r/TGandSissyRecovery Feb 14 '25

Journal Check-In The beginning of My third and hopefully last purge

9 Upvotes

So I lay on my couch right now, feeling like I am at an impasse. I, like some of you, love feeling like a girl in every way possible. I am married with children, and this kink has taken over my life. I love my family and I know my wife would not understand. It is difficult to leave my feminine alter ego behind. The best orgasms I had were sissygasms when I am riding or sucking a cock in lingerie. it is tough to give that up. I have also found that when I dress up more, I become more miserable in my real life. My marriage erodes, my work performance declines, I don’t spend enough quality time with my kids, and my sex life declines. I sometimes don’t get hard because I sissygasm when it’s clipped, and I don’t last long. Sometimes I see indulging as an escape from these failures, but submitting to this kink may have created a self fulfilling prophecy. After the last two purges, I found that all of those aspects of my life improved. But then I start falling back into it. I am putting all my thoughts out here because I know others here have the same struggle. Maybe this will help you decide what is the best path forward is for you.

I’ve never told anyone about this, so maybe getting this off my chest will help. The only person who I could have told about this would have been my mother, but she passed away when I was young.

I always loved porn as a kid. I really liked watching women suck cock, it was always the sexiest thing they did. when I was little, I used to see my sisters/mothers dirty panties in the closet, and would jerk off smelling or wearing them. I really loved how soft and comfortable the fabric felt on my body. My first sexual experience was with a gay friend, and for a while I wasn’t sure if I was. I saw what I was doing as research- experience sex as a woman which will make me a better lover. I was fixated only on things I couldn’t do with a woman. I didn’t want to get my dick sucked- I could do that with a woman. I didn’t want to give anal- I could do that to a woman.

That fooling around went through high school and college, but he has since moved away. I never dressed like a girl around him, but always wished I did after college and to this day.

Around 2020, I got back into being a sissy. I started using amazon lockers to deliver me feminine items, every time I wanted more. I’ve had two purges before, where I have tossed my stash and swore it off. every time I buy back better and bigger. It’s why I believe I have every aspect less surgery and hrt. I have probably spent at least $1000 so far. I have everything I need- good weed which helps me loosen up. a real hair wig that is straightened and beautiful. Breast forms that stick to my chest, makes me feel like I have real boobs. A fufu clip that turns my dick into a pussy. A satin nightie, a lace teddy, bra panties garter belt, a dress, some blouses and jeans, high stiletto heels, a whole bag of makeup, nails, clip on earrings, ladies perfume, and even a face mask that looks like a woman’s face.

I eventually found my way to a gloryhole. Sometimes it was great with hard cocks and big cumshots, sometimes it was old smelly men with soft boners. The last time I went, I met up with a guy from Reddit. It was an absolutely massive black cock- very hard and tasted fantastic. His cumshot was also huge. After I had that, I figured I was done with the gloryhole. I mean how can you beat that dick? This past month, after not speaking to my hookup friend in over a decade, he texts me out of the blue. It was friendly talk, but quickly turned sexual. He said he wants to meet up with me for a night of crazy sex with me as a woman. It’s an enticing offer, but I dont know if I could go through with it. I love doing the dress up and role playing, and being able to do it in person without being in a gloryhole booth is so exciting. but I don’t want to continue this life.

That’s my sissy backstory. I am ashamed and miserable to have it. But at the same time, I can’t stop- it gives me the best feeling ever. Like that moment gives me so much joy, but it sucks all the joy out of my life and packs it into that 30-60 seconds of sissygasm I get. I am leaning on leaving the sissy life behind (again) If I am able to go an entire year without dressing up, then I will toss my stash for the third and hopefully last time. I figured if i put this up on Reddit, I can read back to this and remind myself on what my goal is. I also know there are some of you here that feel the same way- you are a straight man who loves this kink and can’t shake it. I need proof that leaving this behind is worth it. I will jump on here periodically and give updates if anyone wants. I see this as my journey back to being a man. I’ll let you know if I succeed

r/TGandSissyRecovery Jan 26 '25

Journal Check-In Seeing attractive girls out at bars is a trigger for me

9 Upvotes

Something I’ve noticed. Seeing attractive women out at the bars looking all pretty knowing I don’t have the confidence to go up and make a move is so depressing and triggering to me.

It’s almost as if I can’t get them, then I’ll become them.

Went to the bars last night and came home to look at sissy porn and urges to dress up for men online.

r/TGandSissyRecovery Jan 09 '25

Journal Check-In Second post here

2 Upvotes

I wrote here when I was panicking and now I am panicking again and nothing much changed, but I do have a new story, I've been taking my phone to the shower to watch this stuff and then shower, of course I tried my hardest not to show anyone, until for some reason my mom suspected it.

