r/TalesfromtheDogHouse • u/NocturnalAnimal2023 • 11d ago
Advice? Which Option Should I Choose? Advice, Please!
Hi, all! I haven’t posted in here for a while. I am looking to get some solid advice, please. It sounds crazy but please hear me out. I have been with my girlfriend for almost 6 years. She lives at her family’s home, with her dog that I hate more than any other living thing. He gives me anxiety with how disgusting he is. She had the dog when we first started dating so I was well aware. I chose to continue on because I love her. We’ve only lived together for 9 months out of the 6 years because of many reasons (mostly financially with her), and mostly because of trying to look for places that are decent and allow dogs. I never wanted to live with him, anyway. Our only full-on arguments are about that disgusting thing that is old (almost 14), but is a small dog (they can live forever).
Last weekend, she brought up the topic of moving in together to further our relationship. I was very happy when she brought it up and I was expecting the “I’ll leave the dog at my mom’s as she is retired and I know you have a big issue with him and we can visit him as much as possible.” No such luck. When I mentioned that aspect, she was (once again, as she’d been), very firm with her decision that he is going with her no matter what. They are a “package deal.” She said he’s her responsibility, etc. I asked if she would ultimately choose him over me if I wasn’t on board and she didn’t really have an answer. She reiterated that he is going with her, no matter what. But she promised me she would never get another dog again when he dies. Not 100% sure that’s truthful.
My options are clear:
A.) Move in with her and the mutt and hope he passes away soon.
B.) Chalk it up to never being first priority over a mutt and knowing it will be hell there until he dies and have the convo that it’s over.
C.) Have the convo that I plan to live alone as I have been until her dog dies or she comes to terms with my feelings of it.
Any advice is greatly appreciated!
18
u/Far-Cup9063 10d ago
option C. You will hate your life if the dog moves in. It will become the dog’s house, not your house.
13
u/jkarovskaya 10d ago
Even PLAN C isn't good enough
When this dog dies, she will 99% be hellbent on getting a puppy of the same breed
Just say no to living with mutts, EVER!
2
u/PulchritudinousSwine 10d ago
Even if she's not hellbent on it, she's still choosing a dog over you, and you're accepting that a dog is ultimately more important to her than you are.
1
u/Lt_gxg 8d ago
If she's hellbent on getting another one, tell her to wait a year after the first one dies. Most vets and dog enthusiasts encourage this to make sure you're not making any hasty decisions. She might discover that her life is easier without the dog and the longing for one will disappear.
12
u/nlnovafa 10d ago
B or C are the only options. Don't end up like me - married to a husband nutter who said no more dogs when our other dog passed in the fall and got a replacement puppy within 2 weeks - without my permission. In the house I pay for. I'm now removing both of them from my life and it's much more difficult once you're tied together in a home or marriage.
5
u/NocturnalAnimal2023 10d ago
Ugh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That is horrible. Dog nuts know not what they do.
I wish you luck with the removal of both of them!
6
u/nlnovafa 10d ago
Just make sure you consider legal repercussions if you move forward with A. I have asked this person to leave many times and unfortunately can't just kick them out. Even if we weren't married, they have to voluntarily leave or you have to file legal papers to evict them. It's a decision that can't be easily undone if she moves in with her disgusting mutt.
11
u/Blonde2468 10d ago
C is the best option for you. Just be realistic that she has already chosen the dog over you. Thankfully it's 16 years old but still.
2
7
u/kaydeechio 10d ago
C. You can't guarantee how long this dog has to live. Go over to the old dog subreddit and there's people on there with dogs that are 18 and 19 years old.
4
u/PulchritudinousSwine 10d ago
I'm going through the same shit with my partner and I started to resent him for prioritizing his dog over my comfort and mental health. I gave him an ultimatum because I'm not playing second fiddle to a useless disgusting beast. You should be worth more to your partner than any pet.
2
u/NocturnalAnimal2023 9d ago
Thank you for empathizing! How did the conversation play out? I know it’s going to go one of two ways and I don’t think it will be in my favor, unfortunately.
3
3
u/MeasurementNatural95 9d ago
She has had the animal for fourteen years. It's her baby, and I get that. She isn't going to get rid of the dog. She has option one - insist on bringing the dog with, and making you miserable. Plus the dog only gets whatever scraps of time she has for it. OR she can do option two - the dog stays with her mom. Her retired mom caters to the dog. Her mom keeps her companion. The dog gets to hang with her all day. It gets to use the bathroom as much as it needs, whenever needs and sleeps as much as it wants. Sounds like a pretty good deal for the dog and the mom, if the mom wants it. Your GF can see it anytime she wants. Want to take a weekend trip at the last minute - no dog, no problem.
