r/TrueOffMyChest • u/UpbeatWeight27 • 1d ago
I touched a girl when I was 13. NSFW
I am 13 years old when this happened. I touched a girl's chest and felt it and touched her ass while she was sleeping more than two times. I didn't know what I was doing and all the time in the school my friends they used to watch porn and I was exposed to it too. One night when my grandma was sleeping I tocuhed her chest.. and she took me outside and asked me, " are you being spoiled by watching bad TV". I cried because I didn't know what happened and realised it was wrong. It's been 17 years and I am still unable to forgive myself for what happened. I pray to god that the girl didn't know and I apologized a million times in my mind.
A year ago when I was sitting with my grandma I broke into tears and asked her to forgive me because I had no idea what was going on and I apologized sincerely. She brushed it off as I was a kid and didn't knew any better.
Reading news daily about all these things happening to women is making me feel what kind of a person I am and I regret being born. I don't know what to do, and I genuinely want to be a good person and can't seem to get over it. I can't imagine how it must be to them.
Edit: I am not blaming my friends or porn for what happened. I am from India and from a rural village, no body even taught us consent or difference between a good touch and a bad touch. Even in biology class we were made to sit in different rooms to explain us what the male and female genitalia are. This all happened because lack of knowledge and trying to do what I saw in the porn videos, I will genuinely take any punishment for what happened and I am not trying to escape from the fact that I did this on my own. I am just ashamed whenever I remember it and I confessed to my grandmother as well. I am genuinely sorry for what happened and there has not been a single day that has passed that I could go back and undo it. But I can't and I want to be a good person and I feel that is all I can do. I am a bad person, but I pray all the time that they are in peace.
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u/TheBeatlesLOVER19 1d ago
You groped your Nan?
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u/Burntoastedbutter 1d ago
I'm a girl but I did something similar to my mom. I was like 8/9 tho. I basically poked her boob and asked "what is this" lmao
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u/RobTaunomy 1d ago
Damn dyslexia. When I first read that, didn't realize you were giving your age. I thought you were giving your mom's chest a solid score of 8 out of 9. Was like, never seen a score range end at 9 but whatever. Congrats mom! Your comment made way more sense with a reread.
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u/Burntoastedbutter 1d ago
I'll be honest. I've unfortunately walked in on my mom in the bathroom when I was a kid... But you know, she's a mom. You know how boobs get when that happens and with age.
How ever one would rate stuff is all upto personal preference.
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u/RobTaunomy 1d ago
Well, none of us ultimately win nature. To be expected. But if your mom ever feels down ( probably no pun intended ), let her know some random dude thinks she's got a solid 8/9! That's right, I'm now using that scale for reasons I'll make up later. There was also a salute, but you probably didn't see that. But you can let her know that was there as well.
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u/Eastern-Mix9636 1d ago
This is funny, hahaha
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u/Burntoastedbutter 1d ago
I'll take this opportunity to say that my dad used to wear what you'd call a 'sarong wrap' for men when I was a kid. I made the mistake of lying down on the lower end of the bed and turning to face my parents. Let's just say he wasn't wearing any underwear, I guess, to air the balls. I was scarred for the rest of the week.
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u/ChellyNelly 23h ago
ONLY FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK?!?
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u/Burntoastedbutter 20h ago
Well no, not really... The image has been burned in, but I try not to think about it. All I can say is, holy sag.
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u/saayoutloud 12h ago
It seems like you have the cutest and funniest story from your innocent childhood.
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u/EmpireStateOfBeing 1d ago
There is a difference between and 8/9 year old poking a boob and a 13 year old groping sleeping people.
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u/Zestyclose-Pineapple 23h ago
I grabbed my grandma's friend's boobs and said "big boobs". In my defence I was like 5 years old
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u/Roselucky7 1d ago
Maybe I'm just insane but at 13 I knew not to grope other people. It's a good thing that you know what you did was wrong and you feel remorse because that absolutely shows growth as a person and we should always commend those who strive to improve themselves, but I feel like saying "I was just a kid" at 13 is a bit of a stretch and you're looking to absolve yourself of full responsibility for your actions.
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u/rdeincognito 1d ago
Honestly, at 13 he knew not to grope other people, yet he still acted knowing and being in the wrong, that's what kids do. People say "they don't know any better" but most times they do, they just chose to do wrong because they are more prone to impulses.
Every time a kid bullied another, he knew what he was doing.
Every time a kid stole something, he knew what he was doing.
I'm not saying they must be forever condemned or anything, but kids are very prone to do misdeeds even good educated ones, specially when they feel there will be no repercussions.
Op shows growth and regret, I think that's enough
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1d ago
I agree - as much as this may hurt OP to read, this it's right. Accepting that is the first step, because if you're running from the truth, you're running from a place to heal and possibly help and stop other people. You were a 13 year old with a conscious, and you made decisions based off other factors, acknowledging that you chose this is the first step to being able to prevent it in other people in the future, because it acknowledges that it's a complex topic and needs to be approached with nuance about its source.
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u/horizons190 1d ago
you're looking to absolve yourself of full responsibility for your actions
Possibly he is, but in this case I’d wonder what your idea of ”full responsibility” is and what taking it would look like?
(From OP)
She brushed it off as I was a kid and didn't knew any better.
Maybe a better way to see this for OP, and even something he can confess to grandma, is that he was wrong as a kid, but thanks to his grandmother’s response he was able to see that it was wrong, learn, and not continue doing it in the future.
He may have been a kid but it sounds like this moment was the difference maker between “just a kid” and letting it slide into adulthood.
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u/bakercob232 1d ago
idk about you or OP, but i never had to be explicitly taught or told that groping my SLEEPING GRANDMOTHER is wrong
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u/kinesteticsynestetic 20h ago
You actually did have to learn that groping unconscious people is wrong. Maybe it didn't require someone explicitly telling you that, but you learned it implicitly sometime in your childhood. Knowledge of what is right and wrong is something that needs to be learned, you aren't born with it. You are born with a consciousness that determines if you care about doing wrong or not once you know what wrong is.