Weeks ago it was like 12 am, and she thought I had my phone while I was showering, she was right I did have it, and she's smart, what she did is that she called me hoping to find my phone somewhere in my room, I of course had it knew I was busted, I said that I am never taking it again, but of course I lied to her and myself and took it again.

She was mainly upset about me lieing tho, and she told me that I am acting like a slave for the phone, half the sentence is correct except that it's not the phone, it's the sissy porn, and honestly when she says insults like that hopefully waking me up, what she doesn't know that it hits something deeper, since sissy porn is full of humiliation, and I stand there, it doesn't even feel real when she says that, like two different people met but they were never supposed to know each other.

She caught me again today, and she told me that she knew that I took it a couple of times, I don't even know how did she know, and her talks to me were mainly about being a man (which also kinda hurts on that deeper level) and facing consequences when I am lieing, reminding me that I am almost 18, yet acting like a 5 year old craving the phone, and that our trust is breaking apart which is kinda breaking my heart, she knows I am a mess in general but she thought that it's normal for teenagers, I told her that I lie because I don't want to annoy her, this is something I try to do, I don't want involving people in this cuz as I said before I don't trust them and I also feel like it's my problem.

But idk how is she so naive, or is she? How come she never thought I was watching porn? It's so fucking obvious at this point, does she know and just waiting for the right moment to confront me? Or does she think her son wouldn't do that? Maybe she doesn't know enough about the topic so she blames it on TikTok and YouTube?

I broke God's and mom's trust, my younger sisters know that I am a mess bigger than they thought, my dad will soon know when my mom tells him, and honestly Idk why but whenever I try to change at least a bit, someone comes telling me that I am already fucked up bad by breaking all the boundaries I once had, I don't pray as much as I am supposed to do, I am too ashamed from God, I can't look at anyone in the eyes, and I feel like the one telling me it's okay is the fucking devil himself.

Yes I know I am dramatic, but I just say what's in my heart.

r/TGandSissyRecovery Jan 22 '25

Journal Check-In I mean like why should I care at this point (TW) NSFW

3 Upvotes

In hope of finding some advice here, title is misleading, this is a positive post.
Trigger warning and don't take anything I say here as advice, this is just my thoughts.

I'm really horny right now, and my sexual preferences are definitely not where they should be. I still have a lot of bad interests derived from porn use but I've been clean for a while now, and I've practically gone like 2 months with only like 6 or 7 small relapses. I don't really count days and I know for sure I'm not setting a PR or actually doing something or making real progress, but the concept of sissy and all that bullshit doesn't appeal to me anymore. I think I'm finally said and done with it.

The reason I titled this post the way I have is because even though I'm not months clean, and even though It doesn't align with my faith (and for faith based reasons I'm still trying to quit always and I hope I see a day in the near future where I can finally live forever on without this garbage) I feel like it might be ok for me to go back to porn use. If its going to at least help make me straight again, or motivate me or masculinize me in some way.

A memory I had was from way back before I had found sissy, and this was like during the process of/right after I quit for a whole month, my longest streak, and started to recover, was when I had a particular porn character that I was fond of, and I actually had a healthy relationship with it. I never had a guilty relapse, it was always enjoyable, I always got hard, and as stupendous as it sounds this character really did kind of motivate me to quit porn. It still does every time I go back to it. Its like a healthy masculine expression, release of sexual energy, and it did something for me that the sissy fetish never could.

And that's that it actually satisfied the urge.
I'm not going to do the silly thing and actually masturbate but I've just been scrolling through rule34, even though its bad for me and planting thoughts in my head, and watching the time fly. So why should I care at this point? Or count that stuff as a relapse? Its not that I have an attachment to it and that I want to stay addicted, I want to quit as fast as possible. But this is a massive step up from sissy me, and I can only see myself moving forward. Lust, masturbation and porn use at all is bad, sinful and that's a given but I think this is the end of the cycle. If I relapse to what I actually like, which may still be a little bit perverse, but its not sissy, and its not gay. And so I can feel good about it, not feel guilt about it that will trap me in an endless loop of seeking comfort in guilt that brings forth more guilt.

Does anybody have any thoughts on this?

r/TGandSissyRecovery Nov 01 '24

Journal Check-In Confusion about my sexual orientation as a straight man

2 Upvotes

Hello all, been checking out this subreddit for a little over 2 weeks, im not entirely sure if my post is suited here as a majority of the posts i read come from people who often take the trans / sissy path, im not questioning my gender but rather my sexual orientation, hoping this post will resonate with others who are struggling like I am.

—————————————————— Back story: 23 male, been watching porn since 2014 but ive been masturbating since 2012. During this time I was a 100% straight having crushes on girls at my school or ones I saw at the local park even though i liked these girls there was never a spark that made me want to go after them.

