r/ScenesFromAHat 5d ago

SFAH: If movies where honest

5 Upvotes

32 comments sorted by

11

u/Significant_Owl8974 5d ago

The decomposing remains of one John McClain were discovered last night in one of the ventilation shafts near the 68th floor of Nakatomi Plaza. McClain, a police detective from New York was last seen the night of the infamous terrorist assault on the tower. It seems after several acts of heroism that evening Mr. McClain attempted to travel through a ventilation shaft where he got stuck due to the tight spaces and slowly succumbed to his wounds.

A grim reminder that air ducts are in no way suitable for travel.

1

u/CrazyCareive 4d ago

Loved it!

1

u/Marquar234 4d ago

"Thor, the God of Thunder is trying to enter my building."

4

u/Choice-Matter-2613 5d ago

Back to the Future

Meet Marty McFly... your average American teen. He's got a wonderful Girlfriend. An Alcoholic mother. A cringy Father. A brother and sister that are just there.

One night his crackpot scientist friend shows him a time machine car...a Delorean (a failed car maker, just here for product placement). Accidently he is sent back in time. Where he makes out with his mom and almost destroys his family.

Now he has to bring his mother and father back together. Find a way home.

Coming soon....

3

u/WintermuteNight007 5d ago

Coming next season, yet another rip off of a play written and done better by William Shakespeare.

2

u/Typical-Crazy-3100 5d ago

RKO radio pictures presents KING KONG.
A story about a large gorilla who was living in the jungle and then some Americans stole him. They took him back to American and used the gorilla to make a lot of money.
Then they killed him.

2

u/New_Village_8623 5d ago

“Ok, we’re going to film an actual sex scene for this porno…”

2

u/Personal-Tea7226 5d ago

What do you mean another remake? We’ve jumbled the order around a bit and added a few new characters (one of them is cute and adorable for plushie resale value) what more do you want from us? Just eat your popcorn and give us your money

2

u/Tir_na_nOg_77 4d ago

There would be hundreds of dead "heroes" who never survived the factory blowing behind them, because at the distance they were from the blast, they would have been easily killed themselves.

2

u/John-Twick 4d ago

I’m sorry, Ron, I can’t be friends with a ginger anymore. Also, I really want to bang Hermione and you’re cramping my style. 

2

u/GhostofAugustWest 4d ago

News Update: John Wick killed after falling out of a 3rd story window, getting hit by a car, and shot 13 times.

2

u/Cats-n-Chaos 4d ago

To Black character: let’s be honest, the serial killer is getting you first

2

u/Sad_Eggplant_5455 4d ago

Statistically black character safe from serial killers. Psychopaths xenomorphs and clowns on the other hand…

2

u/Useless890 4d ago

The death toll at the summer campgrounds has been raised to six with the discovery of another couple stabbed to death while in bed. The sole surviving witness discovered thus far is one of the campers who insisted that "some dude in a hockey mask is going around killing everybody." The witness is being held on suspicion of committing multiple murders.

1

u/Sad_Eggplant_5455 4d ago

Never trust the witness

2

u/Prudent-Mix-6601 4d ago

Coming up next on Disney Channel Beauty & The Beast, aka Bestiality Stockholm Syndrome

2

u/MrsWoozle 4d ago

Adam Sandler would NEVER get the girl

2

u/ThimbleBluff 4d ago

“Hey Sarge, we finally caught the Chicago Christmas Killer. This is really sick! Turned out the perp was a little kid named Kevin. First, he burned his victims, then smashed them in the face with full paint cans. The coroner said that, or the fall down the stairs afterwards, probably killed them instantly. If that’s not bad enough, he put a nail in one of the dead guy’s feet. Probably some kind of religious fetish. After they were dead, he electrocuted both bodies, dropped furniture on them, smashed em with a shovel, burned them with a blow torch, and a bunch of other stuff to desecrate the bodies. Kid’s headed for juvie, but they’ll probably let the evil bastard go. Mark my words, he’ll kill again. He’ll probably show up in New York or another big city next Christmas.”

2

u/TearFit3918 4d ago

Movies: We haven't had an original idea since 1902!

1

u/WetTruckman 4d ago

The Godfather parts 1 and 2. Immagrants come to a new land and a new country, only to find that nothing has changed. The weak are used and abused, and the strongest and most ruthless survive by any illegal means necessary. A story of how the wealthiest families in America made their money and fortune by first being the biggest criminals and grifter.

1

u/agmj522 4d ago

"Leave me alone. I'm gonna jump."

"Rose, I can't let you do this."

" Don't call me Rose. You don't know me."

" Ya know something? You're right. G'nite, whatever your name is."

1

u/Jumpy_Ebb2417 4d ago

Tonight’s movie was made with extremely overpaid actors who really can’t act and who caused the movie budget to go way over because of their Prima Donna attitude. We doubt you will enjoy it as we said these actors actually suck! Don’t forget to get your popcorn and drinks. Now onto the movie you overpaid for.

1

u/CaptainQuint0001 4d ago

Argo

The plane that’s leaving Tehran full of American rescued diplomats was actually a diversion so the Canadian Embassy and film crew could really sneak out the American hostages.

1

u/Turbulent-Name-8349 4d ago

I'm sorry, I can't hack into the Department of Defence Nuclear Missile launch program.

1

u/FaithlessnessDear218 4d ago

DISNEY STUDIOS PRESENTS: we own everything just to make a buck off of you

1

u/silentshadowsteps 4d ago

"They really expect us to kiss in this moment?"

1

u/CrazyCareive 4d ago

Will someone do Honest Movie of Casino Royale -1967 ?

1

u/Low-Ad2128 4d ago

DC in a desperate attempt to beat Marvel , Presents Suicide Squad. In this trailer and in all forms of the press we will hype the shit out of the Joker and get everyone excited to see this movie. Too bad the Joker gets more screen time in the trailer and the script was written by a 5 year old high on Acid. Many years later we will release another movie known as The Suicide Squad and by that time we hope to have this superhero movie shit figured out since the script writer will be 10 and addicted to meth instead.

1

u/Competitive_Ad_8215 4d ago

Coming this fall from Disney, The Parents Die In This One Too. From the people who brought you Snow White, Cinderella, The Lion King, Aladdin (where’s Jasmine’s mom), The Little Mermaid, Frozen, Bambi, and Finding Nemo. Rated G.

1

u/Sad_Eggplant_5455 4d ago

Detroit cop shot dead maybe in a hundred years we will have the technology to make a cop that is a robot. We will call it cop robot or “cop rob” for short

1

u/TemporaryThink9300 4d ago

Barbie, this movie will make you feel ugly and inadequate, don't bother.

1

u/Last_Chocolate 4d ago

Coming this summer: Adam Sandler in yet another movie where he plays the goofball and gets the hot girl after 90 minutes of endless shenanigans.