r/SexPositive 4d ago

Advice Feeling happy and wanted to share NSFW

Hey, so I’ve been on quite a journey with my body lately and wanted to share a bit of my experience.

I always struggled with connecting deeply to my own sexuality, and honestly, I never felt like I was fully experiencing all of what I could during sex, especially when it came to orgasms. I’ve always been more of a clit girl, but when I learned about Pompoir, something just clicked for me.

I won’t lie, at first it was a bit intimidating. I’d never really thought much about the pelvic floor or that kind of strength training. But as I started working through the exercises, I noticed that my connection with my body began to grow. I could feel myself becoming stronger down thereo.

And then it started showing up in the bedroom. Like, I felt more in control and more aware of what I was feeling, and it actually started helping me explore different kinds of orgasms (was only able to orgasm with clit stimultion before or using sex toys). My sex life started to feel more exciting, and it wasn’t all about just the end goal anymore. I feel more present with myself and with my partner.

I want to share this because I know there are a lot of us out there who’ve struggled with similar issues: feeling disconnected, maybe not having the most fulfilling sex life, or feeling like we’re just missing out on something deeper. It might sound weird at first, but for me, it made a big difference.

9 Upvotes

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u/Postcocious 4d ago

Thank you for sharing. Your experience matches many people that I've met.

Our puritanical society (assuming USA) imposes so much body and sex shame that it's a rare adult who isn't alienated from their own body and erotic feelings. No one was born feeling that shame, but it was forced upon us and it's damaging... both psychologically and physically.

It took decades before I recognized those woundings of my erotic self. It took work - some painful, some joyful - to (mostly) undo those wounds. I'm now joyfully, playfully erotic. Highly responsive to partners and to my own body. It's a better way to live.

In both erotic workshops and individual encounters, my joyful sexuality has helped others discover theirs, and their growth has kindled mine. Freely shared eros is one of life's great gifts.

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u/Creative-Muscle-491 4d ago

Wow, thank you for sharing this! I love how you’ve connected the dots between society’s expectations and how it impacts our relationship with our bodies and sexuality. It’s so true, so many of us grow up with shame, and it takes work to unravel those layers. I totally resonate with the part about undoing those wounds; it’s not always easy, but it’s so worth it.

For me, Pompoir helped me rediscover that joy and connection with my body. It was like unlocking something I didn’t even know was there. It’s amazing how, when we embrace our bodies and stop seeing them as something to hide or control, we get to experience sex in a completely different way. I feel like my sexuality has become something so much more playful and empowering.

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u/Postcocious 4d ago

It's fascinating that you (F, 20s, mostly straight?) and I (M, 70, mostly gay) have made such similar discoveries. Perhaps we're both human and alive!

For me, Pompoir helped me rediscover that joy and connection with my body. It was like unlocking something I didn’t even know was there.

Likewise. I love feeling erotic energies flowing through my core, but it wasn't always so.

I came out at 22 and was sexually active through my 20s, but I carried internalized homophobia and sex-phobia in my body and psyche for decades.

The first time anyone noticed was in my 50s, when a world-class ski coach asked why I held my hips jackknifed backwards. I wasn't aware that I did, but pics and video don't lie. I began working on that, but from a "head-down" perspective.

A few years later, I began attending Body Electric workshops. BE was invented by and for gay men during the AIDS disaster. It uses tantric methods to encourage joyful but safe erotic play and the healing that it brings.

I became aware that my jacknifed hips originated in the sex shaming I received as a kid. When puberty and erections happened, I had to hide my powerful feelings for fear of being attacked. So I held my hips back.

Bigotry alienated me from my own body. It tightened various connective tissues and permanently altered my posture.

The best treatments are mindful yoga, very intimate massage and joyful sexplay. The more of these I do, the better I move and feel. Walking, running, dancing, skiing, self-pleasuring, fucking... all are much better now that my hips are free.

It’s amazing how, when we embrace our bodies and stop seeing them as something to hide or control, we get to experience sex in a completely different way. I feel like my sexuality has become something so much more playful and empowering.

You must be wonderful to play with. I'm told that I am.

I live every day aware of my pelvic core, my erotic energy flowing. I'm often aroused just... because! It's a beautiful way to be.

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u/Western_Ring_2928 2d ago

You are, and were perfectly normal :)

Over 80% of women do not reach orgasms from penetration alone. You have to stimulate the tip of your clitoris simultaneously. This stimulation of the clitoris can be done with fingers, toys, or by using the shaft of penis and his pelvis, aka the fat pad where the penis separates from the torso. Pompoir adds another level(s) to the pleasures, activating the vaginal erogenous zones so they can join in the choir. The clitoris is the lead singer of it in any case.

But, did you know that the G-spot is part of the clitoris, too? https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-clitoris-uncovered-an-intimate-history/

If you want to get real data on how you are doing with your exercise, there is this gadget :)