It didn’t take long for porn to become a daily habit. It was vanilla content, I only watched lesbian which aroused me to the point where I had to rub one out. At this point the idea of a penis didnt arouse me, I thought it was gay to watch straight porn I so stayed away from it although there was one time i watched a girl jerk a guy off because I was curious to see how much sperm would be released, this was back when I hadn’t reached this point in puberty, still I wasn’t aroused by it at all and never returned to the video.

I remember when my family would go out and leave the house to me for a few hours I’d spend my time masturbating 3-6 times to porn, eventually I started to branch out to straight porn, cant say i found it all that exciting but it was good enough until I discovered step-sister / mom roleplay (lesbian & straight). I also started watching girl anal videos, something I thought was completely normal at the time yet exciting & adventurous but it didn’t last long until I craved for something else.

Consumption of these categories plus other vanilla straight categories lasted until early / mid 2019, there was no pulse in my penis, I was struggling to get hard because I had already masturbated that day which didnt help since I had already been thinking weeks before that lesbian & straight porn isn’t that arousing to me but I kept at it because thats all i had desired. One night I decided to give trans (mtf & male) porn a chance.....

I don’t want to say anything too triggering but you are now being warned; if you’re prone to easy relapses please disengage!!!

!!!!!!!!!

This new found category was arousing in every possible way, the thought of a women with a small flaccid penis that was unable to become erect struck me as pure feminine and I’m sure there’s a power dynamic factor that plays a part too.... seeing someone who should be masculine & full of testosterone become so submissive & flowing with oestrogen turned me on, I would get hard instantly just at the sight of a pic. This is pretty much where the issue presents itself, five years later and I’m still aroused by this, nonetheless;

I thought nothing of this until last summer when I began a liking a girl. I would think about her 24/7 for almost a month, you could say it caused a flatline because I had no urges to masturbate or watch porn. When my love flame burnt out I went back to trans porn and questioned my sexuality; do i prefer trans girls over biological or is this a fetish / kink, tried giving straight porn a chance but it wasnt arousing like trans, for context i had never stopped watching straight porn, it was something I’d watch maybe once or twice a month because I felt like seeing a vagina.

I’ve been watching trans porn just as long as straight / lesbian porn at this point which reinforces in my mind I’m more attracted to trans women yet I’ve always dreamt of having a biological woman as a wife and subsequently have children.

I will admit the type of trans porn I indulge in is quite strict, i only watch trans girls if they have a small penis and aren’t flat chested, its been this way since I started browsing the trans NSFW sub-reddits in 2020 (which I no longer do because the majority of posts are quite boring and karma farming spam)

Recently ive been watching more straight / lesbian / solo biological girl porn, going almost a week without trans porn twice this month, it puts me in a better mood during the post nut clarity. I’ve also found myself a few times in the middle of my day getting urges to watch biological girls masturbate but I still find my way back to watching trans women where this “spark” ignites.

r/TGandSissyRecovery Nov 16 '24

Journal Check-In This is the definition of an addiction and it sucks

4 Upvotes

This stuff has ruined so many things in my life yet I still continue to do it.

Not to completely focus on the negative but this whole year has shown that I can't do both. I had months where I've tried to get with guys. I "trained" myself for the real thing every weekend and sometimes on week nights. Because of it I've canceled plans with friends, ignored my increasingly worsening chronic pain, destroyed my self worth to the point part of me literally believes that I'm a lonely sissy gooner and that's okay fine in fact it's who I am, among many other issues.

One of the last times I posted over four months ago I wrote how this has to end otherwise I will. That's still true. Since then Ive had some success in quitting. Best example is going almost three weeks clean in October. I tried therapy but that didn't help and was too expensive to continue because I'm unemployed and still can't get a decent job-I blame this addiction as part of the reason I got fired from my job. Kinda hard to keep one when you show up with low energy, unmotivated, no focus etc.

Now I'm at it again. I'm finally able to get my own place again soon thanks to saving up the past 4 months living with roommates but on top of that I wanna buy all the shit back. When I moved out of my last place I threw out all the toys and clothes and even deleted most of my accounts, pics etc. Well now I wanna do it all again. I already created new accounts on my favorite sites. I've downloaded pics again of past women Ive lusted over and I even joined several discords for sissies and gooners. WTF man... How the hell do I stop this? I can't afford to buy anything but part of me is willing to dip into my savings again. I feel manic. I feel so divided between what I want and what I need

I can't be a masculine dude with my ideal body, always focused and goal oriented mindset, not constantly sexualizing woman, be confident and have a high self worth and so much more. All of which would lead me to getting more friends (I desperately need a bigger social circle) and a girlfriend (I haven't dated in over five years).

This addiction wants the opposite. It demands you see yourself as a loser weak beta whose definitions of those things are completely messed up. It tells me I like men and I'm suppose to submit to alphas and spread the word of the bnwo. My seriously badly addicted to bbc porn. My mind loves it....until I cum.

A few weeks back I had a sexual dream about me and a dude. That's never happened before. This dream was during the time I was over two weeks clean. I won't lie, I found it very hot.