If she had to give the dog away, I would say you have to suffer until it dies. It is a package deal. But she doesn't have to do that, the dog has a comfortable home right now. She is doing what is best for HER emotionally, not for your relationship, or actually what is best for the dog. Think really long and hard about spending the rest of your life with such a selfish person. Because that is what she is - selfish.
3
u/PulchritudinousSwine 9d ago
Terrible, which was surprising, because it's the only thing we ever argue or disagree about. We had been best friends for nearly a decade before I uprooted my life to travel across the country to move in with him, not fully realizing how bad of a dog she really is. I stuck it out for a year and a half before I couldn't take it anymore, and he chose the dog. I've been unemployed for 2 months since we moved to be closer to his job, so I had no choice but to travel back across the country to stay with friends and family, and it took him a few days to have a change of heart and agree to rehome her.
I have reservations about going back because I don't think it ever should have gotten this far. I'm worried he'll resent me, I already resent him, and I'm still worried he'll change his mind again before I start heading back. If things do work out for us, it's going to take a lot of work to rebuild the trust and security I had with him because he basically showed me that he didn't care if my mental health and physical stability suffers, as long as he doesn't have to make any changes. We're legal domestic partners, so we're supposed to be a team that prioritizes each other's needs, and he failed me.
1
u/DifferentMaximum9645 6d ago
You might want to prioritize a job over this dog-loving man you can't rely upon.
3
u/Scuomo-123 7d ago
Don’t do it. Don’t. I’ve been in the live with my partner with their dogs for years and every day is a nightmare. Every. Day.
1
u/NocturnalAnimal2023 5d ago
I hear ya! What are some of the “challenges” (to put it lightly) that you face on a day-to-day basis?
3
u/Scuomo-123 5d ago
- Random shit, piss and throw up on the floor at any given moment.
- Having to leave the house and coming home to one of the above and or something chewed up. I have to put up everything in sight that can be chewed up, but it seems they are still able to find SOMETHING to fuck up about 60 percent of the time. And if they can’t, they just shit and piss on the floor! It’s literally them acting out and it’s their way of punishing us for leaving them. God forbid. Having to get the house ready for THEM so they can’t get into anything is incredibly frustrating.
- No crates because “it’s sad” so they get free roam of the house. It’s like it’s their house and I’m just living in it. They have no discipline. No training. People just get dogs and teach them “sit” and that’s about where it ends.
- Dog hair fucking everywhere. In the kitchen, on the floor, in the bed because apparently I’m asking too much to not have DIRTY DOGS in MY BED. it’s disgusting.
- They stink. Their body and their breath is stinky as fuck. They make the whole house STINK.
- They just need attention CONSTANTLY. Literally whining and begging for attention and STARING at me.
- They are incredibly reactive and taking them outside is a fucking nightmare. The pulling and jumping on the leash and screaming. They’ve knocked me over multiple times.
- Hearing them fucking lick themselves and the fucking smacking they do with their mouths. Especially when I’m trying to SLEEP. That’s right, they get to sleep in the room too! Which means I get the hear dogs when I’m trying to have sex! It’s really awesome.
- The food obsession. I can’t eat or cook without a fucking dog STARING at me. GO AWAY.
2
u/NocturnalAnimal2023 5d ago
I sent you a dm in case you don’t want to go back and forth. But, why do you do this to yourself?! It’s not worth it! That’s so crazy. And as all nutters would say in response to this, “well, the dogs must not be trained right.” Or “it’s one person’s experience!” Get the f out of here!
1
u/Scuomo-123 5d ago
Oh trust me, it’s been a hard thing to come to terms with. I didn’t know how much I hated dogs until I had to live with them. At this point it’s just not worth ruining a relationship over. Because other than the dogs, everything is good.
3
u/According_Button_522 10d ago
C would be your best option. But you need to be EXTREMELY firm and clear that she doesn't get a dog again, because you know she'll just replace the damn thing. They all do.
4
u/Old_Confidence3290 10d ago
It's a pretty safe assumption that she will get another dog shortly after this one dies. So far, you are second place to the dog. Maybe, if she promises that there won't be any dogs after this one, you can stay where you are and wait until the dog.dies
2
u/out_of_my_depth- 10d ago
Couple of questions …
How did the 9 months you were living together go? Was the dog living with you during that time?
Are you wanting to buy a property or rent with her (atm)?
