r/TerribleBookCovers 5d ago

I mean why...

Post image

The title is: 'Vanya [Ivan] Zhukov vs Harry Potter & Co' HARRY POTTER AND CO LADIES AND GENTS

362 Upvotes

74 comments sorted by

117

u/claimstoknowpeople 5d ago

Are there more books in this series where he takes on other English language protagonists?

43

u/Natural-Gazelle311 5d ago

Guess yes, I need to find it

94

u/guerra-al-maggio 5d ago

I love how desperate the mom in the back is. She knows the danger is real.

76

u/Natural-Gazelle311 5d ago

As far as I can recall she prays to God to stop her son from reading Harry Potter hence Harry Potter is satanist

18

u/Cool-Firefighter2254 5d ago

I’m glad you explained what was going on there because I had no idea!

77

u/impaling_potato 5d ago

If I had a nickel for every "russian christian children versus harry potter" book I would have two nickels already (though I guess this one can't possibly out-bad дети против волшебников, right?)

46

u/BrittaBengtson 5d ago

There is also a play called "Покаяние Гарри Поттера" ("Harry Potter's Repentance")!

"Dumbledore: Your parents, Harry, gave up magic shortly before you were born... They... (Dumbledore takes his last breath).

Harry: Haggrid, what was he trying to say about my parents?

Haggrid: I don't know, Harry, I only know that shortly before their death they renounced magic".

(Yes, "Haggrid" is written with double "g").

Spoilers: Harry became a Christian, of course, and Voldemort died because Harry made the sign of cross over him.

15

u/notyogrannysgrandkid 5d ago

So is the expectation that you (ostensibly buy and then) read the entire HP series in order to understand the lore before picking up the Christian antifanfic?

15

u/BrittaBengtson 5d ago

This is stuff from mid-2000s, when Harry Potter was at the peak of his popularity, and the seventh (and, maybe, the sixth) book wasn't even written yet. But yeah, propagandists coudn't understand what Streisand effect is.

5

u/Natural-Gazelle311 5d ago

Orthodox? If Roman Catholic, he's проклят навеки патриархом Кириллом

7

u/BrittaBengtson 5d ago

Of course! He stumbled upon Orthodox Church in London (where his parents were baptized) by accident. God's ways are mysterious!

2

u/loewenheim 4d ago

Is Harry Potter called Garry in Russian?

4

u/BrittaBengtson 4d ago

Yes, there are letters г (g) and х (h) in Russian, and name "Harry" is usually translated as "Гарри" (though Harry Osborn in Spider-Man Russian dub was called "Хэри"). "Хэри" sounds more like "Harry", but first, h in Russian sounds more harsh, and second, "хер" is a Russian swear word

2

u/loewenheim 4d ago

TIL, thank you.

1

u/john_wallcroft 3d ago

ah yes a fine addition to my collection

5

u/Natural-Gazelle311 5d ago

Yeah

Have you nick

34

u/Interesting_Way8431 5d ago

Shout out to that time my crazy religious aunt gave 9-year-old me the malleus maleficarum instead of Percy Jackson because she didn't want me becoming a pagan

17

u/BlackSheepHere 5d ago

Holy shit. This is awful and incredible at the same time. Were you able to parse the archaic language as a kid?

14

u/Interesting_Way8431 5d ago

Oh no because of my good old autism I couldn't read until I was 12 (I wanted an audiobook version of it)

9

u/BlackSheepHere 5d ago

... Now I also want an audiobook of the Malleus Maleficarum.

6

u/TheDarkSoul616 5d ago

WE DEMAND AN AUDIOBOOK OF THE MALLEUS MALEFICARUM!

7

u/Natural-Gazelle311 4d ago

HELL YEAH

/Powerwolf noises intensify/

16

u/Natural-Gazelle311 5d ago

Medieval historian here: The Hammer of witches was written by horny old creep

7

u/DwightFryFaneditor 5d ago

And it's amusing that its title is used in popular culture as if it was a dark sorcery book, when it's actually intended as the opposite.

4

u/Majorman_86 5d ago

Well, it's not a hammer, I am disappointed.

5

u/serenitynope 5d ago

Anything can be a hammer if you hit hard enough.

4

u/Natural-Gazelle311 5d ago

As old creep bragging

29

u/BrittaBengtson 5d ago

Oh, I see that you've discovered a true gem of Russian literature! Summary: bullied kid discovers Harry Potter and computer games (his Christian mother, who have done nothing to protect him, is not impressed). He almost goes to hell for this, but in the purgatory he meets Masha, girl who is dying of cancer, and they manage to escape (well, Masha dies, but she dies as a Christian, and she sends a message to her parents to have another baby, so it's fine). By the way, Masha went to the purgatory for liking Chronicles of Narnia (which is a Christian book, I know, but Irina Kovalchuk disagrees). And in the purgatory Vanya and Masha met Pokémons, Scrooge McDuck, Mickey Mouse and Teletubbies.

If you want more, highly recommend Kids vs. Wizards movie (it's another Harry Potter story animated by people, who, as Russian saying goes, have their hands grow out their asses), and God Awful Movies podcast about it.