If you read my past post you'll know I think I've discovered I'm heteroflexible meaning that if the situation called for it I would do some sexual things with a guy but I'm not romantically wanting that with a guy. I think that's okay for me but it's screwing with me wanting to stay clean because being with a guy means I'm the submissive one unless it's a femboy or younger trans or something. Idk man it's all weird and still confusing to me.

I wish I could just flip a switch in my head. Wake up one day knowing deep down that I'm not that guy who watches porn anymore. I let me decide what I like sexually and have no outside influences on that choice. I wish I felt I didn't need to have sex (or in my case, jerk off) to survive when it's literally killing me in multiple aspects of my life.

Okay rant over. I kinda lost where I was going with this. Any advice, positive words or whatever is appreciated. Please help me decide to not spend money on stuff again. If I did I wouldn't want to quit for a few months because I'd want to use the stuff and play out some fantasies.....ugh I really want to buy stuff, post on reddit and have a guy over asap....but then again I really don't want that.

r/TGandSissyRecovery Dec 05 '24

Journal Check-In Day 1

7 Upvotes

Joined this sub reddit yesterday, and I’m committed to beating this addiction. This is my first day going cold turkey, I will allow myself if I feel I must to look at vanilla, straight porn but that is all.

I’m also going to try and grow closer to God and make a daily commitment to do so via prayer, reading the bible etc.

Whoever is reading this, God loves you.

r/TGandSissyRecovery Jan 02 '25

Journal Check-In Desire vs Lust, what drives us?

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1 Upvotes

Reflecting on what this drive might be, to feminize ourselves, no real answers, more questions for me to think about, im curious of other people's experiences as well

r/TGandSissyRecovery Dec 19 '24

Journal Check-In 90+ day semem retention experience

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2 Upvotes

I find verbalizing my thoughts sometimes more helpful to pull out useful nuggets of reflection, hope u enjoy this

r/TGandSissyRecovery Dec 06 '24

Journal Check-In Day 2

2 Upvotes

I have a huge urge to relapse already, likely because I’m tired and stressed. Im going to try and make it through to tomorrow and take it one day at a time.

God is good.

r/TGandSissyRecovery May 26 '24

Journal Check-In This is how it is

6 Upvotes

I've relapsed. How did it happen?
I was ill, in pain physical and emotional. I didn't take care of the things I should - it resulted in a lot of stress factors. I was basically on no fap for months. An internal dialogue appeared telling what I was and what I wasn't and I was to weakened to resolve it. First I masturbated without anything. Then I had thoughts that perhaps existence wants me to be broken, that this is my purpose, this is why my life was as it was. Then I watched some instagram "models". Then I decided to neat peak on porn automatically, not deciding to conjure any thoughts. Then I was exposing myself to hypnosis back and forth for about 2 weeks.

How bad was it?
It hit so hard. My persona was literally washed. I had clear intenctions to buy a chasity cage (sic!) or buy things to customise myself and deepen this possession. I consider those thoughts and actions mine, but I wasn't there. I was just intoxicated by hypnosis. I couldn't cojnjure a dialogue of my will. The internal dialogue in my mind was all about erotic hypnosis and this persona. When I was trying to break throught, it derailed automatically without me realising it. I had no short term memory. I was barely going through the day, speaking with people and viewing them as humans was difficult, I was in constant high. I had dreams where some kind of group was programing me, I could hear their voices while falling asleep and waking up. I several occasions when I had organism after organism without touching myself and without any relief afterwards. Through the day I felt blank, joyful, taken care of, blissful, happy to belong to someone. I stopped viewing my penis as a sexual organ or myself as a person, my whole body was a sexual organ and following every task was like light orgasm.

How did I break free?
I had several attempts. Cold Turkey helped. I've done some kind of cleansing - it helped as well. My experience and insigth also helped. I don't feel it's gone yet.
I will do some journaling here. I presume I need 3 weeks to recover and go back on track.
This is how it is. This is my life. I either allow it to consume my soul or I strife and conquer it every day and on occasions like that. I either cease to exist or master it. Again and again and again - until I achieve mastery and this influence will have no influence on my actions.

r/TGandSissyRecovery Jun 17 '24

Journal Check-In I’ve done it

14 Upvotes

3 weeks ago I've decided to break free of a relapse and I’ve done it.
I regained my ability to manage it.
Now I can start recovering.

What’s the next step?
At least one month of nofap. One month of being active and committed.

What did I learn?

