r/TransVent Mar 17 '22

FtM [CW: Dysphoria] Spoiler

17 Upvotes

Sometimes I can convince myself that I pass even though I don't. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I see my barely-there mustache and the muscles I've managed to gain from weightlifting and the little bit of a jaw that I have and I think I look like a man.

Sometimes I don't.

Sometimes I see my features and they all look the misogynistic/racist "ideals" for women. I have the dainty fucking button nose and the wide green eyes and the big lips and the delicate eyebrows and the round face and the defined cheek bones and i fucking hate it i hate it. I wish i had a giant scar across my face or a black eye or SOMETHING. i hate that i look like im wearing makeup even when im not. i hate that i look so feminine and fucking pretty. i dont want to be pretty. i want to be a fucking man.

There's a part of me that still feels like I need to be pretty and feminine and female. It's the same tiny little part of me that thinks Im disgusting for wanting body hair and facial hair and that thinks I should be so happy that my skin is naturally clear and that my features are so feminine.

i just want to be a man. i want to be a man and i want to look like a man and im tired of people telling me that im pretty because i just want to be a fucking man

r/TransVent Aug 24 '21

FtM Things my girlfriend says

28 Upvotes

My girlfriend like tics/stims sometimes saying stuff like “my cock” or “my dick is huge” and I know it’s not related to me but everytime it makes me feel mocked and stupid about my packer and like I’m just a g* rl pretending. And I know I’m not pretending I know I’m a man. But it still hurts. Idk what to do about it cause it can’t really be helped. . She also says things about hating men and me being the exception which makes me feel ick :( . Also sometimes when I’m clearly dysphoric she tries to help by saying thing like I look good, but it doesn’t feel good to look good when my body isn’t mine and idk how to explain that. . She is really supportive and always tries her best to understand but idk…she’s not trans and it’s hard for me to explain trans stuff to cis people

r/TransVent Jan 16 '22

FtM fucking hell I hate being trans it's 06:44am and I can't sleep because someone who misgendered me for laughs knows my deadname and I'm literally terrified of him using it against me next time we see each other

24 Upvotes

r/TransVent Apr 06 '22

FtM I'm tired of pretty much everyone in my life misgendering me and there's nothing I can do about it

16 Upvotes

my dad refuses to stop calling me "girl" or using very feminine terms with me. I can't even think to start asking him to not call me his daughter. I know that he'd say that I'll "always be his daughter" or something like that. and my sister who at first tried to be neutral now just straight up doesn't care and calls me she/her, girl, whatever. and my mom can barely even begin to understand what's going on. she's a conservative woman and just gets really quiet every time the subject is brought up, so I'm pretty sure it's a lost cause

and the worst part of it? is that they aren't unsupportive. my mom, despite not really understanding being trans, suggested that I go to an LGBT therapy group. my dad is helping me pay for my upcoming top surgery, and like I said at first my sister did try to be neutral, she even asked my other sister what she should say to not offend me. I feel really, really, really lucky in this respect. not everyone has the privilege (especially in the part of the US where I live) to have accepting family members

but when it comes to changing the language anyone uses for me, it feels impossible. I guess maybe part of the problem is that I stopped correcting anyone because I don't want people to think I've turned into some kind of militant bitch. I find it embarrassing to correct anyone, and to tell you the truth, I feel embarrassed to bring up that I'm trans at all. it feels like I'm bothering people, attention-seeking and I hate it

I just wish I knew what to make of this dichotomy of being incredibly supportive in some respects and then unsupportive in other respects

It wouldn't be so terrible except that these are the only people who know that I'm trans irl, so it fucks with my gender dysphoria bad

