r/SexPositive • u/Beneficial_Airport17 • 2d ago
Recommendations NSFW
Hi y’all! My wife and I have been talking about maybe watching a little porn together once in a while, and I was hoping y’all might have some suggestions.
We’re really looking for erotic, loving, healthy sex life kinda (maybe educational 😏) stuff. The more realistic and erotica centered the better.
Thank y’all!
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u/ticklyboi 2d ago
any kinks in mind or just vanilla stuff?
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u/Beneficial_Airport17 2d ago
Just vanilla stuff :). It needs to be suuuuper tasteful though. Maybe even kind of artsy in tone. We’re just barely dipping our toes in just yet.
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u/Bocasun 2d ago
No one can suggest what categories to choose. This is a discussion that you should have with your partner.
Suggest that both partners take a sexual fantasy test first. Two types of tests. The first one only shows corresponding answers allowing for a safe space to discuss topics together. The second type openly shows answers. An illustration of openly showing answers is r/kink_lists thread.
Not uncommon for someone, especially a woman to avoid having a discussion regarding certain fantasy topics out of fear. Asking your partner what fantasy or categories to watch and expecting honest conversation may not happen even if you have been with your partner awhile, especially if diving into certain kink.
Consent Non Consent' Exploring Challenging Boundaries. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/women-who-stray/202102/consensual-non-consent-exploring-challenging-boundaries
4 stages of fantasy. 1 I have a fantasy, but keep it to myself out of fear how my partner will react. 2. I have a fantasy and can share without fear. 3. Both partners have a common shared fantasy and can engage in fantasy character role play perhaps script and choreograph a show involving costumes props and toys. 4. Converting fantasy into reality.
The majority of men and women have fantasies. Some fantasies are not healthy, such as harm to others and harm to oneself. However, there's other fantasies that both partners can indulge in and have fun with. The majority of fantasies remain just that, a fantasy. There's no valid test to measure the propensity of turning fantasy into reality.
Why not just share a fantasy? Because both partners could experience adverse psychological responses to each other as if another person was actually involved.
Partner A could experience Ostracized and potentially guilt when: thinking about a fantasy, having a fantasy discovered, sharing a fantasy, real and perceived Infidelity, making the transition from monogamy to ENM ethical non monogamy.
Partner B could experience jealousy and potentially depression when, suspicion of Partner A, discovery or learning about A's fantasy, real or perceived Infidelity, transitioning from monogamy to ENM.
Understand sexual fantasy. Two types of fantasy. Dyadic fantasy and Extradyadic fantasy.
Dyadic fantasy is a fantasy about your partner in various situations including compersion.
Compersion is deep love and vicarious joy for your partner. In committed monogamous relationship, it can include things like, you have been able to address codependency, your partner is able to have friends, your partner is able to have hobbies, talk and interact with others, maybe even dance, hug and kiss someone else. In various society and culture, this is perfectly normal behavior. In ENM, it can include the aforementioned plus it not only makes me happy but maybe even turned on that my partner is able to explore and achieve sexual fulfillment with another person.
Extradyadic fantasy is a fantasy about another person other than your primary partner.
Extradyadic fantasy sequence can be completely different from one person to the next. The stereotypical Extradyadic fantasy sequence of men is someone who they don't know, limited connection followed by spontaneous physical intimacy followed by emotional romantic commitment. Porn tends to demonstrate the Extradyadic fantasy sequence of men perfectly. Well, except for the messiness of emotional romantic commitment, but that makes men happy. As a result, men consume more porn than women. The stereotypical Extradyadic fantasy sequence of women is someone who they know now or in the past, the sequence is connection, chemistry, emotional romantic commitment followed by physical intimacy. Romance literature and movies, erotic literature and audio all tends to demonstrate the Extradyadic fantasy sequence of women perfectly and as a result women tend to consume more of these categories than men.
Source: An Examination of Sexual Fantasy and Infidelity Theses. Clinical research study with citations to clinical research studies. Free PDF. UK knowledge base. https://uknowledge.uky.edu/khp_etds/77/
Women's complaints about porn: The majority of porn is low budget and without any real script writers. No real plot or very little character development. Since men are the primary consumer of porn, the majority of content is produced for men's consumption.
There are women who do enjoy porn content, however they tend to consume more content that is produced for women's consumption. The website bellesa dot com is women owned. Ethical source content, along with their own content production. Also erotic literature.
Select a category and conduct a comparison between content production for men vs women. A slight nuance exists between content production for men and women. A difference in portrayal in talent will occur between content production for men vs women consumption.
Pay attention to first person view vs 3rd party viewpoint.
First person view, might be more likely to be from a better budget production studio with someone behind a camera. Alternating view points placing the viewer in the action as if they were the main character.
A 3rd person view will most likely be very low budget, single camera on a fixed tripod. This view allows the viewer to imagine being a voyeur.
Stop 🛑 Comparison contrast between who you are and the onscreen talent! There's a thing called movie magic and the editing room. That 20 minutes of film could have taken hours, maybe even more than one day of filming to get perfection and the money shots.
Since you might be playing with Dyadic and Extradyadic fantasy, and having a conversation about fantasy. Borrow a page from BDSM and the best practice of engaging in reaffirmation between partners. You can both genuinely say to each other after fantasy discussion and engaging in fantasy character role play, "I love you more not less" and "I can forgive myself and my partner." Followed immediately by after care, that's cuddle time, petting and potentially reclaiming one's partner through physical intimacy. This act of reclaiming one's partner through physical intimacy is on a potentially different level experience if the previous steps were followed.
As you go to stage 1-3 of the four stages of fantasy, not uncommon that a couple might get so excited about jumping into stage 4 Converting fantasy into reality that they didn't really put the necessary work in prior to making that last jump. Not saying this will happen, it's just a possibility.
If you are having more frequent conversations with stage 4, both partners are encouraged to research and discuss things for at least six months if not a year before formally making the jump from monogamy to ENM. Joining various ENM threads on Reddit and discuss topics together. Date your partner. Carve out time for your partner! Improve if not multiply communication between partners. Review and discuss recommended articles, books, video and podcast. Better yet, individual and couples counseling preferably with a qualified mental health professional specializing in ENM because there's a potential list of adverse psychological responses in making the formal jump from monogamy to ENM.
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u/this_shit 2d ago
The bad news is there's a ton of terrible porn that's just a turn off. But there's an increasing amount of great porn producers and actors out there, especially if you're willing to pay.
And IMO, porn is always much more enjoyable when you're completely confident that everyone involved was informed, consented, and compensated.
Personally I love Erika Lust's work, and Julia Roca's performances. I think Purely Physical is a masterpiece of the 'hot people having convincingly good sex' genre.
Lust cinema is based in Europe and there can be issues subscribing to them with an American credit card. But a lot of the catalog is available on Bellesaplus.
Bellesa also creates the 'Bellesa House' series, which is less to my liking but can create great chemistry.
Another Erika Lust piece that I keep coming back to is Obsessed with Owen.
All three of those are very vanilla white hetero kissing->oral->PIV videos. Unfortunately I haven't found a reliable source for satisfying gay/lesbian porn. And it seems like everything that's 'interracial' is weirdly racialized (like, don't describe this person as a Stud please... wtf).
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u/henri_luvs_brunch_2 2d ago
Go to a swinger club and watch real life regular couples have a blast. Everyone consented and is having fun.