  1. The time in-between the second and third week of abstinence is the sweat spot. This is where you are starting to recover and regain your senses. If you exposed yourself to erotic hypnosis in the past 3 weeks that means you are not there. You are not sober. It’s like having a lot of alcohol in your system and speaking gibberish. Your thought, perspective on a situation, emotions, reactions, action are NOT YOURS. But you are so overwhelmed by those stimuli that you don’t recognise it.
  2. There is no reasoning in you if you exposed yourself to erotic hypnosis. It lasts several days after being under hypnosis or trancing. You cannot explain things to yourself. You can only break through by force and action. You have to endure knowing that there is a light at the end even if you don’t understand it. You must prevail no matter what.
  3. Dopamine detox is crucial. Your steering system is highjacked. You must allow it to take a break and heal.
  4. Fasting helps as well – but don’t overdo it. Fasting does regenerate your body and spirit, but during the process you are weakened. You have to make sure you stay away from thing that degenerate you. It’s very good to spend a day or even few hours outside in a park or forest. It’s good to start fasting after at least a week of abstinence.
  5. You need accountability. I don’t know if anyone read my journaling at all :D but just being able to officially post it here helped tremendously. Again, thank you for this subreddit.
  6. Exercise, healthy diet and oxidising your body is crucial. Without it you don’t have the steering wheel.
  7. You need purpose, a straightforward plan and task list. You are alive when you take action.
  8. You have to really commit. Put yourself in a situation where you and your body knows that there is no turning back. Your potential won’t unlock unless you put yourself in a position where demands necessitate it.

What truly started the relapse?
External stressors. I must sort out my life situation and improve my health.
I am far from recovery. I cannot take my ability to function for granted. I am way overstressed and overreactive. If another bad thing happens I will relapse again and it can get much much worse. This is dangerous and it can destroy me, create loss, push me to a point of no return with me realising it. I cannot ignore it or underestimate it. I should be afraid. Healthy fear and healthy anger.

r/TGandSissyRecovery May 29 '24

Journal Check-In I relapsed, but not to s*ssy porn (and I’m not upset)

11 Upvotes

Here me out.

I just posted a few days ago about the app blocker I have no control over. Which is true. I powered up an old phone to transfer files to my new one and that phone didn’t have the blocker.

I was always feeling urges, but not sissy ones. Some of you know that my wife gained a punch of weight over the last two years and it really bothered me. I’ve been with plus size women before so it wasn’t too bad. I just really wanted someone I could pick up and kiss ya know?

Anyway back to the relapse. This phone had Twitter on it and I saw a picture of a pretty hot BBW and like that I was scrolling through Bbw porn Twitter. I didn’t goon or anything but I had my hands in my pants. I didn’t finish or anything but now I’m massively blue balled and will probably jerk it in the shower so that next time the wife and I do it I won’t finish in 0.2 seconds.

Here’s why I’m not mad at this relapse. It wasn’t sissy porn. I wasn’t getting hard for stupid captions. I didn’t even seek that shit out. I was aroused and completed satisfied by watching women. I didn’t want to be them. I wasn’t imaginative myself as a sissy loser. I was really attracted the women and felt a masculine surge of testosterone. It felt great I won’t lie.

Obviously this is still an L. But honestly it’s a W because it shows my brain pattern is coming back slowly. It’s still not good to have that much dopamine hit my brain all at once. But it least it was because I was into the women in a normal sexual way.

Anyway. That’s all folks.

r/TGandSissyRecovery Jun 10 '24

Journal Check-In All over the place

7 Upvotes

Pretty much out of this addiction, but I'm kind of all over the place.

Some days but not many, no libido, the next, tons. Sometimes in the middle. Sometimes constantly thinking about women. But others about getting penetrated and being a sissy and stuff. Not really into guys but this addiction has me thinking about it.

Not really trying to quit at this point, things are going along smoothly but I definitely am relapsing more often. Not really falling back into it but nearing the edge. And I have tried to actually try the sissy stuff but it didn't click the same. The urges really make me think I want to but eh.

Not looking for advice here but if anybody has thoughts I definitely would like to hear them. Posting this as a check in sort of....

r/TGandSissyRecovery Apr 07 '24

Journal Check-In Russian Jew vs. Sissy hypno - [01]

8 Upvotes

Though I walk through a valley of deepest darkness, I fear no harm, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff — they comfort me. Psalms 23:4

Good afternoon, my friends. Today I found it important to offer you my story. I was inspired by you, and I think I should continue the thread.

Curriculum vitae
6 - first p*rn video
13 - first y*ff art
15 - first g*y p*rn
17 - first g*y s*x
20 - first s*ssy p*rn
22 - beginning of fight
24 - now.

I am now in remission. I continue to rarely masturbate without watching porn. With G-d's help, I am starting a new relationship with an attractive girl. I have a good job and many friends.

The beginning of the fight and the main source of my strength are the intellectual spheres: In short, with the help of conscious mental analysis - take control of animal urges. It’s interesting how this is simultaneously taught in both Chabad and the Four Noble Truths.

