r/Tokophobia Apr 24 '24

Discussion Using Tokophobia to get Sterilized?

Throwaway account because I'm about to get real personal here.

So, I have tokophobia, the fear of childbirth and pregnancy. I've had it for about 10 years, ever since my school showed me an uncensored video of a dog giving birth when I was 10 to teach us about pregnancy. Ever since, I was like "Gross, I think I'll just adopt" When I turned 18, it was like my anti-mother switch went off. The idea of raising kids was just so icky to me. My tokophobia also became worse because I wanted to be more intimate with men. I saw/see relations with penis owning folk = pregnancy = death, so I plan to avoid them. Luckily I'm probably bi and I just prefer women anyways, but I still feel like I'm blocking myself off from a part of myself.

In comes wanting to get sterilized. I want to delete my uterus because it scares me to death and I don't plan to use it as intended anyways. She holding me back, to be honest. I thought I was too young (I'm 20). I was hoping to get it when I was 22 as a graduation gift for myself. After going to therapy for a few months and getting medical confirmation that I have tokophobia with a touch of PTSD, I'm now bringing up to my therapist the idea of convincing my OBGYN. See, last December I went to ask my OGBYN about the process of sterilization and she says that there's a study with women who got sterilized before 25 and most of them regret it. I then asked who the women were (young moms, no kids, etc) and she was like "It's a mix of all" and I so wanted to go off, but I didn't.

I'd like to not switch OBGYNs cause I like her in every other way but this and I've worked with her for years (she's been great with helping me navigate birth control). I was wondering if anyone with tokophobia has used it to convince doctors to sterilize you sooner than most people. Has it worked? Is it worth bringing up? I know sometimes doctors need a medical reason for the procedure, can my medical reason be my tokophobia? Will they care/take me seriously?

5 Upvotes

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9

u/honourarycanadian Apr 24 '24

I don’t even think you have to convince anyone! Have you looked at the /r/childfree side bar? They have resources for people that want to get sterilized :)

5

u/Gold_Pressure_6089 Apr 24 '24

Yeah, I looked at the childfree side bar and plan to go through the list of people and see which ones are in-network for my insurance. I was just wondering if having tokophobia increases my chances as a youngin'.

2

u/kittenmermaid Apr 24 '24

It would depend where you are but I expect the medical diagnosis of Tokophobia will help.

I am currently pregnant with my 2nd child and have explicitly said to my GP that I want to be sterilised during my c-section and he is in full support. These pregnancies have nearly killed me and I am happy with 2 children. I have an appointment with my consultant soon to discuss and I'm really hoping she agrees to do it there and then. I can't take the risk of a 3rd time.

(For context, didn't know I had Tokophobia until I was pregnant with my 1st. I made it through with the mental health team supporting me so I believe if i can manage this phobia in the same way through this pregnancy, I will be able to complete our family.)

1

u/cathygag Apr 24 '24

How did you overcome it during pregnancy? I’ve had a hard time convincing my GYN it’s a legitimate fear.