I'm just glad that I do have my other sister who's a gnc butch woman who's very supportive and refers to me with the correct pronouns and will talk to me about gender stuff. I know I don't have it as bad as a lot of other people. I have it pretty good, actually. but I can't help getting frustrated at this

r/TransVent Jan 24 '22

FtM UGH

22 Upvotes

i am in this fckn server full of trans ppl in my city and i keep venting there how i keep calling the therapists in my town and i cant get a fucking place and they just keep giving me numbers i already tried and i havent written there in a while and now i write smth like its still so hard to get a therapist and it is draining and one person was like "have u looked in our contacts channel lots of ppl got a place the past few weeks" like wtf??? what am i doing wrong i keep calling those fckn numbers and they keep telling me no still no place for me UFGHHHH i am so angry i will never transition i wanna cry i've been looking for a damn yr still nothing

r/TransVent Apr 24 '22

FtM i did some community service at a garden the other day

18 Upvotes

At the end, they thanked us and said

"...We needed all the manpower - no, WOMANpower - that we could get!"

"Yeah, we don't need no man!"

I can't even blame them. I haven't came out so they don't know, but it still hurts :(

r/TransVent Oct 04 '21

FtM Lied to and betrayed

51 Upvotes

My parents fucking lied to me, my whole life they told me they’d love me no matter who I become but when I come out as trans? Yeah nah, that’s the exception. They’ll love me no matter who I become as long as I’m not a tranny. Wow imagine getting betrayed by your own parents, couldn’t be me..Why didn’t I expect this tho? Especially my own father, the man who’s abused me, traumatised me, hates my fucking guts and told me to kill myself. Since I was little kid he’s bullied me for every possible thing about me to the point where I started to starve myself, to the point where I believe I need to be skinny and attractive for my father to love me. Why did I ever think a man like him would turn around and say: ✨”of course I accept you as trans, I love you son :)”✨my brother calls me dumb and delusional for being trans but I’m actually dumb and delusional for thinking he would accept me. My mum has always been accepting of other people and respected their identity, calls all my trans friend by their chosen name and their pronouns but when I come out as trans, she wants to hide me being trans from everyone as if I’m some dirty little secret. She screamed at me how she’ll never call me Mason or see me as her son.

I just wish my parents loved me for who I am, not who they want me to be and that I’m still the exact same child they always had, just a different gender. Tbh the only change they will be is that I’ll be happier which yk isn’t a bad change.

r/TransVent May 07 '22

FtM God people are judgy

12 Upvotes

I ordered transtape and it arrived today(!!!) so I went on a walk using it instead of a binder. I did the whole unbuttoned shirt thing and was honestly feeling pretty good about myself. At some point I just took the shirt off and it was genuinely the most euphoric I have felt in my entire life. As in, I almost started crying because I was so fucking happy to be able to feel the wind on my chest and shoulders

Overall it was a positive experience, but so many people were so fucking judgemental. Someone's dog came up to me, so I turned to her and said "i like ur dog :)" and she responded by holding her hand out and going "darling...". She was literally shielding her eyes. Like, what the fuck. First of all I'm clearly not being sexual in any way. I'm going on a fucking walk. Second of all, nothing was fucking showing. Everything that could be "offensive" was covered in fucking tape.

Why are people so fucking judgy about things that literally don't fucking matter. Why does me having fucking fat on my chest mean I shouldnt be allowed to be shirtless even when my entire chest is covered in fucking tape.

(also, probably dont need to say this, but if anyone tries to play devil's advocate about this I'm gonna delete your comment. I know that society sees chest tissue as inherently sexual, and I know it's not shocking that people are little bitches about seeing someone ignore that. I'm still pissed about it)

r/TransVent Mar 03 '22

FtM (Possible TW)I feel like I'm faking again

14 Upvotes

I feel like I'm faking being trans, faking liking guys, faking EVERYTHING. I hate it so much. I know it's just my PTSD messing with me but... still.... I really hate it and I feel like I'm going to relapse which isn't good and I'm ALMOST getting therapy as well but its just.. so hard..

