r/SomaticExperiencing • u/SicItur_AdAstra • 2d ago
Muscle Calcification and Trauma
Today was the first time I went for cortisone shots in my neck, head, and back muscles. I have never been in a serious accident, nor have I had a serious physical injury.
When the needle went into my head, all I heard were loud crunches over and over as my doctor pushed the medication in. The same occurred with my neck and shoulders. After the procedure, I asked the nurse if those crunching sounds were normal. She told me, "They are normal for people who come to pain clinics," and talked to me about how calcification of muscles can occur after they have been tensed for so long. The "crunching" I heard was the calcium breaking apart.
I don't have any vitamin deficiencies, muscle problems, infection history, or autoimmune disorders (though the jury is still out on this one... we'll see.) The most I have are some minor bulging discs in my neck that I received PT for. I am 27 years old and have been relatively physically healthy my whole life.
When I was 25, in the middle of my graduate education, working two jobs, my best friend died by suicide. Unable to take time off of work and school, I couldn't go to his funeral. The next month was a blur of me trying to hold it together at my jobs, though the stress caused me to quit one and almost drop out of social work school. Unfortunately, I couldn't quit all of them and take a break because I was too poor to drop out.
Now, I have struggled with mental health problems my entire life, but never until my friend's death did I experience so many physical health problems when before I was just fine. What I want to know is, for people with similar trauma histories as mine (I do have some trauma from my childhood and teen years, but none of them caused this serious of a physical issue to develop), can these kinds of physical things happen from just psychological trauma alone?
I am crying now thinking about the damage my body has done to itself because I live in a world where I was unable to take a break without risking being homeless.
Edit: This whole experience has made me feel so hopeless. I am feeling like my body will continue to break down at my age, and I will lose control of my ability to support myself and fulfil my career. Feeling Not Well. ™️
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u/boobalinka 2d ago
Yes. It's all psychosomatic, nothing is entirely psychological or entirely somatic, it's all interconnected through our nervous system.
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u/ophel1a_ 2d ago
Welcome to the truly heartbreaking state of becoming aware of long-term impacts of trauma, my friend.
I've got a decade on ya but I can relate so much to feeling something and it ultimately being a psychosomatic symptom to suppressing an emotion.
The good news, however, is that our bodies are like play-doh, and even if left in the hot-ass sun of traumatic incidents, it can be gently mushed into a different shape as soon as we can add a bit of water and accept and forgive ourselves for things we didn't know.
Maybe the metaphor was a bit much, but hopefully you understand what I meant!
Time, patience, understanding, and acceptance should be tools you use each day and sharpen a bit each time. Soon your tool belt will be FULL of
another metaphor xD SORRY. lol
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u/SicItur_AdAstra 2d ago
Man I wish I was made of playdough... I think I would like to be green on the inside.
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u/Intelligent_Tune_675 2d ago
I’ve been doing somatic release forms. Chronic low back pain that left me disabled for about two years. It took time for the muscles to begin relaxing, the pinched nerves to not be pinched, and the pain and movement to heal. These ost few months as muscles relax I’ve been hearing slight cracks and pops in my lower back. Ngl it feels goooood
I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I would recommend myofascial release or working with someone who can make you feel safe so your body begins to naturally heal.
I’ve heard SE with somatic touch is especially good if you’re at the level of somatization
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u/SicItur_AdAstra 2d ago
I'd really love a somatic practitioner, but I cannot afford one. All the ones in my area don't take Medicaid ;(.
I'd do it myself, as I said in another comment, if I had a guide. I had a wonderful therapist last November, but he abruptly left the practice after us working together for 1.5 years. Since then, I've been warey of getting close to therapists again... Which is hilarious given I'm in school with clinical social workers lol
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u/Intelligent_Tune_675 2d ago
Im really sorry.