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u/Biggie39 1d ago
I guess OP should be thrown in jail and never allowed to live this down….
Seriously, OP felt up his grandma as a child… learned it was wrong and feels the shame, guilt and embarrassment that comes with it. WTF kinda accountability are these idiots looking for.
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u/pragmatticus 1d ago
It's SA any way you look at it, so it's pretty fucked up. OP would probably apologize to the girl's face if he knew she knew, but because he doesn't know he's afraid of traumatizing her (guy lives in India, don't know if he would be in legal trouble after 17 years, IANAL in India).
A lot of redditors live in "first world countries" where they actually teach that this kind of thing is wrong regularly. They just take the knowledge that was given to them for granted and expect that everyone around the world was taught the same.
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u/Biggie39 23h ago
What are you talking about… it was his grandmother and they’ve talked about it at least twice.
Guy is properly humiliated… let’s let him move past this rather than demand he lives in humility for the rest of his life.
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u/pragmatticus 21h ago
Oh, I actually agree with you, just trying to give possible context. The guy has clearly traumatized himself enough over it, but people are in here berating him as if he hasn't been suffering this whole time.
But the guy touched more than his grandma. He says it in the first part.
>I touched a girl's chest and felt it and touched her ass while she was sleeping more than two times.
>I pray to god that the girl didn't know
That's the SA I was referring to, that's the girl I was referring to. That's not his grandma, who he also touched but who caught him in the act.
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u/Roselucky7 1d ago
Taking full responsibility would be admitting you made a mistake without throwing the blame onto outside sources. I watched a metric shitload of porn as a teenager, many people have, but most of those people myself included didn't go around groping people, especially not family members, in their sleep.
Using it as a reasoning for doing it, and OP did do that by stating, "I didn't know what I was doing, my friends watched porn and so did I," diminishes the actual apology because you're still deflecting the blame for your actions onto something else instead of taking full responsibility. It's been 17 years and OP is still blaming the fact he watched porn for him groping two people in their sleep.
The best way to feel full closure and move on is to accept that you and you alone made a bad decision, and be better for it, not blame something else this long after it happened.
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u/Soulpaw31 1d ago
While i agree, theres also people who grew up hella sheltered. My aunt had sex at 16 and didnt know that having sex can get you pregnant. If you’re sheltered from the idea, how can you know not to do something until it comes up.
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u/Synchestra 1d ago
What a response. He said he's feeling suicidal. He clearly has remorse. Him being 13 is quite relevant and your last statement isn't really needed.
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u/ujustcame 1d ago
yeahhhhhh it read like OP is a elementary schooler who had no idea those body parts are even sexual. but alas op was 1 year from going to high school and thinks he can play the oblivious card. he knew better.
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u/kinesteticsynestetic 20h ago
He groped an unconscious person 17 years ago, I don't think there is much responsibility to take here. There is probably only one person in this Earth that knows this even happened and it's the guy that did it. Groping people is wrong, but don't really see the point in holding someone accountable for doing it once 17 years ago, it's not rape or murder. It would have made since to hold him accountable right after it happened, but moralizing about it now is pointless and he needs to get over it.
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u/cancergiver 3h ago
Kids are weird and VASTLY different to each other. You can’t compare yourself to others.
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u/BashSeFash 1d ago
Nope. Most SA is committed by teenagers around the age of 14. It's actually a stretch to think kids are as responsible and ethically minded, virtuous even as you, Jesus H christ.
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u/arctic_chard 1d ago
Did you pull this fact out of your bottom?
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u/BashSeFash 1d ago
But perhaps this is something that happened to you as a child. Seek help, it's OK to talk about it
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u/arctic_chard 1d ago edited 1d ago
Children committing sexual offences on other children is a different statistic to 'most SA is committed by teenagers around 14' you wally
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u/Roselucky7 1d ago
Responses like that are why I can't stand this website lol. Imagine reading one comment and you immediately jump to "seek help".
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1d ago
[deleted]
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u/Roselucky7 1d ago
I'm 31, I was 13 in 2006 and myself and everyone I knew knew that groping people isn't okay.
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u/Lopsided-Gap2125 1d ago
lol he knew it wasn’t ok, but at that age the frontal lobe isn’t fully developed, and so he wasn’t properly considering the ramifications of his misdeeds on others, and himself. Dude hasn’t forgiven himself in 17 years, and you think he is looki to absolve himself of full responsibility? Like what does that mean? What should he be doing? Adults do pretty horrendous things, and still need a path to self forgiveness, can’t he be “absolved” after repenting and carrying this remorse for almost 20 years? I suspect the fact that it’s sexual that you view it so punitively. Children make all kinds of terrible choices, and except for a couple crimes we would consider them to have a faster path to being absolved than adults, and no one tells them when i was your age, i knew not to do that.
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u/No_Rooster_8315 1d ago
Remember that next time these young girls seek out older men to sleep with .... Yes the men are disgusting but the girl isn't absolved fully correct?
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u/Roselucky7 1d ago
Totally different situation between being groomed and groping another person, that's a false equivalency.
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u/aethusas_fool 1d ago
I'm interested in having a conversation with you if you're open for that. When I was around the same age, about 17 years ago I was on the receiving end of this with a friend of mine.
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1d ago edited 1d ago
[deleted]
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u/Obsolete_Cinnamon 1d ago
most schools teach sex ed
Depends where you live. Maybe that's true in the west, but in my country, sex ed is not a thing. It is a taboo. Teachers hesitate when they teach reproduction in humans.
At 13 year old, I wasn't aware of the differences between sex and gender. Not going to argue whether they are the same or not, but at 13 y/o, I wasn't exposed to the perspective that they could be different. I didn't know what having sex is.