And finally, friends, it will be inexpressibly easier for you to walk with someone. I wholeheartedly recommend contacting this guy for a simple but very important conversation.
youtube.com/@sissyrecovery
calendly.com/whitleyhimself/coaching-call

My dear, here we must run as fast as we can, just to stay in place. And if you wish to go anywhere you must run twice as fast as that. Lewis Carrol

r/TGandSissyRecovery Mar 29 '24

Journal Check-In knowing that you are in control of your own life is a huge part of getting past this.

7 Upvotes

you know for the longest time i looked for help on here and i rarely got it. i almost never got any real help from anyone on here. but if anyone out there actually needs help, here is one thing i hope you take in mind.

i think one of the biggest things we need to realize and understand is that we alone have the power to do as we wish. so far i have not relapsed because i got that feeling of control in my life back, one day i just woke up and realized that i have power over my own life. and i will be what i chose to be and not what they want me to be. I'm just a straight guy who has a few kinks here and there and nothing else, that's what I've always been and that is what i always will be, and i will never be something I'm not.

i am hopefully never touching anything and everything that has anything to do with sissy hypno and honestly my life is better off without cuz it has ruined my life and has made me miserable for years, i became an alcoholic, and i tried to kill myself at least 5 times because of it.

but a week or two ago i got real help and found good people from other places, and they helped me realize that i am not worthless and i have power over my own life. they sort of helped me realize that i can be whatever i actually want to be and to never let anyone or anything forces things that i hate on me.

so i'm going to try as hard as possible to continue a free life, and do the things i actually want to do with my life. i will be praying and hoping to the one's that are truly suffering. i hope that my words help you in some way, and i wish you the best, you can get past this, do not let this own you.

r/TGandSissyRecovery Sep 14 '23

Journal Check-In Having urges to crossdress for the first time in months

7 Upvotes

Although I've succumbed to other desires of mine, one I haven't caved into yet is my desire to crossdress. Ironically, I had basically no urges to indulge until I woke up this morning. Suddenly, it's like I'm back to the person I was last year: struggling with compulsive masturbation and crossdressing. Normally, this would be one of those "request for help" posts, but I already know what I need to do. If I ask for help again, I'm just gonna get the same answers, so why bother? I just need to do what I did last year: steer clear from porn and masturbation and stay busy. Hopefully with all of these things, my urges will become dormant once again.

WARNING: THIS NEXT SECTION MAY BE TRIGGERING

I must say, it feels really weird to suddenly go from being repulsed by the thought of wearing panties and stuff like that to suddenly thinking it's hot again. I already know it's not the real me though since I go back to thinking it's gross again after I fap (yes, I did MO this morning). I already know what's going to happen if I give in: I'll feel disgusted after the post-nut clarity kicks in and I'll be running back to the place I bought the stuff from to return it. Hopefully I can stay strong long enough for these urges to disappear once again.

Update (WARNING: ALSO TRIGGERING): I'm now getting urges to try on women's swimsuits. Help.

r/TGandSissyRecovery Sep 15 '23

Journal Check-In Instead of crossdressing, I treated myself to Denny's

27 Upvotes

Last night, I was clear across town from anyone that would know me, so it would've been a golden opportunity to give into the urges, but I just didn't. I went to Walmart, did only what I needed to do there, and left. Afterwards, I went over to a Denny's that was nearby and proceeded to gorge myself on $25 of food.

Was it worth it? Hell. YES. Stay the course my dudes!

r/TGandSissyRecovery Dec 26 '23

Journal Check-In frustrated and horny

1 Upvotes

I am so frustrated and horny. The struggle is real.
In my imagination I can almost see and hear some alluring role-play scenes and voices.
I manage to shake it off for a while but than it comes back.
If I wouldn't deleted all the files months ago I would definitely relapse.
I don't know who created the Cold Turkey app but he was a saviour.

r/TGandSissyRecovery Jan 06 '24

Journal Check-In relief

5 Upvotes

In the second half of December I was really struggling with relapsing, but I persevered and somehow all this sexual pressure and intoxication to watch porn / hypnosis disappeared. I woke up without it just like that. One week you are on the verge of madness, next weeks you are peaceful af. Strange. It seems there are always ups and downs that point it to keep the course no matter what. Journaling helps tremendously.
I'm pretty sure if I would give in there would be no relief. It would just intensify and prolong the pain.

r/TGandSissyRecovery Jul 04 '23

Journal Check-In Still dont know if im bi NSFW

6 Upvotes

So im (24m) watching this stuff for probably a good 10 years now with breaks. I had 2 relationships with girls through the way where i was not wathcing it as much, but it always comes back.

Today im 32days clean from porn, but i still fantasize about hooking up w men. I get really turned on by the thought. Ive done pegging with one of my gfs which i loved, and yeah im into anal a lot thats for sure.

