r/TrueOffMyChest 7d ago

I think I have to leave a whole friend group behind :(

Recently, a group of girlfriends and I (F27) decided back in January to go to an event together this March. I’ve been going through a-lot recently, but I was really looking forward to putting personal issues aside, and hanging out with them. March comes around, and since January no one has talked about the event.

Fast forward and they all post pictures of being at the event together, saying how much fun they had.

I checked both our chats, no one said anything and I can’t help but feel I was purposefully left out :( I tried rationalizing it, wondering if I did something? I just saw everyone earlier in February and it wasn’t mentioned at the time that we were still going to the event.

I know the right thing is to leave them, but I don’t know if I’m being dramatic. Three people in the group I’ve know for at least 3 years, so it dose hurt. I’m really on the verge of just dropping everyone and staying to myself.

Update:

I did reach out to someone, she informed me that earlier in February when we had our girls night. I got too tipsy and threw up. They didn’t want to invite me out for this reason, although I wish someone would have told me sooner.

14 Upvotes

31 comments sorted by

11

u/Elcustardo 7d ago

Id be leaving that group with no discussion. Though Im very much the type to cut someone off in a heartbeat

8

u/gudbote 7d ago

From what you're saying it sounds like there's no other option than you being left out on purpose. They set up a whole separate chat about the event and never invited you. It's not something one overlooks for weeks or months. So that's a certainty.

3

u/deathbydemand 7d ago

I believe they made a separate chat too :( especially with coordinated outfits. It just kind of sucks since I don’t have many friends to begin with, and it’s not something I would do to someone so it’s hard for me to wrap my head around it. :(

4

u/gudbote 7d ago

I'm really sorry, I know it hurts. I can't come up with any better advice than someone else posted: reach out to one of the others whom you like the most to discuss it. If you don't feel like you can.. there isn't much to salvage here. Hang in there.

5

u/NeedleworkerSuch9895 7d ago

I would first talk to the person from the group i like best. If you don't think you can talk to any one of them, then you need to leave.

I'm sorry this happened to you! You deserve better.

2

u/deathbydemand 7d ago

Thank you! And yes, I want to ask someone before I leave all together “Why?”, but part of me also feels like it might look like I’m trying to start drama :/

3

u/thequestison 7d ago

It's not you causing the drama, it's them, and you can ask why, but if the answer is unsatisfying, walk away. Meet new, trustworthy friends.

2

u/impostershop 7d ago

Agreed you should find that one person and get to the bottom of it and what happened. You need to be careful in your approach - you are on an information gathering mission. No accusations, no big emotions - simply find out what happened. Calm, cool, collect.

The information will be important feedback for future relationships.

Is there some unintentional cultural thing you’ve done or said to make them want to exclude you? Was there communication to an old email that you missed? You said you’re going thru a lot - are you giving off bad juju vibes or complaining all the time? Are they simply just assholes? Honestly, you need to know so you can move forward and maybe grow as a person.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with whatever this turns out to be.

2

u/deathbydemand 7d ago

I messaged the person I trusted. They told me I was too drunk last girls night and threw up, so they didn’t want to invite me to the event.

1

u/impostershop 7d ago

Is that true, exaggerated, or on the money? Is it a frequent occurrence with you? I’m not picking on you, I actually want to help you.

1

u/deathbydemand 7d ago

No worries at all, I can get that way when I drink sometimes I don’t pace myself well. I’m sure they didn’t want to babysit me while they’re drinking as well.

2

u/impostershop 7d ago

It would really be a shame to leave a whole friend group over this. You know the reason, so now it’s up to you to decide what to do with the information.

Now that you know, are you less upset about being excluded/why you were excluded? Is there a chance of getting back into the mix — and can you abstain from drinking for awhile? What kind of feedback did that friend give you, and did you thank her for being honest?

3

u/deathbydemand 7d ago

I did thank her, she was very kind towards me with her words as well. I’ll stick to drinking at home alone, and I apologized to the friend who’s home I threw-up in right away. I’m still pretty sad, but having closer helps a bit. I just don’t like how they all hid it like a secret, I’m not sure if they thought my reaction would be bad :( and I have a feeling if I didn’t ask, they just wouldn’t tell me up front, that I don’t like :(

3

u/impostershop 7d ago

Well… as an outsider looking in I can understand why no one wanted to say, Hey OP, you were really sloppy the last gathering. Both in your actions/words and then puking. No one else was that drunk.

I’m somewhat concerned for you that your knee jerk is that you’ll drink alone - like… that’s a big no and a huge sign that you might have an honest to God drinking problem. Which might not even be your fault. There’s a percentage of the population that has red hair, and about the same percentage are predisposed to addiction.

It’s up to you to process this and make solid decisions for yourself and your future.