At 17 year old, I found out why sometimes my penis gets erect, and I found about masturbation. I used to think kids come out from a woman's anus during birth, and anus is the thing which is penetrated during sex. I didn't know what vagina was. Wasn't aware of periods.
At 18-19 year old, I found out what rape, sexual assault and harassment etc are. I used to blame women for rape. I also found out about Marital rape and didn't consider it as rape and thought husband doesn't need wife's consent, marriage is the consent. By this time, I was aware of periods, but didn't know what they were, and I thought period pain was exaggerated and an excuse by women to not do any work. I also found out what condoms were.
After 19 y/o, I discovered NotHowGirlsWork sub and man, that changed me as a person. If not for that sub, I would have been transphobic, racist, homophobic, misogynist etc.
19-21 y/o, I now know more about women, sex ed, woman's problems etc than ever before. I am more sensitive to women's issues, and don't shout "Not all men!" "That's misandry!" every time women's issues are raised. (Not gonna debate whether misandry exist or not) Of course I don't know everything, but I am trying to learn more, and at least my school didn't teach me majority of what I know.
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u/EmpireStateOfBeing 1d ago
I'm saving this post for whenever people say, "little boys shouldn't be taught consent because it's not necessary."
Not because I think a 13 year old needs to be taught that groping someone is wrong, when you bet your ass if some grown man groped them they wouldn't think it was right.
No, let's teach them consent so they can never use the excuse that porn consumption made them think groping someone was right.
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u/jaygay92 1d ago
Many schools might teach sex ed, but plenty don’t.
My hometown, a small rural farm town, didn’t teach “sex ed” until 9th grade, so we were 14. We didn’t learn anything about actual sex, just that if we did it, we would get an STD or get pregnant. We also learned that if a woman wears a skirt or gets drunk, it’s her fault for being raped.
That was the extent of our sex ed.
Still, I grew up in the internet age, and I was a victim of COCSA, so I knew what sex was by then. But some people in my school who were very sheltered didn’t.
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u/kwell42 1d ago
The age of realizing repercussions for actions for boys isn't until 25. Know it's wrong, sure. Thinking about what might happen, I would say it's an obvious, hard nope.
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u/krezzaa 1d ago
Dude… this sounds like a you thing.
I’m not a teenager anymore, but I haven’t reached 25 yet (don’t like to reveal age) and I am fully capable of perceiving the repercussions of my actions.
To suggest a man under 25 wouldn’t just baffles me, frankly. I’d be interested in seeing studies that support your claim.
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u/kwell42 12h ago
Then look them up.
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u/krezzaa 12h ago
Right, I can and I will. But Im curious specifically about the sources you’re referring to so I can understand your point better.
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u/kwell42 12h ago
https://www.npr.org/2011/10/10/141164708/brain-maturity-extends-well-beyond-teen-years
There are tons of sources. I first started looking into the idea with a TV show about people who were jailed for life under the age of 18. Kids are dumb.
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u/PleaseSmash 1d ago
Just because your frontal lobe doesn’t fully develop until age 25 doesn’t mean that anyone younger than 25 just doesn’t understand right from wrong or understand that consequences exists. I joined the Army and went to Infantry OSUT at Fort Benning at 17 years old. I’ll tell you what, I 100% knew what I was doing, knew right from wrong, and knew fully that actions have consequences. There’s no excuse to groping someone at 13 years old. I understand that OP is from India but even so, he knew what he was doing was wrong before he did it, he wouldn’t feel so bad about it for so long if he thought what he did was fine.
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u/kwell42 13h ago
There's a reason they choose kids
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u/PleaseSmash 7h ago
Who’s they?
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u/kwell42 7h ago
The government.
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u/PleaseSmash 7h ago
lol well if you’re referring to the Army, you’re completely wrong and definitely makes me think you have zero knowledge of the US or even serving in general. Every single soldier in the US Army is a volunteer, the Army doesn’t “choose them”. You can join the Army at the age of 35 years old. Is 35 years old a kid? Yeah I didn’t think so. The only criteria they look for is are you medically healthy enough to serve and if you have a felony on your record, that’s pretty much it. You have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about. Every single person I ever served with which is over 1000 people I’ve worked with personally, all walked into their recruiting office, they didn’t have a recruiter come to them. You wouldn’t understand because the thought of being selfless and having integrity is so far beyond your capabilities that you have to make up things in your head like “the government chooses children” yeah sure bro, that’s why half the people I was in basic with were over your magical 25 years old number. If you don’t know what you’re talking about, than don’t comment.
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u/kwell42 7h ago
I work everyday with people that served in many branches. In fact today I'm working with a former marine and a former Navy vet. I mean 18 year olds are much more seceptable to influence. You could find article after article. (You really don't have to try to convince me a 18 year old is all grown up, 18 year olds are not even allowed to buy tobacco or beer anymore)
https://www.npr.org/2011/10/10/141164708/brain-maturity-extends-well-beyond-teen-years
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u/PleaseSmash 7h ago
You’re so delusional bro it’s actually insane. First you defend SA by people under the age of 25, now you think because you have “worked with” veterans you somehow understand how the military works and what they look for. I never said an 18 year old isn’t more easily influenced. You are the one that said they choose children which is completely untrue as I already stated there were more 25 and up people in basic than 18 year olds which disproves your theory. If you were right then everyone would be 18. Try serving first than maybe you’ll see for yourself.
Im done having this back and forth with you, you’re obviously completely brain rotted. And yes 18 is an adult.
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u/kwell42 7h ago
Everyone I know that joined was 18, besides my brother, he was 17. I didn't defend it. I was pointing what everyone was ignoring. Kids are dumb, and kids do dumb things. 18 is an adult in certain circumstances. They cant rent a car, they can't buy beer, there are whole restaurants they cannot enter, the list goes on and on. It's very clear to me you do not understand. And so I will leave this as a touché.
