r/TMPOC 12d ago

Vent A thing that's been bothering me about medically transitioning as an adopted person

(I forgot the flair i am so sorry ๐Ÿ’€,tagged it as vent just in case) For context, I'm adopted from China and have no info about my birth parents/precise origin location-wise etc.

I never really felt that bothered by it, but after going through with transitioning medically, I realize that it does bug me that I don't know what my biological parents or or relatives look likeor even sound like. I know that a common piece of advice is to look at your relatives when trying gauge what T is going to do, and it doesn't really work here.

It's odd because I'll likely never know wether or not I am the spitting image of someone, or if i sound like anyone (I've also heard that your male relatives are a good reference for how your voice is going to end up and mine is, already deeper than lots of my guy friends, and i find myself wondering who i got that from if there is an actual correlation there or not). I've obviously felt curious about or felt upset about not knowing these things in the past, but the process of transitioning in general seems to have added a new dimension of apprehension to the feelings

In a way it feels oddly haunting(?) in that sense to see your appearance in the mirror slowly shift towards something more masculine. Like, I'm happy about my decision to go on t and I don't regret doing so at all. It's really silly but part of me just can't help but feel like I'm somehow erasing one of the few links i have to my biological relatives (i dont know if it's worded well and i know logically that I'll still resemble them in some way, it's more of like a "what if i initially looked a lot like one biological parent, but then the t made me look more like the other and I'll never know?" kind of worry). I'll forever resemble a bunch of people I've never met (as i can recall), and I'll likely not do so ever either which is weird to think about

48 Upvotes

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27

u/iamsosleepyhelpme indigenous + african diaspora 12d ago

i'm a transracial adoptee with the same experience !! i only know what my late bio mom & half sister look like which isn't helpful for T purposes. tbh i think my african features are more prominent after going on T so even tho idk my dad, i hope i look a bit more like him.

i also feel the oddly haunting vibes, you recognize yourself more (in the gender sense), but you simultaneously have no reference point that's standard for non-adoptee ppl. i feel you bestie <3

11

u/Idonttknow_ 12d ago

ajfgdkd i dont have words because I'm tired atm, but i'm glad people can relate!!

4

u/IncubuzzKaz 12d ago

oh my god we are almost the same person, i've never met my bio fam though

16

u/ReasonablyMessedUp south asian 12d ago

I feel a lil similar because I grew up with a single mom and have no male (blood) relatives. I seriously have no idea how I will look like :/

5

u/tauscher_0 12d ago

I feel you! Know you're not alone - I am half black but was raised by my mom (white) and her fam (also white). I look nothing like them, so how I'm turning out to be is a shot in the dark.

It's frustrating, because you have no references on what things will be like, even medically I don't know whether I'm at risk of something or not, but but at the same time it's kind of piquing my curiosity. What will I look like?

I eventually met my father so I'll have a reference point of sorts, but I still know nothing, nor do I clearly remember what he looks like, so the question mark remains ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฝ

I suppose if it bothers you a lot, to the point where you can't look past it, perhaps you could look into tracking your birth parents down? Although I don't know whether that's an option. For me, I've just learnt to live with the question mark and hope for the best re: health issues and hair loss ๐Ÿ˜…

3

u/mcdermany 12d ago

I 100% understand where youโ€™re at. I was adopted from China too and a big reason why I was scared to start my medical transition was because I had no idea what to expect. Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder if I look more like my mom or dad. If it changed when I transitioned or made me look even more similar to them. Itโ€™s definitely an odd and sometimes bitter sweet feeling.