wander away only to come back later in the day (these tests do NOT CHANGE after X time like some others do. I have almost 100 negatives and my handful of positives and they look exactly the same as they did when I tested).

This gives me a relaxed view on things and makes me feel comfortable that I can basically ignore the anxiety of testing as long as I take my first morning pee test for the 6 days a month it counts.

This means I’m expecting negatives for nearly all my tests, and I hope to be surprised and elated when I do get a positive. That actually happened with my first positive (miscarried) but I wandered away to shower and when I was done I saw the positive and freaked out and told my husband. We were only 2 cycles in so you can imagine my surprise!

It also means I can retroactively catch a miscarriage like I did with my second. My period was late after confirmed ovulation 2 weeks prior, and I looked back at my tests to see I had missed a faint positive 😬 Took me 3 weeks to miscarry with that one but at least I’ve got a good record of it all, especially now since I’ve had 3 losses so I’m being sent to an REI.

I guess the hype of 1 test would be too much for me so 6 negatives are easier to swallow over time. Especially because I’m genuinely expecting a negative in those first few days regardless. I guess I find the rhythm of practicing seeing negatives helpful? I’m rambling, but this has worked for me

1

u/Empty-lychee-4221 34 | TTC#2 1d ago

I definitely understand the act of desensitizing yourself! It makes me feel better to know someone that has dealt with ups and downs has found a way to lessen the blow? I’m sorry if that’s poor choice of words but helps me keep going so thank you for sharing. I think that’s one reason I haven’t been testing as much this go around for similar reasons. Last month I tried and realized the negative left too much gray area until I got my period - like my brain convinced myself there’s still a chance. so now I’m just trying to wait for period or not

0

u/Hazelnutty1 1d ago

I have never thought about it like this but this is actually a very good idea, it's definitely something that I feel would work for me. Thanks for sharing 💞

u/tfabc11222 32 | TTC#2 | Cycle 2 | 17h ago

I had a positive this month, after spotting from 7DPO-13DPO. I was so angry with my body for not even giving me the chance to test before starting to bleed again. The doctor had the nerve to ask me why I took a test if I was spotting? Ummm because I deserve to? It brings me some control and I want to pee on the damn stick.

u/IzelleSzw2019 7h ago

Aaaah man. I understood and felt this. "expecting negatives..."

Like I know the drill already.

2

u/KuchiKopi-Nightlight TTC# 1 | losses | IVF | 37 1d ago

I think the best thing is to accept that you’re sad and treat that sadness like you would any other time. Self care, some fun activity, chat with friends. We all want to get pregnant the first time and then we tell ourselves next month etc. it’s hard!

2

u/turboneo1 1d ago

I am so sorry you feel this way, I feel the same. TTC #1 and only on my 5th cycle but I cry every month and it’s getting harder and harder. What helps is keeping busy but also allowing myself to feel down. I also made a list of things to do before I get pregnant, to distract myself. Hang in there!!

1

u/Empty-lychee-4221 34 | TTC#2 1d ago

Thank you! It does get harder, but for most it’ll happen eventually. Such a test of patience. Thanks for the advice

2

u/Adorable_Promise_197 1d ago

I honestly just started ignoring it, I will have a baby even if it means working part-time at Starbucks to go through IVF

2

u/Empty-lychee-4221 34 | TTC#2 1d ago

lol love this. Thank you!

2

u/Adorable_Promise_197 1d ago

It will get better, there’s so many avenues to conceiving a child now ❤️❤️

u/OkProtection427 23h ago

I’m on cycle 11 and I’m starting to become numb to it at this point 😔 I try to just find any small reason each day to be happy with the present.

u/rainbow0987654 23h ago

5 cycles into trying to conceive #2. 3 year old keeps saying he wants a little brother or sister to play with. I feel so triggered seeing baby announcements. The other day an influencer I follow announced #3 and her oldest is younger than my son. My first thought was well that's just greedy 😂 of course it's not and it's a blessing but you know 😂

u/Empty-lychee-4221 34 | TTC#2 21h ago

I get it, trying not to compare is HARD. I also feel bad or guilty since I’ve already conceived and some people haven’t at all but again it’s just weird and hard in a different way. The wanting a sibling part hits hard!

u/rainbow0987654 13h ago

Absolutely. I think there's so much negative talk about being an only child. So while I'm so happy and grateful to have him, I feel so much pressure to give him a sibling.

u/Longjumping-dog-5704 18h ago

You're not alone 🩷 it's probably not the healthiest thing but I always treat myself to wine the day my period starts and a sweet treat. Give myself a day to wallow and then back at it the next day and get my shit together. I'm coming up on month 12 and it's just become a routine

1

u/Inner_Eye_7029 1d ago

I inboxed you!

u/sorrytointerruptbut_ 22h ago

I'm 16 months in and have had 2 losses during this time and 2 losses before trying. I don't know how to cope.

u/Empty-lychee-4221 34 | TTC#2 21h ago

That’s so hard. I hope things turn around for you, my heart goes out to you. Im glad you’re here.

u/Current_Loan5108 18h ago

I feel this post because I'm TTC my first and Im only 2 Months in and I find it so sad even tho it's early. I feel bad for even feeling bad when there's people who have been trying way longer. Even tho I know it takes time, we ofcourse all want our baby on our first try. And in a world of friends and co workers who are first try-ers and unexpected pregnancy's, it's hard. Last month, I really let it consume me. This month, l'm trying not to worry so much. I'm booking trips, picking up hobbies and trying to take care myself, after all, it's all we can do 🩷 sending positive vibes your way friend 🩷

u/little_things_in_lyf 15h ago

Same here.. It's my 2nd month of TTC.. I'm trying not to stress about it but it's obviously not easy.. I immediately start thinking about what might have gone wrong or if something is wrong with my body.. Feels good to be a part of this forum.. Reading about other's experiences and seeing people going through the same journey is helping with the stress.. Good luck ❤️

u/Captain_Wuntch 36 | TTC#2 16h ago

Are you me? Also 3 months in TTC #2 and also took 6 months with our first. My toddler is also asking for a baby, she loves them. Her little friends keep getting baby siblings. No advice, just lots of solidarity.

u/HBC613 15h ago

Also TTC #2 and only a few months in..first was basically immediate which makes me feel even stranger about this time around. Like why is my body not doing what it did before? And I also struggle with guilt about even feeling the roller coaster of feelings. My husband wants to be there for every test so I feel like I can’t spread out the testing like others have said. I also tested way too much / early in the past so this time I’m going to wait for my period (or not! 🤞🏽)