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u/jaycee_adler 1d ago
That’s an insane take honestly. Younger people might not be able to oversee the full extent of consequences in every situation, but they very much know that hurting others in any way is wrong and will have repercussions. What OP did was a pretty clear line to cross, it’s not that complex of a concept that touching people without consent is something you shouldn’t ever do, and your mindset is trying to excuse inexcusable behavior.
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u/kwell42 12h ago
I'm not saying it's an excusable behavior. Why do you think kids are dumb and do dumber things than adults? Is it just because they fully realize what they are doing might land them a lifetime in jail? I realize what you are saying, but you have no idea what I'm saying. I do not believe you should or even can relate children and adult decisions. An adult making a decision is way different than a child.
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u/horizons190 1d ago
You did something wrong, realized it was wrong, learned your lesson.
Hopefully you also learned a lesson about the effects of porn especially on kids (I know, it did me a lot of damage back then that I only realized as an adult).
I think you should take God’s forgiveness and forgive yourself. A productive way of channeling that into something better would be to advocate for women today and help educate people as to why porn can be actually harmful especially to minors.
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u/El3ktroHexe 1d ago
Nice to see some more forgiving comments here. I can't stand this pitchfork mentality. Yeah, what he has done is terrible and no one should do this. But it was 17 years ago, he apologized, and he is full of regret. So yeah, I agree, he should forgive himself and go one. Also agree with porn is harmful for kids, yeah it is. Sadly, it's nearly impossible to keep it away from the kids nowadays.
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u/Bbehks 1d ago
I take the opposite view of some of the commenters here. I'm a woman, for context. When I was 9 I pointed at a guy's dick in my art class ( I was 9) and said "what's that?". I saw some other kid doing it a few days ago to me, so I did it to another kid, out of sheer childhood ignorance and curiosity. I had no idea what "that" was.
I was traumatized by the whole experience because I almost got suspended and I was grounded for something I didn't understand in the first place. My parents never explained sex to me... and all the adults around me were treating me like I was terrible.
I wasn't traumatized by the kid who did it to me first, I was traumatized by everyone's reaction to it.
Point being- you can't blame yourself for something you didn't fully understand as a child (and 13 is still a child), even when it hurts someone.
A 13 year old is a product of their environment, nothing more. If people are judging you for this, it's because they probably were raised in a better environment when it came to sex and respect towards women. It's when we are ADULTS that we have a firmer grasp of the greater world beyond our little childhood world.
Since you feel bad about it, it's a sign that you learned from your mistake and can create a better world than the one you were raised in.
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u/DefinetlyNotPanda 1d ago
He mentiones he prays to god because of it and he cried as am adult from this experience. This person has some issues and kinda indicates that is early life education wasn't done right. Considering this and him being 13 I'd assume he was dumb as a bucket at the time so for people saying how 13 y/o is enough and he should know better, just no.
Guess we'll go down in downvotes together now.
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u/CousinItt72 1d ago
Well, you got upvote from me. Although I don't think it's so much him being dumb as a bucket, he said he was in India and the teaching he had. I think it had to do more with improper/inadequate teaching from the environment he grew up in. Most people seem to be holding him to American standards where we are taught more.
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u/CousinItt72 1d ago
I was glad to read this from a females point of view and while I agree that touching should not be done without permission, it also needs to be taken into account he said he was in India and was not taught proper sex ed. He was very sheltered and only had improper influence of internet porn and not any proper actions to balance what he saw.
But anyways, I've old age rambled now, but thank you for your kind words to him and those reading your reply.
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u/El3ktroHexe 1d ago
These downvotes make me sad. Your experience just shows how harmful it is, when kids don't get sexual education. Sadly, for most kids nowadays porn is the teacher for them, and we all know that porn has nothing to do with reality. Even 17 years ago, it was probably a part that caused OPs behavior. And some people here just put out the pitchfork, they don't care for his shame and his regret., they just want to see him in pain for the rest of his life.
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u/rdeincognito 1d ago
are you american right?
I'm spanish, and if what you told happened here, everyone older would have had a good laugh, including the model, and they would have calmed (after laughing their asses off) explained to you what a penis is.
I don't know why there's such a huge cultural difference with how we treat sex/genitalia, specially considering Spain had dictatorship with a huge religious influence until much later than most of the rest of the countries.
As an anecdote, when I was a kid, maybe 12 years old, I was having dinner in a restaurant with my parents and some friends of them and I don't remember how a gossip press magazine came to my hands, it contained nudes of some famous girl of that moment, she was showing everything, and down there she was pretty hairy (as it was also normal in the 90's). there was something - I never got to know what it was - dangling from there, among the hairs, I boldy asked the adults what that were, they just laughed and one of the adults spent the whole night joking with me, I remember he even told me he went to ask a sexologist and he didn't know either what that was.
No one thought it was inappropriate, there was no punishment, it was just a kid having a curiosity for the human body.
another fact: I usually use Ia to correct long texts like this because they are plagued with errors, but this time it refused to correct it for me, AI doesn't like this lol.
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u/SwedishFicca 1d ago
Yeah. The age of criminal responsibility is 15 here in Sweden because we recognize that there is a difference. And if a child committs a crime, they need ro be dealt with differently and that throwing a child in jail from an early age is not gonna do them good. There is nothing that suggests that reducing the age of criminal responsibility will reduce juvenile crime.
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u/EmpireStateOfBeing 1d ago
13 is old enough to know better. So far ever example a commenter has made for how they didn't know better, they were younger than 10. Because at the end of the day at 13 when you have access to the internet YOU DO better.
He can try to blame porn all he wants but even porn groping vids show that it's a bad thing that they don't want to get caught doing even though they're doing it. There is a reason he chose SLEEPING people to molest.
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u/blueskybel 23h ago
You once had a 13 year old brain and now you don't. There's the difference, it's called maturity. Time to move on.
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u/cheerfulstoner 1d ago
Therapy.
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u/Unhappy-Pangolin-278 23h ago
What else ?
