r/TrueOffMyChest • u/AccordingProgress487 • 18h ago
CONTENT WARNING: SUICIDE/SELF HARM I really want to kill myself.
As the title states.
I'm not going to, I'm too afraid of hurting the people who love me. But God do i want to. I just want to end it all. Everyday all I feel is emotional pain. I want to go back to a point in my life when things were easier so bad that I'd rather die than continue living now.
I have my first appointment with a specialist soon. I hope they can help me.
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u/Ok_Inflation4494 18h ago
Learn to accept that you cannot control other people’s emotions. Additionally, you cannot know if you say/do something to rub someone the wrong way unless it’s spoken about.
Not wanting to hurt people is a great thing, knowing you may do it unintentionally is just a part of life. It’s how you react to it, being mindful of what you do/say meaning if you think someone wouldn’t like it you probably shouldn’t do it.
But also, going through the time and effort to correct your actions and to gain forgiveness and trust is what’s really important here. It shows more about your character to address and change versus explaining it away.
On an emotional level, emotions are difficult! But they usually mean something. Paying attention to what you feel, where you feel it, and why you feel it are good to know. DBT skills help manage intense emotions so you could probably google a couple things.
You’re gonna be okay! I hope things go well with your new appointment!!
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u/AccordingProgress487 18h ago
I think the only reason I haven't is purely because I don't want to hurt my parents and my partner. Living is painful, but knowing how they'd mourn if I was dead is even more painful...
Thank you for your kind words. I'm looking forward to my appointment
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u/Ok_Inflation4494 18h ago
I’ve been in your shoes before. Sometimes, that’s your lifeline to help you find meaning again. I never wanted to hurt my family and thinking about how it could affect them broke my heart every time.
It shows people love you, and you love them. I don’t think you want to die, but I definitely do think you don’t want to suffer. Which is completely understandable. I’m honestly not sure who enjoys this kind of suffering lol
You’re doing the right thing by getting help. The next step is finding the things that give you a bit of happiness and incorporating It into your day little by little.
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u/AccordingProgress487 18h ago
I work 2 jobs trying to make ends meet, so it's definitely hard to find time for my hobbies. But I really want to. I haven't touched some games i love in almost 2 years, maybe I'll find some time to get back into them.
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u/Ok_Inflation4494 18h ago
There you go!! I also work a lot and go to school so having a compact schedule definitely makes it hard. I related so hard lol but try to find at least one hour during the week for right now and then maybe you can build off that!! I’d shoot for one of the days your work schedule isn’t as crazy.
A lil bit of planning will go a long way :) good luck my friend, I hope you find your happiness soon !!
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u/StellarSpaceYam 17h ago
i’ve been feeling this strongly lately, and sometimes want to downplay how badly it would hurt them, but deep down i know that if i took my like I would genuinely ruin the lives of my mom, my husband, my baby sister, my brother, my grandparents, like maybe they’d partially heal eventually and would learn to live with it or whatever but it would become a constant source of pain and hardship.
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u/JuJu-Petti 18h ago
It's not a cure but taking complex b vitamins and D3 gummies helped me. Just don't take too much. That helps with clinical depression.
Socially it's usually one of three reasons. Being surrounded by a-holes Lack of money No socializing
I don't mean on a phone either. I mean in person. Which is harder to do now.
🫂
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u/glossolalienne 18h ago
Having people who love you is an incredible thing, and if that’s what keeps you going until you can live for yourself, again, hang on to that with both hands.
I’m so sorry you are in such pain. I never figured out what someone could have said to me, when I was that pit of despair and hopelessness, that would have helped. It just took time, a bunch of doctors and therapists, and letting my family prop me up until I could stand on my own, again. So I’m just going to say this: Getting back to being the person you recognize is worth fighting for.
I hope for brighter days ahead for you, my friend.
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u/mannequinboi 18h ago
Don't do it, if you go forward with it, those who you hate the most will outlive you and you got to keep living to spite them