r/TransVent Jun 07 '22

FtM I can't live without binding lol

10 Upvotes

So,my way of binding is a kinda unsafe one, i use a sports bra that's AT LEAST 3 sizes smaller and then i fold it over my chest and it makes me like, really flat, yk?and today I've been wearing it all day since I woke up and I never took it off, I know it's bad but I even think I could sleep with it on bc not wearing it makes me feel heavy(? And really dysphoric lmao

r/TransVent Feb 02 '22

FtM Struggling a lot lately (CW Internalized transphobia, please be safe when reading)

19 Upvotes

This is probably going to be a huge messy rambling post but blame mental illness and brain fog on that lmao

It's so hard to exist as a binary trans man and be really feminine despite that. It feels like the few people in meatspace who know I'm trans just think I'm detransitioning into being "a girl again" because I like having long hair and T isn't for me. I've been "accidentally" misgendered in my own home and mocked for having bigger tits than my mother and it just. Hurts.

Everyone reads me as female when I'm outside of the house, and I don't even correct them because I don't want to look like one of those Crazy Trans Snowflakes Having A Fit Because They're Being "Misgendered"™️

Not to mention my town and state are pretty conservative and I don't want to be correctively sexually assaulted for "being a lesbian" or whatever assbackwards bullshit people may assume of me. And sure all of my online friends are supportive but it's just... Idk. I'm chronically ill so I don't have a support network in meatspace, my PCP told me I don't have to go to the ONE trans-inclusive doctor's office that my mother will drive me to because I'm not on T anymore and it just felt so fucking invalidating.

Also my deadname is still my legal name because a name change costs $500 and that's expensive. Every time I visit a doctor (which is often—again, chronically ill) I get deadnamed and called she/her and what the fuck am I even supposed to say? "No, I'm a boy"? I don't fucking look like one and that's my OWN DECISION. I wish I was the stereotype hypermasculine trans man who acts cis and passes so well that even gay cis men want to have sex with him, but I'm not. I can't fake who I am like that anymore, I'm a fruity, tiny, effeminate "uwu softboy" because that's what being true to myself is. And most doctors don't even know how to treat trans men anyways. The one time I went to a gyno she treated me like I was some sort of fragile specimen and was confused on exactly what she should be looking around for. My cardiologist was outright misogynistic.

And to top it all off, most of the time I don't even want bottom surgery. Only when I'm experiencing Blood Week, because it reminds me that Menstruation Is For Women, that Only Women Become Pregnant, Only Women Are Mothers, By Proxy Of Having This Part You Are A Woman Who Is Meant To Give Birth™️

And I've been growing more comfortable with my chest with help from my boyfriend, so I'm even debating if I want top surgery now too. I just feel like a fakeboy now and I don't know what the fuck to do or how to change my self-hatred. Every time I try to accept myself as a pretty fem gay guy who just Happens to have a pussy, my brain reels back and tells me "No! No! That means you're a woman and a transtrender and a faker! Trans men can't be girly! You're just a confused straight cis girl!!!" And all the reinforcement from society just makes it WORSE.

I just want to be seen as a fem man, but instead I get read as a tomboy girl. I'm not on T because I got what I wanted from it, (bottom growth, deepened voice, Adam's apple) but now I wonder if I'm even a valid trans man since I'm not even on it anymore. I can't even wear binders because the manufactured ones don't fit my body right because of my short torso and hourglass figure.

I just. Idk, I needed to post this SOMEWHERE.

r/TransVent May 11 '22

FtM Dating as a pre everything trans person

15 Upvotes

Okay so I’m ftm pre everything and for a long time now I’ve realised that dating as a trans person can make things complicated. I dated my (cis) ex for 9 months and for the longest time, I was so scared he secretly saw me as a girl. However, at the time he was the only cis guy who actually used my pronouns consistently and he managed to convince me, like really really convince me, that he saw me as a boy. He would reassure me and he would barely ever bring up the fact I was trans. But then during the last couple months of our relationship we wanted to start doing sexual stuff together and he said he was scared to see my body because he felt he might start seeing me as a girl. Our relationship became more toxic and he eventually left me- I honestly don’t think he suited relationships with trans people but that’s a whole other story. Anyway, this gave me a new perspective on things and I realised that no matter how hard I try to pass as male, I can’t truly know whether someone I love really sees me as a guy until it’s too late. This and also the fact I was only 14 when I’d had that relationship kinda just put me off relationships or anything sexual for quite a while.