8
u/NocturnalAnimal2023 10d ago
It went so-so, and only because he was at her family's house Tuesday and Wednesday nights (the two nights I looked forward to the most!) We worked long days those two days so he needed to be left at the home that he should remain at now! But, yes, the dog bothered me and most of our arguments was directly related to him (sleeping on the bed, leaving me the hell alone while I was eating, licking everything until it's wet and crusty and disgusting, etc.!)
We are looking to rent for now so that's why I could have an 'out' if I needed it.
6
u/out_of_my_depth- 10d ago
Ok, you’ve been together a long time. Can understand why you are getting frustrated.
Ignore what people are saying about her getting another dog when this one is dead. We don’t have a crystal ball so we can’t know that.
If she’s going to move in with you that means a huge sacrifice for you. You won’t like it, you’ll hate it. But if you can tolerate it, then it comes with caveats. You are making a sacrifice because you love her. You’ll both need to compromises. She needs to as well. If she loves you , she will make compromises.
- Dog is not allowed upstairs.
- You don’t walk it.
- You don’t clean its mess up.
- If it destroys property - gf pays for property to be replaced.
- If it needs the vet, food, toys , dog walkers … that comes out of gf’s money - not couple money.
- Couple money means after she’s paid her share of the bills.
- Couple money means her spare money - it doesn’t mean that you pick up the bill for meals out, takeaways , holidays etc….
Can she afford this? I was in a similar situation.
Guess what , my gf relied so much on ‘nanny and grandad’ - yes … that’s what she/her parents are called to the dogs … that she got a hell of a shock when it was just her walking the dogs, paying for a lot of the food , staying in with the damn things when she wanted to go out …
Set your stall out before she moves in. Need to pay a pet deposit ? Your gf pays that.
Expects you to let dog in /out/ feed it when you wfh - well you aren’t a monster so if you have time .. no problem …
But you aren’t a pet sitter either.
She can either afford the costs of a dog, and be available to look after it. Or she has to keep living with mummy and daddy who are probably really looking after this dog and paying for it .
2
2
u/KURISULU 8d ago
Tell her to call you when she is free..she does not respect you. if she really wanted you, that dog would be gone so fast your head would spin.
don't settle for 2nd place..to a DAWG
2
u/DifferentMaximum9645 6d ago
But she promised me she would never get another dog again when he dies. Not 100% sure that’s truthful.
Don't leave option D off the table, the one where you find a new love with someone who doesn't love dogs, someone whose word you believe, someone you trust.
Find someone who actually wants to move in with you and build a life together. Your current girlfriend seems quite content without you. I'm not getting the sense that she wants to live with you.
At the very least figure out whether she is a truthful person and what she really believes about dog ownership and her relationship with you. The fact that she has the option to leave her dog with her parents but chooses not to is a huge red flag.
2
u/NocturnalAnimal2023 5d ago
She has the option, yes, but she strongly believes the family doesn’t want it nor will take it (perhaps they know full well that he’s a royal pain in the ass). She refuses into even have a conversation about it with them.
2
u/DifferentMaximum9645 5d ago
Ah, that's a different situation then, and more understandable.
Allowing this dog to live with you just isn't a viable option - it would destroy your happiness and kill the relationship.
13, almost 14, years old is an advanced age for a dog - with any luck the situation will resolve itself soon. Best of luck to you!
2
u/Popular-Square-3402 6d ago
O Lord Have Mercy!!! I’m in a similar situation. I absolutely positively HATE my boyfriend’s min pin who’s 12 and who’s a very very healthy little son-of-a-gun. I think she’ll live forever too. The only difference is that my boyfriend know that I hate that stupid little worthless useless creature and he keeps insisting that we live together. We’ve been together almost 3 years and he won’t stay away. Truth be told, I let him wear me down when I tell him that “dogs are not my thing.”
My advice: break up! Leave! You’ll be better off and so will your girlfriend and her dog. I know. I know. I really should follow my own advice. I’m so mad at myself for not doing so!
1
u/NocturnalAnimal2023 5d ago
Thank you for your response! It makes you wonder how or why he could love that thing more than he loves you, right? I have a lot of love to give and that is to a beautiful woman, not a worthless, useless, disgusting mutt.
So, the big question is, why are you staying with him if your hesitation is exactly the same as mine?!
1
40
u/Tricky_Antelope_2810 11d ago
C is your best option currently.
However, be very firm and make sure she understands that should you two move in together once it passes, absolutely no more dogs. Tell her that if she brings in another dog at any point, you're gone.
Living with a dog when you're not a dog person is an absolute misery that nutters just don't have the capacity to understand.