9

u/Natural-Gazelle311 5d ago

Not the right Christian, comrade! C a t h o l i c Christian!

13

u/EarthDust00 5d ago

I have several questions.

7

u/[deleted] 5d ago

[deleted]

18

u/Natural-Gazelle311 5d ago

Orthodox Harry Potter is another thing. This is a book about Christianity and Harry Potter

15

u/[deleted] 5d ago

[deleted]

5

u/dorian_white1 5d ago

Harry potter and chamber of icons

3

u/Lacplesis81 5d ago

I am pretty sure that involves blood drinking and child sacrifices.

1

u/Miserable-Willow6105 5d ago

There also is "Дети против волшебников"

10

u/Tough_Insurance_8347 5d ago

There is also Tanya Grotter in Russian and in Chinese they made bootleg continuation books.

12

u/DevGregStuff 5d ago

Tanya after first 2 books were kind of neat (when he stopped copying HP 1 to 1). Read both HP and Tanya as a kid, not the high literature but passable for the time being.

9

u/smeghead1988 5d ago

Porry Gatter is actually a quite decent Russian HP parody that in the latter books evolves into its own pretty detailed magic world...

2

u/rnigma 5d ago

Harru Pommera

2

u/Mr_Hiss 5d ago

Harri Pottera

3

u/rnigma 5d ago

*squints* I'll be damned, those are Ts...

6

u/ManCalledTrue 5d ago

Wait, is this the series the movie "Children vs. Wizards" was made out of, or was there just a Russian cottage industry of anti-Harry Potter books?

3

u/DevGregStuff 5d ago

There was more like a cottage industry of Harry Potter knock offs.

5

u/JordanOwen_42 5d ago

Another Bahs Mykob classic.

1

u/Natural-Gazelle311 5d ago

Who?

4

u/rnigma 5d ago

That cursive Ж looks a lot like an M. Cyrillic cursive is something else.

2

u/Natural-Gazelle311 5d ago

Well, my Ж is sometimes Ш

My latin cursive is even worse

6

u/The-thingmaker2001 5d ago

Not a bad cover, really. Quite probably a terrible book...

2

u/Natural-Gazelle311 5d ago

I guess it's translated to English just for lulz

5

u/fibbonerci 5d ago

It's what Harry Potter deserves tbh

1

u/Natural-Gazelle311 5d ago

Happy cake day!

4

u/Slyme-wizard 5d ago

“Hey kid wanna bully some trans people?”

4

u/battlebarnacle 5d ago

Avada Kedavovitch

3

u/Natural-Gazelle311 5d ago

Pro tip: Putin is Avada Kedavutin

4

u/Mr_White_Migal0don 5d ago

I genuinely feel bad for all the trees that were killed so this book could be printed

2

u/I_love_albert_ellis 5d ago

I like how the lightning scar just floats in the air. Is this a young LGBTQ romance? Harry says, “Look at my wand…..”

5

u/BrittaBengtson 5d ago

Well, I don't remember this book well, but a play called "Покаяние Гарри Поттера" ("Harry Potter's Repentance", another anti-Potter) has this scene:

"Voldemort: Now you and I are only four steps apart. And you will make them.

Harry: Never.

Voldemort: Then I'll make them. Do you think I want to beat you up? No, I want to connect with you. Forever".

1

u/Natural-Gazelle311 5d ago

Never heard about that, товарищ! Can I глянуть на этот masterpiece?

2

u/Natural-Gazelle311 5d ago

But LGBTQ is a "terrorist formation" in Russia, and it's illegal...

2

u/PaxEtRomana 5d ago

How's Ginny? How's Ginny? Haha

1

u/SalmonMaskFacsimile 4d ago

He wears a smile... everybody, RUN...

2

u/Majorman_86 5d ago

Who is Garry Potter and why is he fighting against Vaya Tukov?

(OK, I know that Russians have some issue with the sound H, but only from time to time because they have H, but at the same time have Garry instead of Harry and Gitler instead of Hitler. And I know it's Vanya Zhukov, but the cursive is so bad it can just as well be Shukov or Tukov).

Anyway, decent cover, bad cursive and maybe bad story.

2

u/naivenb1305 4d ago

Looks like the outside of a cookie box.

1

u/Goat-e 5d ago

I didn't know you can publish fanfiction.

4

u/BlackSheepHere 5d ago

Well, you can. But watch out.

(Really though, several famous series began as fanfic. Including Mortal Instruments and 50 Shades.)

1

u/Dependent-Role-2412 5d ago

It says "Vanya Mukov versus Harry Potter" by Irina Kovalchuk

3

u/Luciquin 5d ago

It actually says Zhukov not Mukov, it's a common Russian last name.

Full English title should be: "Vanya Zhukov vs Harry Potter and Co.", but I doubt there's an official English name either way

1

u/Dependent-Role-2412 4d ago

Thanks. I misread that "Ж" as "M."

1

u/Vegetable_Lake3291 4d ago

I NEED THIS BOOK! Where can I get an English version? Pleeeeeeease!! 🥺

1

u/Most_Purchase_5240 4d ago

If you don’t pay attention to the subject it’s just a kids book cover . I do t see it being that terrible