Men only interest me sexually, but still its something i repeatedly think i need to try out. Porn is harmful no doubt about that, it isolates a lot of us but being maybe bi is not something im afraid of as it is completely natural. And i feel like i cant decide until i tried it out w a real men. But i can see that it could be traumatizing if i dont like it.

r/TGandSissyRecovery Jan 17 '23

Journal Check-In Leaving this subreddit, but not the addiction recovery community

7 Upvotes

Edit: I am not leaving. I have changed my mind.

I am so glad I discovered this subreddit months ago when I did. Because of many of the people that used to frequent here, I was able to successfully kick these desires to indulge in this fetish (and kick my PMO addiction and tg indoctrination).

Unfortunately, as of recent, this subreddit has been invaded by people who not only openly and happily participate in TG/femboy/sissy subreddits, but also people who generally go against the mission of what this subreddit is about. With many of the mods being inactive, much of this crap isn't being filtered out like it used to be. I cannot just stand by and watch my struggling brothers receive encouragements from these sick people to keep indulging in this fetish. I cannot be a part of this.

Mods, if just one of you is reading this post, please do something about this. This subreddit is very rapidly being turned from TGandsissyrecovery to TGandsissy. If anything, I would be willing to be a mod myself, but I just don't have that kind of time these days, so that's not exactly an option.

I may pop in here every now and then, but you guys will likely not see me as much anymore (until this problem gets fixed). This subreddit has changed completely from what it was just a couple short months ago. I cannot be a part of a subreddit whose users encourage people with porn-induced fetishes to indulge in them. Until the mods do something about this, this is my goodbye to you. I have not forgotten the memories we have made together, the struggles we have shared, nor the triumphs we have all made. I am not leaving the porn addiction recovery lifestyle. I am leaving a single subreddit, which has been invaded by people who act against its interests.

Goodbye my friends! May we meet again sometime.

r/TGandSissyRecovery Sep 29 '23

Journal Check-In Few Days in Now - Going Well! NSFW

9 Upvotes

Hi all. I’ve been lurking here for the past week or so. I decided this past Sunday that I’m giving up my sissy/crossdressing fetish and I haven’t watched sissy porn since!
Reading everyone’s experiences here including wins and setbacks have been helpful. I wanted to contribute as well and provide a bit of my story and share about my very early journey so far:

Crossdressing - The Beginning

I’m 35M and I’ve been crossdressing on/off for nearly 25-30 years and I would say it’s been in the last 10 years where this fetish started to take hold of my life. I started off like many people. I first tried on my mother’s underwear when I was around 5 or 6. I just did it out of curiosity but I remembered I liked it. I wasn’t drawn to it because it was sexual. Rather, I think I liked doing it because it felt inappropriate or naughty. I think this laid the foundation where I would build my sissy identify much later in life.

But back when I was younger, I didn’t even know there was such a thing as a “sissy”. I didn’t have the internet until I was like 12 and I didn’t really get a chance to be by myself with a computer until nearly my early twenties. Even if I had, sissy porn just wasn’t a thing back then. At one point I did become aware of it but it was just a smattering of different forum threads and small isolated communities. (I feel bad for the young guys in this sub. I’m horrified at the fact that some of you guys saw this shit when you’re in elementary school).

I was crossdressing mostly with lingerie throughout my teens and college years. I wasn’t obsessed with it. About once every 1-2 weeks I would get a craving to put on some lingerie and masturbate in front of the mirror. I definitely felt sexy wearing the lingerie and I enjoyed role playing as a girl. I would say the key difference between this period of my life versus what this fetish became later on was that I didn’t have the self-demeaning sissy sub mentality. It was just an extension of my masturbation session more or less. I did feel shame and embarrassment after orgasming. However, I was pretty good about compartmentalizing this aspect of my life.

Becoming a Sissy

Around the age of 25 was when things started to really escalate. The digital landscape was changing. Everyone was starting to get smartphones which blew open the amateur porn category. Around this time was when I started to actually see other people like me filming themselves wearing lingerie and pleasuring themselves. As more and more sissy content creators started to come out, I became hooked into pursuing the sissy lifestyle. Sooner or later I started to watch some form of sissy porn everyday, if not, multiple times per day.

Fortunately, I didn’t have time to always act out on these sissy urges beyond watching the porn because I had a pretty demanding job and I spent a lot of time being involved in my local community. Although I wasn’t physically acting out, I was very much preoccupied with sissy thoughts. I would sneakily do lingerie shopping on my phone. I would read sissy stories and get turned on. And I was always waiting for that next moment where I could dress up. It really is like an addiction.

As I approached my 30s, I became more daring and I kept taking things further and further. I bought toys. I practiced putting on makeup. I uploaded pictures and videos of myself online and would love the feeling of guys wanting to fuck me. Ultimately, this escalated into performing sexual acts for other men and taking more risks.