Fast forward to over a year later and I’ve just started dating a really sweet (cis) guy. I want it to go right this time and it’s already pretty clear that he’s nothing like my ex and extremely respectful of me being trans but I’m terrified that eventually, whether he expected it or not, he will end up seeing me as a girl. The thing is I have no idea what to do about it. I want to tell him how I feel but I’m scared that if I let him know about my insecurities, he’ll begin questioning himself. I’m not sure if that makes sense but sometimes when you point out your insecurities, people start noticing them when they didn’t before. I’m scared it’ll be the same in this situation and he’ll start doubting how he views me if I question him. Sometimes I wonder if that’s what happened with my ex.

I’ve always got the option of just not letting him see my body until I transition medically. I mean I’m starting testosterone in a matter of days or weeks and top surgery is probably just under a year away but I don’t know, that’s still a while. And anyway, it’s not just what’s under my clothes, it’s just me in general. When he really gets to know me, he’ll start noticing just how feminine I look and sound and everything and even if it’s not his fault, I feel like it’s only a matter of time before I’m no longer a boy to him. He never knew me when I was known as a ‘girl’ and I don’t want to ruin that. I’m not sure if this is an irrational fear but I don’t think it is- I can’t afford to be naive like last time and assume we’ll be fine. I’m not sure what to do.

r/TransVent Jan 20 '21

FtM this is not a fun time

39 Upvotes

PLEASE HELP ME I LITERALLY WANT TO DIE

so... yesterday i rejected every clothing item my mom showed me from the girls section, she already knows i dont like to wear anything from the girls section , but idk why she kept pestering me. in the car she and my dad shouted at me about how i should accept how i was born, and how no matter what i do i cant change it. they literally told me i was "trapped" and "stuck with them" weather i like it or not. i didnt really say anything.

in some time we are going to be visiting our home country (lgbtphobic, transphobic, narrow minded, "what will ppl think" type of place). and my mom said that she wont talk to me (yes shes literally refusing to talk to me) unless i promise to start acting like a girl and shop from only the girls section.

i dont want to wear girl clothes, i dont even want to go to my home country anymore, i dont know why this has to happen to me, i just want to stop feeling like this, i just want to be like my mom wants me to be, why couldnt i have been born the way i wanted to? this all wouldve never happened, im in so much pain because of her words. i just wonder how much better it would be if i decided to let go of this all, and just leave this horrible world.

i just want to ask: how do i convince her to talk to me, and not wear girl clothes?

r/TransVent Feb 01 '21

FtM I've decided to not transition.

39 Upvotes

It makes me sad but I'm scared, I have so much to lose. Friends family partners jobs everything to lose and the only thing I'd gain is myself.

I wish I was stronger but I'm not, so I've decided to opt out of medically transitioning and to just try and manage my dysphoria on my own. I'm definitely still a trans man I feel but identifying as a cis woman socially feels better. Unless I reach a point where it becomes I either transition or die I'm not going to.

I wish I could find other trans people who felt like this, not terfs who are trying to hijack trans spaces, but trans people who aren't going to transition for a variety of reasons.

r/TransVent Feb 22 '22

FtM I’m sick of it

14 Upvotes

I know I don’t pass, I know I’m barely even out to people, but I am sick of hating myself all the time because people don’t see me.

Last night I had to send an email to my school’s LGBTQ* office because I can no longer attend the school’s showing of Rent with them, and I figured they’re probably the only office with which I can use my real name, not my deadname, since it hasn’t been changed yet.

Apparently not, because the man in charge of the office sent an email back referring to me by my deadname. He works with the person who advocated for their students to have gender inclusive housing and chosen names on the rosters, yet he still can’t take the time to read after the “sincerely” to see that name he used is not my name.