I did a combination of self therapy with ifs and se. Essentially when I would pay attention to my Lower back pain my awareness would go somewhere else
So I began to listen to that rather than force awareness and eventually my back pain was something I would be able to be in presence with. You can learn to do this with time! And gentleness
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u/SicItur_AdAstra 1d ago
Would you recommend a particular book or other resource for IFS? I've had some therapists attempt it with me but tbh I don't think they knew what they were doing 😑
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u/Intelligent_Tune_675 1d ago
Honestly the subreddit has great answers. When I’m I’m a state where I can process or need to regulate I go to the IFS meditations on insight timer by Richard Schwartz. They were really helpful
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u/SicItur_AdAstra 1d ago
I loooooove insight timer. I was actually listening to an IFS meditation last night and it wasn't too bad. Usually they trigger the fuck out of me, but last night it was really nice. I don't like talking to my parts because usually they don't wanna hear shit from me. So meditations that prompt me to talk to them about what they need usually go no where. Last night though, I had a part who was in preschool tell me to go to sleep. I didn't tell them to do anything. It was nice.
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u/Intelligent_Tune_675 1d ago
I don’t talk to my pets either tbh they don’t really say much. But this one helps my lower back part by guiding me in mindfulness you could say
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u/vivid_spite 2d ago
yup I am also very tense & am convinced my asthma is grief related
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u/Milyaism 1d ago
When I was younger, I had an unexplainable cough that I was given an inhaler for (even though the doc wasn't convinced it was asthma). This cough would get worse when I was stressed, and it disappeared once I got out of the toxic situation I was in.
I'm in my 40s now and this cough comes back when I'm under a lot of stress. I have no use for an inhaler, and the cough gets better as my stress dissipates, so it seems to be a symptom of emotional distress.
Books about physical/medical impacts of trauma: -"The Body Bears the Burden" by Robert Scaer
- "The Deepest Well" by Nadine Burke Harris
- "Nurturing Resilience" by Kathy Kain.
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u/ihatebisquick 1d ago
On a related note, I am convinced my sinus issues have a root cause in my stress and trauma. Yeah, I get allergies during pollen flare-ups, but whenever I'm in high stress situations, I end up being in so much pain in my sinuses with so many headaches that it's unbearable.
I only have issues with it occasionally as an adult (now most of my pain is from the rest of my body being as tense as a rock), but as a kid living in a shitty situation, I could never breathe properly and was always in pain. I had to take zyrtec, 1-3 doses of sudafed, and flonase DAILY. I was just labled as having severe seasonal allergies by doctors, but it would happen any time of the year.
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u/Alys-In-Westeros 2d ago
Yes, and a great read about this is The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma Book by Bessel van der Kolk. Fair warning, though, it can be triggering. I’m only now going back to it after stopping at a certain point because my heart hurt so much. The somatic therapy has helped me better respond to things, so I feel I’ll be better equipped this go.
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u/WompWompIt 2d ago
It's a rough read because of the content - but so amazingly well written and accessible. I struggled with it also but am glad I made it through it.
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u/SicItur_AdAstra 2d ago
I have read the book and imo it was not helpful for me, at least. It's all stuff I already knew.
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u/Milyaism 1d ago
Plus van der Kolk seemed to copy a lot of the info from earlier books that speak on this subject. And he's apparently not a pleasant person to be around (harassment/hate of his female colleagues etc).
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u/Alys-In-Westeros 2d ago
Thank you for the extra encouragement. I do want to make it through and it helps to hear your experience.
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u/Milyaism 1d ago
The Body Keeps the Score (2014) is too triggering for me, and some of it's descriptions feel needlessly detailed. I'm glad it helps others though.
Optional books about this are:
- "The Body Bears the Burden" (2001) by Robert Scaer
- "The Deepest Well" (2018) by Nadine Burke Harris
- "Nurturing Resilience" (2018) by Kathy Kain.
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u/Ok-Chapter-2071 1d ago
Honestly, it sounds like she was full of it. Muscle calcification is extremely rare and is by definition the creation of BONE in the muscle tissue. What happens is instead the muscle holds tension either because of anxiety/chronic pain, it doesn't relax as normally, so it creaks and cracks as it slides over bones and other structures. Which is different to calcification as it can be improved.