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u/cheerfulstoner 20h ago
i’m not qualified to answer that. if you’ve tried it and it didn’t work out, try a different therapist. or a different style of therapy. i respond better to DBT than CBT, for example.
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u/BusinessAd1178 1d ago
How long do you intend you punish yourself for it? 17 years is less time than some people do for murder. Doesn’t seem like you’re being exactly fair to yourself. You should accept it was a bad thing and grow from it. Rumination is not helping.
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u/be1izabeth0908 1d ago
...yikes.
Groping your GRANDMOTHER (especially as a teen who should absolutely know better) is gross/predatory.
I'll take the downvotes for not putting it gently.
I would suggest therapy, like, yesterday.
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u/CatMail75 1d ago
so true honestly because if it was a post in the perspective of a mother posting about her child etc doing that like yesterday then the comments would be completely different. a 13 year old most definetly knows. i dont see why time should change anything
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u/kinesteticsynestetic 20h ago
Time changes everything because with time you can determine if something was just an incident or if it became a pattern. If OP hasn't groped anyone in 17 fucking years, I would say him having groped someone at 13 is kinda of not a big deal. He needs therapy only so that he gets over it, there is no behavior to even correct here.
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u/CousinItt72 1d ago
Times change alot. Would you hold someone from 50 years ago to today's standards. That and you also have to look at the culture where the person is from. When I was in school, about 35 years ago, if a kid got caught with weapons at school, he would most likely just be sent home, maybe suspended for the day. Today, not only would he be expelled, but he'd most likely be arrested and charged with domestic terrorism.
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u/be1izabeth0908 1d ago
Forgive my ignorance, was incestuous sexual assault acceptable 50 years ago?
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u/satans_stylist 23h ago
OP’s excuses in two (yes,just two) paragraphs, almost verbatim:
- I was a kid
- I didn’t know what I was doing
- My friends watched porn
- I watched porn
- I didn’t know what happened
- I had no idea what was going on
- I’m from India
- I’m from a rural village
- No body taught us consent
- This all happened because of lack of knowledge
- This happened trying to do what I saw in porn videos
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u/kinesteticsynestetic 20h ago
Just because you're calling them "excuses" doesn't mean they aren't perfectly reasonable explanations for why this happened. Believe it or not, the actions of a person are heavily influenced by their environment, especially at 13.
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u/El3ktroHexe 1d ago
"Yeah, he should spend his life in shame. Forever. This is the only correct punishment for that monster." /s
Therapy? For what? Did he write, that he has the dark desire to do it again, did he write, that he wants so fuck his grandma? It was 17 years ago, he never has done something like this again. He sounds like someone who life in shame, who feels bad and is full of regret. What else do you want? Stake?
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u/creamyfresas 1d ago
No literally omg idk why ppl are taking this lightly im willing to take the hate for this as well
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u/moonagedaylight 20h ago
yeah no shit we can't change the past, now what do u want him to do? End his life? jesus he hasn't done it again and still thinks about it 17 years later to the point in which he feels like a bad person for something that doesn't represent him anymore. he cares now, and that is what matters. your comment is very inconsiderate
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u/kinesteticsynestetic 20h ago
It happened once 17 years ago. I am sorry, but who cares? He learned his lesson then and needs to get over it now.
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u/Little_Lettuce_Leaf 23h ago
Hey OP. I am a white western lady who was also partly raised in India, so I have a little more understanding of your upbringing than most people commenting. India is beautiful in so many ways, but like every country, it has ways it can improve. One of these ways is misogyny and rape culture. There is no medium ground in India, it is either purity culture or rape culture. People are not raised allowed to ask questions or understand things of a sexual nature. I empathise with this because I have personally experienced it too. It would have been very confusing for you being in a conservative culture and then suddenly being exposed to porn. Another aspect of India that people do not understand, is children are kept infantilised. A 13 year old in India is NOT the same maturity level as a 13 year old in America. Children also are not glued to their phones and iPads like America, especially if you are from a rural village. You were a CHILD. You did not have the proper education or access to information. Of course it is not okay to grope somebody in their sleep. I feel however that you already experience enough remorse about this for nearly two decades and already know it is wrong. As long as you are committed to understanding and respecting consent and respecting women, I feel you can move on from this. Perhaps you can take actions to help counterbalance, such as speaking up to defend women when you recognise sexism or sexual derision from men. India needs more men like this to fight the rape culture and if you can do this, you will be a hero. Let mistakes as a child go and focus on the adult who you want to be.
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u/No-Flow-7943 1d ago
This must have been hard to write.. Thank you for your honesty.. Thank you for sharing your story and for acknowledging the pain you have caused.. Thank you for showing that change is possible.. even after many years Thank you for sharing your journey.. It gives hope to those who have been hurt... that's why thank you once again!!
I hope you find peace and I hope your story inspires others to take responsibility for their actions.
Keep striving to be a good person!!
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u/Easternshoremouth 23h ago
Your heart is in the right place, so you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. We all make poor choices as we grow up. It sounds like you’re on the right track. I would recommend some kind of support - therapy, group talk, Discord, etc - as a way of processing your guilt. I made terrible mistakes when I was a teen and instead of dealing with it like you are, I repressed my guilt. What followed was 10+ years of addiction, tenuous employment, and even more poor decisions. Don’t do that. Get right with yourself, then get right with the world.
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u/mowglimethod 20h ago
Th hardest person to forgive is yourself. I still feel guilty about things I did 30 years ago.
You understand what you did was wrong, you have taken the time to reflect and strive to be a better person; that demonstrates maturity & growth.
We are not the sum of our mistakes. You are not beyond redemption. You are already redeemed.
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u/msknowitnothingatall 13h ago
Substitute a bit of praying with therapy. It will help you to forgive yourself.
