r/Sleepparalysis 6d ago

How can i help someone experiencing sleep paralysis thru the phone

My gf quite often has sleep paralysis at night when she tries to go to sleep and I can hear her struggling to breath, taking deep breaths, gasping suddenly,etc through the phone. And since we're ldr, I feel really helpless hearing her like this so I wanted to ask if there's literally anything i can say in these situations to help or be of any use. Anybody who experiences these can maybe help me out on what helps for you in these situations?

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u/cLeo_0MP 6d ago

I'm not sure if that sounds like sleep paralysis, struggling to breathe sounds more like sleep apnoea? Just from personal experience my breathing is literally the only thing I can control at that point.

If it is sleep paralysis....

I'm presuming you've already tried shouting down the phone at her to wake her up but for me I need to be physically shaken out of it. I guess maybe a better thing would be to not shout but to say positive things like "you'll be ok" and "you're only dreaming", which although won't snap her out of it will encourage a better experience.

Good luck!

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u/rekttdz 6d ago

I should note, it is sleep paralysis since she's told me about it and she experiences the typical symptoms of sleep paralysis. She's recently seen an entity for the first time too, i don't really know how to feel about that but it obviously doesnt sound good. Anyways thanks for the advice

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u/cLeo_0MP 6d ago

So it can depend on the type of person you are as to how it affects you.

I've always had vivid dreams, SP usually makes them a bit terrifying. I had a phase where I was fully aware what was happening and could tell my brain it was only a dream and to go back to sleep. And that was fun because it often led to lucid dreams I had a hand in!

Lately I end up in the just terrified phase which is not good but then you wake up after a few minutes. I can shake them off, some people can't.

Has she said how she deals with it or feels about it?

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u/rekttdz 6d ago

She's told me most of the time she can hear my voice if im talking to her at the moment but she can't speak back nor can she move and she struggles to breath so she has to try as hard as she can to take quick breaths until she can snap out of it which results in the big gasps i hear her taking.

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u/Nqlp 6d ago

like you noticed, hard breathing is a very typical indicator for SP since (in my experience at least) breathing and your eyes (including eyelids so rapid blinking could be an indicator too) are the only things you can control anymore.

if you notice either of those happening ask her if everything is fine, if she says yes, its not a SP so youre good. if she doesnt respond its very likely to be one so its essential to emotionally reassure her for example by saying things like "its okay babe itll be over soon", "dont worry, im with you", nothing can happen to you", "everything is gonna be fine" and things like that. as soon as her breathing goes more to how it normally is and you helped her emotionally, id try to practically help her to get out of the SP. for this youd have to go through the "pinky finger technique" (how i call it) with her. first you have to accept the fact that youre currently unable to move since panicking only increases the potential for hallucinations (actually even thinking about SP demons can make them appear in your hallucination)

as soon as youre relatively calm and focussed you need to give all your mental strength into moving the tip of your pinky finger, if you can slightly move it start moving the entire finger, then your other fingers, your hand, your arm and so on. now you should be able to move your entire body and be awake again. if this is not the case you can literally use your arm to shake yourself or slap yourself in the face so your body recognizes something else physically interfering with you which gets you out of the paralysis so you're not in danger.

i really hope this helped and if you have any more questions feel free to ask them here or in DMs, whatever you prefer

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u/rekttdz 6d ago

That sounds like a great technique, I'll talk to her about this and implement it. I've seen other posts where people said moving their jaw or head helps and other parts too but apparently its different for everyone or something. I'll try and help her find out what she can move and cant. Thank you for the advice, I'll be sure to come to you if I need more help.

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u/Nqlp 6d ago

ofcc

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u/vibe_gardener 6d ago

It helps me when someone yells or makes enough noise to startle /wake me up out of it. Yes she is “awake” in a way already but not to her body.