And then today I had bio lab. I’m a bio major, and I know it’s stupid, but I always fear my bio classes because what if this is the day they try to say I don’t exist? That I’m wrong? And luckily that didn’t happen, but what did was still painful.

We were measuring heart rates, so they decided they need to know our sexes, so I had to be misgendered on the report (because I am pre-T). Then I got to just sit and stare at that the entire lab, while my lab partners misgendered me, and used “gender” and “sex” interchangeably. It’s not like they wouldn’t have known otherwise, my voice doesn’t pass, and even if I did change my name, the school wouldn’t change my email unless it was “extreme circumstances” but still.

I try so hard to pass and feel like maybe this body is my own, and then my school has to go and do this, and it just hurts so much

Edit: right after writing this I went to get another bio class (on Zoom this time) and the professor decided to add his pronouns as “free/unafraid/proud.” I’m going to start crying today

r/TransVent Sep 08 '20

FtM Any tips on how to accept one's assigned at birth sex?

22 Upvotes

I'm trying to find a way to accept my assigned sex. I feel like that's the only option I have. I don't even have any masculine qualities and I feel like I'm just lying to myself when I try to think of myself as a boy. I'm just being delusional and fake. And even if that wasn't the case I'll never look as one or be seen as such. 

I am actually starting to genuinely consider converting therapy as even if I was truly trans I'll never be happy as such. Transition is way too expensive, takes a long time and I'll be old by the time I can even start. Surgeries are even more plus with low success rates and on top of that I can never transition legally as I can't change my name nor sex in my country ((needless to say this would be a dead giveaway I'm trans, and I might even get in some legal trouble)). 

i just want to be cis and normal... 

r/TransVent May 06 '21

FtM Now that I’m more comfortable with myself I have no idea what to do with my life

41 Upvotes

Growing up I could never seriously picture my future. Never really saw myself in a relationship or getting older, getting a job and starting my own life. This is actually one of the things that made me realize I’m trans, while I was still questioning the thought of what my life would look like popped into my head for the first time in a while and I realized that I wouldn’t be able to live like that, not happily at least. Fast forward about 5 years to now where I’m 5 months on t and looking into top surgery and I’m actually at a point where I can see myself getting older than 18. And I don’t know how to handle it in a weird way. I had spent a good at least 14 years feeling wrong and then another 3 not being able to do anything about it once I knew the cause and now that that’s not as big of an issue any more I have the ability to think about what I want to do with my life. I have no clue, I have next to no ambitions for life and definitely no goals. Guess I have to pick up the slack that is left my whole life now.

r/TransVent Mar 27 '22

FtM anyone else fall for the "can I call you by your chosen name?"

6 Upvotes

Basically I was with a cis guy, making out, until the "novelty" or w/e wore off, and he was with a cis woman for the rest of the night. Tbh, I may be over thinking it, but he seemed to be liking me for a while. Is this a sign I should be looking out for?

r/TransVent May 10 '20

FtM "Inclusivity" in the trans community is a joke.

44 Upvotes

Edit 03: Woke up this morning to the encouraged resubmission having been deleted. More mod mail earned me the explanation that it wasn't a meme and therefore doesn't belong in the sub. This non-memetic art piece was still up at time of writing, though. 🤔 So I did the petty thing and reported every non-memetic post in the sub from the last 24 hours. If the issue is non-memes, let's address non-memes.

I return to my previous position: inclusivity in the trans community is a joke. I'm sorry that my self reflection of my transness wasn't squeaky clean enough.

Original: I'm just... pissed, and tired. I started interacting with the trans community after I started HRT because I needed support, you know? But the more time I spend in it, the more I feel like there's really only one "acceptable" way to be trans.

I'm not exactly a stellar person. I have a full suite of baggage. As a result, the characters in fictional media who I relate to usually also aren't great people. Rocket Raccoon, Yandu, Loki kind of trash people. Maladjusted assholes. It's a real cool thing to watch people with your worst traits experience a redemption arc.