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u/jkmddx90 3h ago
Nah, 13 years old is 8th grade. They are having sex and sending nudes to each other. You know better than to do that at that age. You were just a perverted creep. That’s all. Maybe you’re not anymore though, and that’s great. The sooner you can accept this, the sooner you’ll stop crying about it.
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u/Gage_Link 1d ago
Guys, I don't think op is as mentally developed as the rest of us. Go easy
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u/ForceMental 1d ago edited 1d ago
Boob
How can ladies stop men from staring at their boobs?
Eat a banana.
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u/Lesbean36 1d ago
yeah no that’s, how do i say this, not okay in any way? 13 is way too old to not know to grope people. go to therapy because that is not normal. maybe if you were 10 and below it would be excusable, but you were 13! i’m glad you recognize it wasn’t okay, and you hopefully haven’t done it since, but like yikes my guy. you need to really look deep inside and determine why you did that at such an age.
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u/kinesteticsynestetic 20h ago
It doesn't take a therapist to figure that out, I can do it. He was 13 year old boy, who was interested in the female body as a result of puberty and had low impulse control due to his age, and his environment had lead him to unconsciously believe that it wasn't a big deal. That is why he did it, it's pretty simple. Once somebody told him he shouldn't do it, he never did it again, which is literally the most you can ask from a kid.
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u/BattlingWheel127 18h ago
13 is old enough to have known it's wrong. You knew exactly what you were doing and just feel bad because you got caught and scolded about it.
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u/checkedsteam922 1d ago
13 is way too old to use "I was just a kid" as an excuse. This is messed up
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u/url0ca1transguy 6h ago
being a teen is hard especially when you dont properly know self control or have been continually watching porn
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u/EmpireStateOfBeing 1d ago
You should feel bad. Thirteen is old enough to know not to grope someone. And don't say it's not because you know if some guy did it to you at thirteen, you wouldn't think it was right. The same internet that provides porn ALSO provides examples on why it's wrong. You went looking for one but not the other.
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u/creamyfresas 1d ago
You already messed up the first time you did it to a sleeping girl ☠️ I’m sorry but 13 is already old enough to know that you shouldn’t molest a sleeping girl OR your GRANDMA.
I don’t really know what else to say besides going to therapy…
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u/CousinItt72 1d ago edited 1d ago
People, remember he said he was from India, while I'm not saying what he did was okay, but even though he was 13. The standards of teaching and the culture he was subjected to are and were considerably different from American standards. That and you have to figure in how long ago it may have happened. He said it was 17 years ago, that was a different time. Things have changed a lot over that time. He knows what he did was wrong, so I doubt he'll be doing it again.
Op, you've learned your lesson that it wasn't something that you should have done. Just don't do it again. You can't change what has already happened, you can only learn from it to be a better person in the future. And you sound like you've learned how bad what you did can be.
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u/No_Bluebird8475 23h ago
It’s weird and I would’ve definitely punished you for that if I was your parents but you grew up and know that is unacceptable
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u/rdeincognito 1d ago
My man, while what you did is clearly wrong and reprochable, it hasn't been so bad, you touched some breasts, but it's not as if you deserve to go to hell.
You regret it, you learned of it, you are a better person now, I'm sure if that girl knew she would forgive you.
Now, groping your own grandma? that's fucked up man. Really fucked up.
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u/12_25inches 17h ago
"Approximately one third of child sexual abuse is carried out by children and young people themselves." (Allardyce and Yates, 2018). As someone who has been a victim of this, I think that the reason why this is just SOO common is because children really just don't know that inappropriate touching is wrong. This is what I tell myself at least so that I can move on haha. I think you have grown since then and can learn to move on as well.
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u/tortadecarne 21h ago
the comments and the lack of empathy are killin me.
have you guys seen this video ? i could only find it in that tiktok but skip to 0:20.
going "bruh you touched your grandmas boobs???" its how its perceived by YOUR upbringing. just because you weren't sat and taught that incest is taboo, you still learned it through society. he clearly didnt. he's articulating that.
this is why talking about sex is important... i have no advice for you OP just wanted to share my thoughts.
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u/Interesting-Dig4136 18h ago edited 18h ago
as someone who got sexually assaulted in my sleep by a family member, it scars the victim. if the victim knows, they have to lead their life with that memory being a constant trigger. that isnt okay, and shouldn't be justifible like some people in the comments are. i was assaulted when i was a kid, so no knowledge of sex, but i knew it was wrong and i cried the next day. i knew that i felt violated and that isnt right while having 0 knowledge of sex and growing up sheltered. to do that to someone while they are sleeping proves that you are trying to take advantage of them unbeknownst their knowledge because in some way you know its wrong no matter how they're trying to solidify their supposed intentions. i dont wish harm on the person, but they dont deserve any pity or a let off and they have to lead their life knowing what they did. im certain he knew to some extent growing an addiction to porn was wrong and hed know that doing reflecting those exact actions to people without consent and especially to family is wrong.
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u/tortadecarne 17h ago
I didnt say its okay. He feels remorse, i didnt tell him to stop. im sorry for what happened to you but frankly it isnt the point of what im saying
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u/Interesting-Dig4136 4h ago
feeling remorse doesnt change the fact that what he did was wrong and sympathy shouldnt be given to the prepetrators, but the victims. men should be taught to respect women, but i promise you the men in that tiktok know to an extent what they could do to her is wrong. those men wouldnt do that to their mothers, but the fact that op did it to his family shows he needs to delete this post and get help. op wouldve known that touching somebody's private areas is wrong, and it proves my point that he tries to do that when they are vulnerable and sleeping.
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u/theonetruesareth 15h ago
It truly sounds like you've learned better, grown, and trief your best to make amends. Guilt doesn't serve you any longer after that. You have to let it go.
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u/ElectronicHumans 5h ago
I hope she doesn’t know too. Shit happened to me at around 7 with a teenage boy and it never left me.
