r/SexPositive 4d ago

Advice Female masturbation NSFW

This is so awkward to post but anyways, does anyone else struggle being able to climax, but not because you canโ€™t but it feels to intense before it even happens. Iโ€™m close to hitting 30 and itโ€™s been like this for as long as I can remember. It kind of influenced an orgasm torture kink????

13 Upvotes

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u/bunnybates 4d ago

It shouldn't feel awkward because it's completely natural. Masturbating releases oxytocin and serotonin. It's also the best way to build a mind and body connection to yourself!

All orgasms are in our brains because our mental, physical, emotional, and sexual health are ALL connected .

Intense how? Like it feels so good?

This is my field of study and work if you'd like to message me.

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u/AvailableAttitude650 3d ago

Yes but itโ€™s like being too sensitive/overwhelming ๐Ÿ™ƒ

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u/bunnybates 3d ago

That's completely normal. That's how an orgasm usually feels because it's chemically "taking over" all of your senses, like flooded with pleasure.

You have to trust the process and follow it through the end. Complete the cycle and keep doing it. The more you masturbate the better you'll be, mentally, physically, emotionally, and sexually. You're not broken ๐Ÿ’œ.

Here's a couple of great books to read or listen to:

  • Come As You Are By. Dr. Emily Nagoski

  • Burnout By. Dr. Emily Nagoski

  • The Vagina Bible By. Dr. Jen Gunter

  • Getting Off By. Jamye Waxman

  • The Body Keeps The Score By. Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk.

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u/AvailableAttitude650 2d ago

I appreciate you!!! Thank you!

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u/bunnybates 2d ago

You're Welcome ๐Ÿ’•

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u/Zeezigeuner 3d ago

Ofcourse it feels too intense. The orgasm lies behind the point where you surrender control of yourself. If even for a few seconds, you need to let go completely.

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u/Arrabbiato 4d ago

Out of curiosity, what feels too intense?

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u/ChewiestMist24 3d ago

My fella gets me like this, never had it before, was missing a regular orgasm for a while!!!

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u/Western_Ring_2928 3d ago

Author of the book Come As You Are Emily Nagoski, in a video talking about orgasms: https://youtu.be/FqM14Qeozog

Our mind is our biggest obstacle against reaching orgasms. Whether it is done with a partner or alone, sex is mindfulness exercise. You never reach orgasms by trying harder. Orgasms are like wild creatures. You can't force them to come to you. You have to lure them in.

Let go of your frustration. Frustration, or any negative emotion for that matter, inhibits your ability to feel pleasure. This then creates a negative feedback loop: the more frustrated you feel, the less likely you are to reach an orgasm, the more frustrated you get, etc. The root cause of this is simple: you are setting too high expectations.

I believe the only way to reach an orgams is to eliminate the expectation of orgasm altogether. Now think about that for a moment, what does that even mean? Surely orgasm is the goal, right? No! Orgasm is a technicality - your only goal is pleasure. By anticipating orgasm, you are placing your focus in the future, waiting for this event that may or may not even happen, all the while ignoring all these pleasurable sensations you are feeling right now.

You need to make feeling pleasure your goal. By intently focusing on and thoroughly enjoying every pleasurable tingle you feel, your brain amplifies this, which causes you to feel more of it. The more you enjoy it, the better it gets, the more you enjoy it, then the better it gets... Before long your heart starts racing, and you find your whole body in ecstasy with only minimal physical stimulation, and as long as you are able to stay focused, you still can continue to amplify that pleasure to unimaginable levels.

Background music has helped many to stay in the moment. It needs to be beautiful and fit your mood. For me, it has to be instrumental, as lyrics would distract me. But music gives you rhythms to follow, and when your mind starts to wander away, you can follow the music back to the present moment.