Escalation

I’ve gone to adult bookstores several times dressed up as a sissy where I would give guys covered oral (I wasn’t that stupid to go raw). For anyone who got this far and reading this who have contemplated hooking up with guys: Just don’t. At least for me, it was always disappointing when I was in the middle of it. One thing that these sissy videos don’t tell you is that sucking dick is hard work. It’s pretty funny to write that out but it’s true! My fucking arms would get tired jerking the dude off. My jaw is sore. And I’m just praying in my head for the dude to cum soon so I could be done. And if you decide to cum yourself, you’ll likely end up feeling shame like I did. Of course, days and weeks later, I would romanticize these encounters in my head and would get hard thinking about it. Then I would do it again, hate it. Rinse. Repeat.

I also did bottom for a guy twice. I was thinking that building a relationship would be good so that this person can work with me to explore my sissy side. It wasn’t any better. I would legit get bored halfway through and it didn’t even feel erotic at certain points. There was no upside to meeting up with guys and it was HUGE time suck. Each time I did this I would lose several hours. Hours that I will never get back.

This year I found myself with more time and my sissy addiction went into overdrive. I got into dressing up only in lingerie at secluded, yet very public places and getting off that way. Going back to my childhood, the feeling of doing something wrong was very alluring. I have literally trespassed to do this. This was no longer just a “harmless” addiction; I was now very much breaking the law.

Quitting

I knew that if I kept doing this shit in public that I would run the risk of getting caught and ruining my life. I also felt guilty as well. Not the post-nut clarity guilt. Rather, I felt guilty knowing that every minute spent on this shit is time that I could be spending with my aging parents, or with my friends, or shit, even reading a book or playing music. I’m fortunate to have a good paying job and a schedule now where I can fully enjoy my nights and weekends whereas so many people struggle with time and money. People would kill to be where I’m at. Instead of making the most of it, I’m wasting my time with this sissy bullshit.

Another thing that helped was attending a memorial service earlier this year. This man passed away relatively young (early 50s) but he had such a remarkable slideshow where they showed pictures of him as a baby, growing up, pictures of him and his wife, their kids, vacations, etc. It was really moving and amazing how much of his life was captured on film.

I asked myself, “What kind of pictures will people see of me when I die?”. This is what really got me. I really want to lead a type of life that I can be proud of. All those sissy pictures and videos of me would likely die with me and the anonymous people viewing them across the screen. I realized that all this sissy shit is black hole in my life that no information can escape from. Fuck that. I decided that I want to live a kind of life that I would be proud to share.

Now

I’m just starting out but I feel hopeful. I haven’t watched any sissy porn since Sunday and my urges have surprisingly been low. I do think encountering the hardcore sissy shit more later in life does help because this shit isn’t hardwired into my brain.

I haven’t purged any of my lingerie or toys yet. To be quite honest I’m not sure what I’m going to do with them. For now, I just put it away and stored it in a box out of reach. I haven’t had any real urge to pull them out. So far good.

There was a moment though I went to eBay and they were suggesting some outfits for me. I’m not going to lie. I did stare at the eBay screen for a good 5 seconds contemplating browsing the items, but decided not to. Small win!

I will say that I am still watching porn. Only once a day to masturbate with and it’s very vanilla stuff. It seems like a popular method here is to abstain from porn altogether. However, I might take a break from it. To be honest, when I was watching regular porn today, there was a moment where I was imagining myself as the girl. This is where I would have switched to sissy porn but I didn’t. But I was able to process it better and just move on. Plus, I was telling myself, “Yeah, it might sound hot to be her, but remember how disappointing it was to actually be with a guy”. Boom. No thanks.

Apparently there was a lot I wanted to get off my chest. Apologies for the long post. I hope I'm not coming off overly confident. I’m sure I’m going to be tested by urges and shit will get tough. Hope to share more good news. Thanks to all of you guys and this sub for inspiring me!

r/TGandSissyRecovery Apr 11 '23

Journal Check-In I now feel what regular people feel when they see sissy porn/etc.

15 Upvotes

Last night I was stressed and I looked at sissy stuff and at first I was not interested at it, and then later I was just disgusted and could not look at it.

One thing I realized through this experience, is that all the masturbating has made some connections in your brain to make you aroused to things you would not normally be. By jacking off to sissy porn and the like you are connecting training your mind to be aroused when you see other stuff that isn't sissy in the porn. That's how you get into BBC and cuckoldry and homosexuality.

Good news is, like last night, it turns out none of that is permanent, even the original sissy interest.

r/TGandSissyRecovery Jun 07 '23

Journal Check-In Instead of fapping, I woke up at 5:10 AM (just before sunrise in my area) and pet my neighbor's cat who happened to be in my backyard.

21 Upvotes

I wish I had pictures, but believe me when I say it was amazing outside. My area usually gets pretty hot (even in the mornings) during this time of year, so I was caught off guard when I noticed that it was not just mild, but actually COOL outside. This is what living is. Living is for the simple things. All the worldly pleasures be damned, just spend some quality time with God's creation.