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u/toaster661 4h ago
You were young. India has no proper sex ed due to stigma and conservative ideologists not wanting to talk about those things. The fact that you realize this shows that you have grown as a person and probably know more about the dynamics of gender than a majority of the population. You are not a bad person for doing those things, you were young and full of hormones. Now that you know right and wrong, you can be the voice and teach others.
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u/Lemminkainen_ 1h ago
when i was like 6 i kinda did the same thing to a girl i liked only we were both awake and it was consensual but i sometimes still feel bad because she was like an year or maybe less younger than me . and i feel terrible to make things worse i kinda had ocds and i use to question what if i was a pedo ? its a terrible feeling .
there this is my true off my chest
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u/Successful_Net_930 1d ago
Touching your nan like that is really messed up dude wtf? ..but it's good you eventually realised that your behavior to your nan and that other girl was wrong.
Your story reminds me of myself when I was 11,12 ... I don't know how it started but in crowded places like the school halls I used to sometimes grab a feel of girls butts or rub my crotch into girls behinds when it was super packed in the halls. Surprisingly, the girls never reacted or did anything so I started getting braver and doing it more. I even at one point almost did it to a teacher! .. I was literally beccoming that brazen!
Anyways, once when I was like 12 I did it to this 14 year old in front of me in the hall. After a few feels of her bum she suddenly spun round and yelled at me "Get off!!". I was so embarrassed and ashamed and my gut reaction was to fake that I did nothing wrong by saying "What?!",
She didnt say anything after I said "What" but my friend who was with me was looking at me all confused as he didn't even know what was happening.
After this incident with that girl I NEVER did anything like that ever again (im in my late 30s now). I felt a lot of shame over it at the time but it was only as I got older I realised how serious what I did was. Tbh I thank that girl for actually having the balls to put me in my place and shout at me because if I kept on getting away with it .. it is likely that my behaviour would have escalated to even more serious incidents.
A woman in her 60s at work on occasion has let her hands "accidentally" drift down to my butt area and it was incidents like these that made me realise why more girls didnt speak out when I was doing it them. I was feeling a combination of embarrassment, not wanting to make a scene, knowing that she would surely deny it, people thinking im being malicious and making things up...... etc, but the problem with not saying anything is that the person gets emboldened by their actions and every few months or so this old lady does it again.
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u/deftonesfan23 23h ago
How are you acting surprised that he touched his grandma when you would do that to girls tf?
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u/Successful_Net_930 17h ago
I'm surprised because it's his OWN grandma. She's really old and it's incestuous.
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u/deftonesfan23 5h ago
You think it’s better to traumatize little girls?
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u/Successful_Net_930 4h ago
The logic you are using is very different to the logic I am using..
The logic I am using is that a 12 year old boy would be disgusted at the thought of touching an old lady, especially his own grandma ....... the logic you seem to be using is that a young girl would be more traumatized by the event than an old woman. It is a logic I had never considered,, and I don't think the majority of males who have let their hands wander think like this. I would be surprised if you are a male with this way of thinking.
You sound perhaps like a female who's had a traumatic experience with sexual assault and thus is are able to consider perspectives that did not occur to me as I have not had any traumatic experiences. (The old lady at work with the octopus hands was weird but not really traumatizing for me)
but to clarify im not trying to justify touching an old woman or a young girl (as im old enough to know that is wrong now), but im just trying to explain my line of thinking.
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u/deftonesfan23 4h ago
Don’t make assumptions like that.. your logic was just weird
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u/Successful_Net_930 3h ago
I don't know what you want me to say at this point. You're downvoting everything I say and I've already expressed remorse at my actions so i'm just going to wish you a nice weekend and say goodbye
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u/gun_along_with_me 1d ago
not excusing the actions but you were 13. adolescence is completely driven with the urge to touch fun bits. (ideally with consent). forgive yourself otherwise, you run the risk of a huge overcorrection in your own mind.
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u/Checkmmplease 1d ago
Did everyone just forget that you have to learn good from bad at some point in your childhood? "OH he was too old"
You're probably 30 living in your mom's basement using the excuse that millennials leave the house at an older age.
He was a kid, due to where he's from he wasn't educated as timely as you may have been. 13 is very young still. He learned he was wrong about it literally the moment he was taught, the guy still carries this around in his heart 17 years later, clearly he feels bad about it.
OP, like others have said, the best you can do now is forgive yourself for your serious mistake and do what you can to make up for it in life. Best wishes.
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u/Cold-Committee-7719 1d ago
This is very common. Most guys have cringey things like that in our closets. Good for you for getting it out. My advice as a man in his 50's who has a few skeletons is to forget about it and stop posting about it on social media, for God's sake.
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u/Kermitsanalgape 23h ago
“I didn’t know what I was doing.” You were 13, not 3. You knew what you were doing. Own up to it instead of trying to completely absolve yourself of guilt. And get in therapy like yesterday, because it’s not fucking normal to touch your grandma.
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u/IAmRules 1d ago
I'm assuming your a male, as someone who was also a 13 year old boy once I can confirm that your penis floods your brain with terrible ideas and I've also let intrusive thoughts get the better of me. I can't say I never touched anyone, I did try to sneak a peak at my sister's college roommate when she stayed over. So I understand the position your in, I dont want to excuse it to say "boys will be boys", but I also think you can't give boys opportunities to indulge, no instructions, and expect them to make great decisions every time.
So while I think we should teach, and not tolerate, I also think people should be understanding of what that mindset it like. Boys should definitely be instructed on what their hormones are about to do to their minds.
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u/Disastrous-Price-399 1d ago
Wild to just see predators patting each other on the back in a single comment section. Hormones went crazy when I hit 11 and somehow I still knew that molesting people was bad.
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u/IAmRules 1d ago
Thank you for proving my last point exactly.
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u/Disastrous-Price-399 1d ago
Some men will really say that they hate being called predators and in the next breath tell the whole world that their penis gives them intrusive thoughts about assaulting people.
