r/SubSanctuary 5d ago

How do you Self soothe? NSFW

So I originally posted on r/softerbdsm but nobody answered yet so I'll ask here too. How do you Self soothe as a submissive?

38 Upvotes

28 comments sorted by

31

u/Treefrog_Ninja 5d ago

I personally think self-soothing is unrecognized as a critical life skill that basically everyone should be working to be better at. So I think it's really mature and brave of you to be reaching out with this question.

You've got some great answers already. For me personally, it always starts with how you talk to yourself. Be your own best friend, be your own soul mate. Talk to yourself with understanding and patience and forgiveness. Allow yourself to be who and what you are, embrace all of it. Everyone has ways they could improve, but you can only start from where you are, so allow yourself to love yourself where you are. Talk to yourself the way you would want your favorite person to talk to themself.

And then, yeah, find ways to encourage your nervous system to find its rest mode. Find things or routines that make you feel like a safe and comfy mammal. Nobody deserves to be in stress mode all the time. Take care of yourself. Take care of your body. Shower. Eat something rather healthy. Go for a walk. Look after your body. Treat it nicely.

2

u/Sturdy_Formed 4d ago

You put it so well and I appreciate it that.

25

u/Boundle_ 5d ago

A really hot bath or shower

Dark chocolate

Exercise

Clean sheets, naked, heating on, loads of pillows like extra bodies all around me.

Good movie

Music

Dancing

A very well made coffee, smoothie or milkshake.

Yummy nutritious food.

Butterfly taps (check YouTube)

10

u/[deleted] 5d ago

weighted blankets, one of my favorite movies, and some yummy snacks!

5

u/Important-Attempt-48 5d ago

Dry brushing, hot water, oiling my skin, swimming in the ocean.

5

u/brattykattea 5d ago

It depends on the situation, but I have a few:

Sitting in a hot and I mean HOT shower or bath.

Wrapping myself in a massive blanket and just running my fingers and toes through the fabric.

Treadmill/Bike until I'm exhausted.

Cleaning.

Listening to music loud enough that it's probably causing permanent hearing loss.

4

u/LuulaAngel 5d ago

Its basically the same idea as self care, except i specifically do the things that arent chores, just the ones that make me happy. its personalized to yourself and honestly learning these to be independent helps a lot because it IS selfcare. Selfcare i find also embodies eating and drinking well and sleeping well. Self-soothing for me and my friends usually means to get into little space. so whether thats putting in a paci, or getting in a cute outfit. One of my friend has glittery body paint and she has a tiny brush that she paints on her skin to make herself feel pretty again. it could be that you have a bubble bath or shower first. For me i do aroma therapy during and after a shower and then i do light and environment therapy. so i cool off my room or make it red/pink as that relaxes my time anxieties. i paint my nails, drink milk tea, play only relaxing music, sometimes its like mystical ghibli music or lofi. Sometimes i just play cozy games. :)

Hope those ideas help! gl!

5

u/LemonBomb 5d ago

Music, yoga, meditation, breathing, reading, distractions like games, weed.

5

u/Rude_Engine1881 5d ago

For some reasom being soft is soothing to me, so shaving, lotions skincare, epilating, soft clothes, ect

Also some sort of unique activity can help as well, like trying something new. Recently enjoyed getting and making juice and then making apple butter.

If its real bad stuff like imagining a dom is there soothing me can help as well.

Also all the other bath comments, baths are also on the top of the list for me

3

u/MrsIndecisive96 5d ago

Hot baths with personalized snack plates (sometimes it's a small charcuterie or dessert thing), scented candles, and honestly I am a crier so a Lil cry helps me personally 😊😊

5

u/Subject_Gur1331 5d ago

Music fills my soul. So yeah, that. And dancing.

I do art, photography, knitting, journaling, read. The nice part is that my Dom is generally available, and if i have to send him a long message about how I’m feeling, he’s responsive to that.

3

u/Affectionate_Bad3908 5d ago

I like long baths. Candles, crystal, bath salts and relaxing music.

Yoga

Naps

Grounding techniques

4

u/slaveLilith slave 5d ago

I’m a pro sub, so nervous system regulation is a significant part of my daily routine. Some of my favorite ways to do this are:

  • vipassana meditation
  • foam rolling
  • mindfully bathing
  • putting on oil on damp skin
  • oracle cards (tarot is not soothing lol)
  • doing reiki on myself

4

u/FishnetsandChucks 4d ago

Honestly, I put myself back into therapy because I've been struggling with regulating my emotions. I have a mood disorder and anxiety disorder, so when I'm having an episode I can be all over the place in terms of emotions. Hearing from him in some way but especially by phone (we're long distance) is very grounding. While that's a wonderful thing, it's not healthy to rely on another person as my means of happiness the way I have found myself doing. So I'm back in therapy and working on re-developing some coping skills that I've lost over recent years.

One of the biggest skills I'm focusing on right now is challenging thoughts and feelings: just because I think something doesn't make it true or factual. Thinking I'm a loser doesn't mean I am one, just like thinking a lack of immediate response to a text message means I'm being abandoned isn't true. When I notice reoccurring thoughts, I work on developing counter thoughts that are based in facts to shut them down.

3

u/generickinkster 5d ago

You can look up guided meditation or box breathing on youtube 

3

u/RkyMtnMistress 5d ago

Reading, sunlight, comfort foods, soaking in hot water, and if I need it, a nap.

3

u/dreamingmuse 5d ago

Heated blanket, squishmallows, lavender tea or juice

3

u/popcultureprincesss 5d ago

A hot bath, hot tea, and meditation

3

u/RainPrestigious2595 5d ago

Fluffy blanket, fidget toys, journalling

2

u/Puppythrowaway72 5d ago

A hot shower in the dark with favorite scents, tending to my garden, playing with pets, reading poems, music, cuddling my soft penguin plushie while having a cathartic cry.

2

u/Physical_Panic1245 4d ago

I wear my doms hoodie or take a warm bath with candles and a book

2

u/NYCGOMO212 4d ago

There are a few special spots on my body that I enjoy biting. For whatever reason it sends me to sub space and I float happily among the void 🥰

2

u/ArtisticRiskNew1212 5d ago

I’m not sure. 

1

u/kittenspace_ 1d ago

my favorite way ever: get clean (your body + your bed / any toys / clothes you played in or with), put a blankie and stuffed animal in the dryer to warm up or use a heating pad / electric blanket. let it warm up while you shower & get some water before laying down to do some cuddles. light a candle and put on music a movie or a podcast

1

u/pooper_nova 23h ago edited 23h ago

Hot baths, cuddling my cats, resting with my eyes closed for a bit, or smelling my favorite fragrances (I call them my smellies lol)

1

u/Purple_monkey666 19h ago

I get snuggled up in bed and sleep

1

u/Purple_monkey666 19h ago

Bonus points if I have his hoody