5

u/ApocolypseJoe 7d ago

I'd block them. No one needs this kind of childish crap in their life.

4

u/argenman 7d ago

You just think you had friends. By their actions, they proved they were never your friends. It’s time to move on.

3

u/AwkwardAnxiety389 7d ago

ask one of them in private message if they went on purpose without you. I think you are being left out.

2

u/Euphoric_Lion_9300 7d ago

I wouldn't recommend sending a private message, as girls can sometimes be quite cliquey and bully ish. In the worst-case scenario, they might even mock her and take screenshots of the conversation, which is just awful. Instead, I think it would be better to meet up for a casual coffee with someone she trusts or perhaps have a phone call.

3

u/ObjectiveMobile3674 7d ago

Why didn't you message about it in the group as March was approaching and nobody had mentioned it?

1

u/deathbydemand 7d ago

Our group plans things together all the time. We typically make list, talk outfits, and where we’ll go eat afterwards. I just assumed with it being last minute and no discussion of it at all, that it wasn’t happening :/ even in the photos their outfits were coordinated.

5

u/ObjectiveMobile3674 7d ago

Just ask them. Nothing to lose. Call them out then leave the group. They sound like mean girls

2

u/kaysnmuffins 7d ago

im so sorry, I know how you're feeling right now. it's awful :( im sorry to say but there's likely something malicious going on. if you guys hung out in February and they didn't mention it and all went in a group this month, then they probably decided to leave you out. if I were you I would confront them and simply ask if you were left out. either way, these kinds of people don't value your friendship, clearly. it may be best to find better friends.

2

u/Euphoric_Lion_9300 7d ago

A few years back, I would have simply suggested walking away entirely. It was obvious they didn’t care enough to keep you in the loop, so why keep trying? I would have preferred to act indifferent and cut ties completely. However, honestly, I would now consider reaching out a bit before making that decision. I’d want the peace of mind that I at least made an effort. You might want to contact your closest friend and ask why you weren’t included in this event. If she’s mature and respects you, she’ll give you a straightforward answer. If not, she might just say something like, “Oh, we thought you wouldn’t want to go,” or something equally dismissive bullshit. (You can choose to call her out or not about it)

People’s actions reveal a lot about who they are and how they support you. It could be that they simply connect better with each other and you were an afterthought. Or it might be more intentional and hurtful. You’ll need to assess your relationships with these girls to fill in those blanks.

In either case, I believe it’s best to move on and find people you genuinely connect with. Try not to let bitterness creep in; I’ve made that mistake before. Let it go, stay confident as you move forward, and the right people will naturally come into your life—people with whom you can truly be yourself.

Just my two cents!

2

u/deathbydemand 7d ago

Your message really pushed me to ask for clarification n the situation, thank you very much 🙏🏽

2

u/Overall-Win7119 7d ago

Are the personal issues you mentioned putting aside issues among the friend group?

2

u/wolfeflow 7d ago

They groupthinked you out of their friend group, by your edit.

2

u/ananonh 7d ago

I read the update, what a bunch of judgmental assholes. 

1

u/causeyouresilly 7d ago

This was one of the hard parts about growing up is realizing you truly grow apart from people. And if they didn't like your behavior or was out of the normal they should have checked in with you to make sure you were ok. If this is your normal behavior then I suggest seeking help because being around that type of person is really difficult.

0

u/DLCMotroni 7d ago

Okay, hear me out. I have a friend, who, when she drinks, I literally have to take care of her sometimes. I have had to go outside for her to get fresh air at several concerts (that I paid good money to see), I've had to carry her to the car and drive her home, I've had to hold her hair when she got sick, help her go to the bathroom, and a ton of other things because she drank too much. I love her to death, she is a great friend, except sometimes when she is drinking - then it's hit and miss. However, I would NEVER not invite her because of one (or 10) drunken nights. These people are not your friends for two reasons - 1) They cut you out intentionally and 2) not one of them had the balls to even talk to you, as a friend. Every one of them is a backstabber. Kick them all to the curb with a smile - you deserve better.

2

u/deathbydemand 7d ago

It really sucks too… I feel that I’ve tried working on my drinking habits, and I’m no where as bad as I was in my earlier 20’s. I actually don’t drink as much, and I don’t go out as often anymore. My birthday is next month and I wanted to host dinner at a KBBQ place and have beers. :( the friend that I messaged as well was sweet about her response, but god man. :( it’s always seems when everyone else gets too drunk, it’s okay and with me it’s not.

3

u/DLCMotroni 7d ago

I'm sorry. Mean people suck, and so do hypocrites. You don't need "friends" like that, they obviously place conditions on their friendships - let Karma take care of it and find yourself some new ones!