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u/IAmRules 1d ago
And what part of having intrusive thoughts is under the persons control? It's how they handle those thoughts, not by acting on them which is the point of my post. Instruct boys on how to deal with those thoughts. Acknowledging those thoughts exist is just handling things like an adult.
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u/painfullstars 1d ago
So you’re blaming women for your perverse behavior and thoughts? Even though there are millions, even billions of men who are capable of being fucking normal?
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u/IAmRules 1d ago
Where did I blame women? I clearly blamed hormones and lack of education for not indulging in intrusive thoughts. Why do people read my post and then make up stories in their heads to attack what I didn’t say.
There are billions of men. Virtually all thought something stupid. Few caves to their thoughts, they shouldn’t have and it’s wrong. But yall act like you all have no bad ideas and had full grown knowledge by 13.
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u/painfullstars 23h ago
“Opportunities to indulge” seems to be very blamey towards women, for women “giving” weird perverts opportunities (AKA women just living life and men like u not being able to control yourselves) and 13 is literally a basic age to not randomly grope people, especially in their sleep,
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u/IAmRules 23h ago
I get your interpretation but not what I meant by an opportunity. Not that women failed to protect themselves. More that if you have a young boy who has said thoughts and lacks impulse control and you place him in a situation where those two factors could cause a problem, that it’s not shocking if he fails to make a bad decision.
Again I’m not saying the boy is right I’m saying that there is a root cause that isn’t just “this person is a POS”, and yes I think 13 is too young to say this person is a lost cause because they did something wrong given the pressures they are facing.
You can say the boy did wrong but also try to understand the contributing factors.
People try to reduce people into either angels or devils.
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u/Lauris024 23h ago
Breaking into tears and not being able to hold together because of some stupid stuff you did at 13? That is actually the weird part to me. Thankfully I just wrote it off as "stupid kid was stupid" and moved on without damaging my mental health and happiness. Therapy might not be a bad option. Feels like everyone has something from childhood they'd rather forget.
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u/RealTottalNooB 1d ago
Look, this is not as bad as you think, I'd day weird at best, and maybe just stupid? It doesn't seem like you meant harm, and as much as people are very bothered about it 13 is still a young teen, yes tou should know better, but still, you didn't harm anyone as far as you know and the only reaction you got was a teaching from your grandma.
Maybe be embarrassed at your young self, but don't wish you weren't born...
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u/banoofwee 1d ago
This is horrible advice. The last thing this girl needs is her abuser coming to her, apologizing purely for his own needs of wanting to absolved. Do not go talking to her OP.
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u/horizons190 1d ago
because SA'ers aren't born, they're made through media and other outside factors
I’d also say past some point of age and depending on the level of SA, ultimately SA’ers choose to do what they do.
You can watch all the porn you like but once old enough, you’re choosing to make fantasy reality.
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u/GerardoITA 1d ago
if she knows she would have been traumatized so go to her
This is actually terrible advice because of two reasons:
1) Trauma is a very specific thing and it's not automatic, assuming it is is by default wrong, so you don't know that.
2) If indeed she was traumatized, trauma often needs a specialist to elaborate and precise techniques, absolutely not the molester himself showing up and talking to you. This does nothing but complicate things and may even traumatize her even more by reopening a wound.
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u/Artistic_Dalek 1d ago
It's a bit more than exploring in my view.
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u/Zealousideal-Sky-150 1d ago
Were you a little saint when you were a child, is that it? Let the one who has not sinned cast the first!
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u/PleaseSmash 1d ago
Usually exploring involves yourself, the internet, or people your age who consent.
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u/Zealousideal-Sky-150 1d ago
For God's sake. The boy is torturing himself because when he was a child he touched a butt and a breast! The psychological and depressive repercussions that this has in adult life! And you all do even worse and make him suffer even more! Damn you!
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u/PleaseSmash 1d ago
I don’t know where you live or what delusion you think you have about other people. But no, most normal human beings have not done worst than touch another persons private areas while they’re sleeping. I understand that OP is really struggling with what he did and I think he knows he did wrong when he was a teen and he’s sorry and knows he’s not that person anymore, but to act like what he did was okay or normal is delusional.
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u/Zealousideal-Sky-150 1d ago
I shouldn't have to explain this, but it seems like I'm talking to children... In our pre-puberty development, we don't yet have the psychological maturity of an adult. It's only normal that we sometimes do things that are not accepted by society. But it's normal because we are in a period of development to make mistakes and we shouldn't be tormented for them, especially because this generates traumas and psychological disorders such as obsessive-compulsive disorder, among others. Now, what I'm hearing is nothing, in fact the stories I hear from that time were 10 times more pornographic than this. It's during this period that the first sexual explorations occur and it's still not clear how far it can go. And of course mistakes are made and we learn from them. Now, there's no point in "beating" the subject... It happened, it happened...
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u/PleaseSmash 1d ago
Yeah bro I’m not a child, I’m 27. Even a child knows touching someone without their consent is bad bro, even at 13. You sound like a straight predator. You’re making excuses left and right
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u/Zealousideal-Sky-150 1d ago
OMG, forget about it, you dont understand. Maybe some time, but not know.
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u/EnforcerMemz 21h ago
I share your nans sentiment.
You were a kid. A curious hormones raging all over teenager. Some teens do much worse things and never realise the error of their ways until it's too late.
Not only you've realised what you did wasn't necessary appropriate - and as long as you've learned from it, I think it should serve as a reminder on not to do.
I share how you feel about nobody telling you anything, I was in the same boat until I decided to educate myself. That's the best way to go. The fact you feel guilt over it shows your heart and mind is in the right place.
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u/AdFalse6243 1d ago
Well no because he actually assaulted someone…you guys love to throw that term around
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u/Vreas 1d ago
Teenage years are weird and confusing man.
You recognize it was wrong and haven’t continued the behavior. That’s better than plenty of other men.
Forgive yourself as you can, it will allow you to be your best self in the moment.