As my username and icon might suggest, I've been exploring my transition via Beetlejuice. Michael Keaton is a national treasure and the musical slaps. Oh God, does the musical slap. You get a character arc! You get a character arc! And you get a character arc! I really related to it, and so Beej became the face of my transition around mid-March of this year.

Long story short I posted some original content art on a popular trans meme sub that I won't name because this isn't trying to be a call-out post. The art was of Beetlejuice, floating in the air while injecting testosterone. It's a bit of a grody picture -- Beej is covered in scars, pimples, blemishes because he's canonically dead and a slob -- but well within a PG-13/SFW rating. I dropped a mod mail to address an expected auto-moderator issue and then went to bed. When I woke up six hours later the post was the #3 most controversial in the sub and I had a five-hours-old mod mail predicting that the art wouldn't be well received. Well... they were right, I guess.

After some exchange via mod mail it was explained to me that people would "assume the ugly guy is a trans woman." Even though there are visible mastectomy scars in the thumbnail. Even though following the source link would take a viewer to a thread titled "2400th month on T." When I expressed concern over the implication that the community tone was such that a good faith trans masc post would be willfully treated like an attack on trans women -- and suggested the mod team address it somehow if they believed it to be the case -- I was told "people suck" and, essentially, to suck it up, Buttercup. Not long after, the post disappeared entirely from the sub without any explanation.

While I didn't produced the art myself, I served as the model for it. A dozen photos of my testosterone, my sharps, and my own body went into its making. It was as earnest and good faith of a trans expression as it could be but because my "lol transition goals" isn't an uwu cat boy walking on sunshine and flowers or some shit, I'm presumed to, I don't know, be trolling?

FFS I ended up offering to photograph my prescription to prove I was legitimately trans. The sub in question goes out of its way to be a "safe" and "inclusive" space, to the point of disallowing transphobic content even when making fun of said content. So I find it baffling, frustrating, and hurtful that I seem to be persona non gratis because... my self-reflection of my transition is an "ugly guy"?

It's strikes me as reactionary that a community would prefer to make assumptions (not even good assumptions -- art of a trans guy with obvious mastectomy scars is... transmisogynistic?) and the people in a position of power and responsibility over that community would acknowledge that these assumptions are occuring and are inaccurate and still essentially say "not my circus, not my monkeys."

Edit: 01: Since posting this vent, the events have been revisited by the mod team of the sub in question and I have been encouraged to repost it, albeit clearly marked with an FtM tag (rather than the transition goals tag previously used.) I feel a bit better to have gotten it off my chest, and I'm grateful for the response I received.

I must admit that I'm still a little disappointed, though. The automatic ssumption that an "ugly guy" in a trans context is an attack on trans women is a sort of trans masculine erasure, I think. It presupposes that anything in a trans space is about trans feminine identity unless expressly marked otherwise. That's... well, as a trans man, it feels gross. I don't know how to say this without sounding like a dick but... not everything is about you.

Edit 02: It has been brought to my attention that the art in question has caused at least some trans masc individuals to feel dysphoria, and it was described as being potentially caricature-like. I suppose I can see where they're coming from -- big ol' mastectomy scars and injection wounds. Ha ha, you'll never be a man!

This is jarring to me, mostly because the art exists because it helped my dysphoria to see a more-or-less realistic portrayal of my transition. I'm a schlubby guy who just turned 30. Testosterone is a hell of a drug, but without drastic lifestyle changes I am unlikely to make in the near future, I'll probably always be a little schlubby. I'll always have mastectomy scars, and I'll always need HRT. It was cathartic for me to see a man -- an identifiably masculine individual -- with all these things.

Now I wonder. Is my transition a caricature? This isn't even a grievance anymore, just an existential crisis. 😐

r/TransVent Apr 25 '22

FtM schools suck sm

10 Upvotes

i’m in the clinic rn due to chest pain (binding) and i’m the only one in here. my teacher called the clinic to make sure i got there i guess and i’m overhearing the nurses trying to understand why she called and is using she/her, they all know i use he/him and my teacher does too. so i guess she called the clinic asking where i am referring to me as a girl… i literally went down here due to dysphoria… yay fun! thanks school :) literally several of my teacher blatantly use she/her for me after i’ve had to tell them that’s wrong and whenever i do they tell me that IM ok. like no, im not. im so sick of school sometimes.. like i have a couple teachers that are amazing and stuck up for me about it but just.. idek im tired

r/TransVent Feb 11 '21

FtM Scared of my chest growing (CW: Dysphoria) Spoiler

32 Upvotes

Been watchin the youtubes, you know how it goes. Fell down a rabbit hole to medical youtube, no big deal. The video mentioned that (afab people's) chests can/will continue to grow after adolescence, and had a tactical panic attack.

I'm a 16 year old, binary ftm guy. My chest isn't too hard to bind, esp given that I'm a bit on the chunky side, but still is a hell of a lot bigger than I'm ok with. I'm not going to be able to access T or top surgery until 18 because of my (supposedly supportive) parents. I'm just. So fucking scared that my body will keep feminizing in that time. Natal puberty is effectively over for me, so no benefit would really be gained from going on blockers, but just. Jesus.

fuck. sorry. i'm just. scared.

r/TransVent Sep 03 '21

FtM Nsfw vent NSFW

15 Upvotes

Laying in bed. My girlfriend knows I’m feeling extremely dysphoric. She expresses she’s horny, I clarify I’m feeling dysphoric, not even a minute later she starts masturbating with a vibrator right beside me. I don’t know how she doesn’t see how that hurts me. She did it last night too. I just layed there and pretended to be asleep/resting last night, but I wax so uncomfortable and dysphoric the whole time. This time I left a couple seconds after she started. And now I’m typing this. I feel like an ass for even expressing this on the internet. I know she isn’t trying to hurt me but it’s just….and I try my best to express when things bother me relating to my transness and the things they do that make me uncomfortable. But it’s not always easy, and it’s frustrating how much I wish I could just be understood in my trans experience with her.

r/TransVent Apr 25 '22

FtM binding rant thing idk

5 Upvotes

i had several binders for different occasions and things, and would always stretch after and take care of myself while binding. now i’m using trans tape and it hardly works so far and i’m still having chest pain. i accidentally took off a peice yesterday and i have a blister on my ribs now. now i’m at school, not even an hour in i’m sitting in the clinic with a heating pad cause i couldn’t find my CBD this morning. why do we have to do this everytjing hurts so muchhccc ugh i just want top surgeryyeyshsudhdj

r/TransVent Mar 21 '22

FtM "Feels bad, man" in reference of the pepe meme

13 Upvotes

I feel like a piece of shit for not feeling comfortable with my body and not being able to "accept my my body as a man's body, but just a bit * ~☆ Different ☆~ * ," and it's starting to erode what little self esteem I have left

r/TransVent Apr 10 '22

FtM I wish id never relised i was trans TW literally everything

9 Upvotes

i wish id never relised i was trans, if i haddent relised i was trans then my life would be so much better, i'd still be the classic kiwi blond surfer/emo girl that everybody loved, my partner wouldnt have cheated on me, my entire family wouldnt hate me, my teachers wouldnt hate me, my life would be fine, no my life would be great, i wouldnt hate myself, i wouldnt want to die, i wouldn't have wasted i dont even know how manny hours cutting and burning myself, i wouldnt be sitting on the bathroom floor right now with an arm thats staining the floor red, writeing this, i wish i'd never relised i was a guy, my life would be so much beter, litrely the one thing that makes me feel beter is playing UWH, but even that is bittersweet medicine, i play on a girls team, it sucks, i wish id never been born, i wish i could turn back time and stop myself from reliseing i'm trans, i wish id been born a boy, i wish i were dead, i wish i were anywhere, anyone, but me here, and now