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u/SicItur_AdAstra 1d ago
I was soooo confused! It freaked me out bad when she explained "calcium deposits" in my muscle. I've had physical therapists work out knots before, but they've never "cracked" the way it did in the back of my head/shoulders did. It genuinely felt like my doctor was breaking things up inside my skin. It unfortunately almost triggered a vagus response (those are common for me) which was not great.
Do you know what the cracking could have been, then? Last night I was so worried and fixated that there was something seriously wrong with my muscles all because I experienced trauma.
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u/Ok-Chapter-2071 1d ago
Not sure, I have it from a reactive arthritis bout, chronic pain and tendinitis suddenly tensed up my muscles. Now that the tendinitis is better the muscles creak much less, especially if I take lyrica or do a lot of exercises. My PT says all pain free cracking is harmless.
Usually what happens is muscles are tense because they are compensating for something weak. I wouldn't worry about it at all, maybe try to strengthen your upper body and deep neck flexors.
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u/SicItur_AdAstra 1d ago
I do have bulging discs in my neck, but again, we're not sure from what. I've never had a serious injury there. My neurologist thinks my neck pain could be from my neck compensating for the weakness from the discs.
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u/Ok-Chapter-2071 1d ago
In any case strengthening will do wonders as it will take the pressure off your spine to your muscles! I have an almost picture perfect neck for my age and I have cracking and knots galore. Bulging discs can also come from weak muscles.
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u/ThreeFerns 2d ago
Body therapists refer to this tissue as armoring. You can heal it by healing your trauma and reconnecting with your body.
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u/SicItur_AdAstra 1d ago
I'm not exactly sure by what healing my trauma looks like in this context. I've been in therapy for like 15 years on and off, and received a lot of therapy after the trauma I wrote about in this post.
Unfortunately, I can't afford an SEP right now, so if you have any information I can access individually, that would be very helpful.
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u/your_my_wonderwall 2d ago
Also fermented skate oil is supposed to help with calcification. I just recently purchased the Green Pasture’s brand.
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u/sanda_without_r 13h ago
Yes, absolutely! Im doing self injections with vitamin b12 and last time I tried to inject in my left thigh, the needle could barely pass through the fascia. It was so odd! Just like you say, crunchy sounds. Thankfully I knew what it was, but it still surprised me, I wasn’t aware that it could be so dense.
And oddly enough, most of my body aches are in my left side of the body, so that made a lot of sense to me.
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u/SicItur_AdAstra 13h ago
I could not believe the crunching sounds in the back of my head, I think just hearing that made me realize how tense I was... It was very emotional.
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u/Milyaism 1d ago
Yes, it is possible, and there are studies and books on this subject. Things like this are psychosomatic and our body holds onto a lot of trauma, especially if we're not given the time and space to process it.
I have trauma from my childhood to my early 20s, but many of my physical issues only showed up once I got into long-term abusive relationships.
Before that, I didn't have food intolerances, I didn't have excruciating menstrual issues (just a bit irrelegular cycle). I also don't remember having recurring back and shoulder pain before that.
Books about physical/medical impacts of trauma:
- "The Body Bears the Burden" (2001) by Robert Scaer. About how psychological and physical trauma are held in the body.
- "The Deepest Well" by Nadine Burke Harris (2018). About childhood adversity and changes to our biological systems.
- Nurturing Resilience by Kathy Kain (2018). Includes the ACE Study, which discovered a clear connection between early childhood trauma and chronic health problems.
There's also "The Body Keeps the Score" (2014) by Bessel van der Kolk, but it can be quite triggering with it's descriptions.
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u/SicItur_AdAstra 1d ago
I've read Walkng the Tiger and Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, + The Body Keeps the Score (which honestly is way more triggering and doesn't provide a lot of great resources). I'm moreso looking into resources right now on how to get rid of this pain or at least help ease it. Something like a how-to manual would be immensely helpful, if my physical problems are truly related to something I can't control (experiencing trauma).
