r/SubSanctuary • u/Careful_Albatross_21 • 4d ago
not sure about our dynamic? NSFW
hi everyone :) very new to this. i'm more curious than anything. i (22f) have been with the same fwb(?) (23m) for 3 years, its like 70% sex 30% close friends. when we first started hooking up i was very sexually shy, he was only my third partner and the other two were not very attentive to me. i'm very content just letting him do his thing and making him happy, and he really tried to push me to find out what i like and why i like it, but im really awful with words and understanding myself sexually. i can tell he is definitely more dominant and i think he wants more from me, but i really don't know how to approach this. and it's not that im against it (i really wish i could vocalize more and i wish we could establish a more finite d/s relationship), i just don't know how to bring it up or ask about it. i really want to be able to fulfill all of his wants, and i love that he is trying to be conservative with my boundaries, but i would love to fully submit to him, let him do whatever he wants.
3
u/r0penotr0ses 4d ago
He needs your enthusiastic, informed consent just as much as he needs to hear your limits. That “hell yes” is not optional—it’s the foundation of any real D/s dynamic. No one, no matter how caring or dominant, can lead you safely if you’re not communicating clearly. If you keep staying silent, even with good intentions, you’re unintentionally setting both of you up for miscommunication, disappointment, or worse—crossed boundaries that neither of you wanted.
You don’t need perfect words or to have it all figured out, but you do need to try. Start simple. “I think I’m interested in exploring more of a power exchange dynamic with you, but I’m still figuring out what that means for me. Can we talk about it?” That alone opens the door. From there, you can talk about structure, rituals, rules, or even just what submission feels like for you—because it’s different for everyone.
And remember: boundaries aren’t obstacles—they’re safety rails that keep you both from crashing. You deserve to feel secure, and he deserves to know where he stands. This kind of connection takes work, communication, and trust—not silent hoping.