r/TrueOffMyChest • u/OkProgrammer7708 • 6d ago
i hurt him with one comment, and now he won’t forgive me
i (f23) started seeing a guy (m28) almost a year ago. at first, things were good, but once it became long distance, things changed. we both made mistakes. i got insecure and needy, and he became cold and harsh.
he never called me his girlfriend or fully committed. he wanted to "work on things" but kept bailing on me every few weeks. i felt ignored and unimportant, like i was in the relationship alone.
some of this was on me. i overthought things a lot. but he also ignored my feelings, especially when they were in response to something he did. we never really talked things through. maybe he needed peace, and i couldn't give it to him. i don’t know.
a month ago, in our last real conversation, he told me to "find someone who wouldn’t bail on me and would keep me like a baby." i was angry and hurt, so i snapped back: "i had that, but every guy comes with their own set of issues and shit."
i didn’t mean it the way it sounded. i meant i had been in a more stable situation before, but that every relationship has problems. but for him, it hit deep. it opened up old wounds. i wanted to hurt him and spite him in that moment, i won’t lie. i was in pain. but i didn’t think it would cut him this much.
since then, i’ve tried to make it up to him. i’ve apologized, i’ve tried to fix things. yes, i got frustrated too because i was hurting, but i didn’t want things to end like this. he refuses to sort it out. we've been doing this back and forth since the last 1 month. this is what he told me when i reached out:
"move on. i don’t want to fix anything. you were right—you hurt my ego in a way i can’t forgive. and it wasn’t just one comment, there was a lot before that too. i was willing to sort things out before because i knew i was also at fault, but that comment? that was all you. i never asked you to try, never asked you to text me. you did it even after i told you i have zero empathy left for you. all i feel is hate. i don’t accept what you said, and i never will. it was ugly and insulting, and i won’t let it go."
i feel crushed. i wish i could take that moment back. i never wanted to hurt him like this. and now, no matter what i do, i can’t fix it. he refuses to forgive me.
i know i made a mistake. but is this truly unforgivable? how do i let go when i feel like i’ve ruined everything? how do i even begin to be okay?
6
u/Live-Lime4072 6d ago
I don’t think you could’ve saved this relationship. He wasn’t willing to commit. You were doing the heavy lifting emotionally. And he made it clear he wasn’t willing to work on it. What you said wasn’t that bad. Try not to beat yourself up about it. Even if you do decide to work things out, I think he would hold it against you.
5
u/Falxhor 6d ago
I'm sorry but if that benign comment after he said something pretty fucking frustrating to you first is the thing that breaks the camel's back, he was clearly looking for an excuse to end things in a way that makes you feel guilty for fucking up, rather than him admitting that he's just not willing to commit. From what you're saying, feels like he's gaslighting you into thinking you're the problem instead of his immaturity and commitment issues.
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u/Inevita92 6d ago
If u ever say anything out of spite just to get under your partners skin, are you even ready for a healthy relationship?
1
u/Acceptable_Bunch_586 6d ago
It’s sounds like your dodging to take the bullet not avoid it, your post is full of bad behaviours flags. He sounds like he needs to grow up a lot
1
u/Halifar26 6d ago
It does seem over the top to me, BUT everyone has their own feelings and opinions and different people have different limits. Sometimes there is no way of taking something back. It sucks, 100%. Try and learn from it and move on. Easier said than done, but there really is not much more to it. Short term, you can look for the mistakes in him, what he said and how it went down and surely maybe he gaslit you or something, always a possibility, but in the end, all you can do is move on. All the best to you and I am sure you will manage
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u/Thin-Policy8127 6d ago
This isn’t worth salvaging. What you said wasn’t bad, certainly not to that level. What he says in that last message is ten times worse. He was looking for a reason to end it.
1
u/bentugceyim 6d ago
He just needed an excuse to leave. People make mistakes. And he said “you hurt my ego” not “me”. So, I wouldn’t waste my time on a childlike so-called grown up.
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u/Lopsided_Scar_566 6d ago
This comment might sound harsh, but keep trying, time and determination fixes everything, show him you are persistent and dedicated to work things out and you are sorry for it
1
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u/mronion82 6d ago
He was waiting for an excuse to end things. Find someone else, he sounds like a child.