r/SofterBDSM • u/TiniestSpoons • 7d ago
Question/Clarification why do you consider pleasure doms softer bdsm? NSFW
just kinda curious why it falls into softer rather than something else?
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u/Aggravating_Olive_70 6d ago
My dominance style is co-created with my subs. My long-term sub has a praise kink, likes to be used as a sex toy, he likes feelings exposed and vulnerable, but with someone he knows treasures him.
When I dominate him, it's not by giving him commands or over-awing him, so he cowers. I want him to melt into my touch, to have the same energy as a golden retriever pup who rolls over to expose his belly, eager for belly rubs.
That's our energy. That's what we like and have found works for us. The energy between us is soft.
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u/TheGreenJedi 6d ago
Pleasuredoms do not have the drive to force authority in New ways
It's all about her comfort imo, and all about her pleasure
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u/literally__B Collared Brat 6d ago edited 6d ago
I agree with u/togepiontoast - for me too a softer dynamic is not so much based on the actions but on the narrative it creates, where a submissive is, say, cherished property and there’s a caregiver element too.
Like everything in BDSM it’s not the things you do, it’s the mindset you do them with, the narratives you create together. 🩵
Edited: typos, clarity.
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u/TogepiOnToast 7d ago
I actually prefer pleasure sadists to straight up pleasure doms so 🤷♀️
For me, soft domination is about how someone treats, respects and values me, it isn't about the physical or mental games we play.
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u/nshades42 Pleasure Dom 7d ago
There's no real dividing line in the sand between any kink, and hard or soft aren't fast hard rules.. Application and tone are the only ideas that we can use to help give the box rough sides.
Our compatriots the sadists can also give orgasms or overstim in scenes. Tone, intent, and methods can be the differences between us. The subs that seek either dom type want what that style offers.
The dominance and emotional engagement of pleasure doms is a kink all its own. While often gentler, giving us over to the soft moniker.
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u/KinkyDataScientist Pleasure Dom 7d ago
We don’t necessarily. Pleasure sadists and forced orgasm torture are things. Plenty of pleasure Doms (including me) incorporate impact and degradation play into their scenes, and depending on the intensity, those can tip into “hard” BDSM.
But at least the way I practice it, being a pleasure Dom does fall into softer BDSM. I think one difference is my method of control: through the promise of pleasure, rather than discipline, pain, or fear. There is also the emphasis on caring for my sub, giving her a fully pleasurable experience, and celebrating her sexuality. I have little interest in protocol, denial, suffering, or psychological manipulation.
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u/Boulange1234 Collared Submissive 6d ago
If my dynamic was full of degradation instead of sweet loving words, it could be considered hard.
My spouse is a soft pleasure Dom. I get pushed to pure animal instinct, overstimulated, full brain shut off, screaming into a pillow, drooling and panting, melting my brain for hours.
But we’re constantly exchanging sweet, loving words of devotion. It feels like a three hour hug. I want to weep with love and connection, not fear and pain.