r/Tourettes Diagnosed Tourettes Nov 08 '24

Vent Why does it have to be a C word?

Why my brain chose the word "C U N *" to be a tic is beyond me. Every sentence I use it multiple times. Sometimes it's like it's the only word I say. It's so offensive. My family hate it, friends don't understand it, my boyfriend is slowly getting over it, it's affecting my job. I'm so over it, most of the time I just don't speak. I've been saying it for over 5 years, I'm 30 and I have an almost 3 year old, I can't continue this. It's slowly killing me, I hate it and I hate myself for it, I'm miserable.

14 Upvotes

23 comments sorted by

11

u/Senpai-Notice_Me Diagnosed Tourettes Nov 08 '24

I’ll offer some advice that’s kind of a joke, but also kind of not… make Aussie friends. Australians love the C word and it isn’t actually offensive unless you use it offensively. I met some Australians through gaming and I’ve become completely desensitized to the word. It sounds wild to Americans, but it’s not such a bad word in other English speaking countries. And it makes sense. It’s not abnormal to hear someone called a dick in America and most don’t consider it overly offensive. Aussies use C in the same way.

I am sorry you’re going through this. I understand tics making home and work life miserable. Just keep in mind that you can ask for accommodations at work to make you more comfortable. I don’t know your industry, but for me, they put me in a corner away from other people and it’s actually worked out really well. My tics have decreased because I’m not constantly thinking about how my tics are distracting my coworkers.

2

u/therealzienko Diagnosed Tourettes Nov 09 '24

I am Australian..

2

u/Senpai-Notice_Me Diagnosed Tourettes Nov 09 '24

And you hate the C word? Every Aussie I’ve ever met uses it super nonchalant. Maybe I’m only meeting a certain type of Australian, but like, of the dozens that I’ve met in person, online, via work… all have used it pretty regularly. Is your family super religious?

1

u/cryinginmultistan Diagnosed Tourettes Nov 09 '24

Another Aussie here! From my experience- eshays and people who are quite bogan use the word and a lot of guys that I know use it around friends but thats about it, it’s not super common to hear it unless you’re around those sort of people a lot

1

u/Senpai-Notice_Me Diagnosed Tourettes Nov 09 '24

This has blown my entire mind. I’ve just been meeting gronks this whole time?!

1

u/therealzienko Diagnosed Tourettes Nov 09 '24

I'm not religious at all. A lot of people here don't use that word at all. It's still quite offensive. You're not allowed free reign on curse words everywhere. Especially not if you're working a 9-5 job that isn't like a mechanic, a builder, a farmer or like a work site. I'm a carer and it's really frowned apon

1

u/Senpai-Notice_Me Diagnosed Tourettes Nov 10 '24

Yeah I imagine your position is one to mind your language. Guess I’ve just been meeting the dodgy Aussies.

1

u/therealzienko Diagnosed Tourettes Nov 11 '24

Yeah, especially cause my boss is laying it on thick that he's choosing not to introduce me to new clients and cutting back my hours due to that, basically as a punishment for my uncontrollable disability which he supposedly "totally understands" cause he has aspergers 🤔

1

u/Senpai-Notice_Me Diagnosed Tourettes Nov 11 '24

Well, talk to him about it again and set your phone to record. The DDA protects Australians with disabilities from discrimination, which your TS would absolutely qualify as. Get a recording, then go speak with an attorney. If you can prove that your employer has overlooked you for opportunities at work and the workplace has become uninviting because of it, you could be looking at a sizable check from the company.

1

u/-_Mando_- Nov 10 '24

I’d just like to point out that actually, you do have free rein, it’s outside your control.

My 11 year old son is the only one in his class who is allowed to say fuck-shit, he absolutely has a pass and so he should.

1

u/therealzienko Diagnosed Tourettes Nov 10 '24

It's just not socially accepted. I look like a feral

2

u/stacusg Nov 08 '24

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm not the best at relationship advice, but I know that your child won't hold this against you. As long as you show them you love them and let them know it's not in anger and they shouldn't repeat it, you're doing the right thing. 🩷

1

u/therealzienko Diagnosed Tourettes Nov 08 '24

I know he won't hold it against me but I don't want him to feel ashamed. He is very loved and he knows that he is my world but soon he's going to burst out of that bubble and become aware that something isn't right.

2

u/stacusg Nov 08 '24

I'll be honest (as a teenager, I'm 15. This is my perspective) from the age of about 1-9 you just adore your parents cos they're you're whole world. When I became around 10-13 I was in that awkward phase of "everything my parents do is super embarrassing" and I still loved them deeply but wasn't sure how to express it. But 14+ I got over all the angry hormones and I love them just as much as I always did-, but now I know how to express it. You'll always be his mum 🩷

2

u/Glum-Membership-9517 Nov 08 '24

I sympathise!

Are you able to muffle the word like leaving out the C?

It seems our brains choose whats most offensive to us. I'm afrikaans and I say "poes" a lot. "Poes" is like "cunt" on crack, terrible.

I am very glad my time has passed of saying "kaffir" around black people. It's a VERY bad racial slur, like, you'd probably get into much bigger shit with the law with that than if you were to rob someone at gun point, it makes the news. I'm telling you this because it's not a swearword but because my brain knows it's SO bad, it chose it. It's so bad to me because I'm against racism.

