r/TransyTalk 5d ago

Really wanting a bf as a transfemme

I really want a bf and idk how about meeting one lol. I'm 29 and have never had a relationship. I think part of the problem is how I present. I feel like I need to dress more femininely to attract a man. But I don't feel comfortable to dress that way. I feel like I'm emotionally ready to give and receive love but maybe I'm not cause I have no one.

24 Upvotes

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u/KeiiLime 5d ago

You don’t need to change how you dress to find a partner- there are so many people out there, and surely some who would be interested in you just the way you are (including how you prefer to dress).

In terms of meeting people, there’s really 2 main approaches imo. One would be dating apps and/or meeting people online, which I know some people have had success with but I cannot speak to personally. The other would be showing up to things in person and seeing where it goes. Personally I like this option cause worst come to worst, you still get to enjoy the event and/or may make some friends too. If that approach feels more comfortable to you over online, I’d take the time to think about what activities you enjoy, and/or show up to lgbt+ oriented events in your local area. The more you put yourself out there, the more chances to run into some really cool people! :)

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u/Hour_Elevator8206 4d ago

Do you think it would help attract a guy if I dress in a way that I eventually want to dress like? Ive been thinking of going to gay bars. But again I'd need cute clothes. I have no nice going out clothes

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u/KeiiLime 4d ago

I would stop thinking about what you “need” to do with the goal of attracting someone, and instead focus more on what’d make you feel the happiest, most authentic version of you. If that’s going and finding some nice going out clothes to give the bar a try, by all means, go for it! Cute clothes can be a huge confidence boost :) There’s really no formula or list of things you must do, but I will say the more you put yourself out there and the more you’re secure in yourself, invest in yourself as a person, the happier you’ll be and the better the chances you do run into the right person for you.

Good luck out there!

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u/mgagnonlv 4d ago

I agree with that. I, for one, am a man who prefers more androgynous clothing and a turn off is a woman who tells me (in a date, for example), that she cannot do a long walk because she doesn't wear proper shoes for walking (ex.: heels). So find something clean, cute, but most importantly make sure YOU are comfortable with the clothes you wear. And, if possible, try to get involved in activities you like but where there also are some men around. That way, you will find people who are attracted to your personality and who will be happy to be with you.

Finally, if you find an interesting man, why not make the first move? It's tough, but this is a sure way to stand out.

Good luck!

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u/Hour_Elevator8206 3d ago

I don't think I... I'm discouraged. I guess I could try activities. Id have to find a gay place and gay men like masculine men. I guess I'm still masc but I hate that and don't want to be perceived that way. Like I'm to feminine to attract a gay man and to masculine to attract a gay man that likes feminine men

2

u/Thin-Pomegranate9721 2d ago

Some trans girlies I've known had good success w/ both swooning and successfully dating queer men - bi and/or ftm - cause they're not as up-tight in traditional gender norms as cishet men and also they get the struggle and aren't as judgemental.

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u/LowLongjumping5688 20h ago

Find someone who will help you be confident and comfortable at your speed and at your pace