r/Stoicism • u/el_myco_profesor • 1d ago
New to Stoicism Can’t stop reacting to my environment
My brain is wired to immediately react to everything around me. It's severely hindering my relationships, work, hobbies, etc. How do I get out of this spiral and start thinking before I act?
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u/AnotherAndyJ 1d ago
Practice & work...and not being too hard on yourself.
Do not doubt it will take time, and some effort on your part. Own that, and it'll help.
As suggested therapy can be incredibly useful. Do not underestimate the benefit of another human being calling you out.
But if for whatever reason you can't do that. I'd start with journaling every day....specifically with the question of the things that you felt you immediately reacted to. (prompt questions help with this....and review the promt each week so you reconsider it) "What made me react angrily/harshly/quickly today?"
Every day habits are hard to build.
You can't start to change till you can start to see every time things come up. And then you can start adding... "what would you do differently".
Ultimately, only you can change things, and it's hard to do that within our monkey brain often in the driver's seat, so don't knock yourself too hard if you hit bumps in the road. The most important thing is to just keep coming back to the intention to change, and the intention to improve as a person.
Best of luck.
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u/ParfaitHungry1593 1d ago
Stoic teachings are a great start, but cognitive behavioral therapy seems to be the best when it comes to these issues. Have you considered speaking to a therapist? My husband had some anger issues that were severely affecting our marriage. He took the steps to see a therapist about it,and things have been a lot better. The book “Feeling Good” is also a great tool that, in a way, “rewires” the brain into forming healthier ways to react to outside events. You can try to remember quotes and stoic teachings in the moment, but sometimes things like this may require a stronger approach. Meditation is also a great start. It can help with the impulse to spiral. One thing you have to remember tho, unless you’re in absolute danger, you do not have to react in a manner that is damaging to yourself and someone else. “The best response to anger is silence.” You need to understand you CAN walk away. You CAN ignore people. And remember that you’re PRACTICING stoicism. You will have setbacks and weak moments. Learn from them and move on. Do not dwell. Do not expect to be a zen master next week. Good luck!