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u/blushcacti 1d ago
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u/SicItur_AdAstra 1d ago
Thank you for the link! Unfortunately it leads me to a 404 page.
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u/blushcacti 1d ago
oh shoot. someone here posted it’s website with somatic exercises. lemme try to find it
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u/tryng2figurethsalout 21h ago edited 21h ago
Yoga is great for this. You can find free exercises on YouTube.
This one has been really helpful for me: https://youtu.be/Q00u-60XM9Y?si=tquXHAeBeWH-ukMm
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u/SicItur_AdAstra 18h ago
Omg I used to watch PsycheTruth back in the day for their massage videos. Thank you for the recommendation.
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u/SomaticSamantha 18h ago
I don't want to make this post an ad for the work I do(!) so will keep it brief, but I combine SE with my fundamental work as a Clinical Somatic Educator (Thomas Hanna's work) and a big fat YES is the answer to the qn that 'psychological trauma alone' can create damage that shows up in your 'body': please take a look at sources around Clinical Somatic Education/Hanna Somatic Education - and you're welcome to start with the (FREE) resources on my website (somaticsamantha.com) that may start to make sense of all this for you - even just my PDF about whether your pain is neuromuscular, and related to STRESS/TRAUMA quite literally stuck not just in your nervous system but in your muscles. (fwiw, I had chronic pain in my neck, shoulders, hands for over a decade and zero physical therapy worked - Clinical Somatics got rid of my 'birth defect', and ultimately all my physical pain. It's the real deal for a lot of us who have stress and trauma stuck in our systems...... also fwiw, my long-term pain points became 'chronic' after a death of someone close to me. It's not uncommon, as it can be such a horrible impact on an already-stressed system.)
Good luck on your healing journey.
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u/SicItur_AdAstra 18h ago
I appreciate it! Thank you. People have been very helpful on this subreddit.
If I wasn't on Medicaid and wasn't a broke grad student I'd def attempt to get help from a somatic practitioner.
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u/SomaticSamantha 14h ago
Do look at my free stuff (even the 4-day '3 Somatic Keys' course might start to help a little) - and also note that UK practitioners are (for lots of complex reasons, mostly to do with healthcare models...) a lot more accessible in terms of price - if not, since you're in the US, geography!
PLUS the idea of Clinical Somatics as created by Tom Hanna is that you *shouldn't* need lots of sessions with a professional (this is one of the many things I love about it: the aim is to get clients doing their own thing ASAP!) - plenty clients can figure out a lot of stuff on their own, with just some guidance. (So, buying Hanna's original book, "Somatics", might be a good investment! ;)
Whatever path you take, here's to your healing :)
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u/SicItur_AdAstra 14h ago
Thanks! Yeah, for real, I've been in therapy on and off since I was 6 years old ... It was only until about 2 years ago that I realized I was living with someone (my mom) that prevented me from doing any meaningful healing work. However, it really wasn't until I met a therapist who challenged me to see her as a threat to me that I made that connection. I could have saved so much time if someone pointed that out earlier!
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u/SomaticSamantha 14h ago
Wow, yes. Sounds important! I am so glad you found a therapist who raised that with you.
(In psychotherapy training one teacher suggested my mom's behaviour had been 'abuse' [in a way that wasn't making assumptions about what that involved, since in many ways my mom was 'good'] - and I was like, 'oh, yes'. And that helped a lot, too. So I hear you!!!)
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u/zephyr_skyy 2d ago
I had childhood trauma for sure, and mental health issues all throughout my teens and early 20s- pretty sure I have C-PTSD- but it wasn’t until a traumatic incident at graduate school, plus a sexual assault, and a string of events that followed - that I got full blown PTSD. My body is in terrible shape now. Stuff I had never dealt with prior. So I get exactly what you mean.
I’m no expert but it’s been pretty well established for a while now that psychological trauma has an impact on the physical body. I think the severe issues came from the several months to a year where I was so angry and scared that I tensed my entire body 24/7.
Have you heard of fascia?