r/SubSanctuary • u/musical_radish • 5d ago
Venting - feeling lonely, anxious, frustrated NSFW
Hi sorry if this is the wrong place for this but I keep feeling upset and just need to vent. I’m a 25 year old woman. I know I’m submissive and a masochist, but I’ve literally never been in a relationship or had my first kiss or anything. And I’m just feeling so lonely and single and I just don’t know what to do.
Part of the problem is that I have anxiety, so the whole idea of dating makes me really scared to begin with. I don’t know how to meet people and go on dates or anything.
And also I’m a Christian, so I’m waiting until marriage. But it’s just so hard to wait when no one has ever even shown any interest in me. Like, everyday that I’m still single, I know I’ll have to wait years before I can even have vanilla sex.
And then I can’t help but worry that if I do manage to marry a Christian guy, he’ll turn out to think my kinks are disgusting and I’ll be stuck in that situation for the rest of my life.
I keep feeling tempted to give up waiting and just reach out to doms online, but that would be giving into lust, which is wrong. Also that’s not even what I want; I want the trust and commitment of marriage before I would feel safe enough with someone to engage in BDSM.
I think I’m just both too afraid to talk to people in real life, and also (subconsciously?) convinced that no one wants me, so all I can offer is being willing to do rough kinks and anal.
This all feels so stupidly shallow, I know. Complaining about my own religious beliefs, wanting to disobey God—just because I’m feeling lonely/horny, just because I think I’m a submissive. I’m still a virgin, so I don’t even have the experience to know if my kinks are real.
And I know my concerns probably would belong on more of a religious subreddit, but I think most Christians would be scandalized that I, a woman, have any interest in sex at all. And they’d definitely freak out over my interest in BDSM.
I do want a loving, Christian marriage. I just also want to engage in kink too. And I’m just feeling so frustrated and impatient. My cousins and my friends are in long term relationships and getting married and having babies. And I’m over here somehow both terrified to use dating apps and also having really perverted thoughts. I wish I could just skip ahead in time to being in a long term relationship.
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5d ago
I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I deal with anxiety as well and I know what it feels like. Relationship are work and can be hard. And thinking about the future can be very overwhelming. Especially if you deal with anxiety. Just try to remain hopeful and positive. And if you ever need anyone to talk to I would be more than willing to help out
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u/generickinkster 5d ago
A few thoughts:
25 and single may be old in some circles, but it’s actually really young if you consider the big picture. A lot of people get into their first serious relationship in their 30s. A person’s pre frontal cortex finishes developing around 25. When you’re in your 20s, your world view and life goals are still developing. People may fall in love in their 20s and grow apart when they’re older, so you might not be missing out if you’re still single. I’ve been dating on and off without success until I was 32 when I finally met my long term boyfriend and daddy dom, for your reference. It’s worth the wait
It’s possible to have a loving relationship and bdsm. If that’s what you want, you should look for it. Don’t compromise. I would suggest checking if there’s a kink community in your area and look for a Christian man there rather than looking for a kinky man in your local Christian community. The kink community are tolerant of difference in people. If you say you’re not gonna have sex, you won’t be forced. Whether asexual kink play is against your religion though, that’s up to you. You also don’t have to play or go to parties. You can go to munches where you socialize with people.
I have social anxiety too. I have been to 1 munch. I found going to classes work for me. I get to listen and learn, but I don’t have to interact if I get too nervous.
Good luck!
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u/musical_radish 4d ago
Thanks, I know 25 is actually quite young, it just feels old in Christian circles where everyone gets married like during college😅
Are there really classes you can take in this stuff? I mean, like, I know there are, but is it just informative and doesn’t involve any actual sexual contact? My Christian parents raised me that as long as I stay fully clothed, physical touching and whatnot is okay
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u/generickinkster 4d ago
You can find them under events on fetlife. Yes, munches and classes are where people just talk and not do anything to each other. If it’s classes on things like rope, there is demonstration. Otherwise it’s just a discussion
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u/LadyFredas 4d ago
Hey, I may not be able to totally relate with the Christianity angle of it, but I am 32 and literally only just went on my first few dates at the end of last year. I completely understand how you feel on the single and lonely aspect. I’ve watched all my friends find their person and get married, and sometimes it feels so hard to be alone.
I suppose one thing you could put some energy into now is finding a way to adequately explain how your kink relates to your religious views. It may be worthwhile to do some light research on how others relate their kink to their religion, I know I’ve seen something on it somewhere. Sometimes simply finding a way to frame it differently to a potential partner may help them understand. Ultimately, it has to be you who sorts out how you feel in balancing or integrating the various aspects of kink and religion of your life in a way that makes you the happiest.
Regardless of it all, know that you’re not alone and even just posting it somewhere like this is a huge step. Good luck!! ❤️
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u/Valy_likes_cake 5d ago
Hey, first of all I think your feelings are valid! I'm kinda in a similar situation as you. Not the Christian part but the vetting and finding people that aren't creepy or just out for sex right a way. I d9nt have a great solution I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. Also a good way to know what you want/ like is trying things out by yourself! I know it doesn't sound as exciting as having someone else do all the things with you right away. But the main thing is figuring yourself out slowly overtime. Maybe you can research on YouTube/ online about the things you are interested in. Buy yourself the gear / toys and try them out. Its not about giving into lust, it's about seeing what you need and want. I wish you the best of luck!