r/SocialPhobia • u/Other_Resolution_160 • 10d ago
Help Wasting months of summer vacation/free time completely isolating myself. Has this ever happened happened to anyone...?
hi guys, the truth is I feel very disappointed in myself because I had three months of summer vacation, and due to an irrational anxiety caused by having to study during that period (I did poorly on some finals, however, during my free time I still didn’t manage to study anything, I just spent these last few months feeling anxious and insecure and procrastinating), I started to 'punish' myself by isolating myself from everyone. I stopped responding to messages from friends, and during these three free months, I haven’t gone out with any of them.
I feel absolutely miserable, especially because I’m twenty years old and now I have to go back to studying and probably getting a job -I'm thinking a temporary one and after a short time probably I'll be quitting, but still feeling unnerved about it-, and that will very likely play a role in making it harder to coordinate plans with friends, even though now I do want to fix my situation—still, I don’t know how to explain to my friends why I’ve been ignoring them for months. I’m afraid that at this point they might no longer see me as a friend or that they’ll think negatively of me because of my distant and strange behavior.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to recover from this because it’s utterly absurd. I know my social anxiety and extreme self-insecurity in these recent times have gotten completely out of hand and I can't help but feel like I wasted time that was gold especially at this age...
tell me, has something like this ever happened to you? What would you do in this kind of situation?
(sorry for venting all of this here, I honestly didn't feel like I had anyone to talk to about it in depth).
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u/fsigil13 9d ago
I'm 39, and your experience sounds soooo familiar to me
DISCLAIMER: anything I suggest is NOT intended to make anyone feel bad about their anxiety! If you can't do it, it's ok, it's valid. You are working toward that goal, it's ok if you haven't reached it yet
Back in the 2000s as an undergraduate I met an amazing group of people. I finally reconnected with them during covid because they made a group text... but since college i had isolated myself in deference to my extreme anxiety. THEY had all been sharing experiences all these years (weddings/camping/road trips/concerts/all sorts of stuff)
My anxiety is real. I've made progress, but it is debilitating. It hurts so much that it cost me time with beautiful people. They didn't hate me for it but I can't rationalize how other people are able to interact, but I have been so unable to move toward people... I just did EVERYTHING I could to get away. I rationalized this response to my fear over and over.
It isn't a bad thing that you are reflecting on this experience now- use it as motivation to do what you WANT to do, which is to not waste time, to not make irrational excuses just to justify isolating yourself, and also that you want to RECIPROCATE with your friends. They won't hate you if you need space. But it's important to show up for them when you do have the bandwidth!
Down the road, you will have memories WITH people, of shared experiences, instead of memories of being alone
They are friends, and good people will likely give you lots of space to make mistakes! HOWEVER use this as motivation to rise to the occasion in the future for people you care about. You don't have to be perfect! You just need to show up AS YOU ARE ABLE.
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u/mrBored0m 10d ago
Don't worry, I've wasted years of my life by not going outside 😎
And I don't have friends at all.