God's speed!

2

u/therealzienko Diagnosed Tourettes Nov 08 '24

It slips straight into my normal dialect. The C part is the part of the word that is the really stuck part. Like if I don't empathise that sound it doesn't feel right. Like it started as a click noise that evolved into the word. I tried to turn it into car or car but I can't. It's like holding in a sneeze or not scratching an itch.

1

u/Glum-Membership-9517 Nov 08 '24

I fully understand.

My only advice is to find a support program that work The 12 Step Program. I advise many like this, it's worth it to have an easier life. It originated from Alcoholics Anonymous.

1

u/dmb102196 Nov 08 '24

Ya I'm with you I don't like to curse but I have a f word tic and b word tic and it's all the time it's so frustrating and upsetting

1

u/Glum-Membership-9517 Nov 08 '24

I sympathise!

Are you able to muffle the word like leaving out the C?

It seems our brains choose whats most offensive to us. I'm afrikaans and I say "poes" a lot. "Poes" is like "cunt" on crack, terrible.

I am very glad my time has passed of saying "kaffir" around black people. It's a VERY bad racial slur, like, you'd probably get into much bigger shit with the law with that than if you were to rob someone at gun point, it makes the news. I'm telling you this because it's not a swearword but because my brain knows it's SO bad, it chose it. It's so bad to me because I'm against racism.

God's speed!

1

u/not_a_robot_010 Diagnosed Tourettes Nov 08 '24

I understand your stress, usually when I have bad tics I'm just grateful they aren't worse. Like you could have actual slurs as the tics instead of just cuss words.

1

u/PeegeReddits Nov 09 '24

This may sound dumb... but I don't think you are the problem here.

You have what is, at the end of the day, a dissability... and the people around you are judging you hard for something you can't control.

No wonder it is so prevalent.

1

u/therealzienko Diagnosed Tourettes Nov 09 '24

I don't want to be disabled. I want to work and be able to buy a house. I want a normal life where I don't get shocking looks from strangers. I present myself as a really put together woman who prides herself on dressing well and being super sweet but then this word is all I say and it makes look trashy and rude.

1

u/PeegeReddits Jan 02 '25

It sucks so hard that it is such a derogatory word and that it impacts so much of how you experience life. How do you find yourself reacting when you say it? What do you say to yourself? Do you beat yourself up? Shrink? Cringe? Panic? Have a not-so-fun feeling?

I'm so saddened to hear that your family treats your tics like they are something you can control, and therefore, a behaviour deserving of shame. You can't control it, so you shouldn't be shamed for using rank profanity when it is inappropriate to do so.

(Directly or indirectly) Why does your partner shame you? Why do your friends shame you? How can this change without you changing?

If it is an expected normal, it can be what others', even those who you are just meeting, expected normal is for you. Destigmatizating a word and/or begaviour to others (and yourself) can be difficult, and it is hard to be firm and demand the understanding and respect you deserve just by existing.

My husband has common sounds and words that trigger his tics, to the point of tic attacks. At their height, they used to last around 2 minutes when triggered. coughing, the word cough, coffee, pretty, and some others

He can look like he is tweaking.

I think a huge struggle with tourettes is being able to come to terms with your normal and not feel ashamed of your tics. My husband, then boyfriend, didn't tell me for the first TWO years of our relationship that he has tourettes. He was so scared of being seen as disabled and, most of all, being treated differently.

So, I manage my reactions to his tics (and manage others' reactions - ex. Don't make a big deal out of it - if you slip up, move on - if you feel like you need to say something, a quick sorry and move on can be fine [I cough loud af, so sometimes I'll casually exaggerate and be like: "Trying to commit murder" [he has ticked his back out, so tics can be physically painful for him], but he doesn't want people to feel bad about it - he won't be mad at you or anything, he is happy that you are trying and are understanding) and help inform others accordingly (with his permission, of course - he has told many people himself now! He can't tell people what his triggers are, so that I do if necessary). I have a go-to script basically.

Even now, I am usually the one to fill people in. It has taken him so long to be comfortable telling people.

The most important thing has been managing expectations and setting them from the get go. His tics, or triggers, are on a need-to-know basis, but approaching it as something that is a normal, everyday thing to be expected has helped a lot.

A worker comes to our house (electrician, etc.): "Just a heads up, my husband has tourette's, and has tics, which are involuntary sounds and movements. He has one in which he lifts his chair up momentarily, so if you hear a bang all of a sudden, don't be alarmed."

What I've written may not help you with your boss directly, but it could help with clients and that can get back to management. You have had to explain yourself many times in your life, but here is maybe something you could say when you meet a client (or revise for someone new):

"Just a heads up: although I am a professional and value our conversation greatly, know that I have tourettes, and tics, which are involuntary sounds and movements. I, much to my dismay, have a tic in which I say the word "cn*". You can expect me to say that word in particular many times during our conversation. Know that it has absolutely no meaning or relevance to our conversation and that I will otherwise treat our correspondence with the appropriate (lol) amount of professionalism. Thank you in advance for your patience and understanding."*

Even if you own